


Into The Game

by TheReader994



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: A little gore, Adventure & Romance, DA2 characters cameos, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Fun Drama, Learning Magic, M/M, Magic, Modern Character in Thedas, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Multiple Wardens (Dragon Age), Mystery behind the scenes, Non-explicit foursome, Predicting the future with spoilers, Slow Burn, The big reaveal, Video Game Mechanics, fighting scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 171,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReader994/pseuds/TheReader994
Summary: Maya's first solo camping trip was a challange, but she was ready. Being transported to Ferelden, in the middle of nowhere, right at the beginning of the fifth Blight was a whole other dragon, so to speak. Her safest bet is, of course, the Warden and her band of misfits. As for how to join them, well, thank the universe for an easy to understand gaming system!
Relationships: Alistair/Original Female Character(s), Leliana/Female Tabris (Dragon Age)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	1. Building my Character (Kinda)

Now, don’t trip. Watch out for that tree root. Spider web! Whew, that was close. Stupid spiders.

I was on fire today!

Not that I expected anything less, it wasn’t my first time camping, thank you very much. It _was_ my first time camping solo though. I wasn’t scared. Just a little… on edge.

Okay, so I was jumpy as hell. I did realise it was unjustified; I knew these woods like the back of my hand; been camping here for years. Sometimes, though, people just don’t make much sense. Well, no, that wasn’t entirely true. There was always an explanation for what people felt, a cause-effect thing, if you will. It just took our brains a while to understand what we already knew, that we were safe; in this case, even if I was alone.

It didn’t help that I kept thinking I’d forgotten something -surprise surprise- but I just couldn’t figure out what. Tent? Check. Sleeping bag? Check. Food and water? Flashlight? Lighter? Extra cell battery? Check, check, check and you can take the girl outta the city but not the city out of the girl, so check. I had all my gear and the tools I needed to do some maintenance work on an old climbing route my friends and I used. I wasn’t actually going to climb on my own -never without a spotter- but the ropes needed to be replaced and the carabiners and stuff checked, and the way the route was laid out, it wasn’t all that hard to manage on my own. Nobody could come with me this time, but I had wanted to try my hand at soloing for a while, so it seemed like the perfect chance.

And to face my unjustified fears. A little exposure is always good.

I saw the familiar clearing and felt my fear ebb a little, to be replaced by relief and anticipation. I loved this place, it’s fresh air, beautiful greenery, sparkly stream and best of all, not a soul in sight. I’m quite the contradiction, I know.

I ran the last couple steps, goal in sight, when a bright red light surged up around me and stopped me on my tracks. Literally, froze me on the spot. I had a split second where I inappropriately realised I’d forgotten the six-pack of beer I’d bought on the kitchen table and very justifiably feared for my life, then passed out.

* * *

I woke up right where I fell, on a patch of soft grass. Except that when I looked up, I didn’t see the camp-side. I was on the gentle slope of a small hill; my backpack still hanging off of my right arm. I looked up at the sun. Was it going up or down? How long was I out? What time was it anyway? I checked my wristwatch. 3pm, so not that long.

I sat up and looked around. Yup, this wasn’t the same place I was at before collapsing. Why did that happen, anyway? And that freaky red light? All kinds of weird.

And yet, I didn’t feel particularly panicky. Oh, I was scared, alright. I could feel that familiar sensation of dread in the pit of my stomach, but I was eerily calm, my head clear. Like I could just acknowledge the fear and move right on.

As such I supposed, odd as it was, I could deal with -and celebrate- my newfound inner peace later. After I figured where the hell I was. I looked around some more but could find nothing like a landmark. Trees and hills everywhere I looked. I had a compass but without knowing where was what I could only pick a direction and stick to it. Ugh, I really wanted a map right now.

Right as I was thinking that, I heard a shuffling noise, like paper being unfolded, and next thing I knew, a bright screen opened up before me, with a map detailing mountains, oceans, cities and towns and all that jazz. And in the middle of it all, in big letters, read _Ferelden_. What.

WHAAAAT???

Okay, wait. No, no, no. Full stop. Ferelden? As in, _Ferelden?_ Dragon Age Ferelden?? No. Fricking. WAY! How the…?

I spent all of five minutes asking all those fun questions one asks when finding oneself in an impossible situation, adding some face rubbing and floor rolling here and there. After which I went back to business.

First, I checked my iPhone. As expected, no signal. I looked at the screen map again. It was gone.

Well, this just went from bad to worse. Clearly, I was having a full psychotic break.

No, okay, hold on.

“Map”

And there it was. A map of Ferelden. I sighed, rubbing my face again. Was I in the game or…?

I tried to touch it but my fingers just passed right through it, as if nothing was there. Unlike the game, every settlement was already laid out and fully labeled for me -so not places like fight bandits here and the like, but proper places with proper names- from Flemeth’s Hut to Soldier’s Peak. As for me, the map showed my location; I was somewhere in the Southron Hills.

Something at the bottom of the map caught my eye. Sort of like a black stain, south of the Kokari Wilds. I realised it must be the Blight. It hadn’t occurred to me to wonder when in the timeline I was, but it seemed to be just at the start of the Fifth Blight. That gave me pause. On one hand, it was the very start of the game, so I basically knew the future, spanning all three games. On the other hand, I was in the middle of a Blight. Not good.

Mm? If I knew the future that should mean I could prevent stuff from happening, right? Save a lot of lifes? Make a better future for Ferelden and all that? Assuming this was real, and I hadn’t gone bananas, of course. Or maybe I was dreaming. I pinched myself. It hurt. Great. And I was stuck, wasn’t I? I mean, in stories people usually had to complete the quest, beat the bad guy, and then they got to go home. Or find out they couldn’t.

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Crap, my family. And my friends. And my patients. Double crap. How was I going to get home?

I forced myself to stop, I was going in circles. One problem at a time. Beat the game, and go home. Right?

I opened the map again and looked at the Blight’s advance. Mm… I hadn’t played DA:O in a while but it didn’t seem as bad as when the Warden gets to Ostagar. So, I was still in time to prevent the battle. If the king didn’t die, that was a huge improvement over the events in the game. Perfect! I had a goal. I estimated it’d take me a couple of days to get to Ostagar and I had more than enough food and water to last me through that and then some. Things were looking up already!

Now then, the moment of truth.

“Status”

Nothing happened. Okay, don’t panic.

“Character Display”

Nothing again. Ugh, wait that wasn’t it… Oh!

“Character Record?”

The screen changed, and instead of a map, there was a display of myself in my current clothes, my wavy brown hair tied in a ponytail on one side; statistics and resistances on the other, and on top my name: Maya.

I stared at it for a while. It sucked to be trapped in a forsaken land, alone and with no modern technology.

But this was soooo COOL!!

Okay, fangirl moment over. Moving on.

So, Maya. Level 1. Human. I expected as much. No affiliation. Mage. MAGE?!

I looked at my hands, as if expecting lighting to shoot from them. It didn’t happen. But holy molly I was a mage?!

Soooo COOOOOL!

Next, I checked my stats.

**Attributes**

**Strength 10**

**Dexterity 9**

**Willpower 12**

**Magic 17**

**Cunning 17**

**Constitution 9**

Hmm… so my stats probably depended on my actual attributes. I wondered what magic stood for.

A thought struck me.

“Spells”

The screen changed again, and the entire list of spell trees appeared before me. Mmm… but Origins spells only huh? Damn, I wanted the Barrier spell. Still, this was so awesome, I had to supress a girly squeal. My suspicions seemed spot on too; upon closer inspection, I realised I didn’t have a single spell.

“Level up”

And there we go! No specialization points, but I had all of five points to spend in stats. Score! Now then, what kind of build was I going to make? I’ve tried tanking as an Arcane Warrior and Spirit Healer before, and I enjoyed it immensely. And I’ve always wanted to try playing as a Blood mage. However, that was in the game. I wasn’t so sure about pushing my luck with the forbidden arts if this was _real life_. And I really didn’t fancy the thought of injuring myself on purpose, even if it was to cast a powerful spell. Or by being down at the frontlines. Blood Magic was pretty OP but…

I sighed. Having accepted that I was gonna be battling sooner rather than later had come as a given, but I had no desire to put myself in harms way. If possible, I’d like to avoid pain as much as possible. And as I already was an apostate, technically, it really seemed too stubborn of me to be a Blood Mage because I wanted more power. Like Jowan, ugh. Not to mention if I joined the Warden’s party, like I wanted to, being a Blood Mage just wasn’t gonna fly. I definitely wanted power, but I’d have to get it another way.

If I teamed up with the others, I wouldn’t have to worry about being in the front lines, either. I could just hang back and use support type spells. That didn’t sound fun at all, but my main objective was staying alive. Then again, until that happened -or if, God forbid, they didn’t want me- I was going to have to get my hands dirty.

“Next”

I decided to go to the spell page, see if that gave me any ideas, and was greeted by a pleasant surprise I hadn’t realised before. I didn’t have _Arcane Bolt_. Instead, I had an extra spell point, for a total of three. A few ideas began to take shape in my head.

By the time I had mapped out the way my character was gonna go, my stats ended up like this.

**Attributes (3)**

**Strength 10**

**Dexterity 9**

**Willpower 12**

**Magic 18**

**Cunning 17**

**Constitution 10**

Yup, I was saving three stat points. I wanted to first get a feel of what they felt like; though my instinct was to put them in _Constitution_ , to raise my chances of staying alive, so I went for one there. I also wished to have a bigger mana pool, so _Willpower_ was always an option. I did spend a point in _Magic_ in order to have access to second tier spells. Eighteen _Magic_ was the requirement.

I had chosen three spells.

**Spells (-)**

**Arcane**

.

**Primal**

.

**Creation**

.

**Spirit**

Walking Bomb

Mind Blast. Force Field

**Entropy**

.

Something interesting had happen when I reached skills. Instead of having three points I could place anywhere, I had two, with one already selected and unchangeable: _Combat Tactics_.

_You have the mind of a tactician. You can now formulate strategies quickly in battle._

That was it. I spent a minute pondering about it but figured I’d find out eventually, so I let it be. Anyway, my skill points went like this.

**Skills (1)**

**Coercion 0**

**Stealing 0**

**Trap-Making 0**

**Survival 1**

**Herbalism 0**

**Poison-Making 0**

**Combat Training 0**

**Combat Tactics 1**

Why this, you ask? Heh heh, because my main concern was to survive, of course! _Survival_ was a must have!

_You have the basic skills necessary to survive in the wilderness. You can now detect the presence of nearby creatures below your own level. This skill also grants a small bonus to nature resistance. (+5% Nature Resistance)_

Pretty good huh? And exactly what I needed. As for the leftover skill point… I debated a bit on that one. In the game I’d normally go for _Coercion_ , but as I didn’t now if I was gonna run into anyone anytime soon, I wasn’t sure I’d need it. I thought I might pick _Herbalism_ anyway, figuring potions where a good way of earning money, but again, that was for when I came across people, so I could afford to wait. Unsure, I decided to save it for now.

As for the Awakening spells and skills, I figured I’d have access to them once I got to the appropriate level.

“Okay, I’m done”

The screen disappeared, and a bright white light surrounded me. While it faded quickly, the light on my right hand was slower, becoming brighter for a split second before finally disappearing.

Oh God don’t tell me I was becoming the Inquisitor as well.

I wasn’t. It turned out the light gave way to a drawing on the back of my hand, of a simple golden ring-like design filled half in red and half in blue. My health and mana bars. Okay then, I’d have to start wearing gloves around people. Moving on…

I was officially a Mage, hurray!

Another thought had occurred to me, and it was time to try it out.

“Inventory”

The screen changed yet again to show myself on one side, and a full account of the items in my backpack. Huh, I guess an item box would be too much to ask for. But at least I knew what I had in there. Oh! What if…

“Armor” I still couldn’t touch the damn thing, so I guess everything was to be through verbal communication. I supposed I could just think the verbal command as well, but there was something fun about saying it aloud. I was surprised to note that all the items now had names “Equip blue windbreaker jacket”

Once again, I was enveloped in a soft white glow, which faded quickly to revel myself wearing the very same jacket I had wanted to equip.  
I chuckled, then laughed out loud when I went to check my resistances, only to find out I was 5% more resistant to cold.

By then I had spent enough time playing with the new mechanics my body was subjected to and was eager to get going, promising myself to try out my spells along the way to the Kokari Wilds.

Before leaving, I took one thorough look at my whole inventory, laughing again at another pleasant surprise.

I didn’t forget the beer!

* * *

Fresh air, beautiful greenery, sparkly stream and best of all, not a soul in sight. Ah, the irony.

I’d been walking for a few hours -I wasn’t discarding a psychotic break yet- and had discovered a couple interesting things.

First, I’d tried my spells. They worked just fine, if a little differently from the game. I remembered there being a duration time for each spell, and some variables depending on the spellpower of the caster and the strength of the target. Here, similarly, if I casted a spell, it would consume a fixed amount of mana. A noticeable difference was _Force Field_ , in that I was unable to move outside the shield or cast while it was active, but I was not paralyzed the way the game made it seem. This meant I could still drink potions or equip stuff while it was active and that I could dispel it before it collapsed, if I chose to. That was absolutely something I was gonna exploit along with _Walking Bomb,_ which I’d tried on a tree -I’m sorry tree!- and needed only to find someplace my enemies couldn’t reach. I did need to wait for a bit before casting the same spell again, so cooldown was a thing. If I tried casting before that, the spell simply fizzled out.

Another problem was my mana regeneration. A bit of testing reveled it to be 1pt -I figured- every two seconds. If I ran out of mana and couldn’t get away, I was doomed. If my spellpower was good enough, though, I’d have killed my enemy before my time was up. Investing more in my mana pool also seemed wise, although stacking up on potions could be a suitable alternative. Then again, I was hoping my mana regen would become better with level ups and equipment.

I also had my first battle. It was a Genlock.

How could I tell, you ask? Well, to begin with, it was short, like a dwarf. Unlike a dwarf, it had a grotesque, black and bloodstained appearance.

I felt its presence first, which put me on guard. I hid and waited until the lone darkspawn appeared. After considering for a bit, I casted _Walking Bomb_. A one on one battle is exactly what I needed to start with, right? And if I could feel its presence, it had to be weaker than me. This was a Godsend -or a Makersend?- and I went with it. The darkspawn soon noticed where the spell had come from and went for me. I ran to buy time, but it was faster. How it ran so fast with those short legs was beyond me. As soon as the cooldown period was over, I casted _Walking Bomb_ again. The damned thing was still gaining on me, so I let it get as close as I dared, and casted _Force_ _Field_ on myself.

The image of the Genlock bashing uselessly against my shield was the most disturbing, vomit inducing sight I’d ever seen.

As I waited, after the first wave of nausea had passed, I began to asses my condition. I had a little mana left. Upon closer inspection, it seemed like the Genlock was getting tired. As it was, I estimated the Genlock would die a little before my shield did.

But of course, I wasn’t gonna be that lucky. Not half a minute later, another Genlock came rushing into my field of view. I hadn’t sensed him, so it had to be stronger that me. Furthermore, as soon as my shield disappeared, I’d be defenseless.

Craptasitic.

Okay, think. _Think_.

The second Genlock had begun attacking me, to no avail thanks to my shield, I was at least glad it worked well. Now, the first one was gonna explode as soon as its health run out, which would cause a fair amount of damage to the second one. It’d also knock him off his feet. I was going to use that moment to my advantage.

I opened my inventory and equipped my climbing gloves. Then I waited.

Eventually, the first Genlock exploded. Even before the spray of blood and gore was gone, I dispelled the shield, turned tail, run to the nearest tree and quickly climbed as high as I could. I looked down to see the darkspawn making its way to me and hit him with _Walking Bomb_. Then held on as it tried to get at me. I had _Mindblast_ on reserve, which wasn’t as costly as my other two spells, ready to be used as soon as it got up, but it wasn’t necessary. The Genlock exploded, and after checking for more lurking monsters, I slumped against the tree trunk.

I sat there, breathing heavily. My thoughts, which had been mostly organized while in battle, came rushing in with vengeance. My emotions escalated fast and thinking coherently became difficult.

So I stopped and did what I told my patients to do. I breathed.

In and out, counting the seconds, holding my breath for a bit before letting go and starting again. I was surprised at how fast I regained my wits after that. I waited a few minutes for my mana to replenish, so I took a much-deserved break. I killed two darkspawn. I’d taken no damage at all. I had survived.

Thank God.

A relived tear rolled down my cheek. I gently swiped at it and allowed myself a smile. I had survived.

* * *

As soon as I’d replenish my mana, I climbed down and recovered my backpack from were I’d left it before engaging the first Genlock. I checked the map and compass to make sure I was still going the right way and began walking again.

At one point I felt a presence again and hid for a while until I saw a little animal resembling a fox run by and the feeling subsided. What was it called again? Fennekin? No wait, that was a Pokémon. Whatever. What I gathered from that was that I could sense _every_ creature, not just the hostile ones, and that they all felt the same. That got me wondering if maybe I should invest my remaining skill point in a _Survival_ upgrade. I checked the skill screen as I walked. The upgrade would let me check on creatures of up to my level and I’d be able to recognize it’s type.

Mm… it was very tempting, but I had a suspicion that _Combat Tactics_ was the more useful skill. I still couldn’t say for sure, but if my guess was right, then the reason why I’d been so cool under pressure until now was that skill. It was the only one I had no choice in taking as well, which hinted that whatever or whoever gave me these powers and presumably brought me here was cluing me in on the advantages of _Combat Tactics_.

In the end, I went for _Survival_. _Combat Tactics_ was gonna be great later, but for now, my main concern was staying alive. Checking my resistances also reveled that the nature boon also stacks up, making me have +10% nature resistance. Nice.

I found some elfroot and deathroot along the way, which I recognized from the pictures in the game. I also ran into a big ass rat and killed it. I’m not gonna lie, it was harder than killing the darkspawn, seeing how it hadn’t attacked me and it was just an animal. I love animals. I did it for the EXP. I was halfway to lv. 2 and needed to get there as fast as I could. I did notice when I felt its presence, it was different than before. That probably was what “ _revealing the type of creature and its hostility”_ on the _Survival_ skill meant.

I kept up the pace, killing the odd rat I could find until the sun went down. I thought I’d better not walk around too much at night, even with _Survival_ , and decided to go to sleep early. I found a suitable tree and climbed up -feeling very Hunger Gameish-; it was harder when hauling up my backpack with me. Once I reached what I deemed the most comfortable branch, I tied my stuff and myself with the climbing rope. I tried to summon my sleeping back from my inventory and I couldn’t. My inventory was almost empty. The problem was easily fixed once I came into contact with my backpack. Having learned something new about my abilities, I arranged the sleeping bag so it wouldn’t fall off of me and contently went to sleep. Except I couldn’t, cause it was freaking early, so I took out my book and my led reading light and quickly attracted every bug in the damn forest. I gave up and tried to sleep again.

It was the most uncomfortable night I’d ever had. It was cold despite the sleeping bag -and it was a good one too-, and I was scared something would attack me while I was out, but I managed to catch a few hours of sleep before I climbed down upon de first rays of sunlight. I had an apple and an energy bar for breakfast -I was trying to ration- and went on my way after doing my business on a nearby bush. Thank heaven I’d brought toilet paper; I dreaded the though of what I’d do when it ran out.

On the second day -my second day in Ferelden, holy crap- I found a stream, where I refilled my bottle, placed it on my backpack and proceeded to brush my teeth. Hygiene above everything, people. My inventory made this very easy, taking stuff in and out with the “equip” feature. It also made it easy to recognize which bottle had stream water and which one was unopened, what with the labeling system. I hoped my +10% nature resistance was enough to withstand any bacteria in the water. Yikes.

Later that day, I felt several presences. They didn’t feel hostile, but there were a lot of them, and I figured better safe than sorry. I quickly hid my stuff and climbed a tree. I pondered the feeling a bit more, and soon after I saw a pack of wolves; six of them to be precise. They hadn’t notice me and I thought maybe I’d just stay hidden, but then they went sniffing near where I’d hidden my backpack.

Now it was personal.

“ _Walking Bomb!_ ”

I targeted at random, noticing all of them where around the same level. Soon, I had all five plus the infected one slashing and barking up my tree, all of them feeling hostile. Thanks, _Survival_ , what would I do without you. The wolf exploded after a while, damaging all the others. I repeated the process thrice and soon enough I was down the tree and surrounded by gore. I was surprised they hadn’t run away after I killed the first, actually, but I guess they just didn’t understand the concept of magic very well?

I realized then that I couldn’t loot here, unless I wanted to do it the old-fashioned way and skinned the wolves. I wasn’t going to. It was bad enough I had to kill them, and I didn’t have the time or the skill necessary to pull it off.

I briefly wondered if _Survival_ would have given me the know-how on that, but let it go, since I wasn’t gonna try anyway.

“Level up” I called out, and the screen appeared before me.

That’s right my peeps! This mage is now level 2! Woohoo!

Silver lining, eh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I posted this on fanfiction and someone said double posting was fair game, so here we are. Hope you enjoy the story!


	2. In My Defense, I Escalated Quickly

I spent the next three days in much the same way. I would walk during the day, sleep at night and fight the occasional creature. Resting came much easier too once I discovered I could sense the presence of hostile creatures even when I was asleep, and that my range had expanded a little. I still tied myself to a tree, in case something stronger than me appeared, but it was an improvement.

I had also leveled up some more, having encountered both darkspawn and other creatures, some of them Blight infected. At one point, I fought a bear. It was a tough one, and once I hit it with my second _Walking Bomb_ , it began fucking climbing my tree. I hit it with a _Mindblast_ once it came close enough and it toppled down, causing more damage, before it exploded for good. Phew.

Not that a simple bear would present much of a challenge. I was now a proud lv. 5 mage! My stats had gone way up.

**Attributes (-)**

**Strength 12**

**Dexterity 9**

**Willpower 15**

**Magic 24**

**Cunning 17**

**Constitution 14**

I know, I know. What was I thinking spending two points in _Strength_? Well, after walking for days, the backpack gets heavy okay? I caved. Same with _Constitution_ , I had had enough, and two points really made a difference. After that, I invested in my mana pool a little with a couple points in _Willpower_ and dumped the rest in _Magic_.

Skills was a tougher one. I wanted to keep improving _Survival_ , but I was also interested in getting the mana regen and trap detecting that came with the second level of _Combat Training_ and first level of _Trap-Making_ , respectively. Ugh. In the end I did what I usually do when unsure on how to proceed: I procrastinated.

With spells, I went wild.

**Spells (-)**

**Arcane**

.

**Primal**

Flame Blast

**Creation**

Heal

Spell Wisp. Grease

**Spirit**

Walking Bomb

Mind Blast. Force Field

**Entropy**

.

I had a plan in mind. Soon, I’d level up and get _Fireball_. And it was gonna be glorious.

Speaking of which, judging by the Blight’s advance, King Cailan was probably already at Ostagar. According to the map, I was almost there myself. I’d already passed by the Imperial Highway, but saw no one, which I took to mean everyone who was expected at Ostagar was already there. Maybe the Warden was too? I picked up the pace.

I had a plan. Ideally, I was going to prevent the battle. Realistically, I had a better shot at making sure Loghain didn’t retreat. I had the feeling that Duncan, wise as he appeared to be, was the best choice between the bigshots to hear me out. Failing that, I was going to save Cailan. The Warden and Alastair would survive thanks to Flemeth, so I -hopefully- didn’t have to worry about them. I would try to save Duncan as well, if I could, but the King took priority, as keeping him alive would avoid most of the problems that would arise in the story. Personally, I wanted to save Duncan, but we don’t always get to do what we want.

Lost in my thoughts I was, when I felt like someone had dropped a bomb on me.

I stopped on my tracks. The feeling of _hundreds_ of _abnormal_ hostile creatures hit me like a train. So hard and fast I got lightheaded. I could feel another couple hundred creatures across from the first group, that felt more like animals than the former, and willed my feet to move. I couldn’t. Instead, I was left a trembling mess.

Move, move, _move_.

I took deep breaths, feeling like I was gonna hyperventilate. In a flash of inspiration, I called for my level up screen.

_You have improved your tactics knowledge. You can now analyze the battlefield more astutely._

Immediately after placing my remaining skill point in _Combat Tactics_ , a good chunk of the tension left my body, and I could breathe normally. It seemed my hypothesis was correct. Hurray for me.

Taking a deep breath, I psyched myself up and ran towards the battlefield.

* * *

It had already begun. There were people everywhere, fighting left and right, hacking at darkspawn with swords and daggers, bashing them with shields, the occasional spell flying about, looking for its target. The darkspawn responded in kind, with a lot less worry for their personal safety, like crazed zombies. It was a bloody nightmare of a battle.

There was no way I could go in there and protect Cailan. I’d die way before I could even see a speck of he’s shiny armor. Think, think, _think_.

I opened my map.

_Ostagar Map_

Good news? It worked. Bad news? I still didn’t know where he was.

I tried to remember where Cailan had died. There was a bridge, and a couple of towers within view. Very near him, I was sure. I’d spent hours replaying the scene in my head.

I arrived at the fort. It was chaos. There was smoke and rubble everywhere. People shouting at each other. Fire raging. No one paid me any mind.

I passed by the Tower of Ishal. The pyre hadn’t been lit yet, but the doors where opened. I was running out of time.

I decided I needed more speed, so I dumped my backpack behind an old statue after re-equipping and set off. I ran along the ruins, trying to determine the place from my fuzzy memories. I knew he was in the frontlines, so that’s the direction I took.

“ _Spell Wisp_ ”

A cheap spell that gave me a nice boost in spellpower and a little light to see where I was going.

Not that tower. Not that one either. No, no, NO. I kept looking fanatically, to no avail. I also tried to avoid darkspawn as best as I could, but I still ran into a couple of them. I used the terrain to my advantage, luring the darkspawn towards the edges of the ruins, where a simple _Mindblast_ could topple them over. Most of the time I ran after leaving a trail of _Grease_ behind me.

I saw it a few minutes later. That was it, I was sure. I was 60% sure.

I had no better plan.

Shit. Why couldn’t I have been transported to a Pokémon game or a dating sim? Catching em’ all sounded so much easier.

I kept running, picking the less darkspawn infested routes, tripping them and running when they couldn’t be avoided. I reached the tower I thought would have the frontlines on the other side and looked back towards Ishal. The pyre was lit.

I was out of time.

I ran up two flights of stairs and threw myself at the small window so fast I almost went over it.

There! I… I was too late.

I got there just in time to watch the ogre squeeze the life out of him.

I sat there, numb, as I watched the king being thrown away like a ragdoll. Then I watched the rest of the battle field. People were dying. Actual, _real life_ people were dying. I don’t think I’d realized how real this all was, how many lives were at stake. How many lives I could have saved if I had been just a little _Goddamed faster_.

I watched as Duncan took off, fast as lighting, and launched himself onto the ogre that had taken the king’s life. He was going to die as well.

Except I was not going to fail him too.

Before I’d even finished that thought, my screen was already opened in front of me, a plan in my head. I acquired the spell I needed from the level up I’d gotten after going through the darkspawn and turned to where Duncan was, crouched next to Cailan’s corpse, looking up at the blazing pyre.

Well, that wasn’t the only thing that would be ablaze.

All around him, the king’s army was overwhelmed, and the darkspawn turned on him.

_Grease_

Before they could reach him, the darkspawn army tripped over themselves. I didn’t give them time to recuperate, as I casted _Flaming Weapons_ on the enemies. Upon contact with a dozen weapons, the grease caught on fire, making the surviving darkspawn on the frontline go up in a bright blaze.

 _Grease Fire_ worked by following common sense in this place. Good to know.

I was out of mana, so I let go of _Flaming Weapons_ -its job done- ran to the first floor and went out of the tower, straight towards a precariously unbalanced column I’d spotted earlier. I casted it again, after waiting the few remaining seconds of cooldown, this time on my own weapons.

I hacked at the pillar with my hammer and knife, both small, but covered in flames.

It didn’t topple over. Shit. I didn’t have time. Out of ideas, I backed a few steps and leaped at the column. Like a moron. My weight was enough for the column to fall, right on top of a burning horde of darkspawn.

Ouch.

I rolled over and landed on all fours on the side of the column, where Duncan was, and hurried to him, dispelling _Flaming Weapons_ again, glad I hadn’t burned myself.

He was untouched by the fire thanks to _Force Field_. I dispelled it before reaching his side and looked into his unfocused eyes.

“We need to go!” I said as loud as I dared to “Can you get up?”

He nodded once, and I helped him get on his feet.

I half dragged him as far as I could, then hid in a half-destroyed tower, as far in as the rubble would let us. I picked a corner and settled in, Duncan at my side, breathing heavily.

I checked my mana. I had enough juice for a healing spell but that would leave me without much left.

I let go of _Spell Wisp._

“Excuse me”

I patted Duncan down and found no healing potions. Without better options, I took an elfroot out of my pocket and gave it for him to eat.

He did it, very slowly, and promptly passed out. I couldn’t feed him more elfroot.

I resolved to save my mana in case a darkspawn found us, or the rest of the building collapsed on us. I was no doctor but knew a little first aid and tried to gauge his injuries. Not being able to see clearly due to the darkness and smoke, it was hard work. I resolved to keep an eye on him and cast a _Heal_ if he took a turn for the worse.

I hugged Duncan to me, a little out of a sense of protection, but mostly because I was scared shitless. I didn’t make a sound, but could feel the tears ran down my face. If I didn’t kill any darkspawn that found us immediately -they could feel Grey Wardens, couldn’t they? Could they tell the difference if he was dead or alive?- it could call more of them. Even if I managed them all, if I killed too many, the others would notice, and it would be a matter of time before I was overwhelmed. Out of ideas, I hugged Duncan tighter.

A loud noise startled me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see what was left of the ceiling collapse. I barely had time to cast a single spell, before everything went dark.

* * *

I woke up, still in the darkness.

I’d gone blind.

Okay, no, wait. Ugh, my head hurt. I was lying on the floor, so I tried to feel my surroundings first. Dirt, more dirt, stone, warm body. _Warm body_.

I yelped and scooted back, only to have my back touch more stone.

Okay, deep breaths.

I brought my wrist up and pressed the little button that made my watch light up. It wasn’t much, but it helped me see I was in a small cove, small enough that I could barely crouch.

Claustrophobic, anyone?

I directed the light to the body next to me.

It was Duncan. Upon seeing him there, everything came back to me.

The battle, the darkspawn, Cailan’s death, Duncan’s rescue and the tower collapsing on us.

I looked at the time. It was morning already. I focused on getting a feel for any creatures outside and found none.

_Spell Wisp_

I loved my little light. This was much better than the watch.

Next, I checked my status. I was using a little MP for the wisp, but it was otherwise full and ready to be used. My HP was almost full as well; I supposed the scratches and probable head blow I’d sustained weren’t going to disappear just like that, huh?

Still, I congratulated myself on the quick thinking that allowed me to cast a shield on Duncan and hide underneath him, effectively protecting us both.

Oh shit, Duncan.

I crawled to him and was relieved to feel him breathing.

I casted _Heal_ on him, and after a few seconds of cooldown, casted it on myself, dealing much better results thanks to my wisp.

I became lightheaded when I casted on myself though. I figured a certain amount of stamina was needed for the spell to work, and as a mage, it just wasn’t my forte. Food for thought.

I kept casting on him after I felt completely healed. After two more heals, he stirred.

“Hey there. How are you feeling?” I tried to make my tone soft, but he still startled “Whoa, hey. It’s alright. Be careful, we don’t have a lot of space to move around here”

He took a look himself then, made much easier by my wisp.

“What…” He coughed, sounding like he hadn’t talked in ages, but kept going “What happened”

“A tower collapsed on top of us. I just woke up, too” I felt the urge to keep talking, to just let everything I had seen the previous night out. I held it in, it wouldn’t help us get out of here “Can you feel any darkspawn about? Would it be safe to try to come out?”

He concentrated for a bit, then shook his head, looking a little more focused “Not near enough. As for how to get out of here…”

That one was a toughie.

“How did we survive the collapse?” he asked me while inspecting the walls that surrounded us.

“I casted a shield on you, then hid beneath so it wouldn’t get me either. That’s as far as I remember”

He looked at me for a second, then gave a single nod.

“I think I can push through the rest of the rubble on my own. If not, cast your shield”

I shook my head “I can only cast _Force Field_ on one of us, and that person won’t be able to move from inside the shield until I dispel it, or it runs out of time on its own”

“That is fine. Put the shield on yourself, I will be alright”

“Duncan I don’t know about this” I hadn’t saved him to see him die the very next day.

He seemed a bit taken aback at my use of his name. Crap, I shouldn’t have said that “I will be fine, my friend. I can feel a slight breeze, we’re not buried very deeply. I would not be so ungrateful as to throw away the life you just saved”

Mind-reader?! I almost slapped my hand on my forehead.

I wondered if I could get that skill…

I racked my brain for another solution, going over the spells I knew, and found none. This world urgently needed a levitation spell. Seriously, Wingardium Leviosa was the basics of the basics. Oh, what about that?

“I have this spell, _Mindblast_. It would help push things away, I think”

“You think?”

“Well, it’s supposed to mainly stun, but it does give something of a shove. And with how high your level is compared to mine, I don’t think you’ll get hit much…” I hesitated “Perhaps it’s not a good idea to risk it, though”

Duncan disagreed, and after a few words with him, reluctantly, I nodded and prepared myself to cast.

Duncan put a hand on top of mine “Before we begin, may I know your name?”

I blinked “My name is Maya Bellerose”

Duncan smiled kindly “Whatever happens, know that I’m most grateful to you, Maya Bellerose. I will never forget your bravery”

I… I had been brave hadn’t I? I risked my life, and once again, I had survived. I had not succeeded in all of my objectives, but I’d saved the life of the man in front of me. And for that to be recognised felt damned good.

I smiled, a little misty-eyed “That means a lot to me, coming from you. Thank you”

He gave my hand a squeeze and braced himself as best as he could in the limited space.

“Ready”

I took a deep breath, trying to put as much oomph as I could in my wisp, to offer as much of a bust to Duncan as I could.

I heard Duncan roar as he pushed himself up and casted. The tiny space protested, reverberating with force, rattling me to the bone. Before I could even think to put up a shield, he took my arm and dragged me with him. We both tumbled out into the open and not a moment later, the place we were holed up in filled up with wreckage.

Once I regained my breath I turned to Duncan with a smile “We did it!”

He chuckled in response “We did”

I wanted to hug him, or at least give him a high five, but we’d just met, and I didn’t think high fives were a thing in Thedas. If I had my way, it would be. Soon.

Duncan stood and helped me up. He was taller than I expected. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed my clothes, but instead of asking about them he inquired about my health.

“I’m okay. I healed myself before you woke up”

He nodded “Did you heal me also? Thank you”

“You’re welcome” I looked around “I don’t doubt your ability to sense darkspawn, but we should probably get out of here as soon as possible”

“Yes, my thoughts, exactly” He gave me a once over “Perhaps, on the way, you would care to answer some questions?”

I had anticipated as much; with a sigh, I agreed “But” I continued “I think, first, we should… get a few things sorted out here. The… King Cailan’s… he should be here, somewhere. If the darkspawn didn’t… take, him” I fumbled my words like I hadn’t in a long time. It was necessary that I asked, though. In Return to Ostagar, the way the party found his body was… unpleasant. I could only imagine how it would look like in person.

Duncan closed his eyes, a pained expression colouring his features. Cailan had not only been his king, but also his friend’s son. And I could only imagine how responsible he must be feeling for his death.

I could relate some. My own shame at not getting here faster was something I’d have to deal with. Later.

It wasn’t difficult to find Cailan, his armor was pretty eye-catchy. It was also absolutely damaged. I had no idea how the Warden was supposed to equip this thing in the state it was in. The magic of games, huh?

And beneath it was a very bloody, very dead Cailan.

Duncan knelt beside him and, with a grunt, hauled him over his shoulder. It was not the most dignified view, but the alternative was worse.

Duncan walked to a raised platform, where a couple of boulders served as a makeshift altar. With much care, Duncan stripped him from his broken armor, setting it on his side. And started pilling wood around him. I helped him and once we had enough, I carefully covered it with _Grease_.

He then proceeded to say a few words for him, about his virtues, his accomplishments and how, above it all, he was a good man, and would be sorely missed. He apologized to him, and promised to honour his memory.

I kept my head down until Duncan was done, and with a nod from him I stepped forward and casted _Flame Blast_.

We watched side by side as the king burned.


	3. Can We Just Get Outta Here? Like, Now?

After what felt like hours, Duncan announced we should get going. Despite having questions, he’d remained silent until now, and I sure as hell didn’t try to chit chat.

I casted _Grease_ once more, to keep the fire going after we left.

Duncan wanted to go towards the Imperial Highway, -after getting the Joining Chalice, of course-. I agreed, but told him I wanted to see if my stuff was still were I left it. He approved, and we began walking. On the way, he finally started with the questions.

“Please, Maya, don’t take my asking this for ungratefulness, but why are you here? I can see you are a mage, but I have never seen one such as yourself. Your appearance…”

I interrupted him “Hey, I was just buried alive. You should see yourself”

He chuckled weakly at my attempt to lighten the mood, which I appreciated “That is not what I meant. I trust you know the clothes you’re wearing are… peculiar?”

And going straight to a dumpster. I sighed. I accepted the loss of my clothes. Planned it even, not having changed since I got here. Ugh, I was sure I looked like a sore mess.

“Its… difficult to explain; I don’t really understand much of anything myself” I pondered for a moment. I’d already decided I wouldn’t tell the whole truth, and how much I’d reveal, but I kept second guessing myself “I’m not from Ferelden, obviously”

Duncan nodded “Yes, I can tell as much. I thought you might be Orlesian, because of your surname, but you don’t have the accent. And that’s not clothing you would find in Orlais, either” He pointed at my very tattered leggins and jacket.

“That’s correct. I’m not from Orlais. I don’t believe you’ve ever heard of the place where I’m from, actually. Earth is veeeery faraway”

“Earth? Is that what your home is called?”

“Yes” In a way “It’s a comparatively peaceful place”

“Why did you come to Ferelden?”

“That, I don’t know” He looked puzzled, and I hurried to explain “I’m assuming some magic was involved, but one moment I was traveling through Earth” Heh, that felt weird to say “And next thing I know, I’m in Southron Hills”

Duncan’s brows furrowed “And you have no idea how or why that happened?”

“None” I shrugged.

“How did you know you were in Southron Hills? It seems odd to me that we’ve never heard of your Earth, but you seem to know a few things about Ferelden”

Okay, the hard questions came fast. 17 _Cunning_ don’t fail me now.

“As I said, it’s difficult to explain, but here goes. Earth is a place where magic doesn’t exist. It’s not in Thedas. I don’t think we’re in the same… side of the Veil. I’m guessing whatever brought me here, did some weird shit with the Fade. I have no idea how to go back” I saw his eyebrows go higher with every piece of information I delivered. I paused when I saw them reach his hairline, unwilling to let them go any higher.

“No magic, you say. And yet, you’re clearly a mage” I couldn’t fault his dubious tone.

“On Earth, we have stories about magic” I explained “But that’s all it is. Part of someone’s imagination. When I got here, four days ago, I was very surprised to have magic. I practised on my way here” I said the last part rather proudly. I’ll be damned if I don’t become one heck of a mage by the time I was done.

Duncan’s eyebrows, which had gone down in between my explanations, went straight back up. He needed to stop doing that; it was oddly amusing to watch, and it kept distracting me.

“You’ve learned on your own? In just four days? Without any previous training?”

If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was impressed. More likely, he was just freaked out “Yes”

He seemed to struggle with that. I took pity on him “I don’t think my magic works the same as it does for the mages here. I couldn’t tell you why, but I have a set of skills that’s a little” dare I say it? “Out of this world” I am hilarious.

“Do you mean to tell me you don’t draw power from the Fade?” He looked sceptical.

“No clue. I mean, I must right? Where else would it come from?” Where else, really? “I think I’ll be able to offer you a better explanation if I meet a mage I can talk this over with, make some comparisons” Morrigan, you better be ready for me.

Duncan spent a minute on it. We’d arrived at the statue where I’d left my backpack a while ago, but seeing everything I’d brought from home was bound to raise up a lot more questions, and I wanted to be done with this part first.

Finally, Duncan asked the question I’d been expecting the most.

“You say you got here four days ago. But you’ve shown surprising knowledge about Thedas, how magic works, about the Grey Wardens…”

He left the question hanging. I took a deep breath before answering.

“Before coming here, years ago, I had… visions, I guess. That word’s not quite right, but it comes close enough. I didn’t think much of it. A fantastical world where magic and darkspawn and dragons existed? No way it could be real, it just made for an interesting and wildly outlandish story. A long story, I might add, with many possible outcomes, depending on the decisions of the… players” I’m incorrigible, I’m telling you “And then I wake up four days ago and realize I’m in Ferelden, and that what I thought of as an amusing tale with compellable characters is real, and is happening right now”

I held up a hand when Duncan tried to interrupt, needing to get it out of my chest.

“In these visions, I’ve seen the events that lead to and that culminated in the end of the Fifth Blight” And then some “Therefore, I knew how this battle would end. I knew of Loghain’s betrayal. That’s why I came here as soon as I got my wits about” I felt a lump in my throat, but I powered through anyway “I… I owe you an apology. I wanted to prevent this battle, or Loghain’s retreat, failing that. Above all, I wanted to save King Cailan. And I couldn’t… I wasn’t fast enough” I was crying liberally now, hiccupping my way through my monologue “Just a little bit… if I’d been a single minute faster, I could’ve saved him. If I had taken one less break, or if I’d woken up a little earlier just one time; if I’d walked a bit faster… I’m so sorry, Duncan. I’m so _damned_ sorry”

I’d buried my face in my hands, so I didn’t see when he got close enough to put his hands on my shoulders. I lifted my snot-filled face.

And the look on his face, I’ll never forget. If I’m honest, I expected his compassion, but that look of gratitude… I had not.

“Maya, when I saw you in that battlefield, I thought the Maker himself had sent me a saviour. This morning, I thought I had been lucky enough that a kind stranger had found me. Now I know that, in all your confusion and fear, you found it in your heart to do your best for a foreign land. This was not your battle, we are not your people, and yet you decided you would save us anyway. Without any training. And, I’d wager, without ever being on a battlefield before. You, my friend, have both my gratitude, and my respect”

It was like a balm to my soul. Not just forgiveness, but gratitude and respect. Tears of relief replaced guilt-ridden ones. I could now see why Duncan made such a big impression on Alistair and even the Warden, despite how little time they’d had.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, but I’m very glad that you are alive, Duncan” I smiled at him, feeling deeply moved “You’re right in that it’s not my responsibility to help end the Blight. But it honestly feels like it is. I’d like to help”

“If that is what you feel you must do, I’ll be pleased to have your help” He said kindly, giving my shoulders a squeeze.

I cleared my throat, deeming it enough tears for one day, and went to retrieve my backpack.

* * *

Duncan’s reaction to modern stuff was hilarious. At one point, I couldn’t differentiate his eyebrows from his hairline, and worried they might become tangled, then found myself wishing they would, just for shits and giggles.

And that wasn’t the best part, because I’d only talked about what was visible from the outside and the bottle I fished out -not summoned from my inventory, I wasn’t ready to explain _that_ \- so we could have a much needed drink of water.

Duncan wanted to get moving immediately. We’d been lucky so far, in that no darkspawn had found us, but with him there, it was only a matter of time. That’s when I told him about Cailan’s chest, and the documents we might want to retrieve.

He looked at me intensely “Is this what you meant when you said you had a vision? Exactly how much do you know of what happens?”

His words where laced with disbelief. Honestly, I didn’t blame him. I was surprised he’d even given me the benefit of the doubt and not just dismissed me as some lunatic. I guess it helped that I risked my life to save his king, even if I didn’t make it. And I had the feeling it was more that than having saved his own life. Also, that I did the honourable thing, even though nobody would’ve known if I didn’t. The impression I got from the games was that he valued that sort of thing.

“Yes. The vision showed me everything from a little before the recruitment of the newest Warden to a little after the end of the Fifth Blight” I wasn’t gonna get into DA:2 and DA:I, yet “More to the point, it unfolded like a story, following all the major players and their quests” Heh, quests “as they attempted to stop the blight. I could access information they came through”

Duncan seemed very interested, but had a bit of a pained expression as I talked.

“She had a lot of life left” Duncan glanced in the direction of the Tower of Ishal “She won’t be forgotten. None of them will”

Whoa. Full pause.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I completely forgot you had no way of knowing. Both her and Alistair are alive, Duncan. A mage form the Kokari Wilds saved them. They should be with her right now, but eventually, they’ll make their way to Lothering. It’s them that recruit an army and a group of supporters that leads to defeating the Archdemon”

Duncan was a lot more expressive than what the game could show. Upon learning that the two Wardens where alive, his whole face lit up. He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, blessing the Makers name.

I was glad to give him the good news, and I was glad that he seemed to believe me. I guess chalking it up to magic made most things possible here.

“Thank you” I said, then elaborated when he looked at me funny “for believing me, I mean. I know it’s hard to. I’m prepared to share some knowledge with you, of things I’d have no way of knowing otherwise, to prove that I’m telling the truth” Or most of it, anyway.

He looked a little pleased, and asked me to go on.

I started with Cailan’s correspondence that we’d find soon enough. Both letters from Empress Celene and the one from Arl Eamon, or what I remembered of them. Duncan seemed only mildly surprised, so I guessed he either suspected it or at least expected something similar. He was definitely surprised when I started spouting Grey Warden secrets, from the Joining to how to defeat the Archdemon, and I was quick to assure him of my silence. He seemed to struggle with it, but finally accepted.

It hadn’t occurred to me until then that he might kill me like he killed Jory, but our circumstances were entirely different, and he was a fair man. Or that’s what I kept telling myself.

We found Cailan’s chest soon after. Duncan opened the chest without the key -was he a rogue?-, after I assured him that the king meant for its contents to be viewed solely by the Grey Wardens. He appeared rather happy to find that they matched what I told him.

We finally made our way to the Imperial Highway, only to be intercepted by a group of darkspawn upon leaving the ruins.

Let me just say this: Duncan is a _beast_.

* * *

It would take us a day to reach the Imperial Highway, then three to get from there to Lothering. We figured Alistair and the Warden -I still didn’t know who she was!- would take longer to get there, and wanted to meet up with them before reaching Lothering. We’d camp at the edge of the Highway, and if they didn’t reach us by the next day, we’d just take it easy while walking up to Lothering, hoping they’d catch up to us eventually, which would likely stretch our journey there by about a day or two, if we walked really slowly or simply limited our traveling time. Our first camp, however, would be on our way to the highway; we’d spent a lot of time at Ostagar, we were emotionally drained and tired and not pressed for time.

All of this, of course, after I convinced Duncan it was a bad idea to go straight for them, what with the wild card that was Flemeth. He’d been told about her when the Warden recruits came back from the forest, so he didn’t argue.

We set up camp a little out of the way, so we didn’t have to deal with any passers-by. Duncan told me he’d be able to detect the presence of nearby Wardens, as long as he wasn’t asleep. I asked him if they’d be able to sense him too, but he said they were much too new for that.

He was fascinated by my four seasons tent and sleeping back, and I had fun showing him how to build the tent. He seemed very interested in the materials, particularly how the sleeping bag could maintain warmth despite not having many layers. He also enjoyed the energy bars I’d shared with him along the way, and I was happy to provide him with some food, given that he hadn’t had any since yesterday. I couldn’t wait to show him my iPhone!

After building a fire we settled around it. I wanted to bring up food and sleeping arrangements, but he spoke first.

“Maya, there is something else I’d like to ask you”

“Go for it”

“I’ve had time to think about it, and I don’t think you gave an explanation as to how you knew you were in The Southron Hills” He looked me straight in the eye “Or in Ferelden, for the matter”

17 _CUNNIIIING!!_

Damn, I was gonna have to invest in _Coercion_ after all, wasn’t I?

I didn’t want to give too many details about my gaming system, mainly because it was a bitch to explain to someone who didn’t know what a computer was, but he had trusted me -against all odds-, and outright lying to him felt like too much a disservice.

I sighed “It’s part of that set of skills I mentioned. It’s like, I can see a map in my head” close enough “and that map is fully labelled”

Duncan sighed “I shouldn’t be surprised anymore” he gave me a look “But I’ve got the feeling this won’t be the last time”

I laughed, glad that he was taking it so well “Isn’t it more fun this way?”

He shook his head and told me he would fetch us something to eat. Thank God, my rations where dwindling after four days on the road.

He came back less than an hour later, with a Fennec. Yup, _Survival_ apparently now let me distinguish exactly what kind of creature I was seeing -or eating- by handily showing me its name on top of it. I give up, this was getting more ridiculous by the minute.

I admitted to not having haunted before and he offered to show me next time. I agreed, much as I dreaded hunting animals. And yes, I realised I was being a hypocrite, thank you very much. But when I killed animals for EXP before I still had half a mind about none of this being real. In a way, it was a good thing, or I don’t think I’d have been able to sleep at all on my way to Ostagar. I forced myself to watch as Duncan skinned the animal. If I was gonna eat it, I was gonna show enough respect not to shy away from the gritty parts.

I didn’t finish my meal that night.

Duncan ate it, so at least it didn’t go to waste.

Afterwards, I brought up the subject of keeping guard.

“You can sleep, I’ll keep guard”

I saw this one coming “That’s nice but being a Grey Warden doesn’t mean you don’t need sleep, and we really need you at full power here”

“Being a Grey Warden doesn’t mean I don’t need to sleep, yes, but it does let me feel darkspawn approach, as you well know”

“Not to worry! I have acquired a particular skill, that lets me detect nearby creatures. By my calculations, that’ll give us a few minutes to prepare” Ha! Take that! _Survival_ FTW!

He straightened “Even darkspawn?”

“Yes!” Then I realised my blunder “Er, well, as long as it’s not stronger than me…”

Duncan gave me a look.

“Oh, come on! I’ve been able to survive on my own, haven’t I?” I mean, I tied myself to trees but still…

Duncan sighed “Of course you have. I… don’t think I’ll be able to sleep anyway”

I was going to ask, but then it dawned on me. Duh.

“Nightmares?” He sighed again, but nodded “I think I have something for that” I stuck my head in the tent and dug into my backpack, a little annoyed. I’d become spoiled by the equipping function of my inventory.

I resurfaced from my digging with a single sleeping pill and handed it to Duncan.

If you’re wondering why I hadn’t taken them before, well, it was because I was alone and afraid something would attack me at night. Not because I forgot about them, not at all.

“It’s to help you sleep. I’d say take half a pill and see how that goes, if it doesn’t work, take the other half, you need to swallow them” I saw him hesitate and added “If you want to, of course, I won’t insist. But I will insist that you try to sleep. I’ll take the first few hours”

“Do you take this yourself?” He asked after a few seconds of pondering.

I smiled “I used to. When my mother died, I had some pretty rough nights, so my psychiatrist… uh, the healer who took care of me, told me to take those. Eventually I didn’t need them anymore, but I still carry a few, just in case”

“I am sorry to hear that” He said softly.

I waved him off “Thank you. I’m a lot better now”

Duncan proceeded to brake one pill in half and swallow it dry. I must have looked as startled as I felt cause he gave me a strange look.

“Is something wrong?”

I shook my head “No, nothing. I just didn’t expect you to… believe me so easily, I guess” I rubbed the back of my neck. For some reason, I felt kinda lame.

Duncan gave me half a smile and put a hand on my shoulder “My friend, you saved my life. It’s true that some of the things you say are hard to accept. But if there’s something I am sure of is that you wish me no harm”

I retuned his smile “That’ll do”

He dropped his arm, but turned to me “So you know. About the nightmares. What they mean”

My smile fell “Yes. I’m sorry”

“Don’t be. I’ve lived a fulfilling life. If what’s left of it can be of use during this final battle, I’ll consider it an honour”

I said nothing.

Duncan changed the conversation then, asking me about what was happening right now in the rest of Ferelden, what was Loghain up to and what was the next course of action for the two Wardens. I got as far as them meeting the merchant dwarfs before he started to doze off.

I cajoled him into the tent, where he laid on top of my sleeping bag and promptly passed out.

Goodnight Duncan.


	4. This Is A Terrible Plan. Let’s Go

Duncan woke me up the next morning and we set off. We were both better rested -God how I’d missed sleeping while lying down!- and overall had a better atmosphere going on than the day before.

He wanted to know more about the future.

“About that” I hesitated “I’m not sure how much I should share about the future. In every version of the vision, the Archdemon is defeated. Furthermore, some of these events, while painful, may be necessary for the future. I don’t know how changing things now would affect necessary future events. That being said, I don’t think I can close my eyes to everything. I will try to help where I can. And perhaps… perhaps there was a reason why I didn’t make it in time at Ostagar” I look at Duncan with a pained expression, while he considered my words seriously “Saving Cailan would’ve greatly changed the course of history, I fear saving you already has. Not that I regret it. But…”

But, in every story I’d ever read about people knowing the future, it was generally agreed that changing key events or introducing undue technology was a bad baaaad idea. I agreed, too.

“I see what you mean” he conceded “Balance is a precarious thing. Too much knowledge can be a curse on itself” He got a bit of a faraway look, and I wondered what event of his past he might be recalling “Pain is necessary for growth”

“Exactly!” I was relieved and impressed at his outlook on life.

“So here is my proposal” he continued “According to you, I was not meant to be alive” I winced, but he seemed to take the prospect of his own death in stride “If that is so, then both you and I are the ones that can change the flow of events the most drastically, for better or for worse. I agree that balance must be preserved, and we need to carefully calculate what we should change. For that, you’ll have to tell me of the events to come, so that I’ll know what events I am not to disturb” I tried to get a word in, but he wasn’t done “This also leads to the question of how things will change if I were to take back leadership of the Wardens here in Ferelden. We already know they succeed in defeating the Archdemon. I do not believe it a good idea to interfere. And so, I would go my own way, and you shall go join them, and guide them as best as you can”

Okay, that was enough.

“Whoa, full stop. I kinda sorta agree that telling you what not to mess with is a good idea. I’ll give you that one. I’ll even get on board with you keeping your distance, no need to mess with a winning formula. But you’re just leaving me with them? I think it’s a miracle you believed me and I’m not sure it’ll happen twice” Even with all my futuristic gadgets, it was a gamble. Also, my phone was almost dead. I still had the extra battery but what if for whatever reason I needed it later? I wanted to save that one just in case.

“Then you don’t tell them”

I scoffed “Lying to them? With all due respect, I don’t think it’ll be that easy. They’ll find out eventually that there’s something that doesn’t quite fit about me. And what even makes you think they’ll listen to me?”

“That may be so, but by then, you should have proven yourself trustful, which should give you the leverage you need to make them believe. In the meantime, I’m sure you’ll be able to provide advice to nudge them in the right direction”

The way he said that, as if it was the most logical thing in the world, made me both angry and a little embarrassed, as if I was making this more difficult than it needed to be.

Mm… to be fair, all the companions had secrets of their own. Ugh.

I ran a hand through my face in exasperation “Fine, so you’ll come with me to meet them and…”

“No, I won’t be coming with you. I’ll accompany you as far as Lothering, then make my way west to gather Grey Wardens from Orlais. I must be quick, before Loghain has time to put up whatever measures he has planned to prevent that.”

My mouth dropped open “Are you kidding me? You can’t wait a few days? We have like a year until the final battle, there’s time!”

“Not if Loghain takes measures to impede pass to Orlais, which I’d wager he will. And there’s danger in letting him know I’m alive, so letters are out of the question, as they could be intercepted. I will give you one, so that you can give to Kallian and Alistair when they know you enough not to dismiss your story as a trick” He gave me an apologetic look “You said it was not clear when they’ll get to Lothering. A few days might be all I need to fail. And, if I go I’d have to explain why I’m not staying, which will blow your cover”

A single minute could make a huge difference, didn’t I know it. And he could not fail, not this time. I realized what this all meant for him then. I’d just told him his presence wasn’t needed at Ferelden for things to work out, so he was looking for another way to be useful.

Well, hell.

“I get it. I’ll go meet with them. It’ll be cool, like meeting characters from a book you love” I smiled brightly at him, hoping he wouldn’t see through my bullshit. He did.

“I am sorry. I know I’m asking for a lot. I’ll go the remaining three days to Lothering with you, we’ll use that time to come up with solid story for you, and cover anything else you might need”

“And to tell you what I know”

“Yes”

“And I guess that means we’re not taking our time to get there”

“No”

I sighed, Duncan was an honourable man, but he did have his duty as his first priority.

I gave him a long-suffering smile “Let’s go”

* * *

“Good, again” Duncan said as I got up from the ground.

For the past three days, whenever we stopped for the night or took a ‘break’ -after walking all day! Such evil!-, Duncan would train me in the use of a dagger. I was, by no means, expected to use it as a primary weapon, but until I hooked up with the Warden party, it was ill advised to rely on magic, which I still practiced anyway cause magic is AWESOME, but, we didn’t want me to be run off as an apostate. Yet. So, Duncan was showing me a little self-defence.

“No. You’re open. And dead. Try again”

He was such a spartan! Ugh, I was bad at it cause my _Dexterity_ was low, okay?

The rest of the trip we talked. And talked and talked. I told him every relevant thing I could remember, which involved the main quests and the Landsmeet. And the truth about my ‘visions’. He was surprisingly accepting, and admitted he did consider other potential recruits. He took _everything_ with remarkable calmness, until the Landsmeet part, what with Morrigan’s baby and Alistair’s possible outcomes. I did tell him I knew of things farther in the future, but that was a whole other dragon to slay, and he agreed that as long as it didn’t influence the events of the blight, it could wait. We also planned my introduction to the group, and what I should do failing that. At one point, we walked past a farm and Duncan bought an old cloak from the people living there. It’d been patched a few times, but it was clean and made of cured hide, which was better than rough hide, -tiers! Man I hoped I remembered the order right- so it should serve me well until I got better clothes or armor.

We were less than half a day away from Lothering when I told him to take a hike.

“Maya…”

“It’s not far, and I know I need to look out for the bandits at the entrance. Let me give you a few hours, you might need them. Especially if you’re going to take that detour through Orzammar”

He agreed reluctantly “Take this. It’s the same dagger you’ve been practicing with. And try to get a staff as soon as possible”

He’d told me the silver dagger was made of steel, which had led to a conversation on weapon materials, which I also hopped I remembered correctly. When he handed me most of his money, I protested, so he agreed to take a little more and basically told me to meet him half-way.

Clever old man.

And then, it was time to part.

“Good luck, and stay safe okay? Don’t be a hero”

He chuckled “Same for you. Survive to make it back home, Maya”

He gave my shoulder a squeeze and clasped my hand tightly. When he let go, I held a fist out to him.

“My turn to teach you something. It’s called a fist bump”

* * *

The bandits were there, so I circled the town until I found another way to sneak in. I saw plenty of refugees making camp, but something told me more were yet to come.

I was in LOTHERING! Holy molly someone pinch me!

A little asking around revealed that the odd giant in the cage -hello Sten- had been there for three weeks. I thought I remembered Sten being a captive for twenty days or so. That meant the rest of the party would be here soon. I decided not to give him food. I wanted to, but as I wouldn’t be able to convince him that he’d be outta the cage soon without revealing too much, he wouldn’t accept it. I also decided to stay away from the Chantry, lest a templar recognised me as a mage. Duncan said they shouldn’t be able to, but if they found me odd, -and the probability of that was high- they might accuse me of being a witch, like they did with Morrigan, if I recalled correctly. Wasn’t risking it.

I wanted to buy a staff, but decided to wait until leaving Lothering. Still, I checked with the dude outside the chantry and the old guy at the tavern. In the end I decided I would acquire the lighting staff the old guy offered -a Lightning Rod, OMG!-, by virtue of being the cheapest even when it was still making a whole in my pocket.

Geez but weapons were expensive!

I did buy the rest of the things I needed from him. Quite frankly, the guy outside was a greedy ass.

The old guy -Barlin- made small talk with me while I reviewed the armor I wanted to buy. He was a fun guy, and I kinda wished I could help him with his poison problem, but I’d decided to spend my last skill point in _Coercion_. I wanted to make damn sure I could talk my way into the Warden group. And get out of any trouble I would inevitably get myself into.

I ended up buying a light set of armor: leather gloves and boots plus a studded leather chestpiece and a studded helmet. I also bought a single injury kit and health poultice. The whole thing ended up costing me a pretty gold piece -sovereign, I mean- and almost three silvers. I made a joke about being broke now, hoping to deter anyone thinking I still had money to steal. Hearing that, Barlin went and offered me a discount. I felt bad, because he probably needed money more than me -provided I joined the Wardens- so I made a show of _now_ having enough money to buy the last article I wanted, an Amulet of Accord. I didn’t even remember what it did but it wouldn’t hurt, right?

I promised to be back sometime if I earned any money and have a beer -ale! I meant ale. Yikes- with him, and went on my merry way.

The sun was still a few hours from setting but I decided to go back to were I’d left my stuff hidden outside Lothering and try on my knew toys -I was sleeping there, by the by, cause the tavern was predictively full-. I’d discovered that as long as I was wearing it or had it in my backpack I could see the properties of an object, as if -gasp!- I was in the game. Unlike the game, I hadn’t been able to check out the stuff at Barlin’s, so I guessed that re-confirmed that the game mechanics really only applied to me and the objects in my possession, but not other people I came in contact with. I wondered if I could revive after my HP was drained.

Yeah, lets not test that theory.

After trying my hand at hunting and failing -Duncan you make it look so easy!- I ate my second to last energy bar and, still hungry, tried my new clothes to cheer myself up.

They didn’t fit like a glove, but the straps helped adjust it for a better fit.

Not bad, I say!

I felt a little more badass already.

Next I checked my stats and found myself pleasantly surprised.

**Attributes (3)**

**Strength 12**

**Dexterity 10**

**Willpower 15**

**Magic 24**

**Cunning 17**

**Constitution 14**

I was 99% sure my _Dexterity_ had been a single digit the last time I checked. No, wait, the last time I went straight for skills, cause I wanted to save my attribute points for when I really needed them. So the last time was back at Ostagar.

It occurred to me that maybe all that training with Duncan had raised my _Dex_. But then, why hadn’t my _Magic_ increased when I was practicing on my way to Ostagar? Or my _Constitution_? I’d been doing a great deal of walking around.

Mm… perhaps because of the difference in points? Because my _Dex_ was so embarrassingly low, it was easier to raise it through traditional means? It wasn’t a bad theory. It also meant that if I hadn’t caved and spent points in _Constitution_ and _Strength_ they would’ve gone up on their own. Damn.

Oh, did that mean I could learn the first few tiers of each skill through hard work alone? Mmm… it’d probably take time though. Morrigan was in tier 1 of _Herbalism_ , I think, when she’s met at the Kokari Wilds. It wouldn’t make sense to be at her level just by knowing the basics.

Welp, food for thought.

I checked my new amulet and upon seeing its properties I decided never to take it off in my life. +10 physical resistance and reduces hostility? I just won the whole freakin game!

Okay, not really, but I loved the idea of not attracting hostility. Not attracting hostility was good.

I stored my helmet, poultice and injury kit in my bag. That didn’t leave me with a lot of space, but I was planning on sleeping with the rest of my armor on. Man, I wished I had kept at least one sleeping pill, but truthfully, Duncan needed them more -I wouldn’t have taken them anyway, too scared to knock myself out while alone-. Heh heh, I wondered if the mints I gave him for when the pills run out would be effective enough. Placebo FTW.

With some time to spare till sundown, I hid my stuff again and went back to Lothering. Maybe I could get some bread or something; I’d seen a lady selling it in what I assumed was a bakery.

When I got there, she was already packing up for the day. Luckily she still had some left, and I bought a single loaf.

I stayed there as she closed shop, finding the river view that cut through Lothering soothing as I ate, when a young man came running around the corner and I almost choked.

It was Hawke.

The lady expressed her concern, but as I waved her off she turned her attention back to freakin HAWKE. She scolded him, saying she was closing already and that he needed to get there on time or not at all.

“I am so sorry Gretta” He ducked his head to get her to look him in the eye and gave her a disarming smile “I got caught up helping my mother until my sister took over. I promise I’ll be earlier tomorrow. I’ll… well, I’d say I’ll bring you something delicious, but it would be odd, when all that comes to mind is eating your bread”

My mouth dropped open. Did he just…?

Gretta blushed and swatted him, to which Hawke responded with another charming smile. He got his bread and waved Gretta goodbye. Then he turned to me.

“Enjoyed the show?” He asked me with a raised eyebrow.

Holy fricking shit. Okay, deep breath “Actually, yeah. That was textbook perfect”

He chuckled “You flatter me” After a pause he added “Well? There’s no need to stop”

I was going to say something back, something witty, I’m sure, but we were interrupted. A kid, no more than twelve, who clearly hadn’t had a decent meal in some time, stumbled to a halt in front of the bread stand, trembling. He clutched something in his hand, then opened it to stare helplessly at a few coppers.

Oh God, my heart.

Before I could do something, Hawke knelt in front of the kid, and wordlessly handed him the loaf of bread he’d just gotten, then dropped a couple of silver coins on the hand that held the coppers.

The kid’s eyes filled with tears “Tha-thank you ser. Thank you!”

“Shh. Don’t tell anyone or I’ll be in trouble with old lady Gretta for giving away her bread”

The kid nodded effusively, thanked him again, and run off with renewed vigour.

Hawke stood, sighed, and turned back to me.

“Marry me”

I had to laugh at his expression.

“Kidding. But seriously, that was well done” I handed him half of my bread and he smirked at me.

“Too bad. Oh! If you liked that you should see what I can do with an elfroot and a pointy metal shard”

I laughed.

“Thanks for this by the way” He held his half of the loaf up then bit into it “I’m Garrett Hawke”

“Maya Bellerose” I imitated him and took a bite off my bread, and he surprised me by leaning next to me on a low stone wall.

“So tell me Maya, do you tend to propose to every handsome stranger you meet?”

“Yes. It’s worth a shot”

He laughed, and we ate in silence for a bit.

Okay feeling a little self-conscious here. Say something, please?

“Are you new to Lothering? Haven’t seen you around before”

I resisted the urge to cover my forehead. So he had the mind reading skill too. I wondered if he’d teach me.

“Yeah, I got here today, actually”

“Today? Then am I to be your official welcome committee?” He placed his hand on his chest “Because I’ll do it”

“Sure, but you’ll have to make it quick, I’m leaving soon. And I don’t want any half-assed efforts” I pointed a finger at him.

He raised his hands in mock surrender -how the hell did he finish his bread so fast?- then asked me why was I leaving so soon.

Now, normally, I don’t share information with strangers. But this was Hawke, and, like with Duncan, I felt like I already knew him. At least I was counting on him not murdering me and throwing my body in a well. That -somehow- made me think that one of his siblings would die soon. His sister, probably, since him being here meant he was a mage, although I wasn’t sure how that would work outside of the game. And then his mom. Jesus, the guy was in for a tough ride.

He was still looking at me so I hurried to answer “I just came here for…” I realised I didn’t have to stick to the story Duncan and I had come up with; Hawke never meets the Warden.

I improvised “I’m taking a break” he looked at me, uncomprehending, and I added “I just came from Ostagar, but I intend on moving on soon” Which was technically true.

He perked up at that.

“You’ve news of the battle? What happened?”

I told him what went down, and all traces of humour fled him and he looked like he’d swallowed something bitter. Which I knew wasn’t true because the bread was actually pretty good.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine” He said curtly “Sorry, I… my brother went to fight at Ostagar” He looked down, worried.

I made an ‘oh’ face, then pretended to think hard “Hey, was your brother, by any chance, Carver Hawke?”

He spun on me fast and grabbed my arm “Yes! Do you know him? Can you tell me what happened to him?”

“Whoa!” I jerked and he let go of my arm with a mumbled apology “I don’t exactly know him. I was at camp before the battle and asked who he was” I shrugged helplessly “I think he made it out, actually. If I recall correctly, he was injured, but expected to be able to walk soon enough, so I guess he’ll be around any day now.”

Didn’t matter that I was making it up. By the time Hawke could corroborate my story with his brother, I’d be long gone, a giant question mark over his head the only evidence that I’d been here.

He looked so utterly relieved I decided to forgive him for suddenly grabbing me. He may be a mage but he’d clearly been working out.

“Maker, thank you”

“It’s fine, you can call me Maya” I regretted the joke as soon as I said it, but Hawke only laughed.

“What are you going to do now?” I asked.

He sighed, immediately understanding my meaning “I’ll wait until he comes back, then I’ll grab our mother and sister and get out of Lothering. The darkspawn won’t take long to get here”

I nodded, my thoughts exactly “I’ve already heard a few people say they’re running off to Kirkwall” I lied “I’m guessing that’s a good place to start over? But the road will be full of darkspawn, so wherever you decide to go, be careful”

He nodded absentmindedly, maybe thinking he wasn’t intending on going all the way to the Free Marches. Little did he know.

I pushed on “You’ll probably encounter darkspawn no matter which way you go. A little unrequested advice? Watch out for ogres. I mean it, those things can kill you fast. If you see one, run or kill it quickly, before he can get a hold of any of you”

And that, was the extent of my help. I’d decided not to interfere. Hopefully this wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass.

“I’ll keep it in mind” He leaned back on the half wall again, looking just a bit more tired than before. But then he looked my way and smiled “Tell me something. Why did you inquire about Carver?”

I had an answer for that. I just didn’t want to give it “I thought he was cute” I shrugged.

His smile grew, turning into a smirk.

Not wanting to go against my non-interference policy again, I reckoned it was time to leave. The sun was already almost gone, too.

“Welp, there goes my bread” I said, licking crumbs from my thumb “It was nice meeting you, Garrett” So weird to call him by his name “Good luck with your journey”

“Wait” he went for my hand and paused. When he saw I wasn’t backing away, he grabbed it lightly “You don’t have anywhere else to go, right? The tavern is completely full, and I expect it’ll get worse soon enough. I live about an hour away from here. You can stay at my house”

My eyes widened.

He chuckled “My mother and sister will be there too, so don’t worry about me misbehaving” his eyes twinkled mischievously “unless you’d like me to”

Fudging hell. Did he just flirt with me?

I gave him what I hoped was a breezy laugh “Tempting. Thanks. But I’m expecting to meet some people here tomorrow and leave with them. I’d rather be around so I don’t miss them”

“That’s too bad” He pushed himself off the wall and, still barely holding my hand, took a step towards me “But if you’re sure…”

Okay, so, I don’t really do the whole sleeping with strangers thing. Not because I think it’s wrong, in any way. But my own experience told me that it just didn’t do it for me. I’d get too nervous and wouldn’t enjoy it in the end. That being said, I had to admit it wasn’t bad, kissing a handsome stranger -he really was good looking- every now and again. Cause, you know, dating your shower head gets kinda old after a while.

I wouldn’t get close to someone like this without a friend nearby, but I didn’t think _Hawke_ would make me do anything I didn’t want to. And I didn’t really think he was very serious either, just flirting with a mysterious -that’s right, I’m mysterious now- stranger.

So I said “Yep, I’m sure”

I’m not the best at flirting. Shut up. I got better once I was in a relationship, okay?

I did get a little closer to him, which made him get closer in return.

Suddenly, his demeanour changed “Well, in that case maybe I’ll see you around” He let go of my hand and stepped back.

What the…

Hawke smirked in a way that made me want to hit him instead of hit on him “Oh? Where you perhaps expecting something else…?” he waggled his eyebrows.

Fudge it.

“Yeah, I thought you were gonna kiss me” And I didn’t even stutter. Go me.

His eyebrows shot up and he laughed “I gotta say, I’ve never had a lady be so forward with me. First asking me to marry her and now this” Hawke clicked his tongue.

I crossed my arms and glared at him.

He grinned and got closer, tugging me by the elbow until I leaned on the half wall and he was in front of me. I still had my arms crossed, still a little angry, so he gently pulled them around his neck. And then he kissed me.

If him being plain good looking wasn’t enough, the fact that I was kissing Hawke, in fricking _Ferelden_ , made this whole nightmare of a trip worthwhile.

Okay, not really, but it was fun.


	5. Seeing Stars

I went back to my spot after that. Didn’t get past first base, by the way. Get your minds out of the gutter, seriously.

I _had_ caved in, in case you were wondering, and made up a story about my mom dying as a murder victim -not sorry about that one, she would’ve found it hysterically ironic, being a PI herself- of a serial killer whose MO was romancing ladies by becoming their secret admirer, with flowers and everything -lilies, in my mom’s case- before luring them for the kill. Oh, and by the way, last I’d heard, he was somewhere in the Free Marches. Go figure.

If Hawke found it odd, he didn’t say. Must be my great kissing skills that kept him a little out of it. Not likely to be his eventual cross country trip or his brother’s fate, I don’t think so.

I was giddy as I made my way up a tree and tied myself to it the same way I’d done those first few nights. I realized I’d been in Ferelden for over a week now. That led me to think about my family, and my mood took a nosedive. I was supposed to be back after five days, so they were probably already looking for me. God, my grandparents would be devastated. And my cousins? Alex and Cath would’ve been the first to notice my absence, when I didn’t make it back home. What about my aunts and uncles? Jesus, this was such a disaster. And I didn’t even want to begin thinking about work! My patients were absolutely gonna flip. The other therapists in the team were gonna have their hands full cleaning up my mess. And here I was strapped to a stupid _tree_.

I hadn’t allowed myself to grieve about the life I’d left behind since I got here. Hadn’t dared. So that’s what I did now, thinking this might be my only chance before I joined a group of technically strangers. And so I cried, muffling my wails against my sleeping back, and somehow, managed to cry myself to sleep.

* * *

I felt better the next day. I mean, my back was killing me and I hated life, but one tends to feel refreshed after a good cry, right? To me, it was proof that I cared for those I’d left behind, and it helped me accept that I wasn’t going to see them again, at least for a while. I still didn’t accept that I wouldn’t be able to go back at all, because I didn’t know that. It gave me hope.

And remembering Hawke lifted my mood too. If I’m honest, I was a little starstruck.

After gathering my stuff, I went to take a bath at a nearby stream. I didn’t consider myself a clean freak, but at that point I would’ve fought an Archdemon for a shower.

Back in Lothering, I noticed that Sten and the bandit group were still there, but that didn’t necessarily mean the Warden party hadn’t arrived yet. I poked around the village a little. An old lady who referred to herself as elder Miriam asked me if I knew how to make poultices, but alas, I’d already spent my last skill point, so _Herbalism_ would have to wait. It was too bad I was hiding my mage status, or I could’ve used _Heal_ on whoever needed it. Another girl asked me about trap-making. Again, I was sorry to be unable to help, but I did warn both of them to get out of here as soon as possible, because darkspawn. The news about what’d happen at Ostagar had already reached them, so I tried to build on that to scare them into running away ASAP.

I stood on the stone bridge for a bit, looking at the water. I didn’t really have anything to do, except wait for the Wardens to arrive. I considered waiting in the pub, but I’d made a show of not having any money left, so I wasn’t sure they wouldn’t kick me out for not buying anything. I laughed at the possibility that someone might try to pick me up, then sobered up at the thought of them not taking a no for an answer. I specially didn’t want to spend much time around those rowdy people from Loghain’s army.

I was still wondering what to do when I noticed a red haired boy at the foot of the bridge. He’d been there yesterday as well, and seeing him the second time jogged my memory enough to remember he was waiting for his mother.

My heart broke. The poor kid.

I talked to the child, told him to go to the Chantry. After exchanging a few lines that reminded me of the game, the child thanked me and off he went. I remembered it was generally acknowledged that the dead woman north of Lothering was his mother. I wanted to take the quest, but even if I could handle the wolves, and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to alone, I remembered several groups of bandits lurking out there. Killing people was… not something I wanted to instigate. I’d resolved to defend myself however necessary, but I couldn’t justify actively hunting someone when I didn’t have to.

Bored, I went to explore the safer part of Lothering, being careful not to get too close to the Chantry. I found a couple of elfroots, which no one seemed to mind me taking. I also looked around for conveniently abandoned chests or creates and found none. Bah, I supposed that would be too easy.

I was carefully collecting an elfroot near the refugees when I spotted a red head in the crowd. I stood to get a better look and saw _real life Leliana_ talking to a couple of refugees.

Eeeeeekk Leliana!!

I knelt quickly and returned to my task, not wanting her to catch me staring. Which didn’t make me sound like a stalker, not at all.

After collecting every elfroot I could find, I ended up going to the tavern again, consequences be dammed. Templars were there.

I’m no one. I’m air. Don’t look them in the eyes, Jesus Christ.

I didn’t buy anything, but no one seemed to mind, and I spent a good amount of time chatting with Barlin. He did ask me at one point, with all the subtility of a qunari in a human village, if I had any experience with poison.

Seriously, old man?

I gave him an unimpressed look, but offered a couple of deathroots I’d collected. He was happy enough with them, and offered me a silver for each. I refused. He insisted. I refused again. In the end, he offered me three of his lesser health poultices and we called it a deal.

I hanged out with old man Barlin while I bought a meal at the bar. A few hours later I was out the door and making a beeline for elder Miriam. She was ecstatic when I presented her with the three poultices, and offered to pay me fifty silvers for them. I explained how old man Barlin had sold them to me for much less, and she was both exasperated she hadn’t known he was selling them and grateful at my honesty.

She still offered to reimburse me and I ended up with five silvers after all. Oh well, who was I to complain?

I still had a few hours to kill, so I went exploring. Again. There were plenty of shops that weren’t in the game -Lothering was way bigger than the game let on-, so I wasted time browsing them leisurely. At one point, I found a painting -a beautiful landscape of a lake- which made me think of Sten. I’d been careful not to think too much about him. I didn’t wanna mess up his joining the Wardens, but man I wanted to bust him out of that cage. Seeing him there just… it wasn’t right. It made every hair in my body stand on end. Everything in me screamed _this is wrong_.

I bought the painting on a whim. Then very deliberately made my way to Sten.

He noticed me several steps before reaching him, leading to some very awkward staring until I stood before him. He was stupidly tall.

He looked down on me “What do you want, human? I am not here to amuse you”

No, he certainly was not.

“If it were up to me, you wouldn’t be here at all” I said looking him in the eye. Mainly to avoid looking at the rest of him, clearly in need of a meal. And while without food or water he didn’t need to go relief himself, the smell and a hole in the ground betrayed the indignity he’d had to suffer at the beginning of his imprisonment.

He eyed me suspiciously.

“My name is Maya, it’s nice to meet you”

“Intriguing. Mockery or politeness? I didn’t expect to find neither the gall nor the manners required for either in Ferelden”

“Well, I don’t know about the locals, but I’m not from Ferelden. Maybe that’s why I’m against this form of punishment”

“I killed eight farmers, including the children” he said matter of factly, as if expecting me to go away.

I knew that, but hearing it still gave me pause.

I took a deep breath “I know. At the same time, while you would be punished in my home country, if someone did it this way, they would be committing a crime themselves” I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to reign down my indignation “This is unnecessary suffering. The only reason I’m not trying to bust you out is cause I think you won’t want me to”

He frowned “You assume to know me? Such arrogance”

I frowned at him “I said I _think_. But evidence shows I’m probably right”

He looked unconvinced, so I elaborated “You are a big qunari, presumably trained in combat. I’m told, however, that you didn’t fight your apprehension. If you didn’t want to get captured, you wouldn’t have been. As for your reason for wanting to be captured, I can only speculate you feel like you deserve your punishment. By letting yourself starve to death, you’re atoning”

A brief look of surprise crossed his features. Had I blinked, I wouldn’t have noticed “Perhaps it is so. Either way, you have no business with me. Leave me be, I won’t accept your pity”

I hesitated, but I’d already come this far “Will you accept my respect then? Few people I know would’ve accepted such a punishment, even when they thought they deserved it” I handed him the rolled-up painting.

Sten eyed me suspiciously “What is this?”

“I doubt you’d accept food or water and prolong your suffering” I hoped the Wardens got here soon “But perhaps having something beautiful to look at could ease it some”

Still a bit cautious, Sten took the scroll and unrolled it. His expression softened a little when he laid eyes on the painting, before going back to normal as he turned to me.

“Please take it. My own values demand that I do something about this… this cruelty done to you. But I can’t, so I hope you’ll at least accept this”

He nodded then, understanding flashing through his features “I will accept this gift. My thanks. I am Sten of the Beresaad, the Vanguard of the qunari peoples. You may call me Sten”

I nodded, like this was news to me. Then left after saying goodbye, doubting Sten would like the company of a stranger.

* * *

I went back to my “camping” spot as the sun went down, hoping it’d be my last day ever sleeping up a damn tree.

With nothing else to do, I practiced swinging my dagger around, hoping I was doing it like how Duncan showed me. I got tired earlier than usual, and blamed it on the fatigue my armor was giving me. I climbed up my tree tiredly, hoping this meant an easier time resting.

I awoke a few hours later, a little disorientated. It was still dark, and I figured the cold had interrupted my sleep, until I noticed my radar pinging. Two hostile creatures approached. Human.

That chased the last vestiges of sleep away.

Crap.

I thought fast. If _Survival_ categorized them as hostile did that mean they were definitely gonna attack? Or that they were potentially dangerous?

Remembering how the wolves I fought on my second day in Ferelden had turned hostile upon seeing me, I decided to prepare for that first possibility. My decision was reinforced when I noticed they were heading straight for me. They must’ve known my location.

Shit. Okay. If they did, I was better off in my strategical position up the tree. I untied myself from the tree, but left my stuff where it was, then casted _Grease_ on the floor beneath my tree. Hopefully they wouldn’t be able to see it in the dark. I accommodated myself so that it seemed that I was still asleep and waited.

As I felt them get near, I peeked through my eyelashes. Two men in leather armor with wicked looking swords at their hips. No bows or crossbows, thank God. This just got a whole lot easier.

The two men finally spotted me and snickered to themselves. Yup, here I am, up a stupid tree and fast asleep. Easy peasy prey.

They sauntered confidently, until they reached my oily trap and fell on their backs hard.

I hurried to stand on the branch, one hand on the trunk to keep steady.

Okay, here goes something.

“Well, hello. What brings you two gentlemen to my neck of the woods?” I asked lazily, successfully masking my fear.

They growled up at me, not the least bit threatened.

“Wench, you just went from getting robed to getting dead” one of them said eloquently, still trying to get up.

Wow, no one’s ever called me wench. And… I’d never attacked a human before. I didn’t want to.

“You’re going to harm me?”

“Of course not” said the second man mockingly “Come on down, we just want to talk”

They did not. I could tell.

I closed my eyes for a moment, then casted.

_Walking Bomb_

One of the men clutched at his stomach, moaning in pain. The other looked at what’d just happened and his eyes lit up with fury.

“Witch!”

Well, yeah.

Both men continued to make their way towards me. In less than a minute, they were at the tree’s base, attempting to climb up. Or one of them was; the other one, clearly in pain, was grabbing on to the tree. I let the one climbing up get halfway to me and casted again.

_Mindblast_

He dropped from the tree, stunned, and right on top of the other one.

He exploded.

I’d seen the wolves do this. But seeing an actual man just… blow up was… and by my hand…

The first man didn’t survive the explosion either. I know this because I looked down and saw his dead eyes staring up at me.

I couldn’t take it anymore, I turned around and puked. I puked until I had nothing of substance left in my stomach. Tears ran down my face as I heaved and panted. I couldn’t stay here. There could be more where this two came from.

I gathered my things and climbed down. I didn’t look back at the carnage as I ran.

I stopped when I found a stream. After checking there was no one nearby, I dropped my stuff and stripped off my armor. Still in the Earth clothes I wore underneath, I jumped into the river, welcoming the cold sensation of the freezing water in the middle of the night.

I resurfaced after several seconds, taking gulps of air into my abused lungs.

This wasn’t me. I helped people; I didn’t hurt them. I didn’t _kill_. I certainly didn’t make them _explode_!

I was also alive. Because I ended someone else’s life, I got to keep mine.

Deep breaths.

I looked up, and saw a beautiful night sky, two moons shining brightly, unpolluted by light. Waves of stars swirled through the sky, weaving their way gracefully in the never ending cosmos. If I were to rip the sky apart, more stars would pour out, and the whole of Thedas would be astounded by their beauty before drowning in them. And I felt small, unimportant to the vast universe, and that helped.

I stayed there, floating in the river, counting stars until I couldn’t see them anymore.


	6. About Damn Time

At first light, I got out of the stream. Now that I was calmer, I didn’t enjoy the sensation of freezing as much. Using the equipment function I’d forgotten about in yesterday’s chaos; I easily changed into dry clothes and re-equipped my armour. While doing that, I realised I’d lost weight. That worried me, I didn’t lose -or gained- weight easily. My new diet, or lack there off, wasn’t good for me. I looked unhealthy.

I was still cold, and worried that I’d get hypothermia, I took out a small pot and my dagger. With a little help of _Flaming Weapons_ , stream water and a modern day tea bag, I made myself some much needed mint tea. I poured it in the thermos I’d brought my coffee in, which had run out in the first few days -I miss you coffee!- and took little sips, then big gulps until I felt warmer.

It was still early, but having nothing better to do, I ate my last energy bar and after gathering my things, went into Lothering. This time, I left my backpack hidden in a fallen log very near where I was coming in and out of the town.

Sten still in his cage, check. Leliana still around, check. Bandits still being dicks, check. To the tavern it was!

I went in and bought breakfast. After a while, old man Barlin came to open shop. He greeted me happily and we chatted for a while. Thinking -hoping- this would be my last day lazing around, I bought him that ale I’d promised, early as it was.

I perked up when I saw Leliana come in.

Yes! This had to be it!

I casually asked Barlin to let me look at his wares again and made a show of examining them while I waited.

And then it finally, _finally_ happened.

As a new group stepped into the tavern, a few soldiers causing a ruckus on the other side of the bar stood to confront them. From there, it went exactly as expected. Leliana made her appearance, they talked for a bit -loud enough that everyone at the bar could hear their conversation, I might add- and the fighting started.

I must admit, I was more than a little awestruck at seeing the DA:O characters in action. Leliana was wicked fast, Alistair was freakishly strong, Morrigan spell blazed like nobody’s business and Dog was cute as heck, in a terrifying way. Kallian Tabris, THE Warden, was plain awesome, twin daggers glistening with each swipe.

Duncan had already told me about her, but seeing her in action was just… wow.

Whoops almost missed my chance there.

As one of the soldiers attempted to backstab Kallian, I cast a shield on him, halting the advance of his blade, before quickly letting go, just in time for Dog to tackle him to the floor. I’m sure Kallian or someone else would have prevented the backstab from connecting, but that wasn’t the -hehe- _point_. Barlin looked at me with suspicion. I played dumb.

Once the soldiers were clearly defeated, Kallian sent them to tell Loghain they were onto him and turned to talk to Leliana.

I continued surveying the only dagger Barlin had while keeping an ear on their conversation, just to know they hadn’t left.

Come on, take the bait.

It wasn’t long before Morrigan approached me.

“You”

YES! “Yes?”

“Do not feign ignorance. T’was you who casted the spell on the soldier, was it not? I didn’t realise there was an apostate in Lothering, other than I”

The people in the vicinity began whispering to themselves. I’d been here for three days and no one had noticed, a dangerous mage just wandering about. The horror.

“She’s a mage?” Kallian approached.

“Indeed. A deserter from Ostagar, most likely”

I made a show of looking around, all eyes were on us. Perfect.

I let out a sigh “Well, that’s just great. If you’ll excuse me now…”

“Wait” Kallian stopped me, her green eyes looking up at me. She was rather pretty, as expected of an elf, and the pale blond, shoulder length hair made her look a little more like she came from Middle-earth than from the DA-verse “I’d like to thank you for your help”

I smiled at her “No worries, you seemed to have everything under control anyway. Sorry I butt in” I sighed tiredly “But since the cat’s out of the bag, I think I’m gonna make myself scarce. See you around”

And with that, I tuned to Barlin and paid him over three sovereigns before I grabbed the lightning rod. “Thanks for everything old man” I smiled shyly at him and got close enough to whisper “Maybe ask these guys about your poison problem, I think they could help”

Barlin chuckled and patted me on the shoulder “You take care of yourself now you hear? None of getting caught by those templar fellows”

My smile grew “Yes ser”

I left the tavern, noticing the Warden party eyeing me whilst talking amongst themselves.

Phase one of the plan had gone perfectly. Time for phase two.

* * *

I snuck around town as best as I could, which was difficult with the giant stick -I mean, staff- so I hid it in one of the back alleys. Once I was satisfied it wouldn’t be found, I quickly went to retrieve my stuff. Let me tell you, there’s never a time when its harder to be inconspicuous than when you most want to be. The population had increased dramatically though, as more refugees arrived, so that helped.

Once I got my backpack, I went back to retrieve my new lighting rod, then made my way towards the field. It wasn’t far, and while a few people saw me and whispered to themselves, no one tried to stop me. One way or another though, this was gonna be my last day in Lothering.

I sat on the edge of the field, with my back to the cliff, and waited. I figured I had time, cause the bandits usually appeared when the Wardens approached the furthest side opposite the town proper, so I took out my thermos and treated myself to some mint tea. I worried they would just move on without doing the Lothering quests, but Duncan insisted Kallian would try to help Lothering before moving on. And they needed to come this way before leaving anyway. Fingers crossed.

I’d just taken out my book when I saw them. Difficult to miss, that group. Although, I noted I couldn’t detect any of them, something I’d overlooked at the Tavern. Honestly, with so many people, I’d kinda had to tune their presences out, only perking up if any hostiles appeared. Hmm… I guess that meant all of them were stronger than me. Not really surprising, but it did make me pout a little.

I watched them fight off both groups of bandits on the other side. Didn’t seem like they needed my help but I still kept an eye on them. Then they walked off, presumably to take a break. When they came back they headed my way. Probably in search of the third group of bandits. Sten wasn’t with them so I assumed they still needed to talk to the, er… Mother? Mother in charge of his key.

Anyhow, instead of finding the group of bandits, they found one chilling mage.

“Hello again” I said as I looked up at five pairs of eyes.

They stopped a few steps away from me.

“What are you doing here?” Kallian asked, tilting her head curiously.

“Just chilling” I leaned back, arms behind my head instead of moving to stand, feigning detachment.

“What, _chilling_?” Alistair asked.

“Yup” I didn’t offer an explanation, and instead said “What brings you guys here?”

“There’s been a report on bandits around these parts” answered Leliana “We will attempt to… persuade them to go somewhere else”

“I see” I pretended to mule it over “Want any help?”

“Why not?” said Morrigan “Another mage is always useful”

Why did I feel like she wanted to… I don’t know, suck on my powers like a magic vampire?

Alistair sighed “Are you sure another apostate is a good idea? Isn’t one enough?”

“Afraid little boy? And here I thought being around mages was precisely your job”

“I think anyone who truly wants to help should be given a chance, regardless of what they are” Leliana voiced before Alistair could snap back at Morrigan.

Dog barked his input too. In my impartial opinion, it sounded like agreement.

Kallian listened to her companions and after thinking it over, nodded “An extra hand should be useful. We’ll accept your help”

“Awesome” I got up and dusted myself off “I’m Maya Bellerose” I extended my hand and Kallian shook it, introducing herself and the rest of her party. Of course, the only name I wasn’t familiar with was Dog’s. He’s name was Scout. I kinda liked it.

“It’s nice to meet you all. By the way, incoming” they looked a little puzzled so I pointed “Bandits incoming”

To their credit, they quickly fell into formation. Morrigan and Leliana stayed where they were, ready to cast and fire arrows respectively, but I stopped the melee fighters -Kallian, Alistair and Scout- before they started running and casted myself.

First I activated _Spell Wisp._ Then,

“ _Grease_ ”

I’d never casted with a staff before. Let me tell you, it made all the difference. My spell went further, with more power, which in this case meant more grease.

And down went the bandits. Except the archers, but Leliana and Morrigan were already taking care of that.

Both Kallian and Alistair grinned at me, then went after the fallen foes. Scout gave me a happy bark, before going after them.

I casted _Flaming Weapons_ on Leliana’s arrows, setting the tip of every arrow she notched on fire. I didn’t cast it on the other guys weapons -Kallian’s daggers or Alistair’s sword-, for fear that the grease would light up, but Morrigan compensated with _Frost Weapons,_ making a cool mist come off of them.

After that, I sent regular blasts of magic, the staff’s default attack, a purplish nebula. I couldn’t see my allies HP or anything like that, but I could see when someone was being overwhelmed. And so, I casted _Heal_ once on each of the melee fighters, who were startled upon being surrounded by a blue, shimmering mist. They sent a grateful look my way when they realised what happened, before continuing to fight with renewed vigour.

And then it was over. Barely a few minutes after it started.

I didn’t shoot to kill. The rest of them didn’t either, with the notable exception of Morrigan, who brought the body count to two, leaving half a dozen people to run for their lives. I knew that’s the way things were done here, and that the others also would kill if necessary. I had proven I would too. It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

“Good job, everyone” Kallian said “Maya, thanks for the help”

I smiled at her. We exchanged a few pleasantries before Kallian assured me she’d pay me for my part in the job.

“That’s alright” I said. Then, as casually as possible “Actually, I was wondering if you could use another mage on a more permanent basis”

I cringed inwardly. That sounded a lot better in my head.

She looked taken aback “You wish to join us?”

“Yeah. I heard you’re Wardens. You’re trying to save the world and stuff right? I’d be happy to lend a hand”

“Out of the goodness of your heart? And are we just supposed to believe that?” Morrigan scoffed.

“It’s a dark day when I admit Morrigan has a point” Alistair shuddered, then peered at me “Why do you want to help us ‘save the world’?”

I had a good answer for that one “As it turns out, I’m one of the idiots who lives in it” It was funny in Guardians of the Galaxy! “It’s in my best interest not to watch it burn”

Leliana actually giggled at that “That, is a good point”

Kallian still hesitated.

“…and, I want to go to Kinloch Hold. I’m told there’s a good deal of magic-related books and there’s something I need to look into. Preferably without being compelled to stay after I get the information I want. I figure ‘traveling with the Wardens to save Thedas’ is as good excuse as any. And it’s not like I can stay here calmly with people knowing I’m a mage. Of course,” I added as if it was an afterthought “I’m not asking you to take me all the way there, but if you could get me close enough, and corroborate my story that I’m hooking back with you again later, I think that’s better than whatever else I can come up with”

Their looks said ‘well, now **that** makes sense!’. Thank you, Duncan.

Alistair took Kallian aside and the both of them huddled a few steps away, whispering back forth. Morrigan rolled her eyes and joined them. Leliana sent a shrug and a half smile my way before doing the same.

Oh boy.

Seeing as we were the only ones left, I crouched next to Scout and offered him my hand. He gave it a quick sniff and proceeded to rub his head against it. I complied.

The rest of the group got back to find me scratching a happy looking Scout.

Kallian cleared her throat and smiled “We could use another mage. Welcome to the party. Glad to have you with us”

I was in.

Thank God!

* * *

After that, things happened pretty quickly.

As it turns out, they were going to Kinloch Hold -gasp!- and a bunch of other places to conscript people against the darkspawn. Lucky me.

The rest of the group went to collect payment. I wondered aloud if I should wait for them and Morrigan sneered at my cowardly self when I explained I’d rather not get in trouble with the Templars.

I could practically see disproving broken hearts coming off of her.

Bite me, Morrigan.

“You know, I just joined the group. I think I should give it some time before I start stirring up trouble”

“You are with us now, though” Kallian said kindly “The Wardens are allowed to conscript people in times of Blight. They shouldn’t bring us any trouble”

I repressed a sigh. ‘Shouldn’t’ was the key word here “No. If you are right, I still don’t lose anything by waiting here. If you are wrong, at the very least it’ll cost us time” I stopped for a second, remembering she was kinda sorta my boss now “Unless there’s a reason you want me to go too…?” I left the question hanging.

There wasn’t, Kallian just didn’t like the idea of leaving me here alone. In the end, Leliana offered to keep me company.

Before leaving, Kallian said “Since you’re one of us now, I think I should tell you… um… well, how would you feel about recruiting someone who… who did something horrible. Even when he regrets it now?”

Ah, so she’d been able to tell Sten regretted it. I didn’t think he ever said that outright to the Warden, but by reading between the lines one could tell. I cut her off when she kept trying to explain.

“I think it really depends on what is it that you want?” I said “If you think this person could be of help against the Blight, which is arguably the biggest threat in the country right now, and you trust his word that he’ll help you until the end, then I’d say recruiting him is a good idea”

Kallian mulled it over before nodding and making her way towards the Chantry with Alistair, Morrigan and Scout in tow.

Leliana immediately turned on me “So, Maya right? That’s a pretty name”

I smiled at her “Thank you. I like yours too. Leliana. It has a nice ring to it”

We continued to make small talk. Leliana -I was having a real life conversation with her!- was easy to talk to. She had a way of engaging you that managed to make your tongue just loosen up. Like it was the most natural thing to talk to her.

As expected of a bard!

“Here’s a question for you” Her blue eyes regarded me seriously “Do you really not care what this man Kallian mentioned did? You are not reluctant at all?”

I took a moment to think of my answer “It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that I don’t know all the details” Heh, yeah right “What did he do? Under what circumstances did he do it? Still, if I was Kallian, my priority would be to stop the Blight, and if I have to do some morally” Don’t say it “grey things” Dammit Maya “to achieve that goal…” I left the words hanging.

“You mean the end justifies the means” She said, nodding in understanding.

“Yes. No” I rolled my eyes. _Slow down, Maya_ “Sometimes. It would depend on the situation. But see, everyone has their own set of principles, so what may be acceptable for you, might not be for me, or vice-versa. It’s a matter of what we value more, I think. Hard choices come when these values collide, and one must be overruled” I shrugged “We all must do things we don’t want to do, right? No wrong or right answers, just doing the best we can”

Leliana thought it over “Yes, I believe you are right. Thank you, this has been a most interesting conversation”

“Anytime. I enjoyed it too” I liked talking about work.

She smiled at me and turned to easier subjects. Clothes, hair, shoes. After the last couple of days, it felt good to talk like this.

Not long after that, Kallian and the rest got back, with the big guy in tow.

“Sten” I greeted “Good to see you out of the cage”

“Maya. I did not expect you to be with the Wardens” He eyed my staff warily. Yep, I’m a mage. It caught me by surprise too.

“It’s a recent development”

Kallian looked between the two of us “You know each other?”

“Clearly”

“We had a little chat yesterday” I said, as Leliana looked into her bag and brought out some bread to share with him.

He hesitated for half a second before taking it and nodding his thanks.

“Sorry to ask but would you heal him?” Kallian asked me.

“If he’s okay with it… but I think he should eat that bread first, or the spell will drain his energy” I held up my staff, letting the blue healing light glaze over it, but not releasing. I actually didn’t know I could do that; prepping a spell before casting it. I was just trying to be dramatic.

Sten ate his bread in the blink of an eye and allowed me to heal him. I casted only once. The guy had been in that cage for too long.

“Good. Now, I’ve picked a couple more quests from the Chantry board. There’s a woman who’s gone missing, and there’s a reward on any personal effects we can get back; and a reward for getting rid of blight infested bears” She made a face. Yeah, wasn’t looking forward to it either.

We made our way north. I called a warning as soon as I felt a group of creatures, at the same time as Scout gave a low growl. We were downwind, so the wolves wouldn’t smell us coming.

“How do you know?” Alistair asked suspiciously.

“Through my very dark, very forbidden magical powers, of course” I wiggled my fingers at him.

Morrigan chuckled as he glared at me. Geez.

Now, between us, I was usually on Alistair’s side when it came to his thing with Morrigan. I thought that, initial meeting aside, she was too aggressive in the latter half of the game. However, I had to admit that it was difficult not to take his suspicions personally.

“Later” Kallian said, then looked at me “Can you do the grease thing again?”

Of course I could do the grease thing again.

And so, I ended up being the opening number. There were almost a dozen wolves though, and I couldn’t get everyone. But with a combination of _Flaming Weapons_ and Leliana’s arrows, we were able to severely damage those that did go down.

The melee fighters -now including Sten, who’d been outfitted with proper armor and a comparatively small longsword- went to engage the ones who had slipped past our attack. Alistair tanked, Kallian relied on her speed to not get injured, and Scout just went in with reckless abandon. I was a bit worried about Sten’s health, but the qunari seemed to handle himself exceptionally well against the wolves. Damn qunari prowess.

At one point, I had an ‘oh shit’ moment as two of the wolves went for us, the rangers. Morrigan reacted faster, casting _Mindblast_ before we iced and burned them respectively. And like that, the fight was over. Most of the wolves who’d been burned by the _Grease Fire_ were alive, and ran away when their survival instincts won over. I know they’d tried to kill us but I still felt bad for them.

I did miss fighting from up a tree. Way less scary. It was good to have companions though.

From what I could see, major injuries included Alistair -who acted as a meat shield and took a nasty bite on his forearm- and a winded, lightheaded Sten. I had nothing for the second one so I focused on healing Alistair while the rest proceeded to the body of the woman we were looking for.

I know I’d healed him before but only now did I realise it wasn’t harder than healing the others.

“Thanks. But why are you looking at me like that?” he asked after I was done.

I almost said ‘you’re gonna die’ but remembered that as a Grey Warden, he only had thirty or so years left. Yikes.

“Just thinking that for all the mental resistance you have, healing you isn’t more taxing than healing the others, while using other types of spells on you would be. Handy double standard, that one” I chuckled.

Oh, wait. Didn’t the amount of healing depend on the amount of magic of the caster _and_ the target? Or maybe the target only matters for poultices. Ah, or was that spellpower? Hmmm…

Alistair frowned “Mental resistance? You mean I’m resistant to magic? How do you know I am?”

Lost in thought as I was, I almost said ‘because you’re a templar’. Oh shit.

Oh shit, oh shit.

He hadn’t used his templar abilities in combat yet. I wasn’t supposed to know that.

Craptastic.

“I knew it. You’ve tried to cast a spell on me, haven’t you?”

What? No!

I sighed “I don’t want you hurt. Or dead”

“Uh huh. I’m not buying it. The moment I turn around its frog time, I know it” he crossed his arms.

So this is what they meant in the forums when they said he was childish.

“You know, I understand being a little suspicious, but I noticed you don’t give the same treatment to Leliana. Or Sten” And he’d been imprisoned for killing a family.

“Well, yeah. They’re not…”

“Apostates” I cut him off and stood “Don’t talk to me for a while unless you need healing okay?”

The rest of our group had returned and caught the last of our conversation. Kallian cleared her throat.

“The… uh, we found the requested pendant. I was going to ask if you guys were up to dealing with the bears but…”

“I’m good” I said.

I heard the clatter of armor as Alistair stood up.

We dealt with the bears in much the same way. They were tougher and one of them was blight infected, so I put a shield on him, which stopped it for long enough that at least one of the other bears was dead.

I am so sorry, bears.


	7. Or Ignore Me, That’s Cool Too

When Leliana offered to keep me company while the others went to get the reward and gather last minute supplies before leaving Lothering, I declined.

“I’m going with you this time”

“Oh?” Morrigan said “Not afraid of the templars anymore, I take it?”

“No, they still worry me” I ignored the jibe “But there’s something I wanna see to before we leave, so I’ll risk it. If it goes badly, I’ll run. I’ll wait for you on Lothering’s northern entrance”

“What’s that you need to do?” Kallian tilted her head curiously.

I told them about the boy I’d met the day before, and my suspicions that the pendant was meant for him. When asked what use was it for me to be there, I didn’t know what to say, so I just shrugged and continued walking after Kallian.

On our way there, Morrigan walked up to me.

“You know, I do not blame you”

I startled. Morrigan? _Morrigan?_

She scoffed “Not about the child you’re looking for. That, I cannot understand. I meant about the chantry idiot”

Ah.

I wasn’t supposed to know “Chantry idiot?”

“Alistair. He was raised in the Chantry to be a templar. ‘Tis to be expected really, his attitude towards mages such as you and I. Not that it excuses his idiocy, but there you have it”

Wow. Okay, confession time. I wasn’t angry at Alistair. Maybe a little sad that he had so much distrust towards me, but honestly? I didn’t blame him. He was a product of his environment. And I knew from playing the game that he was not naturally inclined to prejudice, and that being nice to him would probably be enough to win him over eventually.

The reason why I’d been kinda curt with him was to distract him so he wouldn’t go back to how I knew he had high mental resistance. I’d screwed up and he was completely right to think I was hiding something, just not what he thought. And if I’m honest, I did want to stop that behaviour from happening again. If not with other apostates, at least with me. And, again, he wasn’t naturally prejudiced. If anything, he was the opposite, and that was actually one of the things that made me fangirl about him while playing the game. When he told my dwarf Warden he didn’t care she was a dwarf, and rather worried he was too tall, I all but swooned.

“Whoa, so he must’ve spent years under Chantry doctrine, huh? Now I’m actually surprised he’s this accepting towards us traveling with them”

Morrigan harrumphed “If only he suffered in silence”

I smirked at her “Well, thanks for telling me. I think I can understand him better now. You’re so kind”

Her eyebrow twitched a little “You are greatly mistaken”

I laughed, but let it go and turned the conversation towards magic.

Soon after, we reached the tavern. Alistair, Sten, Leliana and Morrigan went in to gather supplies, while Kallian, Scout and I went for the rewards. I handed them half the money I had before they left. Gotta pull our resources together, right?

I asked the chanter guy about the kid, and he confirmed -amid some very annoying chanting passages- that it was indeed his. I wanted to give the pendant to him myself, but going into the actual Chantry was probably crossing the line on recklessness.

I thought about it for a bit before handing him two of my remaining three sovereigns “The darkspawn invasion is imminent. Please use this to get all the orphans under the care of the Chantry out of here as fast as possible”

He was so surprised he thanked me without chanting. He recovered, but I’d heard it.

“Are you sure about giving them so much coin?” Kallian asked as we walked away. There was no judgement in her tone.

“Yeah. I wish I could do more. I just know some of this people wont make it out of Lothering. Many will die at the hands of the darkspawn here, and I can’t think of another way to help” It was weird, in a surreal kind of way. I’d never give away that much money back on Earth.

“That was a lot of coin” she insisted.

“I know. Admittedly, my monetary sense is a little skewed since coming here, but I think we can make more as we need it, yeah?” I glanced down at her.

She surprised me with a bright smile “I think so too”

Okay then.

* * *

As we waited for the others, Kallian brought up the thing with Alistair.

“He’s just spent a lot of time at the Chantry. He’s really a good guy”

“You don’t have to try to convince me” I said “I’m not angry at him. Morrigan explained the templar training to me, so I guess I can understand” I shrugged.

She looked relived, and we continued talking quietly until the rest of the party arrived.

Next stop, camp!

Which wasn’t an exact location but that’s okay!

Before that, though, I had to psych myself up for the incoming fight. I’d had to with the one group of bandits from before. Hurting humans -or in this world, people might be a better word- was so not me. I knew, however, that to survive in this world, I would have to adapt, and at some point that would mean killing again. Every time I thought about it, my insides rebelled, and I had to accept what I was doing all over again. That was good. It meant I cared, and I wanted to care. That’s why I was afraid of being exposed to it over and over. I didn’t want to ‘get over it’. It was a good thing that our main enemies where darkspawn; I’d already resolved not to think of them as people.

I decided I needed to learn some crowd control moves.

As for the fight itself, it went as well as you’d expect. Better yet for me, cause I’d been mistaken, and we fought darkspawn instead of humans. Yaay. So we went in, kicked butt, and they went down. Bodahn and Sandal decided not to come with us, but expressed their gratitude and the hope of seeing us again.

Before they left, Sandal looked at me and said “You are far away from home”

I blinked. Heh, as expected of Sandal!

“That I am” I smiled sadly.

He nodded and went to his cart, followed shortly by his father, who sent me an apologetic look.

Mm… maybe Sandal could help me get some clues as to how to go back home? I had no idea what his deal was though. Damn Bioware, couldn’t you have released that in DA:I? We’ve waited three games already.

Anyway… Bye bye Lothering.

We walked until sunset and man am I slow. Slower than Sten despite his current condition. Duncan is a freaking saint for matching my pace. We found a spot to make camp and settled for the night. And lo and behold, Bodahn and Sandal were there, suddenly willing to join us. Kallian said yes, introductions were made and we began assembling camp.

Not counting the two new additions, there were seven of us. Kallian said we had three tents, two belonging to herself and Alistair and one they’d gotten at Lothering. Now, I’m not great at math, but it seemed like we were sharing. The question was how. And of course, I had to fess up about my own tent. Geh, I didn’t want to share.

In the end, I didn’t have to. Morrigan went off on her own and made camp away from the rest of us. Sten, being the biggest, got a tent for himself, while Kallian and Leliana and Alistair and Scout shared the remaining two, which meant I had mine to myself, cause it was the smallest one.

Hmm. I know what I said before but sharing with someone sounded kinda fun now.

Bummer.

I drew a few eyes as I was sitting up for the night.

“That’s an odd tent” said Kallian.

“Pretty cool huh?” I grinned “It’s called a four seasons tent. It’s meant to keep the worst of the weather out, be it wind, rain or snow. **And** it’s built so it’s light and easy to set up and take down” It’d been a birthday present from my mom.

“What material is it made of?”

“Nylon and silicon. Both are artificially made. I don’t really know how, by the way” I told Sten “The poles are aluminium”

He examined it “It looks flimsy. Are you certain it can withstand the elements?”

“Yep. I’ve had it for about three years, and it hasn’t let me down yet” I gazed fondly at my pale blue baby.

“How practical. Not the level of advancement I’d come to expect from humans”

“I’ve actually never seen such a tent before” Leliana admitted “It’s wonderful, although not very big”

“Yeah, this is supposed to be a two person tent, but it’s a tight fit. I could’ve gotten a bigger one but if it’s just for me there’s more than enough space”

“Oh? And where is it from? Actually, I don’t think I’ve asked where _you_ are from. You don’t sound Fereldan. I believe you said as much to Sandal”

I peeked at Leliana. This was another one of the questions Duncan and I had planned for.

“My home is really far away. Further than Par Vollen” Sten shifted his attention from the tent to me “It’s a comparatively peaceful place”

“I didn’t know that” Kallian said “What’s it called?”

“Earth”

She blinked “Like, dirt?”

“Yes”

“Oh. It uh… it sounds nice?”

I smiled “It’s okay, I know it’s a funny name by Fereldan standards”

After that it was a volley of questions. We ended up moving to sit by the fireplace, where it turned into a group conversation -that thankfully moved away from dangerous subjects for me- even Morrigan joined. But then the subject turned to magic.

“Impossible” She sentenced

“What can I tell you?” I shrugged “It’s the truth”

“Humph. Even if I were to believe your magic manifested only two years past, ‘tis foolish to suppose I’d believe you this competent a mage after only so many years of practice”

I grinned at her “You think I’m competent? Why, thank you”

She glared “You should learn to lie better, little girl”

Wow. She was literally belittling me, huh?

I ignored her and turned to the rest of the group.

“You should probably know my magic is a little… different. Alistair asked me how I knew the wolves were ahead of us back in Lothering, remember?” Alistair, who had been remarkably silent for a while, straightened a little at the mention of his name “It’s a skill I gained not long ago, actually. It began with being able to feel the presence of any low level creature around me. Now I can feel anyone up to around my level of power and I can tell what sort of creature it is, like, if it’s an animal, and weather its hostile towards me”

“I’ve never heard of a spell like that” Morrigan said.

She sounded more speculative than antagonistic, so I answered her this time.

“I’m not even sure it’s magic, strictly speaking. More like a skill? Like, being able to make traps or something” I let out a frustrated breath “Honestly, most of the things I can do, spells-wise and the like, are kinda intuitive, so I have a hard time explaining it”

Duncan and I figured claiming ignorance would make it easier to explain how I could use spells without learning the theory behind it.

Morrigan hummed to herself, seemingly thinking hard about something.

“You have no training then” Sten said tersely.

Uh oh.

I crossed my arms “The best way I can describe my magic is that it follows a very strict and clear set of rules. I have never felt myself slipping and casting without intention, but if you ever feel like I am, feel free to knock me out or have Alistair work his templar voodoo on me” I gave him a half smile that I was sure didn’t look half happy.

Alistair leaned towards Kallian and whispered “Voodoo?”

I’d been half joking, but Sten nodded very seriously and visibly eased back. Yikes, what had I gotten myself into?

After that we ate supper, chatted a bit more, and called it a night.

We decided to have a two shift schedule, and the ones taking the first night would be Alistair and Leliana. I think the idea was to have at least one well rested Warden, so Kallian and Alistair wouldn’t be on guard duty the same night.

As I made for my tent, Alistair approached me carefully.

What is it? I won’t bite, you know.

“Hey” he said.

“Hey” I cocked my head “What’s up?”

He reached to scratch the back of his head, looking embarrassed “I… wanted to apologise. For what I said earlier. About, you know, you being an apostate and the way I acted... I’m sorry”

God, had he been worried about that the whole day?

“Hey, it’s okay. It just made me a little sad to be distrusted so openly” mainly because I felt like I already knew this people, even when they’d just met me “but I get it. It’s just not something I’m used to hearing”

He looked a little pained -such a sweetheart- but he switched tracks with my last words.

“What? Never? I mean, not that you deserve to be, just because you’re an apostate but… you know, some idiots just might put their foot in their mouths”

I laughed and waved off his concern.

“I understand the wariness. Especially since I’m told you grew up in the Chantry”

“That’s still no excuse to be a jerk, and I really am sorry. But still, how come you haven’t had to deal with any of that before? Even in the last two years?”

“Apology accepted. To answer your question, the place I come from is not really big on magic outside stories” I shrugged “most people don’t even believe in it, so it was really easy to hide it”

He gaped “They don’t believe it’s _real_? What about Templars? Or the Chantry? And aren’t there mages who… well, who become abominations? There’s no way that wouldn’t attract attention, trust me”

Well, he was not wrong.

I shook my head “None of that either. We have different religious systems, actually, but I would more or less compare Andrastian to Christianity. Kind of similar in their components -a single god, a prophet, sacred readings- as well as being the most widespread” That was the comparison most players made, anyway “And I’d say magic is so scarce it’s just not a problem. Even if it was, we’d deal with it using other methods. I’ve never even met someone who’d even _seen_ magic of any kind before… well, me” I could just see an abomination being shot to death.

“Seriously? But then how did you even know to come here?”

“Well, a few months ago, this Fereldan man ‘discovered’ me, and told me about Thedas. He said I should go to a Circle of Magi and directed me to Kinloch Hold, so that’s where I’m going”

He looked like he had a lot to mull over, so I told him good night and went into my tent, satisfied with what I’d accomplished that day, from joining the group to getting a little closer to it’s members.

I think I’ve said it before, but my tent rocks. It has a little ‘vestibule’ were I can leave stuff so that the inside of the tent doesn’t get dirty. It doesn’t have a lot of space and changing there is next to impossible. I loved it.

I don’t think I’d realised how much I needed a good night of sleep until I cried when my head hit the pillow.

Good night, me. You did well.

* * *

Next morning came, and we needed to decide what to do.

We had the obvious choices: The Circle, the Dalish, Orzammar and Redcliffe.

Now, it was time to see if I could somewhat steer this boat without arising suspicion. I decided to start with breakfast. Breakfast is rarely suspicious.

“The Dalish are closer”

“In distance, yes, but timewise it’ll take us longer to go through the Brecilian Forest than through the road to Redcliffe”

I took a seep from my cup. It needed more sugar.

“The Dalish are more likely to lend us their help than the people at Redcliffe”

“No way, I know Arl Eamon. If he knew what Loghain did, he would never stand for it. He’ll help us”

Mmm. Mint tea. Yum.

“Even if that were so, according to the knights at Lothering he isn’t… in a good position to help us, exactly”

“Perhaps we could start with where we are not going?” Leliana heroically attempted to be political.

Well, in the end, Alistair had given up the position of leader to Kallian, so no matter what, she had the final say. That didn’t really keep him from arguing his point though.

Kallian sighed “Alright, so I think we can all agree we’re not going to Ostagar right now” When no one protested, she continued “And we’re not going to the Circle Tower either” At that one, I raised my hand.

“Since you’re asking, I think the Circle Tower would be a good place to start, actually”

Comprehension flashed through her features “That’s right, you wanted to look for… information, didn’t you?”

“There’s that, yeah. But more importantly, I think we should recruit a healer”

That got me a few surprised looks.

“Oh, just what we needed, a pet mage from the circle” Morrigan scoffed.

I gave her an unimpressed look “If they are willing to patch me up before I bleed to death, I don’t really care where they’re from”

“I get what you’re saying” Kallian said “but as long as you can heal us, I don’t see it as a priority”

“I know one healing spell” It wasn’t in my plans to learn the next ones anytime soon, either. I wanted _Regeneration_ , but not yet “And I’m self-taught. My, uh, healing knowledge is rudimentary at best”

“Mmm, and how, exactly, did you learn the spell?” Morrigan looked at me sharply.

I almost said the internet “I read it in a book”

She didn’t look convinced, but didn’t press the issue.

There were really three reasons I wanted to go to the Tower first. Recruiting a healer -Wynne, of course- was one, cause staying alive was still my priority; what Kallian said about wanting to get info was the second one. The third was that I knew the Circle mess happened as soon as Wynne returned from Ostagar, which led me to think that’s the one that happened first, and that we most urgently needed to fix. But Redcliffe was a close second, because if we went there, we’d likely go to the Tower next anyway. And because, you know, zombies were messing around in Redcliffe. Nasty stuff.

“I don’t know that it’ll be as easy as that” Alistair intervened “but, we’re already recruiting them for the war so we might as well” he brightened up “And if we’re going west, we should go to Redcliffe first”

Oi.

That set Kallian off again, and they resumed arguing. I had wanted to get my piece out and enjoyed my breakfast while they ducked it out.

Okay, take two.

“Guys. Hey!” They turned to me and I cleared my throat “In the end, the decision is up to you” I nodded at Kallian “So let me just say one thing” I paused, entirely for dramatic effect “To be able to do all that we need to do requires us to be alive. As I see it, avoiding death supersedes all else at the moment, because I don’t think we can gather allies or battle the darkspawn otherwise. Everything else, we can compensate for along the way. An _experienced_ healer would significantly increase our chances of survival”

Finished, I took a seep from my tea. They kept staring at me, so I added “That’s all I wanted to say”

The discussion began again, as if I hadn’t spoken, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and popped some more bread in my mouth. So much for _Coercion_.

After a while, Alistair told Kallian about Arl Eamon being like a father to him and she settled for Redcliffe. _Hah_ , such a bleeding heart, that one. And that’s coming from me.

Whatever. To me, that was better than the Dalish, cause it was closer to getting Wynne. Seriously, the more I thought about it the more convinced I was that we should get to her fast.

Insensitive to my inner musings, the rest began to pack up and we left within the hour.

To Redcliffe!

* * *

“There is no need to feel ashamed”

“I don’t”

“Oh? I would be overcome with shame myself”

“I’m gonna put up my tent now. Don’t feel bad if I don’t answer. I just get very focused sometimes”

I walked away from Morrigan, feeling angry and, if I’m honest, a little embarrassed. I knew I wasn’t in great shape, but compared to everyone else, I was a freakin slowpoke.

I turned around when I was done with my tent to see the others still working at theirs. At least I was quick at some things. Not that having the super futuristic tent had anything to do with it, not at all.

That got me thinking I might wanna learn how to build a ‘normal’ tent, just in case. Hmm… who shall be the one to teach me?

I headed for Kallian.

“Hey” she greeted me.

“Hey yourself” I stood next to her “Mind if I take a look at your tent? I thought I should learn how to build one of these”

“Why? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind, but you already have one, right? And I hear it’s much better than the ones the rest of us use”

When she said it like that, I felt a little uncomfortable, for some reason.

“Yeah, but I’m far away from home, so if something happens to mine, I’ll have to get one like this. Just figured it wouldn’t hurt to learn now instead of later”

“Oh. Well, sure” She moved a little so I could have a better look at what her hands where doing and began explaining “Here you’ll wanna knot it like this, else a strong wind knocks it down on you during the night…”

In the end, I’d honestly learned more than I thought I would. That had everything to do with the fact that she’d taken her sweet time explaining everything to me in detail. Thanks to that, everyone was already resting next to the bonfire, eating supper, by the time she was done. I was grateful she’d been so thorough, but felt a little guilty I’d taken so much of her time, though she assured me she didn’t mind.

She was so nice.

Kallian and I talked as we ate. I asked her how she’d become a Grey Warden, even though I already knew. I wanted to cover my knowledge bases as fast as I possible, so as not to blurt out anything I shouldn’t know like that time with Alistair. Kallian cheerfully told me about the events at the Alienage and the massacre of those that triggered her wrath. If I wasn’t spooked by then, the face she made when she got to the part about finding the Arl’s son with her cousin made me very glad I was on her good side. I couldn’t fault her for killing him though, much as I disliked the very idea of the loss of a life. The Arl’s son was an ass of epic proportions. And that’s putting it mildly.

“You disapprove”

I startled, surprised she’d noticed. I had a good poker face. I supposed when you live at the bottom of the food chain, you had to get really good at reading other people.

And she was still looking at me with a face that said I wouldn’t understand.

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

“Yes and no” I sighed and moved so I was facing her directly “I don’t like killing. I’d much rather he’d been dealt with by the authorities. But” I added quickly when she opened her mouth “I don’t see how you could’ve done that. He’s the Arl’s son, and you… you were at a great disadvantage. If someone tried to do something like that to one of my cousins…” I shook my head, trying to get rid of that mental image “I can only begin to imagine how _angry_ I’d be. What happened to all of you was cruel and unfair and _wrong_. If our circumstances were the same as yours, I think I’d have done the same”

She stared at me for long enough to make me nervous, but she finally closed her eyes and nodded, then opened them along with a small smile.

“Thank you. I’ve never regretted what I did. But I do know you don’t approve of killing. I could tell as much when we fought the bandits at Lothering. Hearing you being…” She struggled for a word.

“Validating?” I provided.

“Um, sure. Anyway, it does put me more at ease. I, too, dislike senseless killing, and would avoid it if possible”

She looked at the ground with an odd expression. Perhaps, despite not regretting her actions, she did feel upset about them. That, I could understand.

I reminded myself that she wasn’t one of my patients, and that she hadn’t exactly asked for my help in untangling her emotions or for an explanation of them. So I scooted near her and touched my shoulder to hers, in an attempt to offer comfort.

Kallian didn’t rest her head on my shoulder, but she did lean into me, head still down.

After a few seconds Kallian recovered, flashing her usual cheery smile.

“What about you? What was your life back on Earth?”

So I guess we’re changing the subject.

“Well, I lived in the city, where I shared an apartment with two of my cousins”

“What was your city like? What about your parents? Do you have a lot of cousins?” She made a face “Sorry, am I asking too many questions?” She grimaced as she realised she’d asked yet another question.

I laughed “The city I lived in was huge. Several times the size of Denerim. From what I’ve heard” Kallian’s mouth dropped open “Yep, gigantic. And with buildings that shoot up for several floors. It’s also polluted and dirty and there are way too many people. But it’s home”

“So you like the city better?” she asked, still a little dazed.

“I think I could live in the countryside with little to no trouble, but I wouldn’t like to live too far from every member of my family or my friends. Or my job, to be honest. My father died when I was young, and my mom died a few years ago. The rest of my family is pretty big on both sides, especially on my mom’s, so I have all four of my grandparents and several aunts, uncles and cousins” I smiled, remembering how caring they’d been when I was at my worst, right after my mom died.

“I’m glad to hear you had support from a big family. I am sorry about your parents” She paused “My mother died a while ago as well. I still have my father, and the cousins I mentioned before. Having people who love you around… they help a lot”

“That they do”


	8. No, I’ll Make You A Deal

It took us five days to get to Redcliffe. On the way, we developed a routine of sorts. We stopped before the sun went down and divided the tasks of building a campfire, setting up tents and making supper between the seven of us -Scout helped, too. Either with the wood-gathering part of building the campfire or else managing to catch something to cook- then sat down to eat as a group; with the notable exception of Morrigan, who built her own away from the rest. And my own tent, which I always built by myself.

On the second day, we camped near a stream, so we took turns washing up. As I blissfully rinsed my poor, neglected hair with a small bottle of a two-in-one shampoo and conditioner I’d bought for my camping trip, I made an important decision.

“Hey, Leliana?”

“Yes?”

“Would you help me cut my hair?”

I’ll spare you the details of the small discussion that followed. It was basically a back and forth of ‘but your hair is so pretty!’ And ‘thank you, but it’s too impractical’. In the end, we settled for a slightly above the shoulders cut. Why I had to negotiate _my_ hairstyle with someone else is beyond me, but there you have it. Leliana can be pretty mean, by the way. I don’t have a face so round that short hair will make it look like a circle.

And so, taking care of my hair became a lot easier. I missed my long hair, but the new style was sort of refreshing and I got a compliment from Kallian so it couldn’t look that bad right? Right?

Right.

Every day, after setting up camp, everyone did their own thing. The melee fighters tended to have mock fights. I liked to watch, cause I figured I could steal some moves here and there. I don’t think I learned very much but it’s always fun to watch people throw each other around. Sometimes, I’d read my book, which wasn’t awfully interesting and difficult to read by fire light, so I didn’t get very far, but it was rather long and it gave me something to do. Hopefully it’d get better.

During these times, Morrigan, again, kept to herself. I wanted to ask her to teach me, but would she do it? I couldn’t think of anything she would take from me in exchange, except maybe for knowledge I couldn’t give her. So I went to practice magic on my own from time to time, hoping at some point it would pique her interest.

On the third day, it did.

“What, exactly, do you suppose you are doing?”

I looked up at her, shrugging “Just practicing a _Flame Blast_. I thought I could get it to be more or less intense if I casted more… casually? I don’t know, I’ve been trying to do different things but it isn’t working”

“Of course it isn’t working. You-” She sighed “That is not how it works”

“Well, if I knew how it worked I would have done it already, wouldn’t I?” I turned back to the open space I’d been using to practice so she wouldn’t see me pouting.

She scoffed “A simple matter, easily fixed by going to the basics, wouldn’t you say?”

“I told you, my magic is different. I basically just think the spell I wanna use, and then it happens” I threw my hands up in exasperation “I don’t know the basics”

She stared at me for a second “You truly haven’t learned by any conventional methods”

My shoulders slumped a little “I really haven’t”

She seemed to ponder something “I could attempt to teach you, provided you answer my questions”

Yep, thought so.

“I don’t know if I could tell you what you want to know… or that I would want to tell you”

“Oh? Are you admitting to keeping secrets from us?”

I gave her a look. The nerve of this chick “Are you telling me you don’t?”

Morrigan hummed “Very well, have it your way. You will answer three questions per lesson. You may choose not to answer, and I may ask another question. But until you answer three of them satisfactorily, you will not have paid the lessons’ worth”

There were two traps there, that I could see. And one good opportunity for debate.

Morrigan was more fun than I remembered.

“Nuh uh, one question per lesson. For all I know, there’s only two questions you have in total and I’ll never get even one lesson out of you. And I’ve got no idea what you mean by ‘satisfactorily’. So if you decide you don’t like the answer, it doesn’t count?” I clicked my tongue.

She arched an eyebrow “Two questions, with my assurance that there will be at least one more after if you haven’t paid for your lesson yet. Provided you have already answered one, of course” She smirked “As for my satisfaction, as long as you answer the question I’ve made truthfully, ‘tis guaranteed that I shall be contented, is it not?”

I took a second to be sure I followed her logic, having no doubt that should she catch me in a lie, I was doomed “How long would our lessons be?”

“You will have two hours of my undivided attention”

“Three. And you’ll teach me to the best of your ability, right?”

“Of course. I accept your terms” There was that little smirk that sent shivers up my spine playing on her lips again. Did she just totally rip me off?

Whatever, I wanted a teacher. Badly.

“Then, you’ve got yourself a deal”

* * *

Morrigan’s first inquiry was about the source of my magical knowledge, so I told her about Bioware, the group who’d written the knowledge I learned and David Gaider, the lead writer within that team.

I don’t think she thought too deeply about _how_ they’d delivered said information. Seriously, calm down.

I did wonder what she’d do with that name. Ask around? That didn’t sound like Morrigan. Do some kind of dark ritual to search for information? I didn’t know if that was possible but if it was, she’d do it.

Her second question was about how my magic worked. What it felt like, what I could observe with all my senses as I casted. I thought it was a fairly good question, and tried my best to explain, hoping she’d share her findings with me as well. I mean, she did promise to teach me to the best of her ability, so knowing more about how my magic worked for both of us.

“I only feel light-headed when casting _Heal_ , with all other spells it’s more like a surge of energy, like, _boom_ ”

She arched an eyebrow, unamused.

I moved my hands around, as if trying to grasp something “Like, warmth spreading from inside of me. Like a wave. And then it just gets pushed out all in one go”

My explanations were more than a bit vague, but Morrigan nodded along like they made sense to her, so I figured I wasn’t that far off the real thing.

And then, my lesson began.

Morrigan didn’t have me casting. Instead, she wanted me to learn to manipulate the raw magic inside of me. I don’t know why I hadn’t tried this before, but when I was mindful about my own body, I could feel the same warmth I felt when I used spells, dormant, and lying in wait for me to command.

At Morrigan’s behest, I poked and prodded it, moving it within my body, through my veins. It wasn’t easy, though. If I ever discovered a new muscle and tried to move it, I imagined this is what it’d feel like. While it followed my will, it wasn’t as precise as I wanted it to be. Kinda like an overgrown puppy, eager to please but unable to fully control its own body.

“Us mages draw power from the Fade” She explained “We are bridges, and we are filters, even before we manifest our magic in the form of spell-casting. We are constantly in contact with the Fade; whether we want to or not is inconsequential. Take care, for you will be ‘fed’ magic at all times, and that can be a blessing and a curse, both”

Heavy! What had I gotten myself into? Magic was still cool but truth be told I was starting to get a little concerned. Although maybe that was a good thing. I was full of energy, but had no control. And so, I spent all three hours of my lesson learning to manipulate my mana, under Morrigan’s watchful eye.

Between breaks we even managed a bit of conversation.

“So what’s it like? Shape changing?” I’d seen her transform into a spider -which almost gave me a heart attack, by the way- the day before, when we encountered a group of darkspawn.

She gave me the stink eye “Why do you wish to know such pointless information?”

“I just think it’s pretty cool. I mean, if you change into a bird you can actually _fly_ ” I never even considered making my mage Warden a shapeshifter, cause you basically couldn’t use any other spells while transformed. In real life though? Freakin _magical_. So to speak.

“I am able to change into a bird, if that is what you are asking”

“I’m asking how it is. Do you enjoy it?”

“I suppose ‘tis not bad, flying” She looked a little taken aback. Guess she didn’t get asked that question often.

“Could you turn in a sea creature? After flying, that’d be the best, in my opinion”

“A sea creature?”

“Yeah, can you imagine? The view must be beautiful. And as fast as an actual sea creature could swim compared to a human, hella fun”

“I… have never truly considered it before. Of course, I have heard of the ocean, vast mass of water, that reaches farther than the eye can see. Flemeth taught me everything I needed to know of the land of man. However, I am unfamiliar with the creatures that inhabit it”

“But you’ve seen fish and the like before, right?”

“Yes, of course I have seen fish” She snapped “They simply do not add anything of value. One may study a creature, and in time, one may become as it is. The Kokari Wilds has scarcely a body of water, and I cannot imagine a time when I might need to turn into one, when I might not turn into something else”

I nodded “I get it. It’s probably not worth the time and effort, when you could study other, more useful forms”

“Oh? Have you formed an opinion on my abilities, then? Am I to assume you don’t find them abnormal?” She said haughtily.

She sounded fairly defensive.

“Nah. Other than you turning into a giant spider, yours seems like a pretty useful skill”

“Indeed? How practical of you” She almost sounded genuine when she said it. But then her tone turned mocking “So, spiders make you nervous, do they?”

“Oh no” I pointed a very threatening finger at her “I’m warning you, if you try anything spider-related on me, I’ll kill it with fire. I’m seri… hey, where are you going? Morrigan why are you laughing? We haven’t finished our lesson yet! Come back here!”

* * *

We made it to Redcliffe two days later. Morrigan ended up asking one more question; she wanted me to describe the very moment when I discovered I could use magic and when I couldn’t answer, she said she’d get back to me when she had another one. Oh, and we did have another darkspawn encounter to wrap things up right before reaching Redcliffe.

Super fun times, huh?

Once we arrived at the village’s outskirts, Alistair took Kallian aside for a chat. Not that they went far enough to be out of earshot. Apparently Alistair was the bastard child of King Maric Theirin, and therefore the rightful heir to the throne of Ferelden.

I was shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

All in all, the party’s reaction to the news was pretty anticlimactic, though Alistair got pestered by Morrigan, and the words ‘royal bastard’ were thrown around. I wasn’t paying attention; we’d finally reached Redcliffe. and I still didn’t have any crowd control spells, except maybe if you counted _Grease_. I’d level up once on the way but it wasn’t enough for what I wanted to do.

If we’d gone to the circle tower like I wanted to, I’d definitely be able to use _Paralysis Explosion_ when fighting the zombie horde. Broken combo was broken.

No point in refusing reality though, and since I wasn’t gonna make it anyway, I went and spent my spell point in _Rock Armor_. Having it made me feel a lot safer.

As soon as we set foot on Redcliffe, we encountered a young man who just happened to be on the lookout and conveniently explained the situation to us.

Bah, maybe we really were inside the game.

Alistair, who’d appeared relieved not to have to hide his secret anymore -lucky bastard- became promptly concerned about the fate of Arl Eamon and the rest of the village, which spurred Kallian into accepting the young man’s, Tomas, offer to take us to Bann Teagan.

“Apparently everyone seems to agree that a Blight is the perfect time to start killing each other. Marvellous, really”

I snorted at Morrigan’s comment. Girl, you don’t know the half of it.

We followed Tomas through Redcliffe. The village was mostly empty, with almost everyone taking shelter in the Chantry. But as eerie as it seemed, I couldn’t take my eyes off it. The place had a look straight out of a picture book, with its bridges and its houses on the cliffs built in every nook and cranny they could possibly be built in.

It was… homey, somehow.

Bann Teagan greeted us politely, then more effusively when he recognised Alistair. The gist of the conversation was Loghain was the bad guy, the Wardens were the good guys, and he hated to ask but could we please save Redcliffe and the Arl because zombies?

Hah, so needy.

The best part was hearing Teagan flirt with an oblivious Kallian. _And_ watching as both Alistair and Leliana got their hackles up.

Oh boy. Drama~

On the way out, we got waved over by a woman named Jetta, who asked the Wardens if they heard anything about her husband and son when they were at Ostagar. Kallian gave her the devastating news of their deaths with obvious difficulty. I’d completely forgotten about this woman, which made me feel more than a little guilty as I saw the sad acceptance of her family’s deaths. God knows this world was all sorts of wrong, but the people here were tough as nails. They have to be, I suppose.

As if to mock my thoughts, we stopped to talk to a crying girl by the Chantry doors. The poor thing apologised for crying too loudly, and after explaining her situation and how her brother was missing, Kallian -bleeding heart- Tabris officially accepted a side quest.

“If he was foolish enough to run off then he is no doubt dead. You should get used to the fact”

Morrigan, ladies and gentlemen. With all the tact of a vacuum cleaner.

“Nice. Maybe you want to kick her in the head while you’re at it?” Alistair deadpanned.

“Shall we comfort her with lies? If she is to face death, better she face it honestly”

“But you don’t know that yet” I argued “Even if you think the probability of his death is high, you can’t be sure. Rather than mourning for someone who might be alive, it’s better to spend your energy on making sure you have your facts right”

“I’ve searched everywhere in the village. Oh, I just hope he didn’t go to the castle” the girl cried.

Nah, he’s fine. Hiding in a closet with a sword, I think. So long as he didn’t poke his eye in the dark with it he’d be right as rain.

For as much complaining as Sten and Morrigan did, they both followed suit as we headed outside, talked to Murdock and got divided into groups to talk to Owen the Blacksmith and Dwyn the veteran dwarf.

“Alistair, Sten and I will go to Dwyn’s house. Leliana, Maya and Morrigan, you guys take Scout and see what’s keeping the blacksmith from helping out”

Yes, very good. Kallian would go with Sten and they’d get his sword back from Dwyn. And we wouldn’t have to go all the way to Lake Cale-whatever or to Orzammar.

…

Ah, hell.

“Wait, Alistair, would you switch with me?”

“What? Why?”

“Just… isn’t it better to have a more balanced party?” I scrambled to say “You know, like you have two warriors and we have two mages, so…”

“Oh. I suppose that makes sense” he conceded.

Phew! You’re the best Al.

Kallian nodded “In that case, Sten, you switch with her. That way you can see if Owen might have a sword that fits you better”

Oh, come on!

“You know, this Dwyn guy is a veteran right? He might have a collection of, ah, exotic weapons that might fit Sten better than what a blacksmith from a human village would have” I nodded along my own excuse “And perhaps someone who looks a little brawnier would be better to convince a worldly guy like Dwyn” I finished brilliantly.

Alistair sputtered and gave me an indignant look “Excuse me, I’ll have you know I’ve been told I’m pretty brawny. More than once. By different people”

Quiet you.

“For a human” I singsonged.

“Well, it’s probably silly to try to compare a human and a qunari in terms of brawn” Leliana intervened.

Sten grunted in disgust “Decide” he told Kallian.

“Alright, fine” she made a placating gesture with her hands “Maya and Sten, follow me. The rest can go ahead to the smithy. Keep an eye out for Kaitlyn’s brother and we’ll meet here and go see Ser Perth up the hill after” She turned around and walked.

Now that’s what I call taking charge.

Sten and I hurried after Kallian. Or, _I_ hurried after her. Sten just walked with those long legs of his.

Damn qunari prowess.

“So, Sten, have you thought over what we talked about the other day?”

I’d thought the big guy and I would have little in common, but we’d manage to find some common ground engaging in philosophical conversations.

He nodded “The thought of free will being non-existent is an odd one, but the logic behind it is not without merit. Certainly, if one is bound to act in accordance of everything that came before, there can only be one reasonable choice. Which is not a choice at all”

“Yeah but the part we were getting stuck at was the practical application. The best part about this is how it helps us gain a compassionate view…”

And on we went. Let me tell you, my inner geek was having so much fun.

Kallian seemed interested too, so the three of us had some intellectual banter on the way.

We made it to what we believed was Dwyn’s door and knocked. Nobody answered. She knocked again and called out. No luck.

Kallian hummed to herself and, after a moment, took out a lock pick and started working on the door.

I sputtered a laugh.

“What? It’s better than breaking the door” she gave me a sideways look.

“I didn’t say anything” I smiled mirthfully at her.

She grinned back and returned to her task, successfully picking the lock.

“Wonderful. Intruders. I hope you’ve a good reason for breaking into my home” said a deep, raspy voice.

Dwyn stood from the chair he’d been sitting on and made his way to the middle of the room. The words ‘standing tall’ ironically came to mind. The way he glared at us made me glance back to make sure we still had a big ass angry looking warrior tagging along.

“Are you Dwyn?” Kallian asked politely, completely ignoring the ‘breaking in’ part “Murdock told us you weren’t joining the fight tonight. I was hoping…”

“No” he interrupted “I’ve no desire to stick my neck for any folk out there. Me an’ my boys have got enough supplies here to last us until this is over. An’ if anyone tries ta get to us before that? Well, we’re the best blades this poor village has to offer”

Sten cursed “You would hide here, like cowards”

“Perhaps we could convince you, in some other way?” I offered.

“Yeah? Like what?”

I gave Kallian a nudge. You’re up, boss.

She rolled her eyes at me before turning back to Dwyn “I could talk to Bann Teagan. Put in a good word for you. I _am_ a Grey Warden”

Dwyn mulled it over “You know what? You just might be able to pull it off. Alright, we’ll take part in tonight’s battle, but we better see you there too. I ain’t fighting no losing battle”

I stopped him before he could shoo us out “Incidentally, would you happen to have any sword that might be a good match for our friend here?” I pointed at Sten.

“The blacksmith doesn’t really have a lot on his size, I’m afraid” Kallian lied smoothly. I shouldn’t forget that for all her kind ways, she was a rogue through and through.

Dwyn gave his beard a thoughtful scratch “You know, I might just have the thing”.

He gave directions to one of his henchmen and after a few seconds he came back with the holy mother of greatswords. Just the blade was easily as tall as me. And that was without counting the grip.

I felt Sten tense and my side, and so did Kallian.

“Sten?” She made a double take at the sword and her eyes widened in realisation “This wouldn’t happen to be Asala, would it?”

Sten gave a terse nod.

Phew. I worried it might still be somewhere in between here and Orzammar. It didn’t surprise me Sten had told Kallian about Asala. She’d been having a few conversations with him here and there, and I think he’d started looking at her with something like respect.

“What?” Dwyn said tautly “I ain’t gonna fall for that”

“We know that sword got looted off a qunari soldier near lake Calenhad” said Kallian “Either you did it and know we’re telling the truth or whoever sold it to you told you about it, I’m sure. Everybody knows a foreign sword is of higher value”

Unless it comes from Orlais, I bet.

“Yeah? So what” Dwyn changed tactics “If you want it back, you’re gonna have to pay for it” he smirked “I’ll make you a good deal. Six sovereigns.”

“Six!” Kallian sputtered “That’s crazy!”

Even I knew that was a lot of money.

“Look Dwyn, big guy here is a qunari soldier” I waved in Sten’s direction “They value their swords more than any of us would consider sensible” I gave him a helpless shrug “If he says that’s his sword, you really should give it back”

“And what if I don’t? What’re you gonna do about it, huh?” He puffed his chest.

Kallian spoke in a flat voice “Sten, tear his arms off”

I did a double take just as Sten began to move, certain I’d heard wrong.

Nope, she really said that.

I peeked at Sten’s deadly eyes.

Yep, he really meant to do it.

I looked at Dwyn, wide eyed “Dude, just give us the sword”

The dwarf cursed “Alright, alright! Just take the damn thing and leave”

The henchman hurried to hand the sword over to Sten, then quickly veered toward Kallian and practically shoved it at her.

Kallian smiled placidly, holding the blade seemingly without effort “Thank you! We’ll see you during the battle then!”

Dwyn gaped at her “You’re joking!”

“Nope” I said, feeling like everything was a little surreal “You should get out there so people can see we’ve got you fighting with us. I’m sure the big guy will miss you if you don’t”

And with that we were out the door.

We got a little further from Dwyn’s house when Kallian stopped and gave Sten his sword.

“Strange. I had almost forgotten about it. Completion” he tore his gaze from his sword to look at Kallian “Are you sure you’re a Grey Warden? I think you must be an ashkaari to find a single lost blade in a country at war”

Kallian smiled kindly at him “You’re welcome, Sten. But I can’t take all the credit” she nodded my way.

Sten grunted in agreement “I would thank you both for this, if I knew how”

I chuckled “It was a team effort. I swear Kallian, the way you told Sten to tear the guy’s arms off was pretty damn scary. Well done”

She laughed “How about when you just stared at him like ‘just give us the sword’” she faked an alarmed voice “That was pretty good too!”

Ahaha, if only I’d been acting.

“But the big guy just standing there radiating menace made it all possible” I grinned up at Sten.

“As you say, it was a team effort” Kallian agreed.

And then, Sten smiled.

He smiled. It was a tiny, tiny thing, gone in a heartbeat, but there it was.

Kallian raised her eyebrows at me, incredulous. No, no, I saw it too.

I grinned and raised my hand up in the air “You guys ever heard of a high five?


	9. All’s Fair In Love And War

On the way back, we found Kaitlyn’s house and after a bit of cajoling, managed to get her brother out of the closet. His sword was in another place, thankfully. He retrieved it and we all went back to the Chantry, where his grateful sister offered us the sword for the defence Redcliffe that night. We ended up accepting it as a loan; Alistair could probably find some use for it.

We ran into the rest of the party as we exited the Chantry. They’d been done with Owen for a while -we needed to keep an eye out for his daughter when we went into the castle, by the by-, and had gone up the hill to investigate. They’d been to a tavern, where Leliana had discovered a spy of Arl Howe’s. She went on to explain the spy was meant to report Arl Eamon’s condition, and after relieving him of the letter with his orders, _persuaded_ him to help defend the village.

Have I mentioned Leliana is scary? Ah, no; I do believe I only said she was mean. Whatever, I’m saying it now: Leliana can be pretty damn scary.

It was Alistair, however, who brought up the spy’s connection with Loghain. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so _pissed_. He reaaally hated the Teyrn’s guts.

Note to self: do not get on their bad side. I swear, it’s always the nicest ones that you gotta watch out for.

Anyway, Alistair kept a dark look about him as we planned our next move.

Who wants to bet he is day-dreaming about snapping a certain war hero’s neck?

Not that I blamed him, considering what he held Loghain responsible for. As for me, I didn’t think too much about it while playing the game. I was of the opinion that he did plan on leaving Cailan to die from the start, but there was just no way to be sure, and it _was_ possible he could’ve just made a field decision in order to not lose any more soldiers. It didn’t really matter though, cause he’d been a doody head for blaming the Wardens and, if memory serves, doing squat against the imminent darkspawn invasion. And so, I never took his side during the Landsmeet. Well, no. I did once, for my first playthrough. Noble soul that I am, I attempted to give him a chance at redemption. But that ended with Alistair beheaded, so I reloaded with a ‘sorry buddy, I tried’ and let him die.

Now, if this was real life -I don’t know anymore- I may have to make up my mind. If I was dealing with real people, I didn’t think I had enough information to be able to make a complete evaluation, hence making it impossible to arrive at an accurate answer. As a complete evaluation meant talking with the man himself, it was unlikely I’d get it. Meh, in the end it wouldn’t be up to me. Hell, Kallian and Alistair may not even ask for my opinion.

Back to the matters at hand, the next step was talking with Ser Perth, so up we went.

We passed the tavern on the way, which sparked a longing for a good drink. Okay, fine. I wanted more than a drink. I wanted to get hammered and forget the impeding zombie horde coming to eat our brains come nightfall. Confession time part two: I’m a lightweight. A single glass of hard liquor would have me in a fit of giggles. Add half and it would make me sleepy. Round it up to two and you can find me somewhere near Jupiter. So I wasn’t drinking before the fight, sadly. Fortunately, I also remembered a little something to help the troops tonight.

“Hey, guys, when you were at the tavern earlier, did you see if the soldiers were drinking?”

Leliana turned to address me “No, actually. They mentioned something about not having any coin left, and they complained that the owner supply them with free ale. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen” she sighed “Perhaps this is for the best, yes? It wouldn’t do for the villagers to be drunk when defending de village”

Mmm…

“True. But, the attack is not happening for several hours, and some liquid courage might go a long way in boosting morale” I looked at the tavern, pondering the best course of action.

“Why don’t you go, then?” Kallian suggested with a shrug “We’ll go ahead and talk to this Perth guy while you do”

“Yeah, I think I will” I turned to go, then paused to look over my shoulder “Anyone wanna come with?”

I think Leliana was about to volunteer out of sympathy, but Alistair beat her to it.

Huh. That was unexpected. He might be the person I talked with the least from our little group. My curiosity was officially piqued.

“Go on. We’ll catch up to you as soon as we can. Try not to miss me too much” he shooed them.

Kallian rolled her eyes, before turning around, a grin on her face “Scout you go with them too. Make sure to keep them out of trouble”

Scout gave a bark and trotted obediently to my side. I patted his head gratefully.

I glanced at Leliana, but if she thought anything of that exchange, I couldn’t say.

The three of us made for the tavern quietly. Now, I’m no stranger to uncomfortable silence, and I like to think I bear it fairly well. But this was DA:O’s _Alistair_. Shouldn’t I take the chance to get to know him while I could?

“So, you spent your childhood here, right?” I settled on asking.

“Right. Up until the tender age of ten, when I got shipped to the Chantry to spent my wonderful teenage years” he said with fake cheer.

I smiled gently at him “If you’re still bitter about it, you must’ve been happy being raised by the Arl”

“Did I say I was raised by him?” he put a hand to his chest in exaggerated disbelief “I meant to say I was raised by dog. A whole pack of them, in fact”

I gave him an unimpressed look and glanced up at the castle “Aha. I bet your mother was a bitch”

Alistair let out a surprised laugh “Oh, oh, alright, I see how it is. I give, it seems I cannot win in a match of wits. Yes, I had a good enough childhood, while it lasted. It wasn’t the best but I didn’t need much, to be honest” he shrugged “I did miss it. Though I’m sure I would miss anyplace I was in before being sent to become a templar”

Chance! “That must’ve sucked big time” I winced in sympathy “Not that I don’t understand were the Arelessa was coming from, but, come on, you were just a kid. That’s just petty”

“Yes well-” Alistair startled “What, the Arlessa? How did you know enlisting me to become a templar was _her_ doing?”

I blinked “Well, it fits doesn’t it? The Arl takes in a kid, then he marries the evil step-mother who mistreats and eventually gets rid of said kid…”

“And you got that from _that_?” his asked, incredulous.

“Not like I couldn’t have been wrong, you know. I was just throwing that out there” I shrugged, as if I didn’t realise my argument was weak as hell.

But that’s what I was aiming for. The plan I made with Duncan led to fessing up about my origins -heh, _origins_ \- at some point. The more they could look back and see that the hints were all there, the better. Though I might be in trouble if they realise I was letting them dig it out on purpose. And by the by, the slip with Alistair when I first joined was an absolute screw up, though now that I somehow got myself out of that mess, it _should_ add up to my plan.

When life hands you lemons and all that, I guess. Here’s hoping the _Big Reveal_ will go well.

Alistair voice brought me back to the present, and I turned to see him shaking his head with a wry smile “Anyhow, Arl Eamon was nice to me, when he didn’t need to be” he sighed “I just hope he’s alright”

We’d reached the entrance of the tavern. As he went inside I tentatively tapped him on the shoulder.

“We’ve got what is probably the most balanced group in all of Ferelden _plus_ bucketloads of motivation. If anyone can save the Arl, it’s us” I kept my shoulders back, chin up, and locked eyes with him, the picture of self-confidence “Let us take care of some undead first, yeah?”

Whether he felt it or not, he returned my act in kind “Of course, they won’t know what hit them”

* * *

After talking with the owner, Lloyd, I ended up forking over a hundred silver pieces so the militia could have their drinks. I mean, sure, I could’ve tried to persuade him but I wasn’t very confident in passing that check with my single point in _Coercion_. Or in convincing Alistair to help me intimidate him. Heh, now that would be a sight.

Before leaving, we ran into the barmaid, a pretty redhead who congratulated us on scoring the militia some ale.

“Lloyd is a greasy pig. It’s good the boys get their drink before the fight”

“Good for morale, is what she says. I wish _I_ could drink and fight” Alistair lamented good naturedly.

“Are you… fighting tonight, too?”

“We are” I said.

“I see. That’s good to hear”

There was something bugging me about how she talked of Lloyd.

I cocked my head “How do you like working here? Does Lloyd treat you well?”

“Hah! The old pig gropes me and pays me next to nothing. But I need the job. I suppose it could be worse”

Full stop.

“He does _what?_ ”

The barmaid blinked “I… it’s not nothing to worry about”

“Maybe we could have a talk with him?” Alistair suggested with a frown.

“No” she hurried to say “Thank you, but that’ll just make it worse after. I’ll be fine. I can handle it”

That was _not_ fine.

I turned to Alistair and Scout “How intimidating can you two act?”

Scout gave a menacing growl.

I pointed at him “You’re hired”

I glanced at the towering templar.

He looked so confused it was almost funny “Er… yes. I mean, I could try…”

Uh huh “If you can stand behind me with a scowl, you’re golden” I took a gamble “Try thinking about someone you hate”

“Alright” he said after a second, sounding a bit more confident “I’ll have you know can scowl in four different languages”

I grinned “Atta-boy”

“Excuse me but what is this about?” The redheaded girl asked.

I looked back at her over my shoulder “Nothing that’ll tie back to you, I promise” I assured her.

As we walked back to where Lloyd was bartending, I took my staff from where it was magically stuck to my back -which was so freaking handy, by the way-. I batted my eyelashes innocently at Alistair when he gave me a worried look.

Loyd greeted us with a smile on his lips and, er, sovereigns? Sovereigns in his eyes “Ey, friends. Looking for a round for yourselves?”

“You are fighting tonight” I informed him “Go report to Murdock”

Lloyd took a step back “What!? But Bann Teagan said we didn’t have to!”

“I don’t care” I snapped at him “You’re fighting tonight or you’re fighting all of us right now”

The end of my sentence was punctuated by Scout’s threatening growl. I’d have to get that dog a treat later. Meanwhile, I could feel Alistair looming at my back, hoping his expression was as dangerous as I needed it to be.

Judging by how Lloyds’ eyes darted at him, then quickly back at me, he was doing just fine.

“I don’t think I need to tell you the militia will not lift a finger against the ones that just bought them drinks” I finished, letting my magic glace my staff, making it shine in a way I was sure Lloyd wouldn’t find as pretty as I did.

The look on his face was pure outrage, and a healthy dose of fear.

Wait, fear?

“But he said… Argh fine! But all of this better be here when I get back”

Oh no.

He mumbled something else but I was too distracted but the realisation that I’d just bully an unwilling and untrained man into fighting _zombies_.

Ah, crap.

Lloyd left and we all turned to the barmaid, Bella, she introduced herself to us, who sounded rather happy about being in charge. In fact, she gave us a whole bunch of items, including poultices, injuries kits and some treats for Scout, who thanked her with a happy bark. Then she told us to be careful and went back to work, announcing free ale for everyone present.

With nothing left to do, we strolled out of the tavern to rendezvous with the others, a chorus of cheers accompanying us as we walked out the door.

“That went well!” Alistair turned to me, a big smile on his face “I told you I could act the part… uh, what’s wrong?”

“I… I’m just wondering if I did the right thing” My head dropped, ashamed “That guy is unlikely to be very useful in a fight… I just— I was angry and wanted him to leave Bella alone but I should have found another way. If he dies, it’ll be my fault”

“Hey, no. Don’t do that to yourself” He stood in front of me, effectively halting our advance, Scout sat beside him and let out a sad whine, making sad eyes at me “Look, all of Redcliffe is pitching in to help. He needed to contribute something too. It’s only fair. And he hasn’t died yet. There’s no point in spending your energy worrying about it, isn’t that what you said?”

Scout barked his agreement.

I sputtered a laugh in spite of myself “Using my words against me. That’s low, you two”

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” He grinned “Who knows? This might be just the kick in the arse he’s been waiting for to straighten up his life. You’ll see, he’ll end up thanking you in the future. Waaaay in the future. And if you’re concerned, we can keep an eye out for him tonight. Even if he is an arsehole”

I sighed, partly in resignation but mostly in acceptance. He was right.

“Thanks” I smiled softly.

Alistair nodded and cleared his throat “Now then, shall we go rejoin our illustrious leader?”

We resumed walking, my gait a little less defeated, but hadn’t gone more than a few steps when Alistair began talking again.

“So… Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you”

Aha. I nodded to let him know I was listening.

“Right. So, Maya, you’re female right?”

Whoa.

Didn’t something like this happen in the game? So _that’s_ what this is about. My eyes turned to Scout, who’d taken the lead, seemingly uninterested in human drama. I wondered how much he’d understand of this conversation. If it was what I thought it was, this was gonna be good.

“Ah, what gave me away? Was it the boobs? It’s always the boobs” I shook my head regretfully.

He stumbled over his own feet.

“Your… they do not—! I mean, obviously they do but— That’s not what I meant!” Alistair clamped his mouth shut; his face had gone all kinds of red “I just wanted some advice” he finished lamely.

I giggled “Sorry, sorry. What can I help you with?”

The poor guy took a moment to compose himself “What should I do if… if I think a woman is special and I want to… you know”

“Wait, I know, or _I know_ ” I waggled my eyebrows.

“Not that!” Aaand there are the colours again. Oh no, this was too much fun “I mean, maybe at some point, perhaps… I mean… why are you doing this to me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his distress “Okay, alright, I’m sorry. I’ll stop now” I took a few breaths to calm myself “I’m going to assume you want to start a relationship with her?” He nodded, still blushing “Then you could maybe try to flirt with her a little? Test the waters. Show her you’re interested and see if she is interested back. Then maybe ask her on a date… Ah. Well, my advice might not be the best, though. How we do things where I come from is not the same as what you do here, I think”

Alistair scratched the back of his head awkwardly “How do I even…? Argh, at this point, anything would be better than what I got. What in the Makers’ name is a date?”

“A date is when a couple go on an outing to spend time together” He rubbed his face, overwhelmed. I patted his shoulder “You’re being too hard on yourself”

“I did just ask if you were female” he deadpanned.

I chuckled “Fair point. Umm… well, I don’t know if I could give you anything specific. I like Kallian a lot but I couldn’t tell you what her preferences are in that area”

“Ka— I never said… Oh, alright, yes, it’s her. Stop looking at me like that, I know I’m obvious” he sighed as he kicked a pebble “she’s just so… so brave and strong and beautiful. You know, she’s even newer to the order than I am, but she’s a way better leader. And she doesn’t complain half as much as I do” he smiled in a self-deprecating way, head hanging “Thank the Maker she’s here, or I don’t know what I’d do”

I peered at him “You would do the best you can. Like you always do. Back to Kallian though. There are a few things you can do to show her you’re interested, like face her fully and pay attention when she’s talking. Get a little closer to her than you would with other people, unless she starts showing signs of discomfort, so pay attention to that too. Make eye contact, but not so much that it looks creepy. And try some casual touches, like on her arm or back. I’ve seen her enjoy your company and laugh at your jokes. That’s a good start, okay? Have a little faith”

Alistair was looking at me wide-eyed, a tad dazed “Um, could you maybe repeat that? But slower? When I can take notes?”

I laughed “Sure, tell me whenever you’re ready” I hesitated, but asked him what had been on my mind for a while “Why me, though? Not that I mind but I wasn’t under the impression that you… I don’t know, that you and I were very close, I guess”

Alistair scratched his neck awkwardly “I’m sorry about that. I know we didn’t get off on the right foot. Even after I apologised that first night after leaving Lothering, I wasn’t completely over the fact that you’re an apostate. I am now” he hurried to say, hand up in a placating gesture “I watched you as we travelled together. Not in a weird way, alright? Just, keeping an eye out. I could see that your intentions are genuine” he shook his head ruefully. I could almost feel my conscience pricking at me “And, well, it’s not like I can ask anyone else, can I? Morrigan and Sten are out, and Leliana is… you know” he lowered his voice and pointed at Scout “I thought about asking that one but he is a gigantic blabbermouth”

My eyebrows rose, even as I tried to suppress a laugh.

“Ouch, I think I got a backlash from that sudden change of subject. For the record, I am very glad you have a better opinion of me now, okay?” I stated clearly. I was so not going to let him keep avoiding emotional stuff “But, you knew about Leliana huh?”

It was his turn to look unamused “I’m not blind. Nor an idiot, despite what Morrigan keeps saying”

“Sorry” I conceded, chastised “But anyway, you’ve got my advice. Let me know how it goes, or if you need another class”

He sighed “Yeah, thanks Maya”

I couldn’t help myself “And let me know if you need advice with the… _other_ thing” I said suggestively.

I laughed as he tripped; his face burning up.

I’m sure there’s a special hell for people like me.

* * *

We met up with Kallian and the rest, and she asked if I could go up and cast _Grease_ for a while, so they could accumulate the substance and set up a fire barricade for when the zombies came. I agreed easily, as I couldn’t mention the warehouse with oil barrels because I hadn’t remembered to look for it. Still, I was glad Kallian managed to thought it up on her own.

So when the others went to take care of whatever was left, I put on my big mage pants and got to work, casting _Grease_ at even intervals, stopping only for the cooldowns and a longer break so my mana could replenish. Morrigan went with me, to help me better control the accuracy of the spell. She said it’d be an advance on our lesson time. She drives a hard bargain.

We went back down after being thanked by the knights, now sporting shiny new holy amulets. There wasn’t anything left to do, however, except wait.

The waiting, for those who have never experienced anxiety -bless your hearts- is the worst part.

And so, I sat next to a window inside the Chantry and read my book, in an attempt to escape reality for a few hours.

“Lady, what are you doing?”

“I am trying to escape reality, kid”

“What?”

Ah “Sorry. I’m just reading my book” I showed him. The book was plain black with red letters, so it wasn’t as conspicuous as it could’ve been for a modern item.

The boy peered at it; his eyes full of childhood curiosity.

“I can’t read” he confessed.

“Well, you should learn as soon as you can find someone to teach you. Maybe when all of this is over” he looked a little dejected, and I wondered if he had hoped I’d offer. While I liked his enthusiasm for learning, there was no way I could teach him in a few hours “Until then, that’s what word of mouth is for, isn’t it?”

And that’s how I brought the story of Mulan to the world of Thedas.


	10. And I thought I Was Skin and Bones

I shivered as I stared up at the hill, watching a fire blaze where Kallian had taken Alistair, Morrigan and Scout to take on the first wave of zombies. It had begun.

I gulped and clutched my staff like a lifeline.

“It is alright to be afraid. It will keep you sharp during the fight”

I smiled queasily at Leliana’s kind tone.

“Do not let fear control you. It will be your death”

I grimaced. Thanks Sten. What would I do without you.

They were both right, though. A dose of fear would keep me alert to my surroundings. Too much and it would paralyse me. That would be bad. That’s how people got killed.

This wasn’t my first large battle. I’d been at Ostagar for crying out loud -I know I didn’t actually _fight_ there, but still-. Except that at that time I’d been half convinced all of this wasn’t real. It was harder to pretend now, after spending day after day in Thedas. After developing real bonds with living, breathing people. But the same drive that got me through a fucking battlefield of darkspawn before rang true this time as well.

I didn’t want to die.

My radar pinged. Dots of hostile creatures coming from the lake. I called out a warning, doing my best to keep my voice steady. The last thing we needed was to get caught up on a panic wave. I knew better than most how contagious emotions could be.

Deep breaths.

“ _Flaming Weapons_ ”

Leliana’s notched arrow lit up. The zombies came into view.

We waited. More and more were coming. They reached the grease trap we set and some slipped in a way that would’ve been comical had things not been so dire.

“Now” Sten’s voice cut through the silence like a whip, and Leliana let her arrow fly.

Strangled screams filled the night as our trap went up in flames, making the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I shivered in anticipation, waiting for the signal to let loose of all the pent up energy raging in me.

Sten’s battle cry resounded and our side of the battle exploded in a flurry of movement. Archers attacked in unison, sending a volley of arrows at those who managed to pass by the initial barricade, while the melee fighters ran to intercept the fastest zombies, those who’d managed to pass the _Grease_ check and hadn’t received the speed penalty. I joined in, sending purple blasts of magic wherever I judged they were needed the most. I’d been counting on _Combat Tactics_ to help me keep a cool head during the attack, and I was not disappointed. As strung up as I was, my head was clear, my emotions aiding me instead of working against me. Not only the fear, but the anger at those who would try to mindlessly harm me and my friends, and all the innocent people at Redcliffe.

They were so going down.

Our strategy was working. The fire gave us a passable view of the fight, making it easy to recognise friend from foe. The warriors protected the rangers, as we handpicked the most injured zombies and took them down quickly to keep their numbers from overwhelming us. My _Spell Wisp_ was up and running, my _Rock Armour_ well in place, noticeable only for the occasional puff of dirt. I’d enchanted both Leliana’s and Sten’s weapons as well as another archer’s with flames. Three was the best I could do, so that’s what they got. I trusted the former two to make the most of the extra oomph in their attacks, while the other archer was tasked to keep the oil burning as far as it would go. While sustaining those spells, I casted _Walking Bomb_ on those zombies that were far away and bloodied enough that they’d explode between their own, long before reaching our lines, helping them along with the staffs basic attacks. Whomever I attacked with that last spell had to go down fast, as I got a ton of agro from that one individual.

After several tortuous minutes, the second wave came. The undead managed to break through our first line of fighters, and all hell broke loose.

People on our side went down, the battlefield loosing every scrap of organisation we’d tried to hold on to. Rotting corpses raged through our ranks, moving faster than I would’ve thought possible. I couldn’t keep up with the picture as a whole, and had no choice but to pay attention to what was in my direct line of sight. I wasn’t supposed to fight face to face, I had to take down any uglies coming in my direction before they got to me. Again and again, one after the other.

They were endless.

Two barrelled down on me at once. When I realised everyone else was busy with their own fights, I desperately blasted them with my magic. I alternated my attacks between the both of them, trying to keep them equally bloodied. Once they got close enough, I raised my staff in the air and stunned them with _Mind Blast_.

They stood there, dazed, so close I could see every decaying plane on their drooling faces, smell their sickening burned odour.

I swung my staff and pointed it at them.

“ _Flame Blast!_ ”

Unnatural sounding shrieks filled my ears as they burned for a second time. One of them fell, and when the other raised its hand to hit me with a maul I panicked and stabbed it with my lighting rod.

The pointy end of my staff went through its gut, and the corpse let go of its weapon and collapsed unceremoniously at my feet.

I gawked at it, disgusted and amazed.

The shrill sound of a very human scream had me turning around. My eyes landed on none other than Lloyd, disarmed and trembling before a sword-wielding monstrosity. No choice. I let go of _Spell Wisp_.

“ _Walking Bomb!_ ”

My spell hit the undead, who pivoted in place and came straight at me. I made a mistake. It was too close and not injured enough.

No matter.

I did the same thing that’d worked with the previous two, button-smashing the basic attack until it came close enough.

I heard Lloyd scream again, and saw him backing up, another zombie bearing down on him. A somewhat annoyed flick of my staff and a single mental command shielded him, buying me some time while I dealt with ugly number one.

Okay, that’s close enough.

“ _Mindblast_ ”

I felt my mana built, then the spell fizzled out.

It fizzled out.

Why!? I was keeping an eye on my mana, had enough…

No I didn’t. The _Force Field_.

“Fuck”

I raised my staff sideways, desperately trying to block. The zombie’s hits were erratic at best, but there was strength behind them, and it pushed me back. I went down.

Get up. Get up, get up, _get up!_

The zombie’s sword came down just as something slammed against its side.

I got on my feet in a hurry to see Kallian cutting its throat with her daggers. She stood and turned to face me, a maniac grin on her face.

“Having fun?”

An exhausted laugh escaped me. I shook my head “No”

She shrugged and turned to stab an incoming monster in the face. A well-aimed kick and a slash of her dagger and I knew it wouldn’t stand up again.

She was so freakin’ HEROIC.

“Thanks” I said as I finished a lesser lyrium potion,

“No problem. Don’t let them get you down again”

“Roger”

She straightened, looking puzzled “I’m Kallian”

I opened my mouth, then changed my mind “You know what? Nevermind”

She shrugged again “Hey, let’s have one of those creams made of ice you keep telling me about when this is over. Maybe it’s the heat of the battle but I find I really want to try one of those”

I had to laugh “I can’t even, Kallian”

We both threw ourselves back into the fight. After what was probably the most surreal thing that happened to me since… well, ever, I felt a lot better. I don’t know how she did it, but talking to Kallian just made me see the situation, grim as it was, in a much clearer light.

I found Alistair fighting a group of three whole -kinda- zombies that had attempted to get at Lloyd while he prayed inside my shield. He was standing his ground, and I realised he had kept an eye out for him like he told me he would.

Such a sweetheart.

An undead slipped past his stance. Alistair noticed, but he was too preoccupied with the other two to be able to do much about it. I saw the very moment he decided to take the hit.

Not on my watch.

I swung my staff like a baseball bat and brained the undead. It fell. I stepped on its back, rested the end of my staff lightly on his head and shot it with a basic attack.

I’m no rogue, but that, was a critical hit.

Alistair gawked at me for a moment before necessity made him regain his focus. With a grunt, he pushed back his other attackers and between the both of us, we managed to make short work of them.

He grinned down at me “Thanks”

I winked at him. See? I could be heroic, too.

* * *

Daylight washed away the last remnants of the battle. It was over. As expected, we won.

And good riddance.

After the top of the cliff group joined forces with us low-landers, we recovered our advantage. There were lots of injured people, and healers were spread thin. I helped as many as I could, but I was tired as well, we all were, and two men died as a result of their injuries before anyone could get to them.

The total death count was six people. I knew, compared to what the village had gone through, it wasn’t a high number. I knew, but that didn’t keep me from grinding my teeth at the number. It was six too many.

Teagan made a speech, regretting those who’d fallen in combat, and honouring their memories. He thanked everyone who joined arms in the defence of Redcliff. He made a point to thank our group, hailing us as heroes, and specially thanked Kallian, who seemed a bit taken aback when he bowed his head to her.

“Yes. You’re welcome”

To a casual observer, she was standoffish, but Kallian was clearly nervous and unused to a situation like this, so she tried to cover it up by speaking plainly. A tiny smile escaped me. A Bann bowing to a city elf. I hoped the people here remembered who’d saved them.

The Chantry mother said a few words and the villagers stood in a moment of silence for the lives lost. Bann Teagan then proceeded to assure the village he would infiltrate the castle and rescue his brother. Which we all know meant _we_ were infiltrating the castle and rescuing his brother.

“Meet me at the mill after you’ve rested” he said.

Hah. What did I tell ya? At least he’d given us a few hours to recharge.

We let Teagan go ahead. Kallian went with Alistair and Sten into the Chantry to return Kaitlyn’s longsword while the rest of us waited outside, under the shadow of one of the buildings. Though I think Sten, sword fanatic that he was, just wanted to see the fate of the Green Blade.

As soon as they were gone I was hit by a wave of faintness. I turned and sat down, my back leaning against the wall, head between my knees, waiting for the nausea to pass.

“Maya, are you alright?” Leliana’s concerned voice sounded right beside me.

“Yeah” I said without lifting my head “I’m okay, just a little dizzy”

Scout’s whimper sounded at my other side. I raised my hand and he licked and rubbed his head against it.

“Tis’ no surprise” Morrigan’s voice came from in front of me “After healing so many, the meagre rations they had to offer would scarcely be enough to replenish your energy. Why you would bother to do such a thing at the expense of yourself is what truly astounds me”

Leliana went from worried to anxious “Oh no, I didn’t realise” I peeked at her when she put her hand on my shoulder “Don’t worry, I will fetch you something to eat right away”

I stopped her getting up with a hand on her forearm.

“I have some food in by bag. I—“

“Understood, I will bring it to you”

She was off before I could finish.

“…I’ll go if you just help me up. Damn, she’s fast”

“And so servile”

“It’s called being helpful, your highness” I commented sarcastically, hanging my head again.

Morrigan harrumphed “There is a notable line between being helpful and falling over yourself to serve others” she crossed her arms and gave me a pointed look “At the expense of your own health, I might add”

I cringed, head still down so she couldn’t see it. She was right. “Point taken. It was probably not very smart of me to heal so many people when I haven’t slept all night, huh?”

“Oh, self-awareness. How delightful. Indeed, take care not to make the same mistake twice. I would hate to lose a source of information before I learnt everything I wished from them”

“You say the sweetest things to me” I sighed. I really didn’t feel like picking a fight right now, so I tried changing the subject “Speaking of which, have you thought up any more questions for me?”

“I have. I suppose tis’ a good a time as any” she looked at me sharply “I do not recall you ever using _Rock Armour_ before. Yet, last night you cast the spell as if you had done it many times before. Tell me, when and how did you learn that spell?”

Whoa. Note to self: do not underestimate Morrigan. I mean, I reckoned she’d notice eventually but… Well, she was observant, that’s for sure.

I took a breath and leaned back. Scout took the chance to lay his head on my lap. I scratched him behind the ears and smiled. He was too cute.

Now then, how to respond. Hmm…

“I’ll answer that. But it’s difficult to explain. Let’s see… The exact moment I learned the spell was the day we fought that group of darkspawn, right before reaching Redcliffe. I knew the spell existed before, of course, but only had access to it after I gained enough experience” I mulled over the next part. For the record, I blame the light-headedness for my bluntness “The thing is, once I reach certain requirements, I could learn the spell instantaneously”

Morrigan’s face looked like she’d bitten a particularly sour lemon “Surely you do not expect me to believe such a tall tale”

“Tis’ the truth, my friend” I smiled kindly. Turning someone else’s understanding of the world upside down is always fun, but I didn’t have to be a complete ass about it.

Morrigan’s face blanked for a second, then she on her heel and with a “I’ll return later” she walked away.

I stared at her retreating form “Maybe I should’ve just asked for the next question” I told Scout.

I swear his answering bark could be roughly translated to ‘ya think?’

“Yeah, well, I’m not at my 100% okay?”

He gave a snort and settled on my lap again.

“You’re right. Let’s give her some space. She’ll be back when she feels like it” I petted him again “Thanks cutie”

Leliana came back first, carrying my backpack like a baby. I accepted it gratefully and shared a cookie with her for her efforts. She delighted at the flavour, and promised to keep it a secret. Those chocolate chip little pieces of heaven were the only sweets I had left, and so help me I wasn’t sharing them anywhere Sten could get a whiff of them. Chocolate is bad for dogs though, so I bought Scout’s silence with one of the treats I’d gotten from Bella. He seemed content with that.

Kallian and the others came back shortly after, and told us we’d been given a place to rest for a few hours. I informed her the gist of what happened with Morrigan, but she just shrugged and told me she’d be back eventually. Like master, like dog.

I hadn’t registered what being provided with a place to sleep meant until I was face to pillow with a bed. An actual bed. I barely had enough of a mind to wipe down with the basin of water someone had provided before putting on my PJs and jumping into bed face-first.

Heavenly. Even without springs, it beat the hell out of the floor.

A feminine chuckle sounded behind me “How long has it been since you slept in a bed?”

“Too long” I sighed blissfully “I hope you don’t mind but I’m passing out in about ten seconds”

Leliana laughed again “I don’t mind. I hope you don’t mind sharing the bed”

“Hey, caring is sharing” I patted the other side of the bed in invitation.

I felt the bed dip when Leliana got in, and was halfway to la-la land when she addressed me.

“Your nightwear is very… peculiar, Maya”

I grunted sleepily “…Guess so. S’ normal where I come from” Just your average grey sweatpants and a pink sweater.

“The place you come from sounds wonderful”

“Mmm” I murmured.

“I would very much like to visit it once. If you decide to go back after all this, perhaps you could use some company, no?”

I yawned “’Kay. If I can go back… you can come too”

Leliana asked me something else but I decided to pretend to be asleep. Drowsy as I was, I wasn’t giving her more than that. I wanted to get her thinking, not to give her the answers in a silver platter.

And with that thought, I drifted off to dreamland.

* * *

I was woken up by Leliana around noon. I whined and grumbled, complaining that I needed my beauty sleep. She told me I was already pretty, so I decided to forgive her.

Man, I’m easy.

We met up with the rest of the group, including Morrigan. She didn’t mention anything about what made her bolt before so I didn’t mention it either. All in all, we looked better rested after six hours of sleep. Technically, a regular human should get between seven and nine hours of sleep, but hell, this was literally war. I wasn’t about to give a lecture about the nuances of a good rest. Yet.

We got something quick to eat from the villagers and headed to meet Bann Teagan by the mill.

“How are you feeling?” Kallian asked, walking beside me.

“Much better, thanks” I opened my status screen and smiled contently “My mana is fully recharged”

I’d gotten a few scraps I’d treated by normal means of an injury kit, and even though they hadn’t fully healed, my HP was full, too. I still had much to learn about my gaming system, huh?

Kallian’s pointed ears looked more downcast than usual “Leliana told me you overused your _Heal_ spell earlier this morning. I’m sorry”

I was surprised at her tone “Hey, what’s the matter? Me biting more than I could chew was my own fault”

She shook her head “I was the one who said you healing us was enough. Even when you said you weren’t an actual healer; I didn’t consider what pressure I was putting on you”

I had a moment of clarity right then. I could see exactly how I could guilt Kallian into going to recruit a healer ASAP. Or, I could clear the misunderstanding and potentially deepen our blossoming friendship.

Choices, choices.

“Kallian, I said so before and I keep thinking we should recruit a proper healer” I bumped her shoulder with my own and grinned “But, I haven’t once felt like you’ve pressured me into anything. As a matter of fact, before coming here, my job involved a great deal of pressure, and I can honestly say casting a spell is much easier than what I used to do”

Kallian blinked several times at me “What did you do?” she whispered.

I laughed “I don’t know what you’re imagining, but I worked as a… healer of the mind, I guess” at her confused expression, I elaborated “I’m a psychologist. I help people with mental health issues by using evidence based treatments. So for example, if you’ve ever encountered someone who was, say, having trouble because they couldn’t stop being sad, I would have a specific programme they could follow to get out of that depression”

Kallian looked like she couldn’t decide what question to ask first.

“Sad, you say? Seems like a fool’s errand, to help someone who cannot bother to help themselves” Morrigan commented dismissively.

Oh no, she didn’t.

“People can’t _decide_ to stop being sad just like that. If they could, they would” I clicked my tongue “You never fail to find a dumbass who tells you ‘just don’t feel like that anymore’” I rolled my eyes “I mean, thanks jackass, why didn’t _I_ think of that?”

I stopped short when I realised every person in the group was looking at me like they’d never seen me before.

My anger fled me as quickly as it had come “I’m sorry. I get really worked up when it comes to this stuff. I’ve heard so many stories of people dismissing my patients hardships like they’re no big deal” I smiled ruefully “It’s not like they voluntarily want to suffer. I don’t believe anyone does”

To my surprise, it was Sten who readily agreed with me “The sickness of the body and the sickness of the spirit are not so different. The Asala-taar is a combat ailment of great import to the Qunari in Seheron. No member of the qun would dare presume they do not suffer as they obviously do”

I nodded vigorously “Yes, exactly. If my understanding is correct, what Sten is talking about is what we call Post-traumatic stress disorder. I’m not gonna get into that right now but it has to do with how our brains process stuff. Sometimes, in an attempt to protect ourselves from great distress in the present, our brain goes down a road that brings us more trouble in the long run”

Kallian managed to find her voice again, and asked one question after the other that I was happy to answer. As I said, I liked talking about my job. I had the feeling I’d only seen the tip of the iceberg of queries in Kallian’s curious mind when we reached the mill.

There would be time for that later. For now, we had a castle to storm.


	11. It’s Not Procrastinating If I Have A Good Excuse!

The castle looks quiet, bla bla bla, the village is secure, bla bla bla, secret passage in the mill, bla bla bla.

…

I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is about him, but I just have zero patience with Teagan. I really am sorry.

As if that wasn’t enough, there came Isolde, running alongside a guard. At least I had good reason to be irritated with that one.

Okay, no. Let’s not be that person who dislikes others just because everyone else does. Oh! That’s it, I’ll just validate everything I can from what Isolde says.

She started by being relieved that Teagan was alive. That’s good, she cares about her brother-in-law.

Ah, she wanted him to return to the castle with her, even though she knew it was a trap. Well, she’s probably just doing her best to keep her son and husband from dying. I’ve always liked people who knew how to prioritize.

“Why don’t we all go to the castle?” Kallian interrupted cheerfully.

“What? I… Who is this woman, Teagan?”

Alistair sighed “You remember me, Lady Isolde, don’t you?”

“Alistair?” Isolde snorted “Of all the… why are **you** here?”

“They are Grey Wardens, Isolde” said Teagan sternly “I owe them my life”

Isolde apologized… kinda. It was a good try.

When Alistair asked her for more information about what was going on in the castle, she redirected her answer at Teagan instead of at the guy she’d tormented as a boy.

Oh man, I’m biased. This is gonna be harder than I expected.

Isolde continued answering questions -with half-truths, I knew- even as she kept pushing Teagan into going to the castle with her. We learned Arl Eamon was poisoned by a mage who allegedly started all this and that Connor was acting weird. I’m not sure how one would expect a child to act during a zombie siege while being possessed by a demon, but apparently this wasn’t it. Eventually, Teagan accepted Isolde’s request, but asked to be allowed to confer with us in private.

Isolde allowed it, and even asked him to _please_ not take long. Wasn’t she nice? And so motherly.

…Alright fine, now I’m not even trying.

Teagan told us he’d act as a distraction while we went through the secret passage to the castle. Kallian pointed out the insanity of following Isolde, but the Bann had made up his mind and there was no swaying him into common sense. Our illustrious leader, being the ~~bleeding-heart~~ kind-hearted woman that she was, promised to do her best to keep everyone alive.

As soon as the Bann and the Arlessa were out of sight Kallian turned to us.

“Alright, we’re probably going to be doing a lot of sneaking around the castle, so I want to take as few people as possible. The ones remaining here will wait with Ser Perth’s knights and come to our aid when we open the gates. I don’t know what we’ll find through the castle, but expect whoever comes with me to be tired from fighting whatever we may encounter ‘till we reach the courtyard; the ones staying here will have to cover for us, I think”

I nodded along with her reasoning. I had great regard for education -not the education system, which could always be better-, and knew Kallian, as a city elf, likely hadn’t received much of it. But she was undoubtedly clever, and with her unbound curiosity would’ve made a great student, no doubt. Then again, I had no idea how public education worked in Ferelden. Ah, now that I think about it, wasn’t there an epilogue were one of the possible monarchs put emphasis on that?

Hmm… it’ll come to me.

“Leliana, you’ll come with me. I want another rogue on this mission”

Leliana gave her a bright smile “Of course”

“Sten, you have military experience. Can you stay here and help organize the knights?”

Sten grunted “Very well”

Scout barked enthusiastically and Kallian gave her Mabari an apologetic look “I’m sorry Scout, but we may need discretion for this, and you’re… not. Discreet. You’re not discreet”

Scout lowered his head with a whine.

“I’m coming with you” Alistair stepped forward, a determined look on his face.

Kallian shook her head “It’s best if at least one of us Wardens can be seen in Redcliffe. And you’re better suited to help Ser Perth along with Sten” Alistair looked ready to protest, but Kallian stopped him with a hand on his shoulder and smiled “We’ll let you in as soon as we reach the gates. I promise, you’ll be there when we deal with whatever is haunting the castle”

Alistair still looked unsatisfied, but he clamped his mouth shut and nodded, albeit sullenly.

As an aside, I liked how we all assumed the main threat was on the main building. Not that that was wrong, but just once I’d like to see a villain who doesn’t wait for the hero at the top of the tower or the end of the hallway.

All of this meant Morrigan and I would go through the passage with Kallian and Leliana.

I gave a low whistle “Ha! Girl power, am I right?”

Kallian looked around “Hey, you’re right”

Leliana’s laugh sounded like bells “It seems it falls on us ladies to save the day”

“Naturally” Morrigan shrugged a queenly shoulder.

Kallian told us we had twenty minutes to get whatever we needed before entering the mill, and with that, the group broke.

I’d brought my backpack with me, though, so I went behind the mill to equip what I needed. Other than the helmet, I already had my leather armour on, of course. My regular Earth clothes would attract too much attention, so I’d been careful not to take off my armour while in Redcliffe. My Amulet of Accord, which gave me +10 physical resistance and reduced hostility, was well in place. I stuck my Lighting Rod to my back and summoned the satchel with my climbing gear. I took everything out and put it back, keeping only the bag itself. I carefully filled it with poultices, a single lesser lyrium potion, two water bottles and the injury kit I’d gotten from Bella. The other one I’d gotten in Lothering was used after the battle, so this was my last one.

When I deemed myself ready, I walked around to the mill to wait for the girls. From the corner of my eye, I spotted a familiar strawberry blond head staring out at the lake.

I approached Alistair.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be with the knights?”

He turned around, surprised. I frowned, finding it odd that I’d been able to sneak up on a trained warrior like him.

“Ah, yes. I was just… thinking”

“Well, that’s dangerous”

“Ha ha” I saw him hesitate, and waited patiently for him to tell me what was bothering him.

My tolerance proved fruitful “You know what you said before? About being sad, and how we don’t decide when we stop being so?” I nodded, confirming his understanding “It made me think of… of Ostagar. I thought I was over it, but… I don’t know. I guess I’m not. I should be. I should have handled it better, instead of losing it like that”

Huh “And that bothers you?”

“No. Yes?” Alistair run his fingers through his hair “I don’t think about it constantly. Not anymore. But sometimes I can’t help but… remember them. It makes me…” he laughed in a self-deprecating way and shook his head, looking down “Duncan warned me before the battle. Anyone of us could die at any moment. Maker, if Morrigan heard me right now, she’d never let me hear the end of it, would she?”

Somewhere in my backpack Duncan’s letter turn into lead. Oh my God.

“You care for them. That is what your pain is trying to tell you. Even now, they are important to you, because if they weren’t, you wouldn’t be in pain” I lifted my hand, wanting to offer comfort, but let it drop instead “I’m glad you were able to feel your sadness and process what happened. That’s what sadness is for. What you did was very healthy, and fuck what Morrigan said, because I’m sure she had something to say about it” that startled a laugh out of him, and I offered him a smile in turn.

I saw him vacillate “You lost your parents, didn’t you?”

Ah “Kallian told you?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry… but do you…?”

“I will always miss them. And I feel sad whenever I think of them” I let my head loll back, looking at the sky for a moment before going back to Alistair “But the pain isn’t as bad. It’s a peaceful kind of sadness”

Alistair nodded, a hopeful expression on his face “Duncan saved me. I will always be grateful to him” he paused for a second “I would like to have a proper funeral for him. When all this is over. I don’t think he had any family. But I suppose he had me” he snorted “lucky him”

Oh my flipping God. I couldn’t do this.

“Alistair, do you trust me?” I blurted out.

He blinked “Uh… yeah”

It was my turn to look surprised “Really?”

“Well, yes. I mean we’ve fought together plenty of times now. I trust you to have my back and you trust me to have yours. I may be a simple warrior, but that’s enough to tell me who I can rely on”

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I was unexpectedly touched. So much, in fact, that what came next might have been a bit of an emotional driven decision.

“There is something I have to tell you. You and Kallian, actually. But more you” Dammit I was nervous. Okay, take a breath, Maya.

On his part, Alistair looked a little freaked out “Um, alright, what is it?”

Gaaah “I… look this is gonna take a while. I’ll just tell you when we get this whole castle business done with” Why do today what you could do tomorrow?

Alistair laughed “What, no way. You’re just going to leave me thinking? That’s dangerous, remember?”

I chuckled “Alright, look. This is sort of a huge deal, and I’m sure you’ll have questions or maybe you’ll be angry that I didn’t say anything before, I don’t know” I frowned. Maybe I should tell him and ran away while he steamed on it. No! Okay, come on Maya, you can do this. I handed my backpack to a confused Alistair “Do me a favour and take this back to the rest of our stuff. There is a piece of paper, er, a vellum, somewhere in there. It’s a letter. I’m absolutely coming back to give it to you directly, but if for whatever reason I don’t, you can open it. It… well, it’s a self-explanatory kind of thing. Just don’t look at it before I get back”

“Alright, this is sounding a little too ominous. Just what is this about?”

“It’s a good thing. I promise”

He grunted “A good thing I might get angry about?” I shrugged, and he shook his head “Okay, you’ve piqued my curiosity, but I’ll try to be patient”

I thanked him, and we wished each other good luck before he hauled my backpack and made his way down the hill.

I walked back to the mill and slumped against it. I’d really done it this time. Suddenly the castle full of undead didn’t seem so daunting anymore.

* * *

Morrigan was the next to arrive. We waited in silence until the other two came along. It was uncomfortable. Whatever had gotten into her, she hadn’t digested it yet.

Kallian and Leliana arrived together a few minutes later. They were talking and giggling like usual, except that when they were close enough, I saw a flower in Leliana’s hand. It was a small, white thing, prettily dusted with soft orange nectar at its core. When I asked about it Leliana told me it was called Andraste’s Grace. I remembered it as an in game item to raise her affection.

Yikes, good luck, Al.

Inside the mill, Kallian used Teagan’s Signet Ring to open the secret passage. Before going in, I stopped to pick up a love letter I found hidden near an injury kit, which I convinced Morrigan to carry. I was so selling the letter as soon as I got to Denerim.

We entered the passage. It was as creepy as one would expect. In the long hallway, the walls were covered with dirt, spiderwebs and something green that I hoped was moss. Wouldn’t have mattered how stealthy we attempted to be, as soon as we got through the door, three undead turned to us in uncanny synchrony. Everything happened super fast. Leliana had an arrow through the eye of the furthest one before I could draw my staff. Morrigan froze another one and Kallian went to meet the third one. I managed to quickly cast _Spell Wisp_ and _Flaming Weapons_ on her daggers and Leliana’s bow. Kallian didn’t even slow down as she met with her opponent and slashed at him in a flurry of movements. By then, Leliana had launched a second arrow, piercing her foe on the kneecap, further hindering his movement. I joined Morrigan and together we dispatched the undead in a few seconds. While she used her spells to help Kallian, I donned _Rock Armor_ and approached the arrow riddled zombie Leliana was dealing with.

“ _Flame Blast_!”

The smell of rotting flesh hit me like a truck. I gagged, and took several steps back as soon as the spell had spent itself. Leliana finished it off with two more arrows. I turned to see Kallian had also finished with hers. We regrouped and ascertained there were no injuries before moving on.

It wasn’t long before a desperate voice called out to us. We hurried after Kallian, who cautiously drew near one of the cells.

Yup, it was Jowan. You guessed it, well done.

We learned that he had poisoned Arl Eamon under Loghain’s orders, and had done so under the guise of tutoring Connor who was -gasp!- a mage, as well as what was going on in the castle.

Demons and zombies, basically. But we were picking up money from the corpses. So it kinda compensates. Except it didn’t and this sucked.

In retrospect, Jowan couldn’t have asked for a better party to argue for his case. Morrigan wanted to set him free, blood magic or no. Leliana believed in second chances, and I knew he’d be successful in making up for his past mistakes, defending people and stuff. After hearing us and giving Jowan a warning not to screw up anymore, she let him leave. He promised to come up with a way to help, and then he was gone.

Good luck, man.

We kept moving forward, and came to a room with corpses. Even if I hadn’t played the game, I’d have known those things were gonna get up as soon as we were close enough. I told the others as much. They gave me weird looks, but at least they kept their guards up.

The things got up almost as we reach the stairs to the main floor, of course.

This fight was a little tougher. I got pushed roughly by one of them, and might’ve gotten injured if it wasn’t for _Rock Armor_. Kallian ended up with a zombie bite mark. Now, I keep calling them zombies, but undead is probably a better term, as people who get bitten do not turn into zombies themselves. Either way, I was insistent in disinfecting Kallian’s wound, because bacteria is serious business. They may not understand the concept entirely, but apparently they trusted me enough to let me do as I pleased.

It’s nice to have friends.

* * *

The main floor brought more undead, plus a few demons. Those were SCARY. They were even more imposing than darkspawn. Morrigan called them Shades; they were hulking monstrosities that came to us like stuff from a nightmare. As Kallian went to meet them, I realized the importance of a balanced party one more time. We could’ve used another melee fighter for sure.

Morrigan called out a warning that a Greater Shade was amongst them. I saw it. It was plainly bigger, and a lighter color than the rest of them. When I thought of Kallian facing that in close quarters, I immediately put a shield on it. The other three shades weren’t a walk in the park, but we managed to kill two of them before the shield fell. I panicked for a second, before another shield sprung up in place of the first one. I startled for a precious second before dismissing it and jumping back on the fray. We finished the other shade with time to spare and took a breather before the second _Force Field_ run out and we ganged up on the remaining demon.

When we were done, I turned to Morrigan.

“You’re not the only one who can learn new tricks” she said smugly.

Well.

The room the Shades had been in had little of interest, so we doubled back. Leliana opened a locked door, where we found armor and weapons. We took arrows and that was it. The rest of our gear was equal to or better than anything we found in there. Except maybe chainmail, but both of our warriors were taking care of other business. Maybe later the Arl would let us borrow some stuff.

As we proceeded further into the main floor, I had a flashback to a Mabari fight within this very castle. I stopped short and looked around. We had reached two doors. The one going forward led to another hallway, several doors lining it. The one on the left led to a small room, then a bigger one that made a U-turn, so I couldn’t see what was in there. But I knew.

“Let’s not go in there”

“Why? Scared?” Morrigan raised an eyebrow.

“Always. But that’s not it” I walked to the shelves on the walls. Dog food and other implements had been lined up messily. Collars and kaddis, which Alistair had explained before were those tattoos Mabari wore for battle “These are the kennels. We go further in, and I’m sure a whole pack of Mabari hounds will be happy to tear our faces apart. I mean, even if we win, we just killed dogs. If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather avoid that”

“I agree” Leliana voiced “Mabari are fearsome opponents. We should avoid them”

“And let them come back to attack us later? I say we deal with them now, before they close on us when we are not expecting it” said Morrigan pragmatically.

We turned to Kallian, waiting for her verdict. I knew the Mabari wouldn’t come after us because of the game, but I couldn’t find an excuse to relay that information. So I crossed my fingers and waited, pleading at Kallian with my best puppy-eyes.

With a thoughtful look, Kallian approached the shelves and examined a leather collar, then she turned around with a smile.

“I’ll be taking this. I’m sure the Arl won’t mind, and Scout would look great in it” she directed her gaze at Morrigan “I’ll lock this door and the ones behind us. If the Mabari come after us, we’ll hear them long before the reach us. Does that sound reasonable?”

It did, and even Morrigan did nothing more than put up a token complaint.

With that settled, we continued on our path to find yet another group of undead and after dealing with them, what we presumed were the doors to the main hall. They were locked and according to both Leliana and Kallian, impossible to open without a key. We had to take the roundabout anyway -to let Sten and Alistair’s group in- which was also good because it led us to find Valena, Owen the Blacksmith’s daughter. The poor girl was moved to tears, and when she found we had cleared the way she said she’d be able to make it out of the castle through the passage no problem. We warned her about the Mabari and after assuring us she’d be careful; she took off like a bat out of hell.

One last battle with the undead later and we found ourselves in the cellar. It was a good reprieve and as expected, the last space before reaching the courtyard, where we would let the others in to storm the castle properly. While we rested, I took a look at the containers and successfully found some food, a poultice and another embarrassing love letter that was so going into my pocket. We also found some armor none of us wanted to use -again- and gave ourselves a pat through to ensure everything was in order.

“Finally. We can let the rest of our comrades into the castle. That should make things easier”

Ah, Leliana. If only.

She sat down next to where I was resting, a bit further away from where Kallian and Morrigan were engaged in conversation “I don’t know about that. I may be being pessimistic but I’m not counting my chickens until they hatch”

Leliana laughed “You have a truly unique way of expressing yourself”

“Oh?”

“Not in a bad way. But you sound and talk differently than anyone I have met before. And that story you told the children in the Chantry, about the lady who became a warrior and saved her country? It was marvelous. I was surprised I hadn’t heard it before”

She was sharp “I guess you don’t get many people from where I come from”

“I suppose. And yet, it is odd. With how advanced your knowledge and tools seem to be, shouldn’t we at least have heard of your land?”

I shrugged. I really didn’t have a good answer for that one. Dammit, how unfair. Her _Cunning_ was definitely higher than mine.

She must have sensed -somehow, with her bardly skills- that I was clamming up, cause she changed the subject. Not that it was a lot more comfortable than the last one.

“I heard you were giving love advice to Alistair”

Thank God I had swallowed that last mouthful of water, or I would’ve chocked big time. Although on second thought, that might have been funny.

“Um, well, kinda. He asked, and I…” I began mumbling.

“Oh, please don’t think I’m trying to chastise you” she smiled benevolently “You know how I feel about Kallian, yes?”

I nodded “Yes”

“And you have decided to support Alistair”

“Wrong” I met her blue gaze with my own lighter shade of blue “He asked me to share knowledge. So I did. What I can give him, or anyone fancying Kallian, for the matter, is only how to behave to improve their chances of gaining her approval. _I_ don’t get to sway Kallian’s mind regarding her love life. And even if I could, I won’t. That girl is in for a tough ride and if she decides to romance someone, I only hope that person will be good and faithful to her”

Leliana’s expression lost a bit of the hardness, becoming gentler “So you do not care who she is with, as long as she is happy. You are a good friend to her. I’m glad”

I also deflated a little “I want her to be happy. But I also care about you and Alistair. I hope you will all find paths and people that will bring you joy, so you can face whatever life decides to throw at you later” I remembered her during Inquisition, wounded and darker than she had been, still kind, but unapologetic about doing what she thought was necessary. I put a hand on her knee and squeezed “We haven’t known each other very long, but I consider you a friend. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, or how much I can do while I am, but if you ever need help, you can count on me” I grinned at her “Unreliable as I may be”

Was it just me or was I getting more poetic the longer I was here? I couldn’t decide if I liked it or not. Ah, hell, who was I kidding? I loved it, it made me sound like a freaking princess.

As for Leliana, she looked genuinely moved. Her eyes were misty “I–­ thank you. I consider you a friend as well. A good one. I feel… comfortable around you. You don’t judge me even when I say things that have others rolling their eyes behind my back. Or you try not to. I can tell” She leaned forward and gave me a surprise hug. It startled me, but I returned it happily.

When we parted, she was smiling “I’ll forgive you for giving advice to my rival. After all, charmingly awkward as he is, it would be unfair if he didn’t get a little help, no?”

I laughed. I did like this one, especially when she was being sassy “How magnanimous”

We chatted a bit more, and while doing so, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kallian glancing our way every now and then.

Huh.

It wasn’t long before we decided we’d rested enough. We grabbed our things and got ready to face whatever we may find in the courtyard.

The real battle was only just begging.


	12. Demons Are Creepy. Duh

Kallian, Leliana and Morrigan didn't need me to tell them to be careful. They knew something was up as soon as we set a foot out. It was quiet.

Too quiet.

Lol, alright so I didn't know _how_ they knew, I figured it was a skill one got with experience. Probably up there with the mind reading ability.

"There" Kallian whispered "I see the gates. Don't let down your guard"

You don't need to tell me twice. My _Spell Wisp_ and _Rock Armor_ were already in place.

There was nowhere to hide, and while it was somewhat late, there was still enough light that using the shadows wasn't an option either. That being the case, I thought we'd need to cross the courtyard in plain sight.

I was wrong. In a superb demonstration of stealth that I didn't understand how it wasn't magic, Kallian managed to pass unnoticed all the way to the gates. She was pretty much a blur that you would doubt you ever saw if you blinked twice. My eyes could barely follow her movement, and I knew she was there.

Alas, I suppose being stealthy while opening a huge-ass gate was a little too much to ask.

It was Leliana who saw them first.

"Archer!"

The red-headed rogue began shooting down those who would dare try to harm her crush. Morrigan and I weren't far behind, and the three of us rangers viciously attacked the line-up of skeleton archers. I'll say this now, thank the universe the staff had a built-in homing device, or I don't think any of my magic shots would have hit their target all the way up there behind the balconies. Mm… no, that wasn't what that was called. Terrace? No, er…

Oh wait, not the time.

I focused on shooting because my life and the lives of those around me depended on it, but it was hard to ignore the thunderous roar from the dozen or so warriors that came rushing from outside the castle. By my estimations, the corpses still outnumbered us.

Well then, shall we remedy that?

"Leliana can you get a fire arrow over to that side?"

She caught on immediately "Yes. But how will you…?"

I grinned. Back to my old ways it was "Cover me, will you?"

I didn't wait for an answer and took off to the big tree on the right side of the courtyard. It was one of those a Mabari could mark, I believe. Should be interesting to try it some time. I mean, get Scout to try it. Ew.

There. I could see a branch that would get me as close as I needed to be. I made sure no one could hit me from behind and began climbing the tree. I'd gone about two thirds of the way up when I saw a blast of ice appear on my left, mid-air. Something dropped from the explosion. When I looked down, I saw a frozen arrow.

Morrigan. I looked her way, but she was already back to casting some sort of debuff, probably from the _Entropy_ tree.

I'd have to thank her later.

Once I got in position, I grabbed my staff, which was magically stuck to my back, and casted.

_Grease._

The spell flew about 30 meters from my spot on the tree to the line of zombies. Next I ignited Leliana's weapon. She didn't miss a beat as she notched two arrows and sent the undead archers to a fiery hell.

I climbed back down as I heard the symphony of screams that followed.

Nailed it.

My victory was short lived.

"Revenant!"

Dammit, people needed to stop announcing the bad guys like that. They were giving me a heart attack one of these days.

It was true though. I thought the Shades were bad, but looking at this guy, I would've taken them any day. In hordes. The Revenant was on a whole new level. It wore proper armor, wielding a sword and a shield. Kinda like a corrupted Gray Warden, looking as evil as its counterpart looked heroic -at least, the ones I've met do- with its glowing red eyes and dark aura, he looked like a demon knight.

I intended to put a shield on it, to deal with later, but Morrigan beat me to it. She didn't even turn to smirk at me so I guess she was just doing what worked. Heh, I guess I can be a little self-centered. She was definitely copying me though.

The tides turned and we overpowered them. I put a second shield on the Revenant once Morrigan's ran out, and very deliberately didn't look at her. If she wasn't being petty, there was just no fun in being so myself.

I kept casting offensive spells. Thrice I had to cast _Heal._ It meant I **had** to stop for a mid-battle snack. I'm not kidding, it was either that or outright fainting. If nothing else, I'm sure I presented an amusing sight.

With our numbers, we managed to beat everyone by the time the Revenant was free again. I'm not ashamed to say we ganged up on it. It did do some damage, but by the time Sten delivered the final blow, nobody had died.

Now **that's** what I call success.

* * *

After the battle, Kallian asked Ser Perth and his knights to keep things in check down at Redcliffe. With Sten, Alistair and Scout joining us, we were storming the castle at full party. We gave ourselves a few minutes of rest, which us ladies appreciated, having done the heavy work all afternoon. They don't show undignified things like bathroom breaks in the game, but you knew they were there, somewhere. Can't fight with a full bladder and can't be caught by the enemy with your pants down; it was all about timing.

The sun was almost gone by the time we decided to enter the castle. It didn't matter though, as visibility inside would be aided by candlelight, if I recalled the lack of windows correctly. And if not, I could just set something on fire.

You know, cause I'm helpful. I mean, I guess I could try to use _Spell Wisp_ but where's the fun in that?

We came to a small square room, a sort of waiting area, with a few chairs and small tables. Kallian set a hand on the door, Alistair by her side. She looked at us, and we all nodded. A final nod from her fellow Warden and she opened the doors.

The surprise in the group was palpable -theirs, not mine, duh- when we came face to face with Teagan, who was dancing creepily in front of Isolde and a young boy. Connor looked like a normal kid, except for the old sailor meets Darth Vader voice and the fact that it was currently clapping and singing a version of 'dance monkey, dance!' to his mind-controlled uncle.

Our group approached, dumbfounded. Apparently, we made it just in time to catch the finale to Teagan's dance, because he stood aside as Possessed-Connor -Ponnor!- asked Isolde _what_ Kallian was, what did _it_ want -who are you, Shale?- and granted us an audience.

By the by, I could tell my _Combat Tactics_ skill was working well, cause all I wanted to do was roll my eyes at him, not cower in fear. _Sigh_. Obnoxious possessed kids, am I right?

It was a creepy exchange, and when asked, Kallian told him she wanted to help him. Ponnor did not react well, and sicked his uncle and the rest of the severely confused guards on us as he made a run for it.

Fighting ensued. Kallian barked out an order to not kill them, then amended to _try_ not to do it as she round-house kicked one of them. Last time we fought humans was back at Lothering, and I had not missed it. Going all out was a lot easier.

The others were also making the extra effort, and it showed as they did their best to hold back without getting skewed by a sword in the process. I focused a little more on healing this time, hoping the extra push would help _them_ in being lenient with their opponents.

It was Morrigan who made the last hit at the mind-controlled Bann. Non-lethal, to poor Alistair's relief and the mage's exasperation. Guy really doesn't trust her.

Bann Teagan regained his sanity and Isolde pulled him to his feet. She didn't quiet apologize for bringing him to the castle -she did call herself a fool, so there was some recognition of her part in this-, then went back to saying Ponnor wasn't to blame, and we _had_ to save him.

Kallian raised a calming hand "I'm not about to kill a child"

"Connor is no longer a child. He is an abomination"

Of course, this was the moment when Jowan appeared. Upon the Arlessa's accusations, he insisted he didn't summon the demon. He couldn't defend himself about poisoning the Arl, but that was sort of swept under the rug when Isolde wondered just who had set him free.

Kallian looked at her innocently "I thought he'd be useful, seeing as he helped start this"

Isolde said something that started with 'How dare you!'. I stopped listening after that. Because she wasn't my patient so I wasn't required to listen to her. Also, because I sort of knew how this was going to turn out.

I was more worried about how we'd leave the village when we went to get the people at the Tower. In the game, nothing would happen, but it seemed optimistic… no, downright negligent to assume it would go the same way here. Perhaps getting rid of all the corpses in the castle should be a priority, instead of leaving it for when we came back. And perhaps we should leave one or two people to help reign in the situation in case it took a turn for the worse. Morrigan seemed a good choice, given that one deleted scene I remembered where the Templars chased her away -though the Warden _had_ sold her out on that one-. It also made sense, as we were dealing with a fade critter and she had way more experience in that area than anyone else currently in the room. Mmm… perhaps someone else would be necessary to keep her from screwing around, too. Ah, no, if she gave her word, she'd follow through. I was sure. About 80% sure.

I couldn't stay. I had to get to the tower and to that living statue.

I vaguely heard Teagan acknowledge Isolde's fault in this mess and Jowan apologize to her and make his bloody suggestion, but didn't tune back in until it got to the part where Kallian was weighing the odds of leaving the village to go to the Circle Tower.

"But what will happen here?" Isolde said "Connor won't remain passive forever"

Kallian stood a little straighter "I will take that chance"

"We can minimize the damage before we go" I pointed out "Clean out the castle of any remaining uglies. Maybe someone from our group can stay as a precaution. With Bann Teagan, Jowan and the knights they can hold on for the week or so it'll take for us to get the mages"

"That's a great idea" Kallian beamed at me "You should rest and talk to Bann Teagan and Jowan about it while we finish the undead off"

I blinked "Um, okay?"

"You've been healing us a lot. I don't want you passing out on us"

She was clearly making an effort to appear stern, a look she didn't pull half as well as the menacing one. It was funny.

So I told her "Your face looks funny" she changed to an annoyed look. Much more natural "Alright. I do feel a bit lightheaded. I'll sit this one out"

Kallian seemed surprised "Really?"

"Well, yeah. Really Kallian, I don't want to pass out either, and I know you guys can handle whatever is up there. Ah, but I do suggest you call me when you've gotten a little further in. I can sense Po- Connor, and warn you before you encounter him. We don't want the demon to catch wind of our plan and kill him before we get to him, do we?"

"No! Please, we must be careful" cried Isolde.

Poor lady. And this time I mean it. I've never had children; I can only imagine what she's going through.

"It's a deal. Thank you" Kallian smiled at me. I smiled back, though I wasn't sure why this was such a big deal. It's obviously not good to push yourself to the point of exhaustion. Just how stubborn did she think I was? I'm a big girl, I know how to take care of myself.

Leliana placed her hand on my arm "There is no need for concern, we will be swift in cleaning any remaining 'uglies'" she giggled at her own use of my words.

I squeezed Leliana's hand and wished them luck as they filed out and entered one of the corridors. I took some rations from my satchel and began nibbling on them after sitting in one of the chairs in the room. _After_ cleaning a little with water, of course. Hygiene before anything, people.

Not two seconds later, the sounds of fighting reached us.

Teagan and Isolde looked at me oddly.

"I hope you'll excuse me" I said after swallowing "Healing is tiring business"

"It's true" Jowan defended me "I'm no good at it, but I know for a fact that healing depletes the caster's stamina as well as the mana"

"Of course. No need to concern yourself, my lady"

Oh, Teagan was good. Of course, the use of 'my lady' would've been a lot smoother if he hadn't wheezed when he said it.

"You should sit as well, my lord" _My lord!~_ I'm so posh "May I offer you something to drink? I imagine being possessed is no fun either"

Teagan chuckled "That it isn't. I think I will do as you say"

And so he did. I asked the other two if they wouldn't sit as well, as there were enough chairs for the four of us. Jowan sat obediently, but Isolde remained standing.

"You… you are an apostate as well" She said warily.

Oh boy "Yes"

"Isolde…"

"Teagan we can't trust her. What if she calls for another demon?"

This is gonna sound weird, but I couldn't find it in myself to be angry and her distrust. Poor woman was under a lot of pressure, probably dealing with guilt as well, and likely scared out of her mind. And she did just have an unpleasant experience with an apostate.

"She is with the Wardens" he told her sternly. Now this was a guy who could pull stern off. Kallian should be here to take notes.

"My lady" I looked her in the eye, but didn't stand, I didn't want to frighten her "I don't blame you for being wary. Your son is in danger, your husband is comatose and this whole mess is probably your worst nightmare on stero- er, amplified. Still, I want to ask that you try looking at the facts. The truth is your best choice is to trust me and my companions. And I think you know it" It was her only choice, actually, but I wasn't pointing that out.

Isolde took a step back. She seemed to struggle with something, then hung her head and took a chair next to Teagan, her head in her hands. She didn't say anything even when her brother in law placed a hand over hers.

After a bit, Teagan shook his head and turned back to us, not letting go of Isolde's hand "I would take this time to talk about our plans from now on. We should spend our time wisely and plan ahead"

Fair enough. I didn't know why he wanted _my_ input -or Jowan's, for the matter- but I guess there wasn't anyone else here so…

So, we talked about the situation. What each of us knew and the best way to organize everyone while the Warden party was gone. There wasn't a whole lot we could do, though. The castle itself was a defensible position compared to the village, so laying seige to it would come to bite us later. Cutting supply lines to literal undead wasn't even worth mentioning.

"Getting rid of every undead will buy us the time we need; Connor can't raise them whenever he wants. The demon has to take the time to recuperate from losing the ones you defeated" said Jowan.

Teagan perked up "That's good to hear. If that's the case, our best bet is to closely guard the castle and stomp on any undead he does manage to raise"

I suggested the buddy system, which Teagan took as a matter of course. No one goes anywhere near the castle alone, or in the village if they could help it. The sentinels would be put in groups, and a sort of bonfire would be made available, so they could light it up to warn everyone at a moment's notice if the need arose.

It was shortly after that a grimy looking Scout came bouncing into the room.

"Hey cutie, came to get me?"

He barked happily as I scratched his neck.

I excused myself and followed Scout past the trail of re-killed zombies and random pieces of armor. We went up a set of stairs and caught up with the others.

"Everyone alright?"

"Yes, I thank you for your concern" said Leliana.

Morrigan harrumphed "All is well, and as you can see, there was no need of your abilities"

I stopped for half a heartbeat before saying "That's good" off-handedly. Her words were mean, but I wondered if there was an underlying concern for my excess use of _Heal_.

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Eh.

I did offer water and got accepted and thanked by everyone -yes, even Morrigan- before Kallian got back to business.

"We think we're almost there. Can you tell if there are any more demons or zombies left?"

Demons? Oh! That's what the pieces of armor were about. I'd forgotten about that one.

I shook my head to let go of that thought and concentrated in sensing those around me. My _Survival_ radar showed one person in the room ahead. That was Ponnor for sure. I was sure that if the desire demon took over completely, he would grow too strong for my radar to pick him up. I shifted my attention to the other dot I'd detected -and no, none of my companions yet, shut up-, it was coming from the room next door.

"I think the Arl is there" I said.

Alistair perked up "Arl Eamon?"

"No Alistair, the other Arl we came to get" Morrigan rolled her eyes.

I hid a giggle "Yep, the very same"

Alistair glared at Morrigan and me in turn. Damn, he'd noticed "Oh, ha ha. I meant to say we should move him, better to keep him safe with Teagan and Lady Isolde, right?"

Kallian and Leliana agreed, though I think the bard was advocating more on Isolde's behalf, seeing as the Arlessa was likely to find comfort in having her husband close by. Sten didn't care and Scout was to busy licking his junk but Morrigan warned the demon might act up if the Arl was disrupted.

Kallian was already at the door "Why would it? It's not like the demon cares for Arl Eamon"

Morrigan's words sparked a memory of the game.

"Wait!" I basically tackled Kallian, whose hand was almost at the knob.

Kallian cursed and steadied us both before we fell. She had fast reflexes, so I guess she was just that surprised I barreled into her like that.

"Maya, what in the Maker's name are you doing?"

I let go of her "Sorry! But I think Morrigan's right" I thought fast "When you approached the door, I felt Ponnor moving in the other room"

"Oh, I guess we better leave the Arl alone, then…" she looked at me funny "What did you just called the boy?"

Ah hell.

"Well, you know how his name is Connor, and he's possessed? So if you mixed the two…"

Kallian burst out laughing as she made her way back down. Leliana joined her, and even Scout's bark sounded like a laugh. Sten's lips didn't even twitch, so I got nothing there, but I swear I saw Morrigan's lips curve up a little.

Alistair had the gall to smirk at me.

"Yes yes, I know I'm weird, knock it off" I pouted.

Kallian and Leliana assured me they found it delightful, bless their hearts, and I continued to feign indignance until we reached the place where they'd fought the demon possessed armors.

"Don't you mean the 'Parmors'?" Alistair smirked again.

"Shut up your Highness"

I was bantering with the Origins crew. Somebody, pinch me.

I noticed a door on the far end "Have you checked that room?" I pointed.

"We did. Do you sense anymore undead?" Sten reached for his sword.

"No no, I just wanted to know if you had"

"It's the Arl's study. We looked, but nothing appeared disturbed, so we left" Kallian said.

Hang on. Wasn't there a rather important amulet in the Arl's study?

I addressed Kallian "How about we check it out? We might find something interesting"

Morrigan looked amused "Do you mean to rob the Arl? Tis' not a bad idea, I dare say"

"What?!" Alistair jumped up.

"No, come on. I just want to see if there is something useful for our travels. You know, like a freakin map" it was my turn to roll my eyes.

Alistair, Sten, Morrigan and Scout decided they'd had enough and went to meet up with Bann Teagan to ask for lodging again tonight and hopefully some rations for the trip to the Tower. Alistair had also found a key on one of the Parmors, so he was going to ask Teagan about it. That left Leliana and Kallian to accompany me into the study.

We did find a map of Thedas, which Leliana pocketed. She'd ask the Bann later to let us take it, for the sake of the mission.

Friendly remainder that maps in times like these were hand drawn. That thing probably took a cartographer, like, three months to make. And I bet it was freaking expensive.

Not that I complained.

I tried to nudge Kallian into opening the drawers in the desk, but she kept giving me weirded out looks, so I metaphorically threw my hands up and checked them myself.

And lo and behold, a tattered amulet.

"Odd" I wondered out loud, as innocently as I could "It looks like a woman's amulet. Why would the Arl have this in his desk?"

Kallian shrugged "I don't know"

Damn.

Leliana gasped and looked at it dreamily "What if it was a gift for another woman? One who rejected him, but, oh, he could never forget her. And so, while he moved on, he held on to that piece of her. A reminder of the one that got away"

The one that… are you kidding me?

Kallian seemed to find it amusing though, because she laughed and looped her arm through hers while calling for us to get going.

Without many options left, I pocketed the amulet and followed.


	13. Don’t You Mess With My Timeline

Sometimes, one acts impulsively. It happens. Most of the time, it gets you in trouble. That’s why I tell my patients to STOP, take a step back, observe and then proceed mindfully as a therapeutic skill. And if you decide that telling your ex to go fudge himself is the best course of action, well, that’s that. But do try to take that pause to be sure.

Sometimes, I wish I followed my own advice.

Last night, Teagan allowed us to take what we needed from the Arl’s vault. It was filled with antiques and other valuables, but unless we were planning on selling them -and we weren’t- the only things that we deemed useable for our quest were Eamon’s Shield and a short bow, which our favorite bard recognized as The Fox Bow, a masterpiece made out of sylvanwood. They were equipped by Alistair and Leliana respectively.

Ah, but wait. There’s more. Believe it or not, I managed to level up! And from opening the vault, no less.

Hurray for level 8!

I’d been saving attribute points, so my stats now looked like this.

**Attributes (-)**

Strength 12

Dexterity 10

Willpower 19

Magic 27

Cunning 18

Constitution 15

I know, I went a little crazy with _Willpower_ , but there was no way I was doing a repeat of what happened during the attack at nightfall. No more running out of juice mid-battle, thank you very much. With four extra points, my mana grew to a whopping 202. Much better.

As for the others, I couldn’t help placing at least one point in _Constitution,_ because more Hp was a good way to remain alive; the point in _Cunning_ was necessary because 17 was not cutting it -18, I’m counting on you- and _Magic_ , well, _Magic_ was always nice. For the spell power.

And for the spell itself, I went with _Glyph of Paralysis_. No more fooling around, _Paralysis Explosion_ , here I come.

Anyway, after finishing up at the castle, we went back to Redcliffe village, where we resumed the previous sleeping arrangements. We were all dead tired, so there wasn’t much room for conversation.

A brand-new day meant hitting the road again. We took it easy that morning, making sure Ponnor was still inactive; or that was the excuse. Truthfully, I think we all wanted to take a little break, even if it only meant a morning without rushing. I also took the time to check on Bella. Lloyd was alive and as mean as ever. I guess near-death experiences don’t change everyone for the better. Fortunately, my inner lightbulb lit up and after asking for a loan from Kallian and Alistair, managed to scrape up five sovereigns so that Bella could go to Denerim and start her own brewery.

With a twist.

I gave her a more than fair deal, okay? If she went broke, she owed me nothing. If she succeeded -and I knew she would, so I guess I cheated in a way- I would get 10% of her gainings, as soon as her business started generating enough to provide them. I figured that even if I wasn’t here to reap the benefits, I could leave it to Kallian, as a steady source of income for her family in the Alienage. Bella agreed readily, and after settling a few other points and thanking me profusely, she bid me farewell.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t warn her that Denerim would end up becoming a battlefield, it was because she survived the blight in the game. As I’ve said before, no use messing with a winning formula.

Alas, we were still pressed for time, so there came a point where we couldn’t delay any longer.

Bed, I miss you already. Even though you were springless.

Unexpectedly, I also missed Morrigan and the big guy, as both had been chosen to stay behind in case of emergency. As I’d thought, Morrigan’s expertise of the Fade made her a good choice, and Sten was basically a one-man army. They’d both given Kallian their word that they’d protect Redcliffe until she came back in a week or so.

Both Wardens, Leliana, Scout and I left Redcliffe a little after ten in the morning -according to my watch-. We’d been walking for a while when Alistair sidled up next to me.

Looking back, I want to slap myself for wondering what he wanted.

“Sooo….” He looked at me expectantly.

I waited for a beat “So… what?”

He deflated, exasperated “So, the thing you wanted to tell me. The good thing I might get angry about”

Full stop. Literally, stopped walking.

“Ah, that”

Alistair stopped as well “Yes, that. You **are** going to tell, aren’t you? I’ve been good and waited until now. Didn’t even pester you about it last night. And I’m quite good at pestering, just so you know”

“What’s this about Alistair pestering you for something last night?” Leliana called out cheekily.

The rest of our companions had noticed our halt and were now looking at us expectantly.

“Maya has something to tell me and Kallian” Alistair’s voice was very natural when he answered back, but I could see a slight reddening of his ears from where I was standing. It probably didn’t help that Kallian was giggling along.

Point for Leliana. But you did well, Al.

Upon hearing Alistair’s explanation, Kallian sobered up enough to approach us “What’s this you have to tell us?”

Oh crap. Oh crap, oh crap.

Why was I so anxious? Wasn’t _Combat Tactics_ supposed to help with this.

Ah, no. That was only during battle.

Oh crap.

Okay, deep breathes.

“Maya?”

_Deep breathes, dammit!_

“I–I have a letter. For you”

Kallian blinked “For me?”

“For both of you” Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

“Okay… will you give it to us?”

I nodded at her but didn’t otherwise move.

“…are you doing it today?” Alistair this time.

I rubbed my hands over my face. Okay I could do this.

“Yes”

I set my bag on the floor and reached inside, fake rummaging through it as I “equipped” Duncan’s letter.

I stood in front of the two Wardens, clutching the folded piece of vellum to me. The others were a step behind, somehow sensing the seriousness and waiting patiently.

“Okay, I… this…” argh! “Iwasatostagar” I bit my tongue. Ouch.

Alistair shook his head “What?”

But Kallian, being an elf, had better hearing “You were at Ostagar?”

Alistair turned so fast I worried he’d get whiplash; his face mirrored Kallian’s surprise “You were? When?”

No turning back now “During the battle”

“Okay, Morrigan was right then. You’re a deserter” Kallian’s face turned kind as she reached for my shoulder “It’s alright, were you afraid we’d shun you for that?”

Ah, I guess deserters were likely shamed and punished, huh? Yeah, if that was my case, I _would_ be scared of being shunned.

I gave her a nervous smile “Not exactly” the breathing had been effective; I felt a little calmer as I told them my rehearsed explanation “I’d just arrived in Ferelden, not long before the battle. I’d been wandering for a while -days, actually- when I felt hundreds of hostile creatures. Of course, if I wanted to avoid them, I needed to know where they were” Not that I ever intended to, but the thought had crossed my mind. Sue me, it was scary as hell “But then I saw the battlefield. And I saw…” I gulped. _Come on, Maya_ “I saw a golden armor. I couldn’t help it, it was eye-catching, even from the distance”

Alistair sucked in a breath “King Cailan”

I nodded and took the opportunity to study the faces surrounding me. I could see varying degrees of surprise, from Leliana’s wide eyes to Kallian’s open mouth. Alistair looked so utterly dumbfounded it was almost funny.

As for Scout, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but he’s a dog, so I think I can be forgiven for being unable to read his expression.

“I’d heard before that the King was wearing such a splendid golden armor. I remember because I thought it was a good way to call the whole battlefield to him, so I thought ‘that’s gotta be him’” I’d roll my eyes before when playing the game. Now that the actual guy was dead, I couldn’t bring myself to take it any less seriously than the event actually was “From what I saw, I knew it was only a matter of time before he was overpowered. So I… I tried to save him”

“You went into the battlefield” said Kallian breathlessly.

I smiled sadly “I did. And I failed” My head hung, defeated “I’m sorry. I tried my best” I finished in a small voice.

I didn’t feel guilty anymore, the feeling had passed. In its wake, there was a sort of sad acceptance. There was nothing more I could do, and I did do my best, **and** I was not happy with the outcome. They were all true.

“I know” Kallian’s words surprised me, and I looked up to see her right there, both hands on my shoulders, just like Duncan had done after I confessed my guilt to him “I’ve seen you trying your best to help since I met you, many a time pushing yourself to do better”

I scratched my cheek “I mean, I want to get better at the stuff I do, you know?”

She smiled “Sure, and you mostly do it in moderation, which is fine, but sometimes you go and do these crazy things like donate large sums of money or stab an enemy with your _staff_. You know that’s not how they’re used, right?”

“I know that. But it has a pointy tip and… it seemed like a good idea at the time” I said sulkily.

Kallian laughed “My point is, you have nothing to apologize for. We know you and we know you tried to help to the best of your ability, which is _another_ crazy thing I’m not entirely sure why you did”

I mean… no, she got me there. That was nuts.

“She’s right” Alistair pipped in from the side “The situation was just bigger than you could’ve handled. There’s no shame in failing, much less under those circumstances”

His face was gentle, and I wondered if he was talking to himself as much as to me. Maybe he’d finally forgive himself for what happened at Ostagar, too.

I smiled and closed the distance to give Kallian a hug “Thank you, both”

We parted, a good vibe in the air; all forgiveness and sunshine.

There was just one little detail left.

“Actually, that wasn’t the thing I thought you’d be angry about” I looked up at Alistair, as innocently as I could manage.

“It wasn’t?” he cocked his head and regarded me with curious, light brown eyes.

I shook my head and, after a moment of hesitation, handed him the letter “I failed to save the King, but I did succeed with someone else”

I could see the exact moment he put it together. His face went from curious to shell shocked in 0.1 seconds.

Tentatively, as if not wanting to get his hopes up, he reached for the letter and opened it. His eyes got wider and wider as he read through it, gripping the vellum with trembling hands.

I didn’t actually know what it said, I hadn’t read it out of an ingrained sense of respect for basic privacy and because Duncan had told me the gist of it. I knew it summarized Duncan’s encounter with me, the plan to get me to meet with them and the reason for all the secrecy, which had to do with them believing me an imposter, and thus waiting to gain their trust on my own, when such a letter would mean little to no gain upon presenting it. It also explained part of the reason why he hadn’t joined us, and his intent on bringing help for the battles to come.

Knowing all that, and seeing as the vellum wasn’t that long, I was sure he had to have read the whole letter at least twice.

Alistair finally covered his eyes with one hand, letting the one still holding onto the prove of Duncan’s survival hang at his side.

Kallian, who’d waited patiently for him to finish, finally snatched the letter and stepped aside to read it herself. Leliana had had enough too and went to read over her shoulder.

I focused on Alistair “I’m… sorry I didn’t tell you before. I know Duncan explained it himself, but we wanted there to be no question on its authenticity. I– ”

I didn’t get anything else out, there was a split second where my eyes met his, shining brightly with unshed tears, before Alistair lunged for me and trapped me in the biggest bear hug I’ve ever received.

Literally; he’s a big guy.

“You saved him. Thank you” he whispered; his voice chocked-full of emotion, shoulders trembling just barely.

I shook the surprise off and hugged him back. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just nodded my head, careful not to get it scraped on his armor.

Over his shoulder, my eyes met Kallian’s. She had the biggest smile on her face.

I chuckled to myself. Sometimes, very rarely, going along with the impulsive behavior was the wisest thing you could do.

* * *

“There is one thing I don’t understand”

Leliana addressed me as I returned from cleaning up at a nearby stream. I’d have to get some substitute for a modern toothbrush and toothpaste at some point, but for now I had proper dental hygiene to spare.

“I just finished brushing my teeth, but I’ll bite. Tell me, what’s on your mind?”

“In Duncan’s letter, there was a mention of unusual circumstances on your arrival on Ferelden. He also mentioned you might require our help, should we be willing to give it, or our understanding, should you leave us”

“He said WHAT?”

I threw my stuff unceremoniously into my bag and went to ask Kallian for the letter. I knew he must have done it to help me, but are you kidding me? I could not believe Duncan had been so irresponsible...!  
I stumbled to a halt, took two seconds to get my bearings, turned and went back to Leliana.

The sneaky rogue was waiting for me with a little smile that looked almost _smug_.

I took a breath “I hate you”

She laughed “Do you now?”

There. Right there, I caught a glimpse of DAI Leliana. So she’d always had it in her, huh?

“Ugh. Why would you do that?” I pouted. Such an obvious trick. There was no way Duncan _would_ have outed me like that.

“For information, of course” She smiled kindly “It’s not that I do not trust you. You are a friend to me. That is why, the more I know about you, the better I can be of assistance”

My heart melted along with my irritation “That’s not fair. How can I be angry when you put it like that?” And when I was damned impressed. She kept grinning at me. I let out a breath and scratched my cheek with my index finger “I’m happy you want to help me. I’m just not ready to share some things” I gave her a look “I’m sure you understand that”

She sobered up a bit “I see. Alright. I will not pry. But should you reconsider…”

“I know I can pour my guts out to you, yes” I gave her a hug “Thank you”

I went on to make breakfast for everyone while they finished cleaning up. It’d been mine and Kallian’s turn to keep watch last night, so I’d gone to bed early while she took the first half and she’d woken me up at an ungodly hour for the second. Having been awake for hours, I was ready and rearing to go. I’d be tired by the end of the day but for now, I’d enjoy some mint tea and my book while I waited. Said book, by the way, was getting better by the minute, and I wasn’t even halfway done. I couldn’t wait for the male lead to find out the female lead’s real identity.

The others joined me soon enough, and not ten minutes later, we resumed marching towards Kinloch Hold.

I thought, at most, we’d have to fight a group of darkspawn on the way. If I was unlucky, a group of bandits. I mean, I might not remember all the details, but knowing the future basically means you aren’t surprised by much. I hadn’t realized how annoying it would be when you expected something to go a certain way, and it didn’t.

I was 99% sure Zevran’s event shouldn’t be happening to us right now, since he appeared after completing one of the four main quests. I did recall the one at Redcliffe being a little different, given that it had another big quest attached to it: saving the Arl’s life by getting the Urn of Sacred Ashes. But in not killing Ponnor or using Isolde as a sacrifice in blood magic, we hadn’t completed the first part yet.

 _Hah_ , bottom line is, there shouldn’t be a blonde woman running to us, asking for help because _they_ attacked the wagon.

“Follow me! I’ll take you to them!”

We did, uneasily so. The others could tell something was off. I don’t think either of the rogues really believed her in the first place.

Confused at being caught unaware, I spent some precious seconds pondering at the difference between the game vs reality. I blame my lack of sleep plus being thrown off balance for what I said next.

“Who wants to bet this is a trap?”

The woman froze for a split second before turning around, hands drawn back in preparation for a spell.

_Glyph of Paralysis._

A pale blue circle flashed beneath her feet, forcibly halting her mid-movement.

Phew.

Leliana frowned at me “That was reckless”

I grimaced “Sorry, it slipped”

It really was a good thing I’d taken my staff out before I opened my damn mouth. Just because I’d somehow manage to get out of a potential mess didn’t mean I shouldn’t be more careful, because next time, my opponent could be faster than me.

Well, live and learn.

“What’s done is done” Kallian shrugged.

“And good thing too. You took out the mage before the ambush started” Alistair thought for a moment “This **is** an ambush, right?”

Kallian’s grin was a little maniacal “Shall we find out?”

Yikes. Good luck, Zevran.

* * *

If Zevran was surprised we’d taken his mage out of commission, he hid it well.

Ah, we didn’t kill her, okay? Just tied her up and gagged her so she wouldn’t attack us from behind. Good lord, this was my life now, and I wanted to keep it as bloodless as possible, thank you very much.

We hatched a quick plan, and I managed to detect a few assailants, though there were definitely some I couldn’t sense.

Case in point: Zevran.

“The Grey Wardens die here!”

Nice accent~

No, wait. Survive now, fangirl later. Also, he just said he wanted to kill my friends, so I really shouldn’t be concentrating on how much his voice reminded me of Puss in Boots.

So inappropriate.

Kallian called out a warning about traps on the ground right before Alistair let out a war cry and jumped right into the fray along with a snarling Scout.

While he tanked, I made sure to enchant everyone’s weapons with fire, and shot a spray of _Grease_ at the archers on top of a cliff next to us. Leliana did the usual and _Grease Fire_ ensued.

I swallowed hard at the sound of humans screaming as they burned.

I kept casting.

The plan was for Leliana to snipe at the archers; Alistair and Scout would taunt everyone they could and Kallian would be dancing through the field, making precise and lethal attacks unencumbered.

My job was basically to help everyone do their thing, hence the _Flaming Weapons_ and _Grease_. I also had to focus on healing everyone who needed it. As my only offensive spells were _Flame Blast_ and _Walking Bomb_ and I didn’t really want to hurt people, this suited me just fine.

The strategy was going well, until Zevran intercepted Kallian. The two rogues clashed, both equipped with dual weapons. They broke apart, regarded each other, and met once again in that deadly dance of theirs.

I sighed. He wasn’t going down easy, and honestly the less hurt he was, the less I’d have to patch him up after he joined us.

So I put a _Force Field_ on him. Kallian backed up and shot me a grin before going back to lessening the load on Alistair and Scout.

From inside the shield, Zevran regarded me analytically.

Gulp.

I ignored him, thinking I had about 30 seconds -he was a strong one, so I didn’t think it’d last as long as it did with lesser foes- before he’d be a threat again.

My mistake.

Leliana called out a warning, and I turned just in time to avoid one out of two arrows aimed at me. The second one hit me in the arm.

“ _Son of a bitch_!”

Tears welled up as I cradled my arm. It was surely _Combat Tactics_ that allowed me to remain standing and in possession of my mental capabilities enough to fire several magic shots at the two remaining archers. And having it only on level two was probably the reason why I’m not sure any of those hit. Later, I found out it was Leliana’s arrow which took down both archers’ lives.

Not long after that, Kallian was knocking out Zevran and tying him with the last of her rope.

As soon as I realized the battle was over -whoever wasn’t dead had ran away- my knees hit the ground.

Leliana was there in a flash, worry clear on her face.

“Maya” She made a soothing sound “It is alright. You will be alright”

I hadn’t realized I was whimpering until then, and I didn’t realize I was hyperventilating until I began seeing spots.

Bad. This way lay panic attacks.

It was supremely difficult, and I had to cajole myself many times to let the thought of the arrow still embedded in my upper arm go and instead focus my attention on my breathing exercises. My muddled mind had been trained enough to automatically remember that too much oxygen to the brain meant a panic attack, so I needed to reduce the length of my inhalations and extend the length of exhalations. I counted, three seconds breathing in, a pause, then six seconds breathing out. Repeat.

I did that until I felt someone take my left arm and, after a murmured apology, snap the arrow in two.

I felt that all the way to my bones.

I screamed and clawed at the earth with my other hand as whoever had a hold of my arm worked on getting the arrowhead out. Another someone grasped my right hand, and I gripped it hard enough I knew, somewhere in the back of my head, it had to hurt. At that time, though, I didn’t give a flying fuck. Much less when I felt nausea roll in and threw the contents of my breakfast on the ground.

Finally, _finally_ , the arrow came out. And with it, a gush of blood. I felt dizzy again, somehow finding myself wondering why, as I had kept breathing properly. Someone’s hands were already firmly on my wound, trying to stop the blood flow and I heard them mention something about closing the wound. Immediately after, a cool substance was spread over my poor arm; at the same time, I was offered a gulp of red liquid that tasted awfully like heavily burnt bread.

The wound closed up; the pain lessened to a considerable degree. I took another swig.

With a shaky breath, I slumped sideways. The same person who’d taken a hold of my hand caught me and let me rest against him, murmuring assurances I couldn’t quite catch.

Exhausted but almost pain-free, I reached three conclusions.

Poultices were the best.

It’s nice to have friends.

Zevran was in SO much trouble.


	14. I Only Went Commando Cause I Ran Out Of Clean Underwear

I'm not gonna lie. I was pissed at Zevran.

Apparently, Leliana had seen him give the order to shoot me from inside the shield I'd trapped him in. So it wasn't directly _him_ who hurt me, but potato potahto.

Don't get me wrong, I still wanted him on the team. Dude was pretty okay, job aside. I was content to just think of a couple of petty yet mostly harmless ways to get back at him and planned on letting time heal wounds; figuratively, cause other than exhaustion I was right as rain. I had a small scar but chicks dig those right?

 _Sigh_ , if only I was into girls…

Either way, I didn't need to wait long at all for the anger to cool down.

I was leaning against a big rock, munching on bread, Scout laying protectively at my side. My companions had taken care of their wounds via poultices and an injury kit and were almost recovered by the time Zevran woke up.

"Mmm… what? I… oh. I rather thought I would wake up dead. Or not wake up at all, as the case may be. But I see you haven't killed me yet"

Kallian's smile was so sweet it could've given me cavities "I decided I wanted to torture you, first"

He went on to admire Kallian and correctly assume he was about to be questioned, seeing as we hadn't killed him yet. Alistair had voiced an objection to that when Zevran was still unconscious, but alas, Kallian was still in charge and she wanted some answers. Leliana agreed; she recognized this as a way elaborate assassination attempt and saw the advantage of acquiring more information. Alistair had stated it was obviously Loghain's doing. He wasn't wrong, but Kallian didn't know that. And, honestly, I think she was interested in the life of another elf. As in, one who wasn't from an Alienage nor Dalish

Zevran breezily went on to introduce himself as an Antivan Crow and answered all of Kallian's questions. I did notice Kallian was a bit on edge. A hair meaner than she would usually be, I think. At first, I assumed it was simply her way of dealing with someone who'd just tried to kill her, but then another thought made its sneaky way into my mind.

Maybe, maaaybe, she was angry I'd been shot…?

Well, I mean, when the treatment of my arm was over, I noticed all the blood in Alistair's armor, and he had been shot as well, albeit in meatier places. I want to say mine hurt so badly because it'd hit bone, but while that may be true, I was sure me being unused to pain had more to do with it. I'd had a bad time of it and I think my companions realized that. So now they were angry on my behalf -Alistair was always prejudiced against the assassin in this scene, but Leliana herself seemed a tad peeved too-.

I wasn't sure, but the thought warmed me enough to melt my resentment against Zevran.

As the interrogation went on, I turned my thoughts to another matter. _Rock Armor_ was obviously not good enough. Perhaps it was because of the arrow's piercing damage -was that a thing in the DA verse? Bah- which is why I decided I needed to up my defensive game. Survival was my top priority, so it was only logical. Perhaps I should go for an Arcane Warrior built after all. I'd dismiss it before because I didn't want to be on the front lines, but I remember a couple of spells that would make me nigh invulnerable.

Mmm…

"…do you think, Maya?"

"Mmm… what?"

I looked up to find the rest of my companions, plus Zevran, staring at me expectantly.

"What was that? Sorry, I was distracted"

"Distracted? You do know we are interrogating an assassin that tried to kill us?" Alistair said.

I waved a hand dismissively "You've seen one interrogation, you've seen them all" or at least this one, I _had_ seen before "I got the gist of it though. He's a Crow, he got hired by Loghain -who he isn't loyal to-, he doesn't really like the Crows, he has no friends or family, his employers will hunt him down because he failed and now, he wants to join us because safety in numbers. Did I get everything?"

"Yes" said Leliana "Except that he didn't tell us he had no friends" she gave me a look.

Shoot "I mean, **do** you have any friends?" I asked Zevran.

"Friends, is it? Well, no, such as it is, I'm afraid my profession leaves precious little in the way of friendships. But I do wonder, do I appear so obviously friendless to you, my lovely lady?"

I took a second to answer that one "I think you look like you could use a friend"

He chuckled "In this situation? No doubt"

"Anyway, I was asking what you thought about him joining us" Kallian said, looking slightly amused.

"I'm cool with it"

" _Cool_?" repeated Alistair.

Kallian, having heard me say it before, replied "It means she's fine with it"

"What? You too? But it's his fault you got injured!"

I smiled "Aww, Al, you do care!"

He looked somewhere between exasperated and embarrassed "Can we focus on the assassin, please? You're not worried he'll betray us? Not even a little?"

I noticed he didn't say no. Such a sweetheart "Nah. We just need to befriend him, then the only back-stabbing he'll do is if we let him"

Kallian frowned "Befriend him? Really? And why would we let him do any back-stabbing at all?"

I shrugged my shoulders "Some people are into that" neither she nor Alistair seemed to get it "I'll tell you when you're older"

Zevran snickered "That, I wouldn't mind doing"

I could see Leliana attempting to swallow her giggles.

"You really think _befriending_ him will work?" said Alistair skeptically.

I winked "Killing them with love. The power of friendship. Call it what you will; works every time" I took a moment to ponder on all the companions along the three games "Well, maybe like three out of five times"

"Is that more knowledge from your homeplace?" Leliana raised an eyebrow.

"Uhm… in a way. But I'm sure this time it'll work"

"Well, that's three against one anyway" Scout barked from beside me "four against one. Sorry Alistair, but we really could use him" Kallian gave him a placating smile.

"Fine, I guess you're right, we can use him. Still, if there was a sign we were desperate, I think it just knocked on the door and said hello"

"Welcome, Zevran" Leliana said "Having an Antivan Crow join us sounds like a fine plan"

"Oh? You are another companion-to-be, then? I wasn't aware such loveliness existed amongst adventurers, surely"

Her face fell "Or maybe not"

Kallian cut the ropes and helped him to his feet.

After that, Zevran pledged his loyalty to her and we gathered our previously hidden bags -which were on the _other_ side of the fallen tree- and set forth once again.

* * *

The whole mess with Zevran happened on the fourth day of our journey. We were expecting to reach Kinloch Hold by tomorrow evening, spent a few hours there, and borrow a boat, then set sail back to Redcliffe. If you're wondering why we didn't sail there in the first place, it's because all Redcliffe had left after the attacks were rowboats. Because otherwise it'd be too freaking easy, right? We wouldn't spend the night in the Tower, though, cause the plan was to spend it at the Spoiled Princess Inn at Lake Calenhad Docks, then go convince the templars to let the mages go fresh in the morning.

It'd be more complicated than that, of course, but it'd still should only take us a day.

Unlike the rest of the trip, were we'd kept a brisk pace -yes, even me. Jerks- we took it a little easier that day. Which was great because I honestly wasn't at my best yet.

After getting past some initial grumbling, Zevran managed to engage both Kallian and Leliana in conversation. He _was_ a charming fellow, after all. He didn't have as much luck with our grumpy templar, however.

"You look displeased" I ventured, after Zevran gave up on Alistair and returned to bugging the girls.

"Yeah, that's one way to put it" he scoffed "I still don't understand why we're taking the _assassin_ with us. Do you seriously think _befriending_ him will make a difference if– **when** he decides to kill us in our sleep? And people call _me_ naive"

Oi.

"Perhaps" I said coolly "The rest of us have seen or know something you don't. Do you really think any of us would be stupid enough to take in someone who tried to kill us without a compelling reason?"

He must've noticed the change in my demeanor "Sorry, but that isn't what I meant" he scratched the back of his head, wincing "Is there really something so obvious the three of you saw that I didn't?"

I felt bad then. Didn't mean to make _him_ feel silly.

I thought about it, then said "Those two are rogues. They are sneaky and scarily observant. If there is a trap or if someone is trying to trick us, they'll be the first to know. When it comes to cunning, I don't think the rest of us are a match for them" regrettably, but I still had hope in my 18 _Cunning_.

Alistair looked like he could live with that "And you?"

I grinned "Well, try as I might, I'm not as savvy as a self-respecting rogue would be, so maybe I know something, eh?"

He looked at me suspiciously "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Know something"

"I don't know, do I?" I batted my eyelashes innocently.

"You're playing with me" he said grumpily.

"Nuh uh. If I was, you'd know. And you would enjoy it too"

I only half meant the innuendo, but he got it this time and went red.

"I– that's not–" he sputtered and went quiet.

After a while, he got his normal color back and looked my way again "You _are_ cunning"

I laughed "I'll take that as a compliment"

The five of us kept bantering until it was time to set camp. We divided the chores, told Alistair very clearly he was NOT to touch the cooking pot under any circumstances, and got to work.

I got tent duty. We had three, so I was thinking how we were gonna do this when Zevran approached me.

"Good evening, Bella"

I admit, I perked up a little. Not because of the endearment, but because unlike the rest of the party, this was the first time Zevran had singled me out to talk. I was feeling a little left out, sue me.

"Hey Zev" I gave a quick nod while still working on the last tent.

He chuckled "I see you wasted no time in using the shortened version of my name"

"Hope you don't mind. I did say I wanted to be friends, so I figured nicknaming was a good start"

"Oh? And how would you continue? Some light touch, perhaps?"

"Yeah, that's not a bad idea. I think elves are the same, but I know for a fact humans’ bond over contact"

His laugh got deeper "I can guarantee, we do"

"That's good to know, though before that, some getting to know each order might be best. Perhaps we could play some games"

"I love games" he purred.

I finished setting the tent and turned fully to him. He'd gotten closer as we spoke. I gave him a bright smile "Awesome. Let's go then" I ushered him toward the bonfire, were the other three were already chatting as Scout snored next to Kallian.

"You guys want to play a game?" I asked as I sat Zevran on one of the logs someone had dragged to sit next to the fire and took the place between him and Alistair.

"What sort of game?" asked Kallian, clearly interested.

"I was thinking 'Never Have I Ever'" At the blank stares, I explained "We take turns to say something we've never ever done, but think others here might have, and if someone else in the group _has_ done it, he or she loses a point. Or drinks, if we're playing with alcohol"

"I don't think we have any" Kallian looked a little disappointed at that.

I laughed evilly "My dear, you underestimate me"

I opened my bag and ripped open the six-pack I'd already left at the top of it without taking it out. I then passed a can of beer to each of the people present. Minus Scout, because he looked like someone who could not hold his liquor.

Kallian grinned "What happens if no one drinks?"

"Then the person who made the statement drinks"

"I am not sure about this" said Leliana, as she inspected her beer dubiously "It is my turn to be a sentinel tonight. It wouldn't do for me to be inebriated"

"I promise the alcohol content in this is low. Trust me, I'm a lightweight"

"A lightweight?"

"It means she gets drunk really fast" laughed Kallian. Come to think of it, I'd told her that only a few days ago, when we were talking about the benefits of drinking water vs. wine with your everyday meal. Basically it's healthier, cheaper, and you don't have to worry about matching it with your food.

Leliana thought it over and shrugged "Very well. We are in a rather unused trail anyhow. And surely, we deserve a break every once in a while, no?"

"That's the spirit!" I cheered.

"I'm in, too" said Kallian "I want to try this game from your home"

And we got two "Excellent. Alistair?"

"Count me in" he said happily, all thoughts of our new companion assassin done and over with.

"And Zev loves games so we're all set"

The elf in question had a smooth smile on his lips. I couldn't see any sign of confusion or discomfort, but I knew he was a good actor. I giggled inwardly as I imagined what he was thinking while we were talking earlier. I had taken the conversation in an entirely different direction. There was just something about surprising people like that that was oddly satisfying.

"Any questions?" I asked.

"Yes, how do you open this thing?"

"Here, give me that before you cut your fingers" I took the beer from Alistair and showed everyone how to open it.

"Okay. I'll start, and we can go clockwise" I made a motion with my hand and index finger. At the other's nods, I began "You always need to say the name of the game first. Like this: never have I ever… been arrested"

Leliana and Zevran drank.

Kallian giggled "Leliana?"

"It was a long time ago, and only for a short while"

I turned to Zev "What about you?"

"Several times, for as long as I wished" he winked.

"How can you stay in a cell for as long as you wish? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of, you know, being imprisoned?" asked Alistair.

"Perhaps I'll tell you some other time. Now, I believe it is your turn"

"Alright, never have I ever… left Ferelden"

All of us except Kallian, as expected.

Leliana's turn "Never have I ever…" she grinned "screamed in a monastery"

"Oh, I'll get back at you for that one" Alistair drank.

"Why would you scream in a monastery?" Kallian asked.

"Just checking. It got so quiet sometimes, you know?"

We laughed until Kallian claimed her turn "Never have I ever… embarrassed myself while drunk"

Leliana and I.

"Really? Never?" Kallian asked Zev "I mean, Alistair grew up in the Chantry and we hardly had money to buy much alcohol but I don't think that's the case for you…?" She left the question hanging.

"I suppose you could say I don't embarrass easily" Zevran gave her a cocky grin and took a voluntary sip "My turn. Shall we raise the stakes a little? Never have I ever kissed someone in public"

All except Alistair.

"Wait, Zevran drank for his own question. Is that allowed?" Leliana asked.

I waved a hand in response. Whatever, it's a game.

"Never, Alistair? Truly?" asked Zevran.

Al shrugged good-naturedly. Atta-boy, there's nothing wrong with that. Or with not kissing anyone at all, for the matter.

We didn't have a lot of alcohol, so following Zev, I said "Never have I ever gone commando" then drank.

"What is that?" asked Kallian.

"Ah, right. It means being fully clothed except for under-things"

"Oh" Leliana giggled. And drank.

So did Zev.

Alistair said "Maker" AND DRANK.

We did a couple more rounds, the questions getting riskier.

"My turn" said Zevran "Never have I ever had sex with a woman"

Oh boy. He drank, obviously.

So did Leliana, glancing sideways at Kallian as she did.

My favorite elf blushed and looked down. Yikes. Stay strong, girl.

"Wait. You mean to tell me you have never…"

"I didn't drink, did I? Not that it's any of your business"

We turned to Alistair, who had his arms crossed and was frowning at Zevran.

"You've… oh" Kallian offered a small smile "I guess growing up at the Chantry doesn't give much opportunity"

From what I remembered, and what I'd seen tonight, Alistair was a good sport when it came to his virginity. But this was a very private part of his life, and talking about it in a group, with the girl he was in love with, probably wasn't much fun.

"There is nothing wrong with sex" I said "Have sex with men, woman, with a single person, in a group, indoors, outside, a lot of it, once in a while, don't have sex… it's all okay. For instance, I'm the type that can't get it on unless I'm somewhat familiar with the person. I don't do casual; it doesn't work for me, and that's okay, too"

Don't misunderstand. The self-revelation didn't come easy for me. I felt bad that the game I proposed had put him out there like that, so I put myself out there too. It was only fair.

I don't know if he got what I was trying to do, but I got a tiny smile and a grateful nod from Alistair. Worth it.

Zevran had no such compunction "Fair enough. I find everyone has something to offer and am very happy to accept should they decide to offer it. But, even if I don't share the sentiment, I can respect it" he got a twinkle in his eyes "Of course, I am very capable of offering as much, and more, than I am offered, should I be given the chance to prove it"

He went on to flirt and joke with us, effectively diffusing any lingering awkwardness.

Phew!

"Bella Maya, may I speak with you before you retire for the night?"

Zevran stopped me just as I was about to get into my tent. It turned out he had a tent of his own, so sleeping arrangements would remain the same.

…Damn. I felt like having a sleep-over. Maybe once we got to The Spoiled Princess, I could bunk with Kallian and Leliana.

"Sure. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, I'm sure there are many things you could do. Sadly, that is not why I am here. You never intended to let me share your tent, did you?"

I smiled wryly "Nope. No offence, you are a beautiful man. But as I said, casual doesn't work for me"

"Perhaps you just haven't had the pleasure of encountering more… experienced lovers?"

Was that a pun?

…

Hehe.

"Nah. Honestly, it's me. It's happened with everyone I've been with. I get too nervous. Think too much. Can't seem to get out of my head. With more permanent partners, I've discovered that time and patience are just what I need to be able to…let go, I guess"

"I see. Then, what you said earlier, about being friends…"

I waited, but he didn't go on "Yes…?"

"You truly only mean for us to be friends? You do not expect anything from me?"

"I expect a friend of mine to be a friend back. As a friend, I try to be caring, loyal and a good companion both in fun and difficult times. That's what being a good friend is for me. I also prefer my friends to be fully clothed when they're around me" He scoffed and I laughed "But let me assure you, I don't expect your version of a good friend to be the same as mine. You do you, and as long as you're honest about wanting to be friends with me, I'll take it"

Friends, friends, friends. Gah, even I was getting embarrassed with all this friendship talk. So mushy.

"I…" for the first time in this very hectic day, he was at a loss of words.

I smirked "Chill, dude. We will either get along, or we won't. The last thing I want to do is force it. But I sure as hell am gonna try. Make a fist" I made a fist of my own and stretched it to him. Still confused, he did as I asked and I bumped it with mine "That's called a fist bump. It's usually a way to celebrate a job well done"

"I… see. I job well done, is it? Whatever do you think I've done a good job of?" He said, regaining a little of that cocky attitude.

I shrugged "Surviving. You did well. Good night, Zevran"

He answered after a heartbeat "Sweet dreams, Bella"


	15. It’s A Kind Of Magic~

We made it to The Spoiled Princess Inn by nightfall the next day. I noticed there was a man kinda just frolicking about the town’s main entrance. I idly wondered if it was the guy who was part of Sten’s companion quest of getting his sword back. Not that it mattered by now.

Our group made a beeline for the Inn. As with most places I’d seen in Thedas, it was bigger than its game version, and I could more clearly see how much the bar needed a good clean-up. There was dust everywhere and WAS THAT A SPIDER? Ugh.

I kinda had my sleepover. It was decided the girls would get a room while the guys went to another. Leliana and I took care of that while Kallian and the guys went to talk to a guy from the Mages Collective they’d spotted from the Inn’s entrance.

We secured the rooms and went back down to wait. We sat at the bar and chatted to the Innkeeper about whatever. The man was surprisingly talkative, though I guess it was because they didn’t get very many people here. Might also be because we purchased a couple of health poultices and lyrium potions from him. There was also a cute dwarven waitress, who I assumed was Felsi, Oghren’s old flame. She was fairly nice, and while I hadn’t met the man yet, probably too good for his drunken ass.

There was a feeling I was missing something. There was something else I could do in this place and for the life of me I couldn’t remember what it was.

… Eh, it’ll come to me.

At one point, Leliana took notice of an old chest and asked the Innkeeper about it. Apparently, it was an old thing he’d lost the key to. When Leliana asked him if she could try and open it, he was surprisingly okay with it. He just shrugged his shoulders and told her to be his guest.

I don’t know. It seems weird to me too but maybe it’s normal here? Maybe that’s why the Warden can get away with opening so many chests that aren’t theirs in the game. Bah.

Not a minute later, the door to the Inn opened and we were greeted by the sight of three gritty adventurers and a filthy dog.

I threw my hands in the air “What the hell?” Wait no, that wasn’t it “Are you guys alright?” Yeah, that was better.

“We’re fine” Kallian waved me off “Just ran into one of those guys that deserted from the ranks of the Blackstone Irregulars. I told him to go turn himself in and he just went and attacked us” she shook her head, seemingly amazed at that turn of events.

Zevran chuckled at her side “Yes, imagine that”

“But why are you wet?” Leliana had come back from messing with the chest and walked towards them.

Kallian rolled her eyes “We were close to the lake, and _someone_ wouldn’t stop splashing around”

I thought she meant Scout but then she turned to look at Alistair with thinly veiled amusement. The man in question looked like a little kid who’d played a prank and avoided trouble.

Dude.

After that we asked the Innkeeper to provide us with something to clean up and he said he had a single tub we’d have to share. Zevran made a comment about not minding sharing with Kallian, which was largely ignored and we all retired to our rooms.

No one had more than a couple scratches, so my services as a healer weren’t needed. I picked up my book and read it by candlelight while Kallian took her bath. Right there, in the same room.

I mean, I don’t mind, we’ve taken baths together in streams before. But GOOD LORD if Leliana didn’t stop giving her those heated looks and blushing I was gonna have to sleep with the guys.

I forgave her because she’d found another one of those love letters in the chest downstairs, and because Kallian was oblivious to her wandering eyes, but can anyone say AWKWARD?

Thank the universe for my book. The main characters had just saved the day again and the male lead had been rejected by the female lead, again. But that was because she didn’t know he was the guy she’d fallen in love with. So now they were back to their normal lives, but their respective partners _had_ found out the other’s identity and…

“Kallian, do you need help washing your hair?”

Alright I’m out.

I made my excuses and went downstairs, hoping I could read my book there in peace.

I sat at an empty table and hadn’t finished a single page when Felsi approached.

“What can I get for you?”

“Nothing, thank you, Felsi. I was just going to sit here and read, if that’s alright”

“Hey I don’t mind. But that grumpy old man is gonna get in my case if I don’t ask you. Not that he can do much. You lot are the only actual guests we’ve had all week”

It was Tuesday, but I wasn’t pointing that out “Thanks then, I’m good”

“Alright, just don’t mind me coming from time to time to check on you”

I thanked her again and went back to my reading. I was just beginning to get into it again when the door opened and Alistair came inside.

“Maya? Hey, what are you doing down here?”

Despairing “Just reading. You?”

“I was getting mud all over the room, so I thought I’d do a few exercises while I waited for Kallian to be done” He took a sit across from me “Couldn’t you read in your room?” He asked curiously.

Apparently, I couldn’t read anywhere “Yeah, but Leliana is making eyes at… ah” I grimaced.

“Oh… _oh._ ” He blushed a little and laughed “I guess that’s the benefit of being a girl, huh?”

“I guess so”

There was a pause, then “Do you think they’re…?”

I blinked “Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?”

“I– Andraste’s sword. No. I mean, sure, hot, but… please don’t answer that” he ran a hand through his still dirty hair.

“I don’t think so. Scout’s there so…” I took pity on him, even though he’d just low-key admitted to thinking girl-on-girl was hot. _Sigh_ , men.

“Right. Probably a mood-killer. I’ll have to get that dog a bone or two”

I laughed and we lapsed into silence. I was about to excuse myself and go back to my book when he spoke.

“Do you remember you offered to teach me about… you know”

“What?”

“It’s fine if you weren’t serious. I just thought… Maker, I just want to not be in as much a disadvantage as I am now. Zevran offered to give me some tips. He said he didn’t understand how Fereldans could not talk about it and expect to know what we were doing. I told him I was _not_ talking to him about that but… it got me thinking. Maybe I should try to… inform myself? And you offered before so…”

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Full stop. Holly cow was he asking me to teach him sex ed?

“…this was a bad idea. Maker, I’m sorry. Forget I asked” He stood to leave.

“Hey, wait. I didn’t say no” He sat back down “I agree with Zevran. People should have access to some degree of sex education. Because it is something most people will deal with eventually. And for health reasons”

He perked up “So you will?”

“Yep, I’ll teach you” I grinned “I even promise to keep the jokes to a minimum and stick mostly to being informative. Let us begin with the differences between boys and girls, yeah?”

“You know, I think I’m going to regret this. Oh, wait, I think I already am”

This was gonna be hilarious.

* * *

Next morning, we woke up early and got ready to leave for the Tower. Kallian and I were just paying the Innkeeper for breakfast when it hit me.

“Do you happen to know anything about a brother Genitivi?”

That was it! This guy was supposed to give us one of the hints to get to Haven.

I was feeling pretty good with myself, until I realized the man had turned pale.

“Brother Geni… no… no, of course not. I’ve never heard of him”

It hit me a second time. I don’t even know what _it_ is, but _it_ did.

That’s right, he was being threatened or something.

Whoops.

“Oh, okay then. Thanks anyway”

I quickly took Kallian’s arm and led us both out, where the others were waiting.

“What was that about?” Kallian questioned “And who is this brother Geni– Genti– _ugh_ ” she made a face “ _Genitivi_ ”

Pfft, I feel ya girl. Hell of a name “I heard a rumor in Lothering. I think he’s trying to find the Urn of Sacred Ashes. And then I heard in Redcliffe that the Arlessa was also trying to find it but the knights she sent hadn’t returned, so I thought I’d ask” I shrugged.

She gave me a look “And you thought some random innkeeper would know?”

I shrugged again. I think Kallian was beginning to suspect something about me too.

Good.

“Hmm… Well he definitely knew something. Do you want me to ask him again?”

She was so nice “Nah, don’t worry. It’s enough to know he was here, for now”

My timing had been bad, I shouldn’t have asked. I gained nothing at this point and just confused people more. Note to self, think before speaking.

Alright, okay, shake it off now. We’re going to the Tower. Abominations and blood mages galore. Super fun times, here I come!

* * *

Today was not my day.

As if three hours rowing on a boat wasn’t enough -not that I had to row, but whatever-, I’d had to pay for it with cookies to the damn Queen of Antiva.

Stupid Carroll.

Then, we had to deal with Knight Commander Greagoir. In the game, I thought he was one of the most reasonable Templars. If compared to Cullen, who is trying to convince him to kill everyone by the end of the quest, he was downright pleasant. But being there in person, hearing him plan a mass murder because he doesn’t _think_ he has another choice, doesn’t leave much room for understanding.

The cherry was when he started eyeing me suspiciously. I’m sure the magic stick magically stuck to my back had something to do with it. I was good, though, and settled for ignoring him and the other templars who looked at me funny. I even went to check the stuff the quarter master had for sale. He had some interesting merchandise, but nothing I really wanted to spend my money on, now that I had some. That’s right, I was starting up my fortune again. After the mess in Redcliffe, Kallian told me I should always carry some gold as part of my share of the profits we made along the way. So basically, I was now the recipient of something between a salary and an allowance.

The gear didn’t interest me much, as the best stuff seemed too heavy for my level of strength, so I ended up buying a few potions -both hp and mp friendly- and a remarkable malachite. The “remarkable” part tickled my memory bone, and I thought maybe it was one of those stones you gave Shale as a gift. I’d hold on to it for the time being, just in case. I also sold some stuff I’d found, like a few daggers -kept the best one, the one made of steel Duncan had given me, for myself-, some paper, crystals, etc. You know, the junk part of the inventory.

I went back to the others right on time to hear Greagoir say something about doubting there was anyone alive, and that he’d only open the doors if First Enchanter Irving says so.

Like, seriously? You think he’s dead and then admit only he could convince you to open the door? Was he _hoping_ we wouldn’t go in?

Alright, fine, my heart did thaw a little when he said it was too painful to hope for survivors and find nothing. So perhaps he did care about the people living in the Tower. And maybe his own sense of honor demanded he told us exactly how dangerous he believed going into the Tower was.

So I opened my big mouth to reassure him that Irving was most definitely still alive and that we’d bring him back with us no problem. In retrospect, when he asked me how I knew for sure, I probably shouldn’t have snapped my fingers and sang the opening bars to Queen’s _A Kind of Magic_.

We quickly went ahead through the doors, but I could feel his glare on me as said doors closed behind us.

Yikes.

As we began going down the hall, all remnants of mirth escaped me. There were dead bodies everywhere. Blood splattered on the walls. Men and women and _teenagers_.

Oh my God.

I tried very hard to keep a tunnel vision.

I was still a bit spooked when we entered the dormitories. We found an interesting diary about some kind of summoning, which Kallian thought a good idea to collect. I didn’t quiet remember what it would lead to, but my money was on another fight. Probably with demons or blood mages. Ugh.

We found a lyrium potion and a deep mushroom. I got the first one, as the only mage in the party, and I guess if push came to shove the others would have to share the other one. Although Wynne probably had _Rejuvenate_. On the next room, we found more pages of the diary, and Zevran went and picked a locked chest -oh shoot, we had three rogues in the party, huh?- and produced one of those cowl things the mages wore. He turned to me, and I think he intended for me to use the thing, before realizing I already had my helmet equipped. I didn’t like wearing it, but I’d take it any day to that cloth thing that looked like it hadn’t been aired for months.

Zevran saw my expression, shrugged, and pocketed it.

We found an apprentice staff too, but when I held it, I could tell, thanks to my cheat game abilities, that my Lighting Rod was better in damage, armor penetration, range, spellpower and stats, with its extra electricity oomph and resistance. It was too big to carry and sell later, and it would probably be stealing, so I dropped it with a shrug. Oh well.

We moved on, through the second set of doors in the long hallway.

I should thank the rage demon that came later. It got me out of my head and into what was happening in front of me fairly quickly. And what was happening was the fragile looking old lady with snow-white hair _owning_ that demon and pushing it back like a naughty child past his bedtime. Except with way more violence.

Wynne, the badass grandma, turned to face us “Stop, right there. Take another step and I swear I will strike you down where you stand”

Badass~

Kallian put her hands up in surrender “Calm down, I’m not going to do anything… wait, there are children here?”

Looking around, there where nearly two dozen kids, huddled together in groups, likely scared out of their minds.

Wynne settled down a little and began asking Kallian about the situation outside. What she was here for and looked genuinely crestfallen, if sadly accepting, when she heard that Greagoir planned on using the Right of Annulment.

I wondered if the fan theory that Greagoir was Rhys’ father was actually true.

She went on to explain a little about Uldred, and how his stupidity and pride where the cause of all this. When she heard what Greagoir had said about opening the doors only if the First Enchanter was there, Wynne responded that if anyone could have survived until now, it was him.

“Maya also seems sure that the First Enchanter is alive” Kallian turned to me, curiosity but not accusation in her eyes.

Oh no. Why? Why would you say that in front of Wynne?

I suppose I _had_ said it too in front of the Knight Commander though, so I guess I’m not one to talk. But I cared waaay more what she thought of me than what Greagoir did.

“And how would you know such a thing?” Wynne asked.

I took a second too long to answer, apparently, because Kallian did it for me. Or should I say _sang_ it for me.

“It’s a kind of magic”

KALLIIAAAANN!!

And freaking Alistair snapped his fingers.

Why me?

“I just– I thought as you did, that if anyone was alive, it’d be the First Enchanter, right? And I wanted Gre– the Knight Commander to give us a chance…”

I don’t think anyone believed me. But, come on, I dare you to try and come up with a convincing lie on the spot in this situation. Nevermind that I got into it because of my own damn fault.

Really, not my day.

“You are a mage?” Well, yes. Was the staff too obvious a clue? “You… what circle do you hail from?”

Jesus “Umm… is that important right now? Don’t we have more pressing matters?”

Wynne narrowed her eyes at me “You are avoiding the question”

Well, hell “Maybe, but I’m also right” I took a gamble then “I have _faith_ we can deal with that later”

Weirdly phrased, but a gleam of understanding crossed Wynne’s features. She got my message.

“Very well, we will talk later” She hid her unsettlement well and went on to offer her assistance in cleansing the tower of its demons, which Kallian accepted.

We left our luggage with the mages there. I took the smaller bag my climbing gear had been in and filled it with potions and a few rations. Alistair offered to carry it, but I refused. I had a much better chance of keeping the potions intact, while his barreling through enemies would surely break a few glasses. But I appreciated the thought.

I also took notice of the basement entrance. There it was. Finally, the key to finding out just what the hell was going on with my life. The creepy statue of the poor woman who could see the future. My ticket home.

I was so close; it took a great deal of effort to follow the rest towards the barrier. Thank the universe my _Willpower_ was up to task, huh?

The three rogues in the party had definitely noticed the exchange with Wynne. I think even Alistair wised up about it. No one asked though.

We had a Tower to storm.

* * *

Wynne paused in front of the barrier, amazed she had been able to keep it up this long.

“Did it tire you out?” Kallian asked her worriedly.

“It made me very weary at times, but I had to stay strong, to keep us safe” she said matter of factly, if gently “Be prepared for anything. I do not know what manner of beasts lurk beyond this barrier”

“Do not fear, my good lady. Our Grey Warden is very good at fending off attackers. Speaking from experience here”

I laughed “Uh huh, we whooped his butt not too long ago, actually”

“Oh?”

Kallian giggled “Yup, but we’ll tell you on the way. I am ready to do this, let’s get on with it” she said, jumping from foot to foot like a boxer.

“All right, Be on your guard…”

She raised a hand and concentrated. A light blue light surrounded her hand like electricity, and exploded softly, bringing down the barrier with it.

Soooo COOOOL!

I wonder if she’d teach me that.

Wynne would be a treasure of a teacher if I could convince her I was worth her time.

Oh yeah, I was gonna have to be on my best behavior with her.

We rounded the corner, Kallian leading the party along with Zevran, both in _Stealth_ mode. They would go a bit ahead, then come back to warn us of any impeding danger. Of course, they came back with news as soon as they took a peek in the next room.

The library had been infested with abominations. Go figure.

Three of them, to be exact. We hashed a quick plan and readied ourselves for battle.

Kallian and Zev went in first, still in _Stealth_. Alistair gave them a minute to position themselves before he went charging in with Scout barking his head off.

Leliana, Wynne and I followed at a distance as both warriors taunted the abominations.

Then the spell-blazing began.

I put the farthest one in a shield, to take care of later. Then proceeded to use _Glyph of Paralysis_ on the one Alistair wasn’t directly engaging. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Wynne casting some sort of buff on our almost templar as well, and the difference in vigor it caused.

The rogues came out of stealth to tear into the same abomination. We basically ganged up on it and finished it off right after the glyph ran out of juice. Then we proceeded to do the same with the second one. But the _Force Field_ went down before we were done.

“Careful!” Zevran yelled as he crashed into the abomination that had managed to sneak up on Kallian, ironically saving the rogue from a backstab -not an actual one, _duh._ They didn’t have daggers-. Wynne finished off the second ugly with a precise ray of magic, giving us leeway to take care of the third one.

Alistair used a _Taunt_ again and the remaining abomination focused on him, who tanked admirably as the rest of us crushed him with our respective talents.

A well-placed arrow from Leliana brought an end to the fight.

“Is everyone alright?” Kallian gazed at each of us in turn.

Alistair was surprisingly fine, despite being a meat shield. On the other hand, squishy Zevran hand a nasty gash worryingly close to his neck.

“Just a scratch. Although if it will get you fawning over me, perhaps I _am_ feeling a bit faint, after all”

Kallian scoffed as he made eyes at her.

Wait a minute…

Wynne took over, and I watched closely as Zevran’s injury shined a soothing blue for a few seconds, before knitting itself. I watched in amazement as Wynne swept a cloth where the injury had been, wiping away the blood to reveal perfectly smooth skin.

Wow.

When I looked at her, she wasn’t even winded.

Double wow.

That’s it. Plan to endear myself to her and beg her to teach me was now in motion.

Wynne sensei, I hope you’re ready.

Tee hee~


	16. I’m Acting Weird. So What’s New?

I’d been watching Zevran interact with Kallian for a while. That boy chased anything with a skirt, and anything without, so I took most of his flirting with her as innocuous as his flirting with me and Leliana. Now, I was not so sure. It seemed the player of an assassin had fallen for that Kallian and her bleeding heart, or was on his way to do so. Now, let me make this clear: I think Kallian is awesome. She is brave, strong and kind. And very pretty and clever. I can definitely see how someone could fall for her. But come on, all three of them? Literally every single one of the romance options for a female Warden had the hots for her.

No, but if I think about it, it’s actually pretty accurate. I remember my first play-through. I’d chosen an elven mage and meant to romance Alistair. Imagine my surprise when he **and** Zevran both confronted me about choosing someone for good. Like, hello? When did I ever give you any indication whatsoever that I wanted to start that kind of relationship? When Leliana did the same thing I was done. I dumped everyone and ended the game solo. That’s what I got for playing without a guide.

I romanced Alistair on my second play-through, _with_ a guide, this time, and my Warden ended up a happy dwarf. On the third, my Dalish elf went for Zevran and got him in the end as well. I never did romance Leliana, but I think I would have if I’d played a fourth time. Interestingly, I would have chosen the City Elf origin if I had.

In any case, I guess Kallian was doomed to experience three gorgeous and capable companions vying to get her attention. Poor girl.

After the fight with the demons we poked around the library some more. Found another note, from the same apprentice’s diary from before, I think. I was actually more interested in, like, ALL the other books. For one, I didn’t expect those to end up summoning demons; for another, they were books about _magic._ How cool was that? I was specially interested in shields. Imagine if, on top of being an Arcane Warrior, I put up several shields at once? Plus my _Rock Armor_? All of it boosted by _Spell Wisp_?

All hail Maya the untouchable! Maya the Iron Curtain! The Wall of Ferelden!

Nyahahaha~

Kidding aside, I was seriously tempted to steal some of these. Wynne must’ve noticed my interest, cause while the others were trying to figure out some summoning thing making red little hurricanes on the floor -and getting mildly electrocuted in the process-, she came to ask me about it.

“Have you an interest in shields, child?”

“Yes. I only know how to create a _Force Field_ , which is great, but I can’t keep it up permanently. And even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to do anything else so I’d get trapped in a fight”

“I see” She eyed me carefully “ _Force Field_ is a second level spell. You must have some amount of training. Are you specializing on the _Spirit_ spell branch?”

“Oh, I… not really” I brought up my list of spells “I currently know more _Creation_ spells”

I wasn’t sure where she was getting at, so I was reticent about revealing too much. Everything you say can and will be used against you, right?

She nodded “Branching out a little is very common. I myself specialized in _Creation_ but have spent some time studying _Primal_ spells. Although, I haven’t paid much attention to them after furthering my studies as a Spirit Healer”

I perked up and raised my voice a little, so the others would hear “Spirit Healer? That’s amazing! I only know the most basic healing spell, so it’s been a little rough during battles. I’m glad you decided to come with us” I smiled.

How sad was it that the thought of our survival rate going up made me genuinely giddy? Oh, how my life had changed.

“Are you interested in becoming a healer?”

“Yes. At least within the _Creation_ branch. After that… I’m still thinking about it” Couldn’t say I was considering the Arcane Warrior route. If I recalled correctly, it was a bit of a lost art.

Wynne nodded again “You are still young; no need to decide just yet, but its good that you’re giving it some thought already” She eyed the book I had picked “I recommend starting with _Arcane Shield_. _Spell Shield_ is easier, but it will require you to spend mana each time it absorbs a hostile spell into the Fade, whilst _Arcane Shield_ won’t drain you more after the initial toll and deflects both spells and physical attacks equally”

I checked both spells in my screen “Mm… yeah you’re right. But I’d have to learn _Arcane Bolt_ first…”

“A standard beginner spell. One every Circle Mage should know”

I froze. She got me.

Shoot. This crafty, magical old lady.

I turned back to her looking at me like a headmistress awaiting an explanation. Usually, I would’ve been rather flippant with her. I didn’t owe her anything, after all. I had to remind myself that I was trying to earn her good graces.

With a sigh, I said “Okay, fine. I’m not a Circle Mage. I…”

“You’re an apostate”

I cringed a little “Yes, but…”

“I know we are not making a good impression right now. But I promise the Tower isn’t usually filled with demons. Should you like to join us, you would be welcome”

I blinked. The conversation had not gone the way I expected it to.

Wynne smiled benevolently “Had you expected me to shun you for being an apostate? Force you to stay? Or perhaps outright attack you?”

Did I say that out loud? No, no I didn’t. What was it with all these mind readers? I swear to God, if this kept going, I was gonna have to fashion a Thedas version of a tinfoil hat or something.

“Sorry” I apologized sheepishly “I shouldn’t have assumed”

Wynne patted my hand “Its quiet alright, dear. I know the Circle of Magi doesn’t have a very good reputation out there, but I promise it isn’t as bad as they make it sound” she chuckled softly “Even though that may not be very convincing, given our current circumstances”

I laughed “Thank you for the offer, but after all this is over, I’m hoping to go back home. You see, I’m not from Thedas”

Wynne seemed intrigued at that, so I repeated my tale of coming from far away, new awakened magical powers forcing me to look for some kind of guidance and bla bla bla. She was a bit concerned at my limited experience, so I went on to explain the weirdness that was my magic. Obviously, mine didn’t work like everyone else’s did. A fact I wasn’t sure she believed entirely, but she at least seemed willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. She did point out if I’d come to Ferelden for ‘guidance’ then hadn’t I planned to stay at the Circle from the beginning? I told her I wanted to know what I was getting into before signing up. What’s that? The Templars wouldn’t have let me leave? Well, color me surprised.

I was still talking shop with Wynne, absently following the others as they went about the huge library when my spidey-senses went all tingly.

“Wait, there’s–”

Alistair turned just in time to avoid a flying chair.

“…demons. Yeah” I gave them a toothy grin.

I got a few headshakes, but we quickly fell into formation and got rid of the Rage Abominations faster than you can say ‘Spiderman disclaimer’. This time, after we were done, Wynne called me over and explained the healing process she was doing over Alistair’s wounds. Poor guy got an earful of more magical theory than he probably cared to know, but I learned a lot. See, it’s all about layers. You can’t just use _Heal_ on the whole thing -like, who would do that right? Ahaha _cough cough_ \- you had to direct the magic to the deepest part of the injury you wished to heal, pay attention to make sure there’s nothing in there that shouldn’t be, then focus on healing as minutely as you’re able to. The way she explained it to me made me think of bacteria, which means _that_ needed to be gone -purified, I guess- before one started the healing of the tissue and blood vessels and all that jazz. After that, just work from inside all the way to the surface. The first was the hardest part, which meant that pouring the same amount of mana for the whole injury was overkill. Trickling down the mana output for the last few layers sounded tricky, but it was probably why Wynne didn’t need to pig out on snacks after healing.

I may have a cheat ability, but that didn’t mean I could seat back and take it easy. There was a whole lot of shit to learn.

Hurray.

Anyway, Kallian decided to give up on the summoning. Good riddance, that quest was hell without looking it up in the wiki.

We encountered another group of abominations before the stairs to the second floor. There was a Greater Rage Demon that made the fight more challenging, but we managed to come out of it with minor burns for the melee fighters. We used a poultice we found on one of the tables in that very room and went up ahead to the next floor.

Stairs. So many stairs.

Half a life later, we came out on the second floor.

“Ooh, you feel that?” Alistair shivered “It’s actually colder up here”

I looked around. This particular part of the Tower looked exactly like the one in the game. A few chairs and tables and shelves that I don’t think you found in game but the room itself was pretty much the same.

The tranquil guy was there. When we approached him Wynne recognized him as Owain. He gave us a hint about blood magic being at play in the Tower and informed us a mage named Niall went on ahead with the Litany of Adralla, a chant that prevented a person from being overwhelmed by blood magic. He also told us the stockroom was a mess, which I’m bringing up because it is vital information and you should absolutely know about it. You’re welcome.

I… have to admit it, Owain made me uncomfortable. Its just… something terrible had happened to him, but it was so difficult to feel sorry for him when the man himself seemed so unaffected. Mind you, without emotions, he _was_ unaffected. But I knew. Emotions are adaptative. They are what has kept humanity -and the other Thedosian races- alive for years through a complicated evolution system. Tranquil people simply wouldn’t survive on their own. Case in point: Owain. Danger lurked in every corner of the Tower at this very moment; it was a miracle he remained alive. And don’t get me started on the implications surrounding those in Kirkwall. Sick stuff.

I wanted to do something. Or rather, I _knew_ I wanted to do something. But what could I do? The cure for tranquility was somewhere in the pockets of the Seekers of Truth. Plus I was kind of in the middle of something. I couldn’t just drop the Blight threat to do something else right?

Right?

Kallian prodded Owain some more before we left him to his stockroom. Poor guy preferred to stay there. Man, I couldn’t remember what happened to him but I really hoped he wouldn’t die.

The room we were in was at the center of the Tower. The rest of the rooms were distributed in a circle around it, and two archways opened the way to them. A bunch of debris blocked one of them, so our path was effectively decided for us.

“I can sense mages further that way” I pointed before we went through. My radar only picked up one presence, but I’d bet my right arm there were more than that. And while we weren’t even in sight, I detected his or her hostility anyway. I wondered if that meant they’d attack anyone who approached.

“Given our current predicament, I am of the idea of being warry of any mages we might find here, yes?” Zevran commented.

Wynne sighed “I wish I could say otherwise; but Uldred is unlikely to be acting alone. At least some of the mages must be working with him”

Kallian nodded “We go in carefully. Zevran and I will scout first– no, Scout, I didn’t mean you. You go with Alistair”

“Yes. We are meat-shields, so our job is to make a lot of noise so that they’ll attack us and not them” he whined. Alistair, not the dog.

Kallian shot him a cheeky grin “You’re just so good at taking hits”

“Oh don’t try to butter me up, woman. I’m not falling for that”

For all the complaining though, he did a good job tanking. And Scout was unignorable what with him growling and barking his head off.

There was a single moment when I felt true fear -with _Combat Tactics_ level two, it honestly didn’t happen that often-. As you might’ve guessed, we fought a bunch of Blood Mages. One of them was strong enough to use the main Blood Magic attack on me. _Blood Wound_ , I think it was called? That was one hell of a scary attack, and if it wasn’t because Scout tackled the mage before she could finish casting, I would’ve been in a whole lot of pain.

Yeah, Blood Magic was OP, but scary was hell when you were on the receiving end.

The fight was difficult. Even us rangers ended up hurt. The rogues were worse and don’t get me started on the warriors.

Scary.

And then, the scary lady who’d tried to blood magic me begged for mercy. The other three were dead. I don’t know who made the killing blow. It didn’t matter. I attacked them with everything I had because doing otherwise meant death. The thought might have made me feel a little better, but I still felt pretty shitty anyway.

I wonder if I could ever be strong enough to not have to kill.

The girl was on the floor, whimpering. Pleading with us to understand their need for freedom. We didn’t understand, none of us save Wynne had ever been locked up like mages here were. Things needed to change, even if the price was high. The mage went on to reveal Loghain’s involvement in Uldred’s uprising, which did nothing to further endear him to us.

I didn’t completely disagree with her. While the Circle of Magi system had valid causes, it was true that mages were treated unfairly. But then I remembered the bodies of teenagers we’d seen on the first floor and I found myself a lot less sympathetic. I could not condone this.

“What you’ve done will make things worse for future mages” Kallian shook her head in disappointment.

And then, she let her go. Told her to join the mage’s ranks in the battle against darkspawn if she wanted to redeem herself that badly. And if the Templars decided she was too dangerous? She was on her own, but she better not try and kill innocent people like she had done today ever again.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I don’t know what I would’ve done if she’d decided to kill a fallen foe like that. Blood Mage or not, currently she was defenseless.

We looted what we could -Kallian found a book called ‘The Rose of Orlais’ and asked Wynne if she wanted to keep it, which made me think it was likely a companion gift. Wynne seemed a little troubled by it, which made sense, given that it used to belong to one of the mages we’d just killed, but accepted it anyway.

I don’t know. It seems odd to me but maybe I’m the weird one.

More exploring of the floor revealed abominations, zombies and Blood Mages. Kallian had apparently decided -and no one seemed to mind- to deal with everything that would dare to pick a fight with us. The player in me thought that was cool, because it meant heaps of EXP for me. The humanitarian -was that the right word here in Thedas?- just wanted to _please stop killing people._ Each time I detected a hostile target, I had a small heart attack and a split second where I prayed for it to be anything but a human or an elf. Most of the time, they weren’t. But… well, not always.

We found that guy, the one who smuggled lyrium or something hiding in a closet. He gave us a bit more information about Uldred and climbed right back after wishing us luck. Alistair raised a finger to his temple in what appeared to be a multiversal -is that a word? _Sigh_ I need coffee- crazy sign. With a nod and a shrug, Kallian guided us back into the fray.

In the room next to were Godwin was hiding, Kallian stopped us with a quick gesture. We stood still and listened as two voices argued about needing to get out and basically to hell with Uldred. Then someone yelled and we heard what I recognized as the sound of spells being thrown around. Zevran, bless his soul, dared a peek and afterwards informed us how the two mages were battling an abomination.

Kallian motioned for us to help them, but as soon as we were inside, I felt them turn hostile toward us. I yelled a warning just as a shock of cold literally froze me on the spot.

Ouch.

I dimly heard Alistair _Taunt._ It was very strange, being so cold I was unable to move. Everything either hurt or went numb all at once. Tears singed my eyes as soon I thawed. A second later, I was attacking the abomination as well.

The fight was over relatively fast, even though to me, time seemed to have frozen for a bit there -heh, get it? Hey at least if I’m joking, I’m not crying, yeah?-. Wynne approached one of the mages, stripped him from his belt and handed it to me.

Ewww “Um… I don’t think–”

“This is called a Creationist’s Cord” She informed me calmly “It promotes magical healing. You will take turns so I can heal you and then Alistair can have it”

Well when she put it like that…

I tried to clean up the blood -why me- as best as I could and held my breath until Wynne was done, then quickly passed it over to Leliana.

She wrinkled her dainty nose. Yup, I feel you girl.

Alistair accepted the belt and bravely put it on without complaining. He didn’t seem to mind the smell that much, actually. Must be because he was raised by dogs.

More battling ahead. We found some injury kits and potions and Kallian picked something up I couldn’t see. I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t been paying attention to her already.

Why was I doing that, you ask? Well, because I did remember this room. There was a toppled statue and a hidden… something. So I don’t remember the details, sue me. Whatever it was, a boss demon would appear if we tried to take it, so I really wanted to prevent that from happening. I mean, we were tired and still had a long way to go, we were in no position to fight that thing.

It looked like I would get my way, until Zevran opened his big mouth.

“There seems to be some kind of vial here” he reached for it.

He REACHED FOR IT.

Zevran NOOOOO!

I ran up to him and pretty much tackled him. Except he’d seen me coming, and instead of trying to avoid me, or even think I was trying to attack him, he opened his arms in welcome and hugged me.

Okay then.

“Um, guys?” Kallian asked tentatively.

I think Leliana giggled “Is this the time?” Yup, there was definitely a hint of a laugh in her voice.

“You’ve got it wron– bwah!”

Zevran held me tighter, interrupting me by burying my face into his chest.

“Why, we _are_ facing possible death, are we not? Is now not the perfect time to confess some hidden passions?”

Hidden passions? Oh, come on.

I heard Wynne sigh “Child, what where you trying to do?”

That was probably directed at me.

I struggled a little to get at least my head out and Zevran let me “There is something wrong with that vial. Better not touch it”

Kallian eyebrows went up “How do you know that?”

Err “I can feel it”

Wynne frowned “Are you certain? I can’t feel anything”

Really?

“Yes”

I looked around to asses my companions’ reactions and noticed an odd look in Alistair’s face. Not like he was pondering my words, more like he was confused about something. He wasn’t even staring at me, but at…

Ah, right, Zevran was still hugging me.

“Let go man”

He sent a _roguish_ smirk my way, but let go “And how is it that you can feel this _wrongness_? Hmmm?”

Tsk “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure a lot of shit out. But I do know touching that thing is way more dangerous than anything we’ve done in this tower so far”

Everyone went silent after that. There was no tricking them. I knew that _they_ knew I was hiding stuff. I’d been leaving hints, after all. But now was really not the time to confront me about it.

And for a second there, I really did think they were going to disregard my warning.

Until Kallian finally said “Fine” and began walking back to the hall.

And now she was angry. Great.

We filed out after her.

I don’t know if anger made her reckless, but she didn’t even stop to go into _Stealth_ before she threw open the doors to the last room on the floor.

Seeing this, the others immediately ran to her. I did too, even though I didn’t feel any hostiles. Them being too strong for me to detect was just what I needed.

We didn’t have to fight though, and we all breathed a sigh of relief as we found ourselves in a study room.

“This looks like the Head Enchanter’s study, maybe?” Alistair wondered aloud “You think he’s read all those?”

I looked at the huge bookcases that covered the two lateral walls of the room, nearly from top to bottom. On the far end was a big-ass table, almost the length of the room. And it wasn’t for show; it was full of papers and opened books and who knows what that apparatus was for. A small L-shaped desk sat in the middle of the room, equally piled with heaps of books and vellum paper.

We looked around. I caught Kallian making some kind of sign to Leliana and shortly after, she and Wynne were bent over some of Irving’s notes discussing Uldred.

Next thing I knew, the sneaky rogue was rummaging through the contents of the Head Enchanter’s chest.

Nice teamwork.

And good going, that was probably where Morrigan’s grimoire was. She must’ve asked Kallian to retrieve it as soon as she learnt we were going to the Tower.

More poultices went into my bag to replace the ones we’d consumed. Wynne made a disgruntled sound when Zevran handed me some salves he’d found but didn’t comment further. Desperate times and all that, you know?

We wrapped it up and headed for the stairs when I had a strong impulse to stop Kallian and explain myself. It bothered me that she was mad at me. But what could I say? I _was_ hiding something, and at this point, it was kind of the elephant in the room. Yet, it wasn’t the time to tell them.

…

Or was it?

I realized with a heavy heart that it didn’t matter. What came next would reveal part of what I was hiding one way or another. It was me, my fear of what they would say when they knew. I wanted to wait because this time, unlike what happened with the Ostagar thing, I could get very defensive reactions from everyone here. I don’t know how I would react if someone told me ‘Btw, your life is a game in my world, LOL’.

I could be as tactful as you want, and it still was one hell of a life-shattering bomb. That Duncan had taken it so well was a miracle. What possessed me to just lay it all out for him the first time we met is beyond me. I blame the near death experience.

Then again, perhaps I could be a little vague with some things. Kinda like I’d been with Duncan.

Yes. That’s it. With the dream demon’s help, I should have all the evidence I needed. And then, I would tell them.

It was D-day.


	17. It’s Nice To MEAT You!

Let’s fast-forward a little. Because, much as I like the bloodiness of battling corpses, mages, demons and possessed Templars, it gets repetitive after a while.

And man, did we have to fight a lot of them as we went through the tower.

I got almost smited more than once, which did little more than tickle the non-mages in the party but would’ve been fatal for me and Wynne. I think. I can’t really tell if it would affect me as much as other mages because of my, ahem, special circumstances. I certainly didn’t feel like trying it.

I’m gonna make a special mention to the desire demon, though. She didn’t look like the barely clothed purple demon lady from the games. She -it? Did demons have genders?- looked like a mix between _that,_ and a regular human woman. Long, dark hair, a curvy body and in the dim light of the room, you had to strain to see a tinge of purple on her skin. The horns and tail gave it away though. And the eyes. Black, yet shining, orbs that came straight out from a horror story.

She was beautiful. In a terrifying sort of way.

And while that fight was difficult, it was nothing compared to the encounter with the desire demon of the _fourth_ floor, who looked like she could be the first one’s sister. You know the one. Where that poor templar who wanted a family got tricked by the demon. Kallian held a conversation with her -yeah, I’m going with female pronouns because it was clear that’s how the demon wanted to present herself- and after she found that the only option to “saving” the templar was killing both him and the demon, the fight started.

Honestly? If it was up to me, I’d let them both go. I mean, **I** wouldn’t want to be left in that state, and if it was as easy as picking an option, I’d have agreed with Kallian. But tired as we were, and having the option to leave and let him live in a happy dream–

Whoa. Okay, no. That’s the fatigue talking. Yes, I didn’t want to fight the demon and I didn’t want to kill at all. But letting the man live an illusion for the rest of his days? There’s no way I’d be okay with that. Ugh, I was just so damn tired… it was harder to care much about others when having such a hard time myself. It didn’t keep me from feeling ashamed at the thought, but I chose to be a little gentler with myself. The Tower was proving to be a real hellish experience, and the last thing I needed was being anything less than validating with my thoughts. For that is all that they were, thoughts.

Note to self: I am not my thoughts. And I do not have to act on them.

The second big fight on the fourth floor was also a toughie. The blood mage was specially powerful and kept throwing charmed and possessed Templars at us. I swear, I spent most of that fight just dodging _Mana Clash_ spells. _Shield Force_ was my saving grace, keeping the blood mage trapped for long intervals while we… killed the Templars. Most of them, to be honest.

God, I’m sorry. I’m not even very religious, but I am sorry.

My heart was soothed looking at the four -out of five- tranquil we’d manage to save from becoming abominations. If to save a life, we must take another, perhaps I can learn to forgive myself. The memory of those first two men I killed was as vivid as the day it happened, but it didn’t haunt me, so maybe these also wouldn’t. But right now? I felt like crying.

I followed along my companions through the gritty tower pretty much out of inertia. I tried very hard not to look at the walls. Couldn’t, in the end. The blood was everywhere, and there was pink stuff attached to the walls. I don’t want to speculate what it was, but it made the place seem alive in the worst sense.

And then, we reached the center of the fourth floor. Doubled back, actually, cause we’d gone up one more room at the end of the circular hallway beforehand. I’d been glad, then, to procrastinate having to fess up. After almost dying _again_ , I figured there were worst things than them being angry at me. Weirdly enough, it made me calmer.

“Kallian, wait”

She stopped two steps before the double doors. I saw her taking a deep breath and turn around, clearly still annoyed with me but making the effort to be mature.

“Yes?” she said without looking at me.

Okay, come now. You can try harder than that.

I understood where her anger came from. It still ticked me off a little.

“Well, you know that thing you’re angry about me not telling you?” whether it was my tone or my bluntness, she was taken aback “You can stop pouting now, I’ll tell you after we’re done with the sloth demon next door”

She frowned and took a step towards me “Pouting? Really? We all know you’re hiding something. Something that could help all of us. Most of us have known for a while and haven’t said anything because we’re waiting for **you** to be ready to tell us” She got a bit of a dangerous glint in her eyes that almost made me take a step back “But if what you’re keeping can put us in danger…”

It made me sad, really sad, when I felt _Combat Tactics_ kick in. I realized then that I actually felt threatened. By Kallian.

Shit.

“What?” I snapped “What would you do, Kallian? Beat the answers out of me?”

She gritted her teeth but eased of a little on the menace.

I sighed. What a mess. This was so not how I imagined this going “You are not wrong. I do keep secrets that involve all of you. But if you think for a second that I would keep this to myself when there’s a danger to any of you, then not only do you not know me very well, but you also haven’t been paying attention”

Kallian seemed calmer, but also wary “What do you mean?”

“I have stopped you, haven’t I?” I shook my head “Even though I keep trying to interfere as little as possible, and even though I made it more and more obvious that I knew something, I _have_ ” My icy blue eyes locked on her emerald green ones “You are my friends. I will go to great lengths to protect you”

My friend hung her head for a bit. When she looked back at me, her big eyes were sad “I’m sorry. Whatever else, I _do_ know you care. It’s just… you don’t have to tell me everything. Just don’t lie to me when I _know_ …”

“When you know I’m hiding something. Alright, I won’t” I took a tentative step towards her “I’m sorry too”

She bobbed her head up and down “You’ll tell us after this?”

I vacillated, then smiled “Not everything. But I’ll at least tell you _why_ I’m not telling you”

She laughed “Okay, I can live with that”

“As romantic as this all is, I do believe we should get back to the task at hand, yes?”

We both turned to see Zevran slouching against a wall, a cocky grin on his lips, eyebrows raised.

I rolled my eyes at him and told him to zip it as Kallian laughed sheepishly and told him he was right.

Two kinds of people.

Alistair, Wynne and Leliana had been keeping their mouths shut patiently, but they seemed to be full of questions, contrary to Zev’s flippant attitude.

“Forgive my intrusion, but you said a sloth demon awaits for us beyond these doors?”

Old lady Wynne also had her head in the game, huh?

“Yup. It’ll put us all to sleep and we’ll have a party in the Fade”

“How do you know this?” asked Leliana “Maya, can you see the future?”

I laughed “No, I can’t. But how cool would that be?” I caught her eye “I promise I’ll explain more later”

“You knew about Lady Isolde…” Alistair cut himself short and faced me resolutely “What can we expect in there?” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

I smiled genuinely at him. As careful as I wanted to be about sharing information, his trust was something I wanted to reinforce “The sloth demon will put us to sleep and send us to the Fade. I can’t tell you all the details, but we’ll be separated and meet up for the final boss. The sloth demon itself”

I think both Wynne and Zevran were still a little doubtful. Leliana clearly struggled not to drill me for more information. But both Wardens just nodded and without further ado, Kallian kicked the doors open. At Leliana’s squawk, Kallian gave her a quick grin over her shoulder before turning back around.

We followed her in.

* * *

I walked up the stairs to my apartment; a bag filled with assorted meats dangling in my hand. The old door betrayed the interior. Small but modern, the place was more than enough for the three people and the dog living there. I left my keys in a table next to the entrance and took my bag of meaty goodness up another set of stairs, this one leading to the terrace. A little, chick open space with a nice view of the city. A grill, a small table with a few chairs, a hammock and a dozen different types of plants made it my favorite place in the apartment. At night, I could turn on the fairy lights and grab a cup of hot chocolate and it was bliss.

A flurry of happy barks greeted me as the ball of fur that was Banana stood on her hind legs and pawed at me, begging for pats and scratches. I complied.

“Good, you’re back. And right on time, the grill is ready and your dad is about to bite into a charcoal”

“Was not. But I might eat that raw if you don’t hurry”

I laughed and darted away as my father tried to take away my bag of goodies. I handed them to my mom, who received it with a smile and a thank you.

“Your mom was telling me about yesterday’s busting” he chuckled “the guy actually had the gall to–“

“Hush, Ben. **I’m** telling the story”

My mom went on to regale us with how she’d finally handed over the evidence to her latest client, proving her husband was indeed cheating on her, and how the man had suddenly arrived and she’d been there when the woman lost her marbles and confronted him about it. Cases like this were the bread and butter of her investigative work, and while not as exciting as some of her other cases, to me and my dad it seemed like something out of a movie, no matter how many times we’d heard it before.

We chatted as the meat cooked and ate it as soon as it was done. Mom was quick to grill something else and we kept enjoying a perfect Sunday afternoon. Even Banana got her special barbecue flavored treats.

At one point I grabbed my ukulele and played the few songs I knew, while my parents marveled and gushed at how _talented_ I was.

As obvious as the exaggerations were, their praise made me happy all the same.

I just wish I could hear them say it for real.

Still, it was a sweet dream, and I tried my best to be mindful of the whole scene. It was over too soon.

The door clicked open, and I turned to see the very out of place face of my favorite elf “Maya?”

I sighed, glad to see her but sad that my dream ended “Hey Kallian, welcome to my home”

“Your…home” she looked around, wary.

“Maya who’s your friend? Is she staying for dinner? You should’ve told us, I only got desert for three”

My dad shrugged “She’ll just have to share hers”

I smiled even as a spike of pain prickled my heart “Kallian, these are my parents, Rebeca Roman and Benicio Bellerose. And that’s our dog, Banana”

Kallian looked pained “Maya, this is not…”

“My actual family, I know” I looked fondly at them “But this is what they’d looked like, if they were alive”

My parents’ look-alikes began to fret “Maya, darling, what–“

“You knew?” Kallian asked, although she didn’t seem all that surprised.

“Yeah. See how young my dad is? I was 9 years old when he passed. That’s how I remember him and how he appeared in pictures. My mom survived him for 14 more years, that’s why she looks older. Banana died when I was in my late teens” I put my ukulele aside and stood to give Kallian a quick hug “And I knew you would come for me, too. Thank you for that, by the way. I guess this means it’s time to go” I let go and began walking towards the demons wearing my parents faces.

This time Kallian got seriously alarmed “Maya, what–!”

I didn’t get too close, I’m not _that_ dumb. I stayed nearer Kallian as I faced them “It has been a wonderful dream, but playtime’s over, it’s time to go”

“Why? You could stay here, with us” demon-mom cajoled “Dream of happy times forever”

I shook my head “I cannot. I won’t. I will go on with my life, because getting stuck in the past will only cause them, and me, unhappiness” I closed my eyes for a moment “But I will keep their memory with me always”

“If you won’t stay–” My father’s face contorted into a hysterical mockery of what it had been.

“Yes, yes, I know. We must fight our way out of this. But!” I raised my hands as the demon made to speak again “Before that, I’d like to thank you all”

Banana growled like she was a hell hound instead of the golden cocker retriever mix she looked like.

“You wish to thank us?”

The question was asked without shouting, but the voice coming from my not-mom boomed so loudly Kallian took a defensive stance next to me, knifes out.

“Yes” I said, calmly despite being spooked “My time here with you made me happy”

“Happy! She’s **HAPPY!** ” not-dad turned to the other demon “She should be in ecstasy! She should _want_ this more than anything! Yet she wants to LEAVE!”

“Don’t you desire to stay, child?” not-mom said, her voice not as ear-shattering as before “We can be anything you want, take you to heights you could only reach in your dreams”

I planted my feet, literally making a show of standing my ground “I love my parents, and my heart is joyful at seeing even the image of them, in spite of the pain I feel at the thought of not seeing them again, not really” I locked eyes with each of them, even not-Banana “I’m gonna get a little cheesy here, but that is what gives me strength to carry on. I was loved, and I felt joy when I was with them. And it fuels my soul to see them again even in a dream, so I can keep going. For that, I thank you”

“We have brought you love and joy?” Not-dad had gone down about 50dB. Hearing it like that, his voice sounded almost… childish.

“You have”

“That was not what we were meant to do”

“But it is what you did”

Not-mom spoke “Sloth will not like this”

“Bah, Kallian’s here. That means its plan didn’t work. And if it attacks us, and it will, for sure, it won’t win”

“Sloth won’t come after us?” Not-dad asked.

“It won’t be able to”

“If that is true” said not-mom “Perhaps we will see you again”

“Then maybe I’ll get to see what you really look like”

Not-mom smiled lightly “Maybe. Now let us go, you two. There is nothing more for us here”

Not-banana cried out in a normal dog voice.

“Come along, Deceit”

Not-dad gave one last look over its shoulder and the three of them disappeared.

I breathed a sigh of relief “That went well”

Kallian gaped at me “Well? Those were demons Maya! And you got them to leave! Without a fight!”

Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh “Being polite really goes a long way”

She sputtered “That goes waaaay beyond polite, you–“ she sighed “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you”

“Please. You knew I was weird when you let me join. And it’s not like the rest of you aren’t oddballs either”

“I don’t know where you come from, but here people usually don’t make friends with demons” She said, ignoring my comment “And what **is** this place anyway?” She looked around.

“It used to be my home. Back when my dad was alive. My mom and I moved to be closer to family about half a year later” I looked around myself. This was my happy place “While I’d love to show you around, I’m afraid I’m disappearing” I raised my hand to show her. It was see-through. Not gonna lie, it was more than a bit freaky.

“Oh! It’s alright. The same thing happened to Leliana. We’ll meet later”

Did that mean she’d saved only Leliana so far? And she’d gone for her first, huh?

Mmm…

I nodded “Yup, I’ll see you for the last fight, and then we’ll find some time to answer whatever questions you have about my dream”

She grinned “Absolutely. You’re not getting away from it this time. Just look at that thing! Is it using fire runes? I don’t–“

The last thing I saw before blinking out of existence was Kallian fawning over the grill.

* * *

The next time I woke up, I was in a barren land.

I looked around. Barren floating island, more like. With a green sky.

Ah, right. I was in the Fade. And there was Kallian, hitting it off with the ugliest, most well-dressed mummy-like being I’ve ever seen. Which isn’t saying much but there you go.

“Oh, here I am! And there you are! You just disappeared. Well, no matter!”

Suddenly, Alistair was next to me, sounding way too cheery for a guy who just saw a nightmare where her sister turned into a demon and tried to kill him.

Welp, he was resilient, I’ll give him that.

“How did I get here?” I turned to Zev’s voice “What happened to all those luscious wood nymphs?”

I… nope. Probably don’t wanna know.

…ah, who am I kidding. If we weren’t about to fight a demon I’d definitely ask.

“You tried to keep us apart” said Leliana out of nowhere “You led us from each other because you fear us. Don’t you?”

Oh-ho! She had a point there.

“You will not hold us, demon. We found each other in this place and you cannot stand against us!”

Wow. Wynne sounded super heroic right there.

Two barks revealed Scout, who didn’t look very happy with the demon, either.

Well said, buddy.

“If you go back quietly, I’ll do better this time. I’ll make you much happier”

Wait! I didn’t get to say a line yet!

I thought fast “You’re doing too much work! You’re a sloth demon. Act like one! Stop humiliating yourself!”

Sloth largely ignored me, but I got a snort from Alistair and a giggle from Kallian, so I was satisfied.

After that, Kallian denied it’s offer, twice, and the battle begun.

I activated all my sustainables. This wasn’t gonna be easy.

* * *

I woke up in the room where we’d met the sloth demon. Around me, the rest of the group was beginning to stir.

Ouch, my back.

I even made sure I lay down comfortably when Sloth put us to sleep. Although at least it wasn’t as bad as sleeping on trees. Maybe it was the wounds I’d sustained while fighting Sloth. My body wasn’t injured, but maybe the pain meant my mind thought it was.

“Niall. Niall, can you hear me?”

Wynne knelt beside the fallen mage, coercing him into waking up with both words and magic. It wasn’t long before a crest-fallen expression crossed her features.

“I’m afraid he is gone”

“I’m sorry, Wynne” Kallian said.

Wynne gave her a small smile, then got back to business “We must take the Litany of Andralla. It will help us greatly in the fight against Uldred”

“Yes, let us do that. And then, I believe Maya promised to share something with us, yes?”

I sent an unamused glance her way. Leliana was too curious for her own good. Though I suppose that’s why she became a bard. Seriously though, this was a hardcore truth of their world, not a campfire tale. I sure hoped she didn’t expect one.

 _Sigh_. I _did_ promise.

“Fine. Let’s get this party on the move. I’ll tell you as much as I can along the way”

She smiled happily “I can hardly wait. I’ve been wanting to hear this story for a long time”

Oi.


	18. Wynne Stripped Someone. Heh

You know how you anticipate something going wrong, and so you plan ahead of time so that you’re able to counter whatever comes your way? Welp, silly me forgot to do that. I had this speech prepared. The BIG Reveal. Had done some imagine training too. Which is to say, I tried to anticipate my companion’s worst reactions and figured what the best responses would be. The fatal flaw in my otherwise perfect plan?

Timing. I did not see the templars coming.

I mean, of course I’d been paying attention to my _Survival_ radar. I’d just forgotten the teeny-tiny little detail of it not working when sensing creatures stronger than I.

Whoopsies.

So, I’d began telling them my story, of how I’d been transported to Ferelden by some unknown force. How I’d soon realized where I was, and how I’d heard a story once, of a land threatened by a wave of contaminated beings called the Blight. And how the story followed…

And that’s as far as I got, because possessed templars.

“I do not understand. How did such a story reach your ears. How long ago? The Blight has only been known to us for a precious little time”

I hit a templar in the face with a basic attack “Leliana is this the time?!”

“She is correct” Hah, thank you, Zev “The news of a possible Blight only reached the Crows ears days before the battle at Ostagar”

Dammit Zev.

The templar I attacked shook herself off and came running at me.

“Shit” _Force Field_ was being used to stall the Blood mage. Fine. I prepared myself to cast a _Flame Blast_.

I didn’t have to though; cause Alistair came out of nowhere and shield bashed her in the face.

“Nice. Thanks man” And I just congratulated someone on literally braining a person. Somehow, this should be weirder than it feels.

He gave me a half smile and a nod and turned to Leliana “I want to know too, but let’s save it for _after_ we’re done here”

Al! You’re my favorite!

Alistair turned red and started babbling something.

Oh, did I say that out loud? Well, no matter.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kallian and Zevran back to back, fending off a templar each.

Hehe, should I try it? Should I?

“ _Glyph of Warding_!” A stylized circle, crossed in half by a single line and four dots inside and outside of it shined in a pale blue light underneath my elven friends.

My new spell! Oh yeah, this mage leveled up and was just one spell away for what was arguably the best combo in the whole game. It is. No amount of “ _but Storm of the Century!_ ” is gonna change my mind.

I haven’t felt its effects myself, but whatever it was, it must’ve been noticeable. Kallian redoubled her efforts, emboldened by the defense and resistance bonus. Zev shot me a wink before doing the same. It only lasted 20 seconds, but seeing them in action, I doubted they’d need more than that.

Shortly after, the shield that kept the mage in check went down. It was Wynne, the badass grandma, that landed the final blow on him. The frown on her face could be easily interpreted as exhaustion. But the Tower wasn’t that big -bigger than in-game, but still-, Wynne probably knew this mage. Knew all the mages we’d killed thus far.

I was having a hard time, yet I couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going though. Had she killed people she’d known since they were children? Maybe taught herself? The thought alone made me sick.

I sat against a wall, taking a breather and cleaning a few droplets of blood -blood. Why me?- from my armor when Kallian casually came up to me.

“Now then…” She left the question hanging and looked down at me, bright eyed.

You know what–

“Okay, fine. Here goes. I come from another world, where someone basically told the events of the Blight in what he presented as a fictional story, and so I basically know the future”

The silence that followed was deafening. And kinda comical if I’m honest.

“Questions?” I crossed my arms and waited

“You come from another world” Zevran didn’t quiet say it as a question, but I answered anyway.

“Yes”

“And you know the future. You read it in a story. A story about events yet to happen” Leliana kept her voice even.

“Yes”

I looked around, challenging everyone to tell me I was making things up. It was a good thing the most savage members of the team weren’t currently with us. Morrigan and Sten would have no trouble telling me I was full of shit. They’d be mistaken, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hear it. Those two were brutal.

Take Alistair, for example. Standing there, a troubled expression on his face like the lovable dumb dumb he is. Or Scout, who was just sitting there, looking at the bipedal sillies like he was waiting for the punchline. _Sorry buddy, that’s it_. Or Kallian who was… uhm.

“Kall–?”

“You come from another world? Really? So that place you told me about, Earth? With the huge cities and buildings and how there isn’t a Chantry there… it all makes sense!” She started doing little jumps, grinning excitedly “Oh, you have to tell me more about Earth. How are the elves treated there? And… wait, you said you knew the future? Is that something everyone can do in your world or are you special?”

My jaw dropped open. She believed me. Just like that? Wow, I really didn’t expect to be the surprised one in this conversation.

“I– no, I’m not special. The story of Thedas was just… out there. For people to read” I carefully didn’t mention it was a game. That might make it too much to take in one go “It just happened that it was me who was brought here…”

“And how, exactly, were you brought here?” Wynne asked. I could tell she tried to keep the disbelieve off her voice. She succeeded. Mostly.

Eh, I appreciated the effort.

“I don’t know” I shrugged “One moment I’m walking to my campsite, the next I’m waking up in Thedas. I do have some hypothesis, but that’s all they are”

Wynne shook her head, suddenly seeming twice as tired “Another world. I– in all my years, I have never heard of such magic”

Leliana gasped “That is why you wished to come to the Tower”

“Correct” I flashed her a small smile. I didn’t think she believed me yet, but she’d been the one paying the most attention to the trail of crumbs I’d been leaving, and she was beginning to connect the dots “I am 99% sure magic had a hand in my… displacement problem. But I know very little about magic, so I figured I should do some research” I waved a hand at our surroundings “Hence, why I wanted to come to Kinloch Hold” When in doubt, hit the books yeah?

Alistair’s head snapped in my direction “You said this before. That you came from a place where there were no templars, no abominations and people didn’t believe in magic. Only heard of in stories” His light brown eyes burned my face as he searched it “It’s not just that people don’t believe in it. There is no magic there. Not at all” He gave me a hard stare “You lied”

I opened my mouth, only to close it again. Then simply nodded.

He shook his head and looked away, disappointed.

Ouch.

“I don’t like lying. It felt necessary at that time, though” I raised one finger “I lied about why I came here, to the circle, because if I admitted my home wasn’t anywhere on Thedas, I’d have to explain I came from another world, and I didn’t think you’d believe my crazy ass” I raised a second finger “I lied about how I knew to come here, how I met a that man who told me to investigate magic, because then I’d have to explain where I got my knowledge of Thedas from, and that’s even more unbelievable” I raised a third finger “And I lied about when I got my magic. It only appeared on the day I got transported here, about… what? A week and a half before we met at Lothering?” I moved my hand in a more or less sign.

Wynne raised her head sharply “How long ago was that?”

It was Kallian who answered, shaking her head slightly “Not even a month ago”

The old mage’s eyes bulged open “Your powers awakened only a month ago?” she said in a whisper.

Oh boy “Yes”

“No, that is…”

I gave her a wry smile “Impossible? Tell me about it. I do hope you might make some time for me later, so we can talk about it?” then I turned back to Alistair “I’m sorry I lied. I knew I would tell you the truth at one point. I just wanted a chance to… to let you all know me. Without the crazy. I–I thought, if you maybe knew me better, you. Might. Not just… dismiss me” The last part came out a little weird. I guess, after the annoyance faded, the nervousness came back, huh?

Alistair opened his mouth, perhaps to tell me they wouldn’t have. Then he thought it better and snapped it shut. Yeah, thought so.

“Now, let me ask you a question, and I am not saying I believe you. It is a tall tale, you must admit” Zevran clarified “But, if you truly know what is to come from this war, you must know the outcome too, yes?”

“Ah, yeah. About that. I ain’t telling you”

Leliana blinked “Why ever not?”

I sighed. I really hoped they understood “I talked with Duncan about this, too. It’s best if I interfere as little as possible. I am not meant to be here. Who knows what’ll happened if I change the story?” I vacillated, but plowed on “I already changed things when I saved Duncan. Hell, just me being here is bound to change some things. I don’t wanna mess with the history of this place any more than I strictly see necessary. But, and I said this before, I don’t want any of you hurt” I looked each of them in turn, ending at Kallian “I will do my best to look out for you. I won’t let you walk into anything dangerous without a warning”

“You would have let him die?” Alistair breathed out.

I gave him a pointed look “I couldn’t”

After a few seconds that felt like entire minutes, Kallian nodded, resolutely “Understood. Tell us what you can, we’ll deal with whatever comes”

I just sat there, looking at her wide-eyed. I felt like crying happy tears “Really?”

She shrugged “Course” Off to the side, Scout barked his agreement at his master’s words.

“Child, are you certain?” Wynne interjected.

Out of all the companions here, she was the one who knew me the least. I took comfort in that both Alistair and Leliana, though a bit dazed, readily agreed with Kallian. Zevran just shrugged and adopted a carefully disinterested air about him.

Kallian turned to Wynne, her tone firm, if not unkind “I am. After what I saw in her dream in the Fade, I can only believe her story. Besides” she looked back at me and grinned “I trust her”

I returned her smile with a shaky one, trying not to sob. Oh my God. My heart.

“Maya has proven to be a friend again and again. So I will be a friend to her as well” she nodded to herself, satisfied with her reasoning “Besides, even having a little knowledge of the future is enough to improve our odds of defeating the Archdemon, right? And if we were to die for this, I _know_ Maya would break her rules to stop it. She’s super soft”

Aca-scuse me?

“Soft? Me? Hellooo. You are a huge bleeding heart, Kallian”

She scoffed “Not as much as you. I’ve known since the begging. I saw you making that huge donation in Lothering, remember?”

I stood “Because I knew it would be destroyed. Know the future, remember?”

She rolled her eyes “Please. _Everyone_ knew the darkspawn were coming. Doesn’t take knowing the future for that one”

We kept going back and forth, trying to prove the other was the bigger softy. I idly heard someone say something about whether it’d be okay to ask me more questions, and someone else laughingly tell them to leave us be for now.

I’m sure I could’ve handled this whole affair better. But all in all, it didn’t go half bad.

* * *

“Let me see if I understand. You have information about all of us? _Personal_ information?”

I bit my lip as I thought how to best answer Leliana “Some. Only the things you would share during your time with the Wardens”

She narrowed her eyes at me “What exactly do you know?”

Geez “Do you really want to talk about that right now?” I made a head motion towards the rest of the group walking in front of us. They were clearly listening to our conversation “I mean, I don’t mind. I could tell you about…”

“On second thought, perhaps we can leave it for another time”

I smiled “Agreed. And you have my word, I won’t reveal anything you haven’t already. Of any of you” I added a bit louder.

Leliana sighed “I suppose that is fair”

I kept being poked at as we moved through the Tower. Mostly by Leliana. Though, I didn’t mind it this time. The worst had passed, so I knew whatever else they asked I could easily handle.

Well, maybe not the worst. I dreaded the day we reunited with Morrigan and Sten.

Geh.

After the Big Reveal -part 2-, we fought a bunch of dragonlings, more demons, abominations and a particularly difficult Greater Rage Demon. All of us, without exception, got burned to varying degrees. Thank the universe for Wynne and her healing arts.

Let me tell you, getting second degree burns is no fun. It hurts like a son of a bitch.

On the plus side, we got some real good bounty. Lots of healing items, weapons -we couldn’t carry everything, kept the best things our foes dropped- armor and a few things for Scout as well. He looked super happy with his knew collar and war paint.

I got an upgrade as well. First, we found an Enchater cowl. Kallian handed it to Wynne, who claimed she already had one and proceeded to give it to me. I eyed it wearily. While not as bad as other cowls I’d seen, it was a ridiculous thing. Then I checked its stats and promptly dropped my helmet to put it on. It gave me +5% cold, nature and spirit resistance and +5 mental resistance. I reached up and felt a little brush thingy on top of my head. No matter, resistance for the win.

Later on, Wynne found and handed me what she called a set of Archon Robes. I felt bad about taking stuff from the people who just lived here, as opposed to those attacking us. She told me not to fret, as she’d actually _stripped_ one of our enemies from the robes she was handing me right now.

That did not make me feel better.

I put them on anyway, again, cause stats. And they were soooo much more comfortable than the armor I’d been wearing since Lothering. They weren’t ugly either, kind of like a medieval romper, with an added layer in front and at the back, making it look like a skirt; in several tones of warm browns and yellows and gold and bronze embellishments. Topped off with fur shoulder pads and a thick bronze collar with a padded inside that made it tolerable. Thigh high leggins completed the ensemble. An outfit as light as your regular clothes, but with a boosted 1.5 health regeneration in combat, a +3 armor and +2 spellpower.

Jack. Pot.

I felt more and more like an actual mage -mind you, I was- which was both terrifying and the coolest thing ever at the same time,

Anyway, shortly after, we reached the room just below the top of the tower, where Uldred was waiting. Which, of course, meant we found my favorite– er, **second** favorite. Sorry Al!- templar in all the Dragon Age games.

Hello Cullen.

* * *

“Now BEGONE!”

We watched in stunned silence as Cullen closed his eyes a second time, willing us to disappear.

He looked… terrible. He must’ve been around twenty at this point in the storyline. Ironically, he looked like he would have in about ten years had he aged badly. He had circles under his eyes and you could see where he’d tried to tear his hair out in places. And his eyes. Wide and unseeing.

I’ve seen trauma before; it was impossible to say this was anything but that.

Slowly, Cullen opened his eyes again “Still here?” he despaired “But that’s always worked before. I close my eyes, but you are still here when I open them”

He sounded so… lost.

Kallian spoke softly, like you would to an injured animal “I’m real, and I’m here to help you”

“Don’t blame me for being cautious” he said, voice still trembling, but finally daring to believe we were not mere illusions “The voices… the images… so real…”

Still attempting to pacify him, Kallian explained we’d defeated everything on our way there, and that we’d be going for Uldred now.

Cullen’s voice gained an edge after that. As expected, he began advocating for the murder of everyone currently in the Harrowing Chamber. Even as Kallian tried to convince him that killing innocents wasn’t the way to go, he was relentless. It took Wynne to cut in the conversation for our fearless leader to put an end to it.

Cullen had a few more things to say, but he saw how useless it was, as he could do nothing from his position in Uldred’s cage “Maker turn his gaze on you. I hope your compassion hasn’t doomed us all”

Suddenly, I felt really grateful Kallian was the Warden. I don’t think I could condone the murder of the surviving mages up there. They were also victims.

“Uldred is in the next room, finally” Kallian’s voice sounded almost gleeful, like a predator finally eyeing the prey she’d been hunting. It made me shiver “Make sure you’re as ready as you can be. We’ll leave soon”

I handed out rations and healing items and we took care of ourselves for a few minutes. Wynne scanned everybody with her magic and had a lyrium potion as a reward for her efforts. As we were finishing up, I glanced back at the trapped templar. His eyes were glued to our food.

I hesitated for a second. But only for a second.

I propped my staff against the wall and approached slowly. He narrowed his eyes when he noticed me.

“Hey there” I said gently.

“Mage” His tone wasn’t quite a growl, but had he not been trapped, I’d have taken a step back.

“You must be starving” I crouched and left a half full bottle of water and some bread at the foot of his magical cage “I’ll just leave these here, so you can eat it as soon as–“

“I WANT NOTHING FROM YOU!”

Fear shot through me, quick as lightning, and I looked up at him, startled. All conversation behind me ceased instantly. Not a second later, angry footsteps began making their way towards us. But I, too, had regained my bearings.

I raised a hand to halt the advance of whoever’d been coming to my aid and the footsteps stopped. Without taking my eyes off Cullen, I rose. And it was thanks to that that I saw it. It was a small thing. Teeny-tiny, really.

He flinched.

The cold resentment I’d felt at being yelled at after attempting to provide a kindness melted away.

Cullen was afraid of me.

I should’ve seen it before. Fear is difficult to deal with, so most people turn to an easier, secondary emotion: anger.

Just like I had not five seconds ago. I guess _Combat Tactics_ isn’t that flawless.

Okay then. Take a deep breath…

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford” He flinched again, but this time more in surprise than fear “You will eat what I’ve given you. You will do it because it’s the smart thing to do. Because whatever you decide to do, you will need strength to do it and frankly, you look terrible. And so help you, you will need to do the smart thing a lot from now on. And you must, so that you can become the man you are meant to be” I thought of what was in store for him; my voice got trembly, and I felt like crying “A virtuous, capable and kind man. One of the strongest men Thedas will have the pleasure of seeing. Your road there won’t be easy, but you’ve got this”

I swiped a tear. I had to wrap this up. God, this poor man, he was in for a rough ride “And talk to someone about what happened to you. Someone you can trust. Don’t let the nightmares eat at you”

Cullen just kept staring at me, so I just nodded to myself and turned back to where my friends waited for me. Both Kallian and Alistair met me half-way to the rest of the group, and together we went up.

Uldred, we’re coming for you, you bitch


	19. Never Sell Your Soul, You’re Gonna Need It Later

“I take it that man will be relevant to the future?”

I glanced at Leliana. She’d looped her arm with mine as we went up the stairs. I appreciated the gesture of support for what it was. Freaking stairs would be the death of me way before we got to the final battle. Also, Cullen yelled at me and that made me sad. Don’t judge, I dare you to get yelled at by a big angry dude and not get a little emotional. Especially when he was one of the characters you romanced in a game. See? You can’t. In no small part, I’m sure, by the fact that they’re fictional and directly interacting with them tended to be difficult.

“What did we just say about sharing info about the future? Mm?”

She sighed “We will have a conversation about what you **can** share, though” She looked worriedly at me “Won’t we?”

I shrugged “Sure. Although I don’t know if what I can tell you will satisfy you. So be ready for that”

“I’m asking you too” Kallian called from the vanguard.

“Me as well”

“Count me in”

“I too have some questions”

“Woof!”

I rolled my eyes “Yeah yeah, I’ll listen to you guys after the Boss fight”

Well, not quiet. The was something else I needed to do.

But first things first. We’d reached the door to the Harrowing Chamber.

“Okay” I untangled myself from Leliana and addressed the group before anyone could ask “Uldred will be in there with a few abominations. He can turn into a giant monster. A dragon, if I recall correctly. Or maybe a demon. He’s basically turning mages into abominations. Which I don’t think was part of his deal with Loghain, to be honest. That just goes to show little skill for thinking on long term consequences. Which is silly, considering his whole career involved planning ahead”

“What?” Alistair’s voice got uncharacteristically pitchy.

“If you recall… you mean you’re not sure? How can you not remember him turning into a dragon?” Leliana’s voice was pure disbelief.

“Hang on, what was that about Loghain?”

“Yah, well, if I knew I’d get stuck living through a story I pl– read years ago maybe I’d have paid more attention” I harrumphed “I don’t think you understand, but through books and games, I’ve seen all kinds of worlds. Dragons are pretty standard, but there’s things like… giant turtles, and basilisks, cyclops, dementors, chimeras and… hell, just about any sort of creature you could imagine. I honestly don’t remember what exactly Uldred becomes. It could be a dragon; it could be a giant demon-like monster. The point is he gets uglier”

There was a short pause as everyone processed what I just said.

“So we were really just that to you? Just a story? For anyone where you come from?” Kallian looked a little sick.

I opened my mouth to deny it, but I couldn’t. She wasn’t wrong. But then again…

“Yes. And no. Stories are rarely just that, you know? They even change lives, sometimes”

“…Did it change yours?” she looked so sad.

I snickered and hooked an arm around her neck “Sweetie, no story has **ever** changed my life this much”

“Oh, right” she giggled.

I liked Kallian best when she was happy. She’s just one of those people that if you saw down or angry you knew something was really wrong.

Alistair raised his hand “Alright, can we go back now to that thing about _Loghain_ being involved in this?”

Hmm… curious Kallian was also fun.

“You know, there are many stories about elves” she eyed me warily “Purely fictional, of course. There aren’t any records of elves ever living on Earth” her already wide eyes got wider “Your standard elven story would have them be… oh, graceful, ancient people. With a deep understanding of old magic and a rich culture. Typically beautiful and wise, if somewhat isolated from the rest of the world…” I stopped when I noted her intent to ask me something “Ah, but we do need to take care of this first, huh? We’ll save it for later”

Kallian’s jaw dropped, before shaking herself off and mock glaring at me. She hesitated a second, then got a mischievous look “You bitch”

I barked a startled laugh, quickly clamping a hand over my mouth because we were RIGHT NEXT to the room were the Big Bad was waiting. But she was cute, using big bad words like that.

“Dude” I shoved a giggling Kallian.

“My dear ladies, if you’re done flirting, I do believe it is about time to get on with, as bella Maya put it, the Boss fight” Zevran gave us a laidback grin.

“They aren’t flirting” Alistair scoffed, then thought it better “Are you…?”

“They are not, he is jesting” laughed Leliana. Was it just me or was it a little forced?

Oh God no. For the love of everything holly do **not** let me get dragged in this love drama.

Hell, fudging NO.

“Maya”

A large hand grabbed my shoulder and turned me till I was face to face with a serious looking Alistair.

My jaw hit the floor. No way.

“Listen, Al, Zevran’s just kidding, Kallian and I are just friends”

“What?” he looked at me like I was dumb “No. I want to know about _Loghain._ Raising an army of abominations was not his plan?”

Oh “Er, no? Most people agree Loghain was honestly trying to do what he thought was best for Ferelden. His methods aside, even he wouldn’t agree to having an army of abominations running rampart in his beloved country. Like the mage from before said, he just wanted the mages support and promised them freedom in return. But don’t you worry, I’m sure Uldred will explain it all in his monologue” I mean, it was fairly obvious anyway. And Alistair isn’t dumb, so he had to be legit blinded by his hatred to not see it.

“Monologue?”

“Yeah, these narcissistic types of villains always want to explain why they have every right to do what they want and their motivations and methods and bla bla bla”

“Uhm…”

I patted his chest plate “You’ll see in a bit”

“Children, if you are quiet done…” Wynne didn’t say anything else. Just waited expectantly.

“Of course” Kallian said bashfully.

You know, as much as I dread big fights like this, I wasn’t all that reluctant this time.

I wonder why.

* * *

Okay, so I was wrong. What’s new, right?

Uldred didn’t say anything about his deal with Loghain. Which didn’t matter, cause we already knew. But Alistair asked anyway.

Men.

He got the same answer, in villain terms: Loghain was just a tool for great and mighty Uldred. I could almost hear Varric in the background, ‘someone’s a tool’.

I wish I could meet him. That was one funny dwarf.

Also, he didn’t turn into a dragon. He turned into a Pride demon. Duh. There were only three dragons in Origins: the high dragon at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Flemeth and the Archdemon. I’d have to take some time to think about details before we reached the next major quest.

Anyway, can you believe Uldred tried to convert me and Wynne? Of all people. Wynne gave him a very dignified refusal. I asked him if this job offer came with benefits and he went prattling on about freedom and power. I then had to swallow my joke by myself and gave him a flat no. Stupid cultural boundaries.

Uldred went on with his monologue. Alistair caught my eye with an unamused smile and I mouthed ‘told you’ back at him. If Uldred heard him chuckle during his speech, he gave no sign of it.

Eventually, Uldred informed us he couldn’t let us just roam around. Cue fighting.

The three abominations with him attacked.

Just like we planned, the rest of my companions immediately attacked the former mages. I kept my eyes on Uldred, waiting so as to take advantage of every second he wasn’t attacking.

It wasn’t long before he transformed. A bright light shined all around him. From within that light, Uldred’s flesh stretched and twisted, growing and darkening to a sickly gray. The light dimmed, and in his place stood a creature as tall and wide as three grown men stacked together. With claws as long as my arm and twice as thick, wicked looking horns and two rows of sharp pointy teeth.

Holy shit.

I casted _Shield Force_ on Uldred as soon as his transformation to Pride was over. The transparent cylinder sprung all around him, just big enough so that he couldn’t take a single step anywhere. When he realized his, the giant nightmare of a creature banged his enormous fists uselessly against the walls, bellowing a deafening roar that shook the ground.

Fucking scary.

Without time to waste, I turned to aid my friends. Like a bee, I stung here and there with my magic, doing my best to provide openings so that they could land effective blows.

Regrettably, these things were freaking strong. We’d just gotten one when the shield fell.

Uldred came running straight at me. In my panic, I casted the only other spell meant to stop my enemies.

“ _Glyph of Paralysis_!”

A bright blue light shone at Uldred’s feet, making him freeze.

I’d been talking to Wynne about magic all day. That and what I remembered of the game told me someone as powerful as Uldred turned Pride would be unlikely to fall under my spell. It had something to do with physical resistance.

Thank the lord a low chance still meant a chance.

Realizing what had happened, my companions redoubled their efforts. A well-aimed dagger from Zevran was the end of the second abomination.

Uldred broke free of the glyph, but by then our plan was back on track. Alistair took position in front of me, who’d become Uldred’s target. While the rest of us concentrated on the last abomination, he tanked.

Just to be clear, Alistair’s part in this was to protect whoever Uldred locked on. I didn’t expect it to be little old me, but then I guess even if I hadn’t caused direct damage he was still conscious enough to tell who had trapped him.

We kept at it. Wynne used the Litany twice and kept casting buffs on Al the rest of the time. Before my _Force Field_ could be used again -not thirty seconds of cooldown had passed-, we finished off the third abomination, leaving only the Boss.

The rest of the fight was long, but boring. By that point, Alistair had accumulated enough aggro to maintain the demon’s interest. I left the healing to Wynne and used my new glyph spell to provide a stat boost, then joined the others in attacking.

And then, it was over.

* * *

“Maker. I’m too old for this”

“Irvin! Are you all right?”

Wynne hurried to First Enchanter Irving’s side as soon as the battle was over.

The poor man could barely stand. Wynne quickly went to his side and offered him her shoulder. Seeing this, Alistair copied her and took the other side.

You know, despite her full flock of white hair, Wynne wasn’t that old. Early fifties, tops. Guess in medieval times life expectancy isn’t quiet what I’m used to, huh?

Irving expressed his gratitude and his regret at not being able to ever repay this debt. Then urged us to go back to where the templars waited for us, to inform them the tower was safe, once again.

Not even a few minutes to rest after the fight? Devils, all of them.

Then again, nobody complained, probably because every minute wasted made for a growing chance of the Right of Annulment happening.

Supported by the ex-templar and the senior enchanter, Irving made his slow way down.

“Ah, curse whoever insisted the Circle be housed in a tower”

Lol. I feel ya, Irving.

After checking on the rest of the mages, we followed. Thankfully, no one was in as bad a condition as Irving. Poor old man.

Eh, I bet he could give me a run for ma money anyway.

I obediently walked along, anticipating the moment I could break away from the group.

My moment came a bajillion stairs later, when we reached the first floor, in the chamber where we’d met Wynne. The mages we’d left behind exploded in cries of joy and relief. Coming forward to relieve Wynne and Alistair of their burden and fussing over the First Enchanter and the rest of the rescued mages. The room was fuller than before. The templars that managed to regain their senses must’ve found their way back.

In the midst of it all, I slipped unnoticed, tiptoeing my way through the room and to the basements’ door.

It was locked.

Oh, fudge my life.

“Need help, Bella?” A voice whispered in my ear.

I nearly jumped out of my skin, spinning with a hand to my ear to find a smirking assassin behind me. Huh, when I put it like that it sounds a lot more alarming than it actually is. As a matter of fact, this was quiet the lucky break.

“Zev, perfect timing” I batted my eyelashes at him “The doors are locked. Could you be a dear and help me open them?”

“Bella, are you asking me to commit a felony, right here, in front of so many witnesses?” He grabbed his chest dramatically.

“Yes. And please hurry, before they notice us” I looked over his shoulder.

Zevran chuckled “Oh, do not concern yourself. If they even see us from all the way over there, I’m sure there are other explanations we can come up with for what we are doing, yes?”

I rolled my eyes “Whatever, I–”

“Yes, whatever do you want to go in there for, Bella?”

Dammit.

“Fine, I’ll tell you. **While** you open the door, okay?”

He kept smiling at me, unmoving.

Uuughh.

“There is an all-knowing statue in there, and I want to ask it something”

Zevran’s eyebrow twitched “An all-knowing statue? Ah, do you wish to ask about your… situation?”

I didn’t have the time -or the energy- to convince him. I stepped aside and pointed at the door.

He complied. A few seconds later, we were on the other side. Door closing behind us.

“So, you’re coming with me?”

“But of course! How could I let my good friend go on a sly side adventure alone? Hmm?”

I punched his shoulder lightly. The butthole.

Whatever, having backup was a good deal. The tunnel was dark, dusty and full of spiderwebs. If I encountered a spider, I’d throw Zevran at it and hide until he dealt with it.

We turned a corner and came face to face with a door. Zevran examined it.

“No lock. I don’t suppose you know how to open it, Bella?”

I admit, I’d considered de ‘open sesame’ approach. But, I had something better.

I raised my hand like how Lily did it in the game “Tears of the Maker, sword of the… er, no. Sword of the Maker, tears of the Fade”

Yep, that was it. Hehe, surprise! It had taken me a while, but I’d manage to dig the password out of my murky memories. I may have butchered it a little there, but I’d gotten it so who cares!

I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard a distinct _click_ from the door. Guess templars didn’t believe in updating your password. That’s what the internet calls weak security, kids.

“Another tidbit from your world, Bella?”

He said it casually, but was that doubt I heard in his tone?

I nodded and proceeded with the next step “ _Glyph of Warding_ ” Any spell would do, right?

The door opened.

“Yes!” I turned to Zev with a hand raised.

He looked at it, unsure.

I deflated. Haven’t I done anything worthwhile in Thedas? “This is a high five, man. Kinda like the fist bump. Just, raise your hand”

He did and I slapped his hand with mine.

Zev grinned “To celebrate a job well done, is it?”

“Yup” I grinned back.

We kept going, coming up to and walking past the door to the phylactery room. The next door down the hall was closed, but upon closer inspection, Zevran found a key-whole this time and opened it with a twist of his deft hands.

We found no sentinels, likely because the Tower was a demony mess up until just now. Whatever spell traps we might have find were also missing.

I sped up, ignoring side doors and keeping to the long halls. Zevran easily kept pace with me.

“Hey, Zev, I’ve been meaning to ask. Why do you call me Bella?”

“Is it being the truth not enough?” he teased.

I giggled “Oh you. But seriously, there’s no shortage of beautiful people in our group. Don’t, get me wrong, it’s a nice nickname, but why only me?”

“If you insist, the sobriquet came to me when dear Leliana informed me of your family name. Bellerose. Bella Rosa. Ah, so very fitting”

“Oh. That’s really sweet, actually” I thought about it “Shall I return the favor? My sp– antivan is rusty but should I call you something like _Spidey_?”

“Please don’t” he gave me a surprised look “I hadn’t realized you knew the language to the southern parts of Antiva”

Southern parts? Huh. I bet the northern side spoke Italian “There are many things you don’t know about me, mi amigo”

We made it to the last door. On the other side, we found a room full of artifacts. From vases to monoliths and what not.

This was it. This was it, people!

I surged forward so fast Zevran reached out to stop me. He gave me a look between amused and censuring. Right, slow down, Maya.

A quick search of the room -but not too quick- revealed a winged statue on top of a set of stairs. This had to be it.

“Uh, hi? Miss statue? I mean, ma’am?” What was the correct way to address an ancient statue? Eh. “I was hoping I could… well, are you– are you there?”

Zevran had the gall to snort behind me. Okay, I was beginning to feel a little silly.

“Greetings, traveler”

_Holy shit, who said that?_

The voice -if you could call the oddly futuristic sound a voice- had come from somewhere on our left. Nothing really stood out, but there was an unassuming statue holding a spear in front of what looked like an old astronomical artifact -a tyrtylius, was it?-. Given what we’d come here for…

I hurried to the statue, pausing two steps in front of it.

“Hello!” Okay. What now? “Uh, how are you?” Nailed it.

“Well enough, traveler” if the statue had a funny bone, I think I just tickled it. Hard to tell “I am the essence of Eleni Zinovia, once advisor to Archon Valerius. Prophecy my crime, cursed to stone for foretelling the fall of my lord’s house. I have been waiting for you”

“Eleni Zinovia… you were punished unfairly and disproportionately. I’m… so sorry” What more could I say?

“Weep for me not, traveler. I am stone, eternal and unfeeling. And stone I shall remain, until the Maker returns, once again” Her tone was monotonous, yet gentle, somehow. May be wishful thinking, though “You have questions”

I nodded enthusiastically.

“Bella Maya, are you certain about this? This is… old magic” Zev sounded like a cat on edge. I wondered if, being an elf, he was more attuned to ancient magic.

“Yes. She helped– er, will help the Wardens in the future, no tricks” I faced her fully, suddenly nervous “Will you tell me how I can return to my world? My home?”

There was a pause.

“The path to your world is closed to you, traveler”

No.

I shook my head “No, that isn’t what I asked” My heartbeat thundered in my ears “not if, but _how_. I– I was brought here somehow. Surely, there is a way to reverse the process”

“There is” Eleni said unhurriedly, unfeeling towards my turmoil “It is not a path you will walk”

“The only way I’m not taking that path is if I’m dead” I snapped “Is that what you’re telling me? Will I die?”

“That path is one filled with blood and sacrifice. You shall not walk it”

I opened my mouth again, and promptly closed it. Blood and sacrifice? As in Blood Magic? She underestimated me. I wasn’t afraid of Blood Magic. I could easily–

Sacrifices. She meant I would have to kill people, in order to use the magic that would let me travel to another world.

I… could I do that?

“No. There has to be another way. Does it have to be living sacrifices? Can’t I just, collect blood from some fight and use that?” As morbid as that was, at this point, it seemed like a better alternative.

“Fresh blood must be shed for the door to open. Four hearts, four glyphs. The door will open to the fifths desire”

Fresh blood.

Oh God.

“N–no, please. There has– **has** to be another way”

She didn’t answer.

“Eleni? Please, please tell me there is another way” my voice broke, but the prophet remained silent.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I rushed to the statue, grabbing unto cold, hard stone with trembling hands.

“Please, please, _please_. I beg of you, tell me there’s another way”

Nothing.

“ _Please_!” I screamed.

I slipped to the floor, tears falling freely, still clinging to the statue. The world went dark around me.

No, no, no.

NO!


	20. All Kinds Of Friends

I don’t know how long I knelt there, in front of Eleni Zinovia. Can’t have been too long, cause no one came to get us. It was Zevran who slowly, and more gently that I would’ve expected, brought me to my feet. He guided me back through the tunnels, all the while murmuring some kind of reassurance. I think. Wasn’t really paying attention, but the way he talked to me was akin to how you talked to a wounded animal or a scared child.

There was a commotion when we made it out. People seemed to finally notice we were missing and were looking for us. Once we were spotted, the templars rushed us. Zevran’s arm that was wrapped around me left its place as he took a protective stance between the templars and me. The templars might have tried to bypass him, but a few seconds later the rest of the party joined us, effectively making a barrier between us and them. Me and them.

I… What was I gonna do?

Vaguely, I recall Kallian asking me something. In retrospective, she obviously wanted to know what happened. I was nowhere near ready to talk about it though, which is why Zevran stepping in and quickly explaining the situation, I assume, was very helpful. I remember Kallian turning to look at me with an odd look in her face. Whatever she saw in mine, it was clear she didn’t like it.

Next thing I knew, I was being hustled forward under Alistair’s protective arm. I’ve said this before, but he is a big guy. His wide frame practically swallowed me as we walked. Every time a templar attempted to stop us, someone from our group would step up and either snap at them to back off or sidetrack them in some other way.

That is, until we stopped in front of Knight Commander Greagoir and young templar Cullen.

“You see! I told you. We cannot trust mages”

“What were you doing in the basement?” Greagoir’s voice was harsh, I think. To be honest, everyone sounded kinda muted at that point.

Kallian stood in front of me, attempting to answer the Commander’s question in my stead.

“I asked _her_ ”

Kallian tried again, but he would give her no quarter.

“Ele– Eleni Zinovia” I stuttered. Not because I was scared, but because I felt… hopeless.

Irving had come to stand beside Greagoir, and they both stiffened at the name.

“How do you know that name, child?” Irving said gently, if cautiously.

I could tell them. At that point, I didn’t give a rat’s ass about them knowing. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I would regret it later.

So I said “Read it years ago. I wanted to know how to go h–home” my voice broke. I looked down to find Alistair’s hand holding mine, and when I spoke again, it was in a despairing little wail I almost didn’t recognize as my own voice.

“ _I_ _can’t_ ”

One of them, not sure which, said something that had Kallian, kind, sweet Kallian, snap at them and _order_ them to let us through. She pulled her Warden rank on them. _That_ Kallian, who hadn’t used the fact that she was a Warden as anything more than an introduction since I’d met her had just thrown her weight around like that. For me? Wonders never cease. I wish I could have enjoyed it back then.

We finally made it out of the tower and boarded a boat to get to the docks. Time seemed to simultaneously go faster and slower. I was pretty out of it. Upon reaching the Inn, Leliana and Kallian took me to the room we’d shared before and tucked me into a double bed I’d be sharing with Kallian after I’d removed the bloody clothes and replaced them with clean ones.

I laid there staring at the ceiling. When the last candle was blown and the room got coated in darkness; I allowed myself to feel again. I remembered Eleni’s cold words. I thought of the people who were waiting for me, worried and deeply hurt at my disappearance and who I’d never see again, my friends, my family and my patients, and that was enough. Pain, hot and sharp, stabbed my chest. I doubled over, sobbing. And Kallian was right there, patting my back soothingly and whispering reassurances. And then Leliana was there too, stroking my hair, comforting. Even Scout was there, his big head resting on my knee.

And I drifted to sleep, surrounded by warmth and pain.

* * *

The next morning, we got a boat loan from the Circle. Apparently, while Zevran and I were investigating, the others had secured the aid of the tower mages and recruited Wynne -who joined us that morning, having stayed one more night in the tower-, so she was coming with us. The mages would take an extra day and meet us there. I followed the party to the docks and boarded the boat. I say boat but it was probably more accurate to say medieval ship. It had enough space for all of us plus the “captain” and a big sail that allowed us to move without the need to row so long as the wind favored us.

I climbed on and waited until everyone was ready to set sail. I got a few concerned looks from my companions. I pretended not to notice, because when I did, I had to force myself to give them something like smile, which I’d wager was as painful for them as it was for me. I was clearly not okay. No amount of smiling would fool them.

We spent all day on the boat. From dawn till dusk, huddled together to battle the cold. There was no need for us to man the boat, so we basically spent the time chatting, as far as the noisy wind would let us. Or, well, they did. I didn’t have the energy for banter, so I just listened. And the others just let me be there, for which I was grateful.

We stopped at an old dock around midway through the lake, about an hour before the lights went out. As planned, we would camp there. It didn’t seem like a well traveled route, so no tavern or any sort of lodgings. Camping it was. As always, we divided the tasks. I was asked to collect wood for the fire, which is arguably the easiest task. I didn’t feel like moving at all, but I knew I’d feel guilty if I just waited to be fed, so I just nodded silently and did as told.

The sounds of footsteps behind me had me turning around right after leaving camp. It was Alistair.

“I thought I’d help you”

More like keep an eye on me. I nodded and we kept walking towards the woods.

We collected in silence. He didn’t even try to make small talk. The quiet was both surprising and welcome.

After about twenty minutes of gathering we ran into a dirt path. It was surrounded by foliage, but there was a clear man-made trail there.

I must’ve stared at it for a bit too long, cause Alistair couldn’t seem to hold it in anymore.

“This place is known as Sulcher’s Pass. A dangerous road” he mused.

Ah “That’s why–“ I cleared my throat “That why you came along”

“N– Yes. No. I mean, yes, Kallian said to go in pairs if we were leaving the camp right after you took off. But I… that is, I wanted to come with you”

I looked at him.

“I–I mean” he blushed “I– **We** , are worried about you. All of us and… I just thought I’d like to be the one to keep an eye on you”

I looked down, tired and a little embarrassed. When he said it like that, it didn’t sound as bad.

They cared for me. It was somehow… soothing.

I nodded and turned my gaze back to him “Thank you Al”

He smiled warmly.

That’s when we heard someone approach. Alistair and I got out of the way, half hiding behind some trees, wanting to avoid trouble if we could.

We watched as a man guided a donkey down the road. The poor animal was overloaded with crap. It was no wonder it was making things hard for his owner.

“–pid mule! Walk straight! Don’t– argh!”

The mule spat in his eye. I almost cracked a smile. Would have laughed out loud any other time, I’m sure. I thought Sulcher’s Pass was supposed to be dangerous.

…

Sulcher’s Pass. I’m an idiot.

“Alistair. We need to stop him”

“Uhm, why?”

“I think he’s got something that’ll help us”

He raised his eyebrows “Really?”

I nodded.

“You’re sure?”

“No. He might not be the guy I think he is. ’S why we need to ask him”

Alistair still looked unconvinced, but shrugged and walked with me towards the guy, still bickering with his mule.

“Hello! You seem to be in a bit of a pinch there, friend. Are you a merchant?” He called out.

“Travelers. Ah, you’ll have to forgive me, if I seem a bit nervous, not many people around these parts. Of course, that’s part of my problem. This mule of mine scares easily. I’ll get this stubborn animal in line or get rid of it” He glared at the mule. It spat at him again.

“Argh!”

He cleaned himself up with his own tunic, cursing the animal to hell and back. Personally, I was on the mule’s side. I hope it got to escape soon.

He went on to introduce himself, ask for assistance -randomly-, and explain what exactly he needed us to do. At the word ‘golem’, I nearly scoffed in disbelief. He really was the guy. Who had a guess?

“Anyway, I don’t suppose you’d consider simply taking this rod here off my hands? I don’t think anyone will buy it, to be honest”

Alistair startled at his abruptness “Er, you’ll just give it to us?”

“Better than being robbed by some fool who thinks it’s something precious. At the rate I’m going, I’m not leaving the Pass anytime soon, and the thing won’t fit in my bag. I don’t even know if it works. Considered throwing it away but I paid too much for it”

Alistair glanced at me. At my nod, he agreed warily, to which the man, Felix, happily explained where we could find the golem and how to activate it.

We said goodbye and he went on his way, struggling with his mule. Heard an ‘argh!’, so he ‘probly got spat on again.

“That was… so odd” Alistair shook his head “How did you know?”

“Read it”

“Ah, right” He scratched his head “There are still so many things I want to ask you… Er, but that can wait. I think we have enough tinder. Let’s get back to camp”

“Okay”

They must be burning with curiosity, I’d have to give them something eventually. It was nice of them to wait.

* * *

We arrived at Redcliffe the next day, sometime in the afternoon. The sky was clear, and the winds had favored us, so it was a quick trip.

When we entered town, the people began looking at us wearily. I guess it isn’t easy, going through everything they did and remain open to random travelers. But then, a few of them recognized us, and when word began to spread, we found ourselves surrounded by happy faces and welcoming cheering.

Zevran whistled under his breath “Now **this** is a welcome I could get used to. I may have made a good choice in following you, my dear Warden”

Kallian scoffed “It’d be too late to regret it anyway”

Between Kallian and Alistair, they managed to politely open the way for us to pass. I stayed right in the middle, attempting to remain invisible. Of course, it didn’t work.

“It’s the Lady!”

“The story Lady!”

I took a peek to see what that was about, only to find myself being stared at by a bunch of brats.

What the…?

“Story Lady, won’t you tell it to us again?”

“Wha–?”

“Mulan! We wanna hear the story again. Pleeeaase?”

“Do you have any other stories?”

Oh my God.

“I…”

A chorus of ‘pleases’ from the seven or so children that were very close to bullying me into telling them a Disney story rose up. My companions had all frozen, looking at the scene with various degrees of amusement.

Unfortunately…

“I’m sorry. This isn’t… rather, there’s something we have to do. Maybe another time”

Kids are fickle things. As soon as they realized begging sweetly wasn’t working, they went for plan B: temper tantrum.

So now I had seven loud little devils crying at me, demanding I tell them another story. Told you they were bullying me.

I was about to say no again when Kallian stepped beside me.

“How about you stay and tell them the story again? I don’t think they’re stopping, and we need to wait for the mages anyway”

I shook my head. There was no way “No, I…”

“I think it might be good for you, also. Get you out of your head a little”

I couldn’t help it. I snapped.

“Is that an order?”

Kallian reared back “What?”

I glared at her, teeth bared in a scowl “If it’s not, then I’m not doing it. I am not reinforcing this behavior. And excuse me if I don’t feel like sharing a happy fucking Disney story right now”

She just stared at me, dumbfounded. It felt good, to see her like that, until I went over my words in my head and became fully aware of what I’d just said. Or rather, the way I said it.

I immediately took a step back, like she had snapped back instead of going silent. I didn’t even dare to look at the others faces. That burning feeling of shame filled me. Suddenly, my feet were very interesting.

After what felt forever, I heard a sigh from Kallian as she walked past me, to the children, who’d also gone silent at my outburst.

“Sorry kids, now isn’t a good time. Go play something else okay?”

A few small voices replied with ‘yeses’ before leaving, quick as their little legs could take them.

I tensed when I felt Kallian walk back, right next to me. But she didn’t stop, just gave me something like a pat and a sigh and said “Let’s get going”

The companions did as told. And were soon tailing Kallian up towards the castle.

It took me a few more seconds, but I eventually regained my wits and followed.

* * *

“Finally. I was beginning to wonder if you’d come back at all”

Upon arriving at the castle, we were met by a very annoyed Morrigan, looking down on us from above her nose, arms crossed regally.

“Sorry about that, we got caught up in a bit of trouble” Kallian smiled “I’m glad to see the town’s still here”

Morrigan harrumphed something that sounded like ‘of course’ and without another word, turned and walked away, leaving us to scramble after her.

“The demon has stayed put. Not so much as an undead in sight since you left. As to why, ‘tis anyone’s guess. One does wonder if it is waiting for something”

Kallian frowned “Waiting? Why would it…?”

“Your guess is as good as mine”

I felt Kallian’s eyes on me as we walked. I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t really have a solid idea as to why, anyway.

Going further into the castle, we run into Bann Teagan, Lady Isolde and Sten. Apparently the Qunari had been keeping watch, in case he had to “vanquish the demon”. Kallian explained the situation, that we’d need to wait till tomorrow for the mages to arrive. She brought them up to date about the happenings at the Tower, and asked Teagan if he’d arrange for lodging. He readily agreed, and told us a meal would be provided at the tavern at our convenience.

After thanking the Bann, we left our things in the same house we’d stayed at last time. That meant I was sharing with Leliana again. I guess it’s telling that I felt sorry she had to share with me. I wasn’t very good company right now.

We headed for the tavern, had our meal, and caught up with the two we’d left here. The new additions, Zevran and Wynne, got introduced to Morrigan and Sten. No one mentioned my run in with Eleni Zinovia. Morrigan did give me a few furtive glances, so she seemed to realize something was up, but Sten pretty much ignored me and my silence, which I appreciated, to be honest.

Without much left to do, we retired for the evening. Leliana tried to make small talk back in our room, but dropped it after several monosyllabic answers. Instead, she wordlessly offered a hand for me to hold on to while we slept.

I took it, and willed myself to sleep.

Tomorrow would be a big day, after all.

* * *

“What, pray tell, is the matter with you?”

I stopped on my tracks at Morrigan’s venomous tone.

“Excuse me?”

“Do not pretend you do not know what I am talking about” she said icily “You have been doing nothing but mope since you came back yesterday. I did not expect it to be so, but I find this new attitude of yours much more infuriating than the previous one”

“I…” my mind drew a blank.

Alistair came to my rescue “Leave her alone Morrigan. She just got some rough news, okay?”

I knew he was trying to help, but honestly this wasn’t the way to make Morrigan stop. Rather, it would only fuel her further.

“Bad news, you say? And that is excuse to sulk? Why, this group is a lot more lenient than one would expect from those attempting to fight the darkspawn”

“You–“

I stopped Alistair with a gesture before things got out of hand.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now”

“Oh? And yet you expect _us_ to suffer the consequences of your foul mood?”

Ouch.

I tried to think of something to say. Tried to think about it from a behaviorist point of view. She was obviously attacking, but what for? I didn’t like this behavior, should I just punish it? No, I hadn’t evaluated its function yet. Or I could just extinguish it?

My mind was chaos, thoughts whirling aggressively. For the life of me, I couldn’t draw an appropriate conclusion.

When I didn’t answer, Morrigan said “Well? Nothing to say, little girl? I should think–“

“Enough”

Kallian stepped in front of me, facing Morrigan. Almost as if she was _protecting_ me from her.

“She already said she doesn’t want to speak about it. And if you don’t want to see Maya right now, I have no problem if you choose to avoid her. But I will not allow you to tear into her like that. Now, let’s not waste anymore time. The Circle mages are waiting for us”

If I wasn’t dumbfounded before, I was now.

Kallian, for all that I’d yelled at her the day before, for all that I’d been a burden and almost cost us our alliance with the mages back at the circle and for all that I hadn’t even thanked her, or anyone, for their support these last few days, was defending me. With her smaller frame that somehow looked bigger than life, with those shoulders that also carried the weight of the world.

I felt like crying.

Looking back, it was likely that moment where I started thinking of Kallian as a friend I’d cherish for as long as I lived.

With a dignified ‘humph’, Morrigan turned around and kept going in the direction of the castle. The rest of the gang followed along after her, a few smirks and a few raised eyebrows grazing some of their expressions.

Kallian and I brought up the rear, walking in silence.

I had to say it.

“…”

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Okay, let’s try again.

“…”

This wouldn’t be so difficult if my emotions weren’t running so high. Sadness, guilt and shame weren’t fun to feel all together. Much less in high doses.

“…”

Come on!

“…sorry”

“Mm? What about?”

“…For snapping at you yesterday. I wasn’t– Well, I’m not at my best right now, but you were only trying to help. Regardless I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that” she kept looking at me, like she wanted more of an explanation than that “It was a good idea, to do something opposite of what I was feeling to change the emotion. It’s just that it was…”

“Too soon?” She ventured.

I sighed “Yeah”

“I get that. You needed more time. I’m sorry, too”

I shook my head, she had nothing to be sorry for. Well, maybe she did, but I couldn’t help thinking mine was worse.

“Call it even?”

“Okay” I agreed anyway. I’d probably have to find a way to assuage the guilt later, but for now, I wanted to regain that easy companionship she and I had developed.

We kept walking, the silence less tense that it’d been.

“And thank you. For helping me back there with Morrigan, I mean” I said, much like an afterthought instead of letting on how much it had meant to me.

“Oh, think nothing of it”

I smiled, for the first time since the mess back at Kinloch Hold. She was really too kind.

“I’m gonna have you go into the Fade anyway, so let’s call it even with that, too”

What.

WHAT?


	21. I Guess Even Demons Need Validation

“Are you sure about this, dear?”

“I agree with the mage. She is clearly not strong enough to handle this”

“Kallian, won’t you reconsider? Maya is very capable, but right now…”

I quietly watched as the rest of the group discussed my imminent fate. They all made fairly good points, to be honest.

“You guys didn’t see what I saw in the Fade. Maya can handle demons better than any of us, trust me in this”

And yet Kallian kept answering like that. I mean, yes, my part of the dreaded Fade quest at the Circle tower had gone unexpectedly smoothly, somehow. But I wasn’t grieving back then. I didn’t feel nearly as vulnerable.

“She’s got this”

Her confidence in my abilities felt damn good though.

First Enchanter Irving cut in “How is it that she is specially apt for the task, if I may ask?”

Kallian looked at him like she’d been waiting for that question all day “She thanked them, and they went away”

“I beg your pardon?”

“When we were in the Fade, back at the Tower. She talked to them, the demons in her dream space, told them she was thankful for the dream. Then said we’d definitely kill the demon Sloth that was their leader or something, and the demons backed off”

“Talked to them!” A mage I didn’t know the name of exclaimed suddenly “One does _not_ talk to demons. Everybody knows that”

Kallian shrugged “Well, Maya did. And it worked”

Suddenly all eyes in the room turned my way.

And kept looking.

…

This was getting uncomfortable. Someone please say something.

“Child, can you tell me exactly what you did?” Irving asked.

Jesus, did every old person in Thedas knew the secret mind-reading technique? Ah no, wait. Hawke also did it right? So age wasn’t a requirement…

I sighed, wondering how I got myself into this mess “There isn’t much to say. I could tell the dream wasn’t real, and I knew we’d just been in the Tower, so I extrapolated those with me were also demons. Figured I’d just play along and enjoy the ride until Kallian came to get me”

“Tell them what happened after I got there” Kallian urged.

I dared a glance at her. She looked as bright eyed as a kid on Christmas morning.

Okay then.

“Kallian got there and I told the demons I was leaving with her, and that I understood that meant we’d have to fight, but that I was grateful they let me see– that they showed me a pleasant dream” I hesitated “I guess they weren’t expecting that, because they kind of freaked out about it and then they just left”

“They left? On their own?” Irving frowned.

“Freaked out?” One of the mages wondered.

“Yes”

“How is that possible…” it sounded like a question, but it felt like he was mussing to himself more than asking me.

I shrugged, anyway. I had a few ideas as to why it had worked, but as of right now, they were purely theoretical.

“This is what I mean. She doesn’t have to fight them, she can just make them go away like she did before”

That was enough “Kallian, I appreciate your faith in me, but I’m not sure if other demons will react the same way as the ones in my dream did”

“There were three demons in your dream. All three of them left. Aren’t those good odds?”

I blinked. She had a point.

“If she does not think herself ready, however…” Wynne left the question hanging.

Kallian nodded “I won’t force her”

“Oh? And who would you have go then? The old woman? Myself?” Morrigan sneered “I suppose that kindness of yours ends at those who are strong enough to stand on their own”

Hey.

“The weak should be left behind, lest the slow the rest of the group” Sten said, matter-of-factly.

…hey?

“That isn’t fair. Maya has proven to be more than capable of handling herself in a fight”

“Alistair is right, just because she’s going through a bad time doesn’t mean we should abandon her”

Abandon– what? How did we even– Ugh, thank you Leliana but please don’t give them ideas.

Wynne tried to be the voice of reason “Please, everyone, do not be hasty”

Wait, no, were they actually weighing the possibility of abandoning me?

I peeked at Sten’s face. He was looking at me, dead serious.

Oh no.

No, no no.

“Maya” Kallian’s voice snapped me back to reality. I stared at her, wide eyed, my heart stuck in my throat. I had trouble concentrating. What was she saying? “I believe you can do it. But you don’t have to. It’ll be alright if you want to stand down. I’ll deal with Sten and Morrigan, and you’ll get your chance next time, when you’re feeling less raw”

I had to repeat her words in my head a few times before I actually processed them. The word raw was exactly right. It’s like I’d gotten a bad sunburn, and suddenly they were asking me to have a wrestling match. Bad Timing.

Then the rest of what she said sunk in. Some of our companions would judge me if I refused to do this task. Even reject me and my place in the group. I hadn’t thought about it that way, because it just doesn’t happen. One usually doesn’t need to prove one’s value by doing something so dangerous, much less after a loss. People tended to be considerate about that. When I lost my mom, the entire team of therapist I worked with had been there for me. Covering me where needed, taking my patients calls so I could grieve in peace. Hell, even the patients themselves had been considerate, somehow dealing with stuff as much as they could, enduring without me.

I kept forgetting this wasn’t my world anymore. Which should be obvious at all times, really, but the people I travelled with seemed so familiar, I had a hard time thinking of them as having a vastly different understanding of how life works.

If I declined because I was weak -and at that moment, I was- Kallian would run interference, and I might be able to win the others back with time. But it would be difficult, and they would look down on me for a time.

What to do?

_Sigh. For now, let’s gather more information._

I addressed the first enchanter directly “How does this thing work?”

Irving stared at me for a bit, before launching into what seemed like a cursory explanation of a more complicated ritual. Basically, the mages powered up with shitloads of lyrium and forcibly launched my consciousness into the Fade, where I would wake and try to find and subsequently vanish the demon possessing Connor. In the meantime, my physical body would go into hibernation -so I would be on a self-induced coma. Peachy- and not suffer any real damage. However, as my mind would essentially be in the Fade, my brain would still register feeling, including pain. And we all know what happens when one is subjected to more pain than one could handle. So even though I wouldn’t sustain any real injuries, I could still die, if my brain thought I did.

Awesome.

“Alright” I heard myself saying “Let’s get this over with”

Kallian gave me a confident smile and a nod. She then turned to the mages and told them we were ready to begin.

While everyone was busy preparing, I went to a corner of the room, sitting down and doing some breathing exercises to try and reign in my emotions. That’s where Alistair found me.

He crouched beside me and spoke quietly “Maya, you don’t have to. You have nothing to prove to them”

I gave him a strained smile “You don’t think I can do it?”

He looked at me like I was stupid “If I thought that, I would have tried to stop you even if I had to sew Morrigan’s mouth shut so she wouldn’t goad you into anything” He paused with a hand to his chin in a classic thinking pose and threw a glance at the witch in question “Actually, _especially_ if I had to do that”

I let out a single puff of laughter and he grinned at me before continuing.

“I trust Kallian’s judgement and I trust you. You can do this. But that doesn’t mean you have to. If those two” He pointed to Morrigan and Sten with a jerk of his chin “say anything, screw them”

I looked up at him, grateful for his support. However.

“It’s not just them. I’m actually more worried about the mages”

Alistair frowned “Why?”

“Because I’m an apostate” I lowered my voice, making sure only he could hear me “Before, it didn’t matter what I did. I wasn’t planning on staying anyway” I added bitterly “But now? I don’t want to live in a Circle, and I really rather not live on the run either. So I’m hoping by the end of all of this, I may be getting some kind of special license or something to live as a free mage. So I can’t waste this chance. Especially not after Kallian gave me such a desirable reputation”

Alistair’s eyes lit up in understanding “They would know you as the mage who isn’t easily swayed by demons”

I nodded “Not even in my most vulnerable moments”

“I see” He looked down with a troubled expression “Do you think Kallian knew what she was doing when she proposed you go?”

“I don’t know. If she did, that was quiet the gamble she took, though. If I’d said no, I would’ve left a very bad impression instead” And I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

Alistair nodded to himself, then turned to me with a grin “I’m just surrounded by very smart people, aren’t I? No wonder Morrigan keeps implying I’m dumb”

“You’re not. Don’t listen to her about that. She can be an asshole sometimes”

He laughed “More like most of the time. But my point was that you are way smarter than me. You’ve got this. Kallian is right in that”

I sighed “Thanks, but I don’t think so. At least I know I could never be a King like y–” I clamped my mouth shut, realizing what I’d just blurted out.

I dared to look up, hoping uselessly that he hadn’t caught what I said.

His eyes were wide open, his jaw basically touched the floor.

Oh craptastic.

“Maya! We’re ready!”

I turned to Leliana “Coming!” I stood, only for Alistair to stand with me, looking like he wanted to ask desperately, and knowing it wasn’t the time.

“There’s a bunch of things we need to talk about right? Just add this to the list”

He shook his head “Fine. You need to come back okay? Just so you know, not knowing is going to kill me. So if you don’t want my death on your hands, you need to come back”

I couldn’t help but smile at his childish argument “No pressure, huh?”

“Nope. Only my life in your hands”

“My, I did not know you were having _this_ kind of conversation” My head snapped to Leliana, who’d approached us silently, a teasing smirk on her lips “My apologies. I’m sure I can delay them if you wish to take a few more minutes…”

I rolled my eyes as I heard Alistair sputter behind me. Ignoring him, I walked past Leliana, giving her a mock punch on the shoulder as I passed her giggling self.

I had a boy to save.

* * *

My eyes opened with a start. The first thing I saw was a green sky, greener tentacles of light swirling about it.

Ah, right. I was in the Fade.

 _Sigh._ Okay, here goes something.

I began walking around. The only other time I’d been here was when we fought Sloth. At that time, I’d had no time to poke around, what with the demon attacking me and my friends. Even when I was in my own dream, the place had just looked like the home in my memories. So I guess this was my first real trip to the Fade. Shoulda brought my camera huh?

The place was like a canyon on hallucinogens. Big brown walls everywhere, except they were all twirly whirly.

The ghosts were new though.

I tried to get close to one, worried I’d spook it when another one walked right through me. Almost gave me a heart attack, but the thing just went on its way like I wasn’t even there. So not sentient, I guess.

Upon closer inspection, I realized they were all the same person. Or, well, half of them were Connor. The other half presented the image of an older man. Eamon, most likely. He looked kind of like his game avatar, but I wouldn’t recognize him if I were to randomly run into him on the street. I guess they did a better job with the main cast. ‘They’ being the developers or the Maker. Either one.

“–re are you?!”

And that would be Eamon huh? Was it necessary to speak to him to complete this part of the quest? Ah well, it wouldn’t take me more than a minute.

“Is anyone out there?! Hello!”

Yes, yes, I’m coming.

This place was confusing, but once I managed to discern where Eamon’s voice came from, it was easy to follow it to the man himself. It helped that he kept shouting things from time to time. It didn’t help when the ghost-Eamons started spouting random nonsense as well. Occasionally, another voice would pop up, but it was easy to differentiate young Connor’s voice from his father’s.

I walked until I came to a space that was a lot like a room I’d expect to see at Redcliffe Castle. Bookcases, chairs, a bed… just, all placed in Fade terrain. No walls or ceiling. In the middle, shouting for his son, was a full color Arl Eamon.

“You there! Have you seen my son? I can… I can hear him, but I cannot find him. This blasted fog has me turning in circles!”

Fog? Huh.

“I haven’t seen your son on this side yet. But give me some time, I’ll help you find him”

“You will! Good that’s… what did you mean by ‘this side’?”

“Ah, well, don’t freak out, but you’re in the Fade”

“The Fade? I… I don’t understand. How…?” Eamon grimaced “It–it doesn’t matter. Just tell me where Connor is”

This poor man was, for all he knew, surrounded by some kind of magic fog and completely lost himself. Yet, he could only think about his son’s safety. I could respect a father like him. And a respectable father deserved some answers in my book.

I took a deep breath “Okay, pay attention, cause we don’t have a lot of time” Or maybe we did, but this way it sounded more dramatic “You were poisoned and almost died, so your son, Connor, -who is a mage, by the way- made a deal with a demon to keep you alive. A lot of shit went down in Redcliffe, but it’s been handled. Now, we’re trying to save your son from said demon, which is why I’m here in dreamland”

Eamon’s eyes were wide open “A… A demon! What, how… no, you are here to help him? Who are you?”

I thought for a bit “I’m a friend of Warden Alistair”

Eamon blinked “Alistair? He’s here?” He thought about it for a bit “I see. Then, please, help my son. I can never find my way out of this fog. You must save him. Please. I beg you…”

Despite the dire situation, somewhere in my bruised heart a small fire was lit. Family was so important to me, and I wouldn’t let this man lose such a big part of his.

I extended my hand to him “I will. You have my word”

The Arl looked at it for a second before clasping my forearm “Please”

I gave him a single nod, then went on my way, more resolute than before.

“Map”

My mental cheat map unfolded, giving me a view of this part of the Fade. Interestingly, this only showed the path I’d traveled since I woke up -fell asleep?- here. I looked around to find those weird wavy walls blocking my path to anywhere else. It was like the Fade itself was telling me where I should and should not go. Like it was attuned to my goal. Idly, I wondered what would happen if I climbed those walls.

_Focus Maya. Connor first._

Right.

I retraced my steps to see if I’d missed anything. Sure enough, I spotted some sort of purple portal that I was sure hadn’t been there before.

I stood in front of it, weighing my options.

I had no options.

With a frustrated sound, I stepped through the portal.

_I don’t get paid enough for this shit._

I was immediately tossed to the other side… which was so much like the one before, I thought it hadn’t worked. Then reminded myself this part of the Fade all looked basically the same.

I walked for a bit until I recognized the silhouette of a young boy in the distance. I jogged up to where ‘Connor’ waited.

“Who are you?” He asked once I got close enough “Are you the one who made father ill? Tell me, now”

Geez, so demanding.

Mm… I didn’t remember if we actually got to meet Connor in the Fade or just the demons disguised as him. On the other hand, I’d played enough games to know that wherever there could be a battle, there would be a battle.

“I don’t really know your father” I replied “Excuse my ignorance, but do, er, _Fadedwellers_ have parents?”

‘Connor’ gave me the crazy look “What are you talking about? **You** could be a demon who just looks like a person”

I scoffed “Yeah, and a human child would be that calm while facing one”

Not-Connor’s face contorted “Fool! You won’t get near her! I won’t let you!”

Before my eyes, a horror sequence began, as the body of a boy twisted to become a beautiful yet scary purple-horned lady. Now, this one looked a lot more like they depict desire demons in the game.

The fully formed desire demon opened her mouth “Go awa–!“

“Hah! I knew it” I interrupted, making her get that odd look again “But, you know, you are the first demon I encounter in this Fade trip. You know what that means, right?”

“You– what are you…?”

“I’m sorry to say this, but it means you’re the weakest one. The one to test me before I go on to fight stronger demons” I shook my head sadly.

“You’re wrong” she growled.

I cringed “Am I? Come on, think about it. Am I not to be ambushed by other demons? Are they not on standby? Waiting to see if I make it past you?”

The demon got silent. I pushed on.

“I don’t really want to fight you. I will, if you give me no choice, because I promised I’d save the boy. But I don’t want to” My lips formed a tiny smile at the irony “You’d make me do something I really don’t _desire_ to do”

Desire -the demon, not the emotion- looked honestly lost when I said that. I suppose I’d just told her something that went against her very nature.

“I– I must do it” she said, sounding torn “She… it is what she desires…”

She? Who…? Ah, the demon that possessed Connor? Mm…

I took pity on her “You know, doing something for someone else is very nice. But sometimes, its necessary to do things for us too. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first once in a while. If you yourself don’t work for what **you** want, who will do it?”

“What I want…”

“Yes”

“What I want…”

“Uhm, yeah…”

“What I want…”

Okay, this was getting weird.

I tried to talk to her again, but she kept mumbling to herself. After a bit, I said goodbye and started retreating. She didn’t follow.

Oh goodie, I think I broke a demon.

* * *

After that, I once again retraced my steps and went through the purple portal. The second not-Connor proofed to be more difficult, attacking before I could talk to her properly. At that point, I had no choice but to fight. She even summoned a rage demon. I deployed my usual tactic and put it in a shield while I dealt with Desire. _Glyph of Paralysis_ bought me a couple of free shots, and I managed to end the fight with minor burns.

The third demon was a surprise.

“You again?” Said not-Connor #3 when I approached it.

Uhm “I’m sorry, have we met before…?” Even as I said it, I realized who this was. How many fadedwellers did I know, really?

“You do not learn, do you? First Sloth and now Desire…”

I smiled self-deprecatingly “I kinda thought you were Desire yourself”

Not-Connor #3 sniffed “I am Desire, but she… is so much more” She then looked down at herself in the form of Connor and with a scoff, unceremoniously turned into her original form. Or what I assumed her original form was.

She was gorgeous, per the norm of Desire demons. Light purple skin, rocking body and scantly dressed. I assumed the demons tricking the templars in the Circle Tower adopted a more human like form for the sake of their victims. But the Desire in front of me also had waist length silver hair, with horns coming out from the sides of her head. And her eyes? Still little black holes. Terrifyingly beautiful.

“Better?” I asked.

Desire sighed “Much” She then turned to me with sharp eyes “Do you know what awaits you next?”

I hid my surprise “Like, right after you? I need to speak to the desire demon possessing Connor. If you mean right now, I guess I hope I don’t have to fight you”

She cocked her head “And why not?”

I thought about it “I like to avoid hurting others and getting hurt whenever possible” I rubbed my arm where the burn I got in the last fight had been, before I healed it “But the truth is I don’t want to fight **you** , specially. I… don’t know. You just seem like a cool person, human possession aside” And yes, I know that sounds ridiculous. Shut up.

Desire regarded me with a thoughtful expression “She found a desire. And I was called to her by that strength. Do you believe that to be wrong?”

I frowned inwardly, trying to make sense of what she was saying. So, the heavy-weight Desire demon really wanted to possess Connor, and so she called lesser desire demons to help her? And because her wish was so strong, they answered? No, maybe She found a strong desire in Connor, who wanted his dad to live, and that made her strong enough to call reinforcements of her own kind? But why was _this_ Desire asking me whether I believed that was wrong?

She was still waiting, so I shrugged and told her my thoughts “I think desire, in itself, is just part of human… or rather, people’s nature. If we’re crossing our ‘ _t’s_ ’ and dotting our ‘ _i’s_ ’, I’d say it’s somewhere in the spectrum of the emotion of love. Although I guess ‘love’ in itself is also a part of that spectrum. Anyway, wanting things is what keep people moving, isn’t it? The more we want something, the harder we work to obtain it. But, well, it’s also important to be able to let go of _needing_ to obtain what we want, because that’s when we do things that could hurt us or others. Case in point” I swept a hand, indicating the situation we were in right now.

Desire’s eyes shinned brightly, if black could somehow shine “Fascinating”

Why, thank you.

She approached me suddenly, placing a hand on my cheek and looking into my eyes as if she was looking into my soul.

“You have… no. You _are_ letting go of what you want, too” she whispered.

I blinked at her dumbly, at a loss.

She chuckled and took a step back “I will allow you to keep going, as you so desire, in exchange of the boon you’ve given me”

Good God, what did I give her?

“Off with you now. We will meet yet again”

I opened and closed my mouth like a dumbass, not knowing what’d just happened. In the end, I just nodded and bid her goodbye.

This day was getting weirder by the second.


	22. Everyone Judges My Taste In Music

The desire demon… well, she looked much like the first one. This one didn’t bother with the Connor-disguise, either. And why were all the desire demons female? I wanna see a hot demon dude in low cut jeans! I mean, not in a creepy way, just, you know, for equality’s sake and stuff.

Ahem, moving on.

As soon as I saw the demon in the distance, I paused to rethink my strategy. For, like, the 17th time. What can I say? Anxiety is a bitch. I opened my menu, staring hard at the skill page. I somewhat remembered Desire could be intimidated into leaving Connor for good _and_ handing over an extra boon. So, I’d intended to put the skill point I’d been saving into _Coercion_. The stat related to pass an intimidation check was strength for sure, so I also thought about potentially putting my three attribute points there.

Imagine my surprise when I found _Coercion_ at intermediate level.

For a moment, I thought I’d gone senile. I had to count the entirety of my skill points. At level 9, I should’ve had a total of six; five spent, one on reserve.

_Your ability to read and influence others has improved._

Uh huh.

Don’t get me wrong, this was fantastic news. It’s just that I didn’t understand exactly how I came to have an extra point in coercion. It bothered me, not knowing what was going on with what was arguably the only reason I’d managed to survive this long. I was under no illusions: if I didn’t have this bizarre gaming cheat, I’d be long dead.

I could theorize, of course. Perhaps I’d managed to bullshit my way through enough situations to warrant the extra point. Perhaps whatever higher power or force of nature that was responsible for the gaming system was adjusting so that I could accomplish my goal, in which case I’d like to take this chance to ask for the ability to use console commands please.

Back to the strategy itself, I set the leftover skill point in _Coercion_.

_You are exceptionally influential and can compel all but the most strong-willed individuals._

Well, this would come in handy for sure.

I found myself conflicted about the spare attribute points. On one hand, if I went with strength, my chance of intimidating Desire rose. On the other, strength wasn’t something I wanted to invest in right now. I already was the weakest member in our party -I couldn’t detect anyone with _Survival_ \- and I really didn’t want to fall farther behind.

Mm… to be honest, I wasn’t really sure I could intimidate someone. There’d been that business with Lloyd, but that was basically me asking, showing off my magic and letting him draw his own conclusions. If he’d call my bluff, that would have been it. If Desire called my bluff, there would be blood.

So, was I really going down the intimidation route?

I looked at the demon in the distance and sighed.

Alright, let’s make my momma proud today.

* * *

“Very well” she began in a soft, velvety voice “No more illusions. Now we are face to face. You see my true form and stand in my domain”

Desire looked me up and down, then put a hand on her hip, smirking lazily “It is here I am most powerful, and yet I have no wish to engage your power” she chuckled darkly “to charm desire demons is quite a feat. Alas, you should not be so eager to engage _my_ power. Perhaps we should converse instead?”

You know, most demons I’ve met were all about trapping you in their preferred shenanigans. Failing that, the modus operandi appeared to be _attack_. Most of them seemed open yet confused at me offering new possibilities. But this Desire would actually give me options. That was rather flexible of her.

Mmm… she’d be a tough opponent.

I smiled at her “Sure”

“Good” her eyes shinned “I prefer reasonable negotiation, whenever possible. Your goal is for me to release the boy’s soul, is that right?

“That is correct”

“What if you could persuade me to leave voluntarily? No fuss and no bloodshed”

“Would you? That’d be great, thanks”

She made a sound like a reproachful teacher, one that would fit better as a bedroom role-play than in a classroom though “Ah ah ah, not so fast. Let me make a proposition, then”

Suddenly, something changed. Her… body language, I guess. The air around her itself. She seemed taller, somehow more intimidating and more alluring at the same time. Her voice, which was already melodic, turned into something that would give Blackstreet an eargasm.

“I abandon the boy… for now. But I retain the contract he and I made, and many years from now I may return and claim what is mine. This will be long after whatever you want is done. In exchange, I will provide something of value to you. Something you desire. What say you?”

As if. There was no way the guilt wouldn’t eat me alive in the years to come if I accepted that deal. Luckily, I knew she would say that.

“I’m curious” I said, ignoring her offer for now “I’m not that well informed when it comes to spirits and demons, but I believe you all have a purpose. An obsession, if you will” I fluttered my hand, as if speaking at a dinner party instead of another plane of existence “You are Desire, of course, so yours should match your namesake. How is that linked to you slaughtering an entire village?”

The demon regarded me steadily “You do not need to­–”

“Do you have _wants_ of your own?” I interrupted “Is this someone else’s wish, if not? Perhaps another demon? Maybe a human, but certainly not Connor. Whoever wanted this though, I’m sure there was a reason. I mean they have to, cause this world is causal…” I kept mumbling to myself, regarding Desire suspiciously.

“There is no need for you to concern yourself with such matters” she said after a second, her voice still soft yet louder at the same time “Unless that is the price you wish to ask of me”

Was she rattled? I hoped she was rattled.

“Well, my apologies, my mind meanders like that sometimes. Back to Connor. Let me make you a counteroffer. You leave Connor forever, and neither I nor the people waiting on the other side kick your butt”

“Alas, that is sad. Very well, then. If you wish a battle–”

“Uhm, I do not? Seriously? For a desire demon, you sure have some trouble guessing at my wishes” I snorted flippantly. God, if this didn’t work, she was gonna tear me a new one with how snotty I was behaving “But yeah, if **you** don’t wish to compromise, then I will fight. Of course, then you’d have to fight the next mage that comes along. And let me tell you, they are not the types to chit chat with demons”

Desire narrowed her eyes at me “Do not attempt to trick me, child” she said in that velvet voice of hers.

“It’s true though” I shrugged nonchalantly “And to your further misfortune, they are all stronger than me” Not a single pin in my stupid radar.

“They will not match my power. We _are_ in my domain”

And yet I knew she would fold under enough pressure. That meant she was bluffing right now.

“You sure about that?” I cocked my hip and began counting with my fingers, taking notes from the first _Avengers_ movie “Let’s do a head count. We have First Enchanter Irvin, who is the head mage of this country. And he has the experience and the power to back his tittle” I ticked off another finger “Wynne, senior enchanter, also not lacking in experience and power. **And** she has a certain someone helping her on the side by the name of _Faith_ ” the demon frowned a bit. I hid a smile and raised a final finger “And we have Morrigan. A powerful witch of the wilds. Young, yes, but trained by Flemeth herself. Trust me, you do not wanna mess with her”

I finished while crossing my arms, waiting for her to make up her mind.

A small eternity later, desire spoke up “What do you propose, exactly?”

Bingo.

“You leave and swear never to come back and I let you go” I glared at her “And I _am_ compromising. You killed many innocents. I should kill you. But I’m giving you a chance. If I ever find you doing thing such as this again, though…” I let the threat hang. She may make of it what she will.

“I see. I should not have doubted your power, unconventional as it appears” she sighed “I am not one for taking risks. Have it your way”

She proceeded to relinquish her hold on Connor, then left.

I had to grit my teeth as I watched her leave and realized my words from before were more than an act. She had killed a lot of people, and while not on the same scale, there was a high probability she’d kill again. As per my nature, I’d avoided a fight, but for the first time I wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing.

I’d succeeded, yet it left a bitter taste on my mouth.

I thought about the other Desire -my not-mom Desire- and I didn’t feel like I wanted her to change at all; this Desire was different. I hoped this demon would turn into a spirit. I hoped she would change.

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I was staring at an old, grey stoned ceiling. Then a head as it popped into view, blocking my vision. I grinned up at the tentative look on my favorite elf.

“No more Ponnor”

* * *

“And so, Robin Hood married Lady Marian, with the blessings of King Lionheart. And they lived happily ever after. The end”

The children began talking excitedly. Retelling each other parts of the story they’d all just heard.

I answered questions as well.

“Was Robin Hood really an elf?”

“And the king let him marry his niece?”

“Can humans and elves get married?”

So I may have changed the story a bit. Big whoop. It was one where an elven protagonist made a lot of sense. Robin Hood, the elven rogue that stole from the rich to give to the poor. It was too good a chance to pass up.

Hell, even Kallian seemed enthralled by the prospect. She kept gushing about the story way after the kids went to play somewhere else, as we went back to the castle to meet with the others. Only she and Leliana -who of course had soaked in and likely memorized the tale- were with me that morning. I really wanted to make up for my outburst of the day before, so I’d announced my intention of going downtown and the two decided they wanted to tag along after the grimness that was the Viking funeral that morning.

I was glad the story was a big hit. Mm… I wonder which one I should tell next time.

I smiled ruefully. Making plans for the future, was I? If I wanted a way to see if I’d finally begun to accept my new life in Thedas, this was it. It still hurt, but I think the worse was over. Here’s to it not coming back.

First things first, though. It was time to plan our next move.

As we arrived back at the palace, we were informed the rest of the party had already woken up and had breakfast and were waiting on us. Our arrival was announced, and we were ushered towards the Arl’s study. Bann Teagan was already there, standing next to Eamon’s vacant chair, looking out the window like a tragic prince pinning after a lost love.

Oh, look at that, my dislike for Teagan was back. Sorry ‘bout that.

The others came trailing in soon after, and the meeting began.

“So far, we have managed to secure the mages assistance” Kallian began without preamble “Bann Teagan has also promised to aid us, provided we are able to wake the Arl” She hesitated a bit before saying the next part “The Arlessa seems to have found a lead about the Urn of Sacred Ashes. She thinks it’s the only thing that would cure the Arl of his coma”

At Kallian’s glance, I gave a tiny nod. Yep, only way to wake him that I knew of.

“We’ll have to go to Denerim. There’s a scholar by the name of brother Genitivi that’s been investigating the Urn. We’ll go pay him a visit” Kallian perked up “And if we’re going all the way to Denerim, we might as well stop by the Dalish camp in the Brecilian Forest”

“What about my brother?”

We turned to Teagan, who backtracked under our collective stare-down “Forgive me. I know there is a lot you must do; I just worry for his safety”

“That’s understandable” said Alistair “Believe me, I want to save Arl Eamon as fast as possible, but we don’t know if we have the time to make the trip to that side of Ferelden twice”

“Alistair is right. The Archdemon might not wait for us”

Teagan nodded in understanding and physically took a step back, giving the floor back to the Wardens.

Kallian seemed to mull something over before turning to me “Maya what do you think? You went into the Fade. Will whatever the demon did stand for some time?”

I pretended to think it over, then nodded “Yeah, I do. I met the Arl in the Fade while I was looking for Desire, actually” Teagan’s eyes snapped in my direction. Somewhere in the back, Isolde gasped “He didn’t realize where he was, just knew that Connor was in trouble. I don’t think he was aware of the passage of time, either”

“Whatever manner of spell the demon managed to concoct seems to be preserving the Arl alive and well, if still comatose” added Wynne “While the demon may be gone, the bargain stands in that the Arl must be kept so”

“An expert on demons, are you?” Morrigan commented off-handedly.

“One must know the enemy, if one is to learn how to face it” replied the older mage.

Kallian interrupted them before Morrigan could answer “So Arl Eamon will be fine even if we don’t immediately set off for the Urn. And we do need to make the trip east anyway” she smiled wide “So its decided: we’ll go to the Dalish camp on our way to Denerim. That shouldn’t take us more than a few days out of the way, right?”

For everyone else it was a rhetorical question, but when her eyes landed on me, I couldn’t help sending a sheepish smile her way.

If only.

* * *

We left Denerim with honors, the villagers sending us away as gratefully as they were the day we fought the zombies.

I was a little sad I didn’t get the chance to check on Connor before we left. I wanted to see for myself how he was doing, even when Bann Teagan told us he didn’t remember anything, and was back to his usual self. But alas, the Arlessa was guarding him like the mama bear she was, kind of hoarding him to herself and glaring daggers at whoever intended to approach him. Given that it’d only been two days since he was un-possessed, I could see how that made sense.

Actually, I was feeling a little better towards Isolde. Sometime during our last night at the castle -which had been cleaned up and made presentable enough to house the nine of us plus Eamon’s family and a few servants- she’d come to talk to me. Well, _talk_ might be a little too generous. She _asked_ me -kinda- for a moment of my time and extended a formal thank you for the services rendered. It was obviously painful for her to say so, but I was too amused to care, so I told her not to worry about it and let her make her retreat while chuckling to myself. Maybe there was hope for her left. _Maybe_.

We’d secured two horses from Redcliffe -not a lot, but things were still a mess, so don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, eh?- which helped unload some of the luggage at least. We still had to walk but at this point I was mostly used to it. Which is not to say I wouldn’t have appreciated a conveniently placed motor vehicle appearing in front of me right about now. Any sort of vehicle really, I’m not picky.

All in all, it’d take us a little less than ten days to get to the Dalish, provided we didn’t get sidetracked too much. On the first day we made camp, I had only just finished setting up my tent when I was ambushed.

“What is going to happen in the Brecilian Forest?”

I raised both eyebrows at Kallian “Hello to you too, missy. What brings you to this side of the campsite?”

Kallian rolled her eyes, but took a step back “I was waiting for you to be done. I need to know what happens with the Dalish. You know about that, don’t you?”

I nodded “Yep. Elves vs. werewolves”

Kallian blinked “What?”

I didn’t give her the whole story. Just that some sort of magic virus was plaguing the forest, and that we’d be asked to lift a curse or something in exchange for their help. I did tell her there was more, but she -begrudgingly- accepted my request to allow them to form their own impressions before getting the spoilers.

“Well, if that’s that” Leliana poked her head in the conversation “I’d like to have a private word with you, Maya. If you don’t mind” she added with a smile to Kallian.

“Wait. Maya, I also want to talk to you” said Alistair.

Wynne approached “If you could spare a moment after that, perhaps we could converse, too”

“Me as well. Perhaps after you are done with the others, we might retreat to the comfort of your tent?” Ugh. Zevran.

Scout barked at me. I didn’t understand what he wanted, but apparently, he was not one to be outdone or left behind.

Well, this would be a long night. But at least it would be fun.

“One moment. Just _what_ is this supposed to mean? Why is it you are asking her of events to come and why is everyone so suddenly interested in conversing with her?”

We turned to see Morrigan and Sten at the back of the group, who all came to hound me at the foot of my tent.

“Something has clearly come to pass while you were at the Circle, and I would not be the only one out of the know” she glared at each of us in turn.

I mean, there was also Sten, but he seemed okay with standing back and let her do the talking.

I opened my mouth to explain, having planned how I would ease them into the crazy for minimal backlash. But then Kallian opened her big mouth and just dropped it down on them. The whole thing, no anesthesia.

Predictably, Morrigan and Sten did not believe me.

“Of all the tales you could have spun, you chose the most outlandish of them all, did you?” She scoffed “Tis’ a wonder they all believed you. I expected as much from Alistair but somehow you managed to trick the others too. I must say, tis’ quiet the feat”

I honestly couldn’t tell if she was impressed or annoyed. Maybe both.

Sten said something beneath his breath that sounded suspiciously like a curse word and kept staring at us. But I could tell by his frown he didn’t believe me either.

I shrugged “You must admit I’m an oddball here, even between a bunch of oddballs. And I know things I shouldn’t and can magic in a different way” I waved a hand behind me “ **And** there’s a lot of technology that you’ve never seen before, precisely because I’m not from this world”

Morrigan scoffed again, in that very Morrigan-way, which caused most the others to launch into the reasons they believed me. The things they’d witnessed and the conclusions they’d reached. Even Sten joined in, saying stuff in the language of the qun from time to time. Both him and Morrigan nearly as vocal about their opinions as I expected them to be.

I couldn’t even get a word in, so I shrugged again and said aloud “No, you’re right, it does seem way too far fetched”

Whether they heard me or not, they didn’t show any signs.

I reached back into the tent for my backpack and propped it on the floor, then proceeded to plop myself onto it.

“Inventory”

I took a few things out by way of my cheat gamer ability, which caused a few flashes of light that made some of my friends look over.

Ignoring them this time, I popped some gum into my mouth, turned on my phone and put on my sunglasses -the sun was already going down, but I was going for effect here-; then hit play as soon as it powered up. Sound blasted from the speaker I’d left hanging off one of the hooks on the tent. The ones who hadn’t already been looking turned to find me slouching on my backpack, making a bubble gum and playing Candy Crush while moving my head to the rhythm of the song.

It was too hard to stifle a giggle when I peeked at them from behind my shades. Really, it’s like they’d never heard K-pop before.


	23. Road Trip~!

Apparently, this was **the** trip to ask questions and make conversation. I talked to everyone. All those things I’d been putting off? First because it wasn’t the time and later because I’d have incinerated anyone who tried to ask me shit while I was mourning by sheer force of will? They came now and I had to be tackled one after the other.

Well, I figured I’d made them wait long enough, so I didn’t complain much. Actually, I did enjoy talking it out with some of them.

Case in point: Leliana. Poor girl had been waiting _ages_ to find out what I knew.

That same first night, she was crafty enough to find a small, shallow lake. Now, it’d been a while since I had a physics lesson, but I guess it _was_ possible for the water to be lukewarm? I mean, if I recalled correctly, the heat was trapped in during the day, and slowly released at night.

Point is, it was warm enough to bath even at night, and hell if I didn’t take the chance. Even if I knew Leliana was tricking me into speaking with her first, I was _so_ taking that hook. Hell, I encouraged it. If the others followed her lead, this was gonna be a pretty comfortable trip.

With a satisfied sigh, I sunk in the water up to my neck, blessing all the deities I could think of. I loved it so much, you have no idea.

I melodic chuckle reached me “I’m glad you seem to be enjoying yourself”

“Dude, I love you for this” I told the crafty rogue, leaning back on my hands, eyes still closed “I’d kiss you, but I don’t wanna step on any toes. Much less those of our dear boss lady”

“I appreciate the sentiment all the same” she giggled “…do you think she’d be upset? If you were to kiss me?”

I did open an eye at that. Leliana was the very picture of an innocent love-struck maiden.

“I haven’t talked to her about it or anything but… yeah. I think she would be bothered by it, at least. I gotta say though, you should have a better idea on how _that_ is going than I, shouldn’t you?”

Leliana nodded “You are right. But I’m afraid I’m too invested in my relationship with Kallian to be impartial”

Fair enough.

“But, that isn’t what I’d like to talk about now” she went from love-struck maiden to cut-through spy-master in 0.1 seconds. It was somewhat cool to watch.

Oddly enough, and despite how literally exposed I was at the moment, I wasn’t all that afraid.

“Okay, let’s see. I know some of what you’re gonna go through in the future. But that’s neither here nor there. You want to know what I know about your past” I paused to gather my courage “I know you came to Ferelden on a mission with your bardmaster, Marjolaine. I know she betrayed you. I also remember a little about the whole ordeal”

Focused on Leliana’s face as I was, I could see how she began close off, little by little. Damn.

I sat up “I understand you went through a lot… No, I’m sorry” I shook my head vehemently “I can only _imagine_ what you’ve been through. I don’t think I could understand it unless I’d gone through it myself. But I do know it was painful. I’m sorry you had to go through that”

I left it at that and waited, wondering if she’d answer or leave it, now that she’d found out what I knew of her past.

After a small eternity, she visibly eased back and sighed “I suppose I should be thankful. You could have lied, yet you did not”

I thought about it and, unable to figure it out, asked “Why would I lie to you?”

Leliana regarded me sharply. I don’t know what she was looking for, or whether she found it, but she ended up letting out a breath and shaking her head with a wry smile “Nevermind that. I hope that part of you doesn’t change”

“Which part?”

She smiled.

Meanie.

“About my future…”

“Nope. Not going there” I hugged my knees, frowning “I mean… ugh. I’m still trying to figure it out. In theory, I think it’s a bad idea to mess with the timeline too much. Some events are necessary for progress. _Pain_ is necessary for growth. _And,_ at the same time… how am I supposed to just sit and watch as people suffer or get killed?”

Anders blowing up the Kirkwall Chantry, the explosion at the Conclave… I didn’t want to interfere, but how could I let all those people die?

An arm snaked its way around me, hugging me as its owner reclined her head on my shoulder.

“It is a hard decision to make. I am sure Kallian would agree that you do the best you can, then leave the rest to us”

I gave Leliana’s arm a light squeeze “I’ve already decided I’m helping all of you. Nothing I’d want to change in this part of history will alter the future greatly, I think. The problem is what comes after…”

“Perhaps this is a question best left for after we defeat the blight, yes? And perhaps there might be someone you can confide in”

I smiled “Like you?”

I felt her shrug “Maybe. Maybe not. But there is enough on your plate as is right now”

I nodded, grateful “Thanks, Leliana. But um…”

“Yes?”

“Well, it feels a little awkward that you’re, er… hugging me while we’re bathing”

There was a slight pause, then “Oh? Does this make you uncomfortable?” she squeezed me again.

“Oh, come on. Let go. I’ll tell you a little something about Kallian if you do”

She giggled, but eased off.

I took in her mischievous expression and shook my head in mock disapproval.

“Whatever. So, if I’m not mistaken, you rescued a female elf when you were at the Arl of Denerim’s state, right?”

Leliana blinked, obviously not expecting me to take the conversation that way “I… maybe. Why?”

I grinned “I am 99% sure that was Kallian’s mother”

I had to laugh at her expression. Revenge was sweet.

* * *

The next one to pester me for answers was none other than the legendary Warden herself. Said Warden actually _sneaked_ into my tent during the night, almost giving me a freaking heart attack.

“You know, you could’ve just, like, asked me tomorrow”

“I couldn’t wait any longer! Besides, Leliana beat me to it earlier tonight and who knows if someone else will tomorrow” she got a glint in her eye “But no one else would think to look for you in your tent!”

_No one would dare to!_

The words _I’m a genius_ were all but bursting from her mouth.

“You’re lucky I like you”

She smiled brightly.

In the small space inside my tent, I had to back up and sit so she could get the other half of her body in, although I was tempted to leave her ass freezing outside.

“Whatever. What do you–?”

I didn’t get to finish before she was bombarding me with all kinds of questions.

Most of them were about my world itself. What were the people like? How come there was no magic? When would she be able to try some ice cream?

Her face when I explained how highly regarded and _fictional_ elves were was gold.

“So in another world, we are accepted. Admired even” She said, wonderstruck.

I opened my mouth to say it was a fictional work in my world, but considering where I was, that seemed a little ironic. I suppose if Thedas existed, some other places might as well.

Man, going to Hogwarts sounded too good.

The hard questions came after.

“So what can you tell me about me?”

Ah “Well, I know you lived in the Denerim Alienage, and that your mother was a talented rogue. And that she was the one who taught you how to fight”

She waited a few seconds for me to continue. When I didn’t, she startled “That’s it?”

I winced “Sorry. The bulk of what I knew about you was what happened the day Duncan went to recruit you. The day of your… um, your wedding day”

Her eyes as she looked at me gave nothing away “So you already knew. Why did you let me tell you the whole thing when you’d already read it all?” she paused “Ah, of course. You couldn’t say you knew; you’d have to explain how”

I shook my head “That’s not it. I mean, yes, I couldn’t say I knew without spilling the beans. But I was glad to hear it from _you_ ” I reached over to give her hand a squeeze “Seeing it on a game and hearing it from someone who _lived_ it, in the flesh… its nowhere near the same”

Kallian still appeared somewhat dejected, but it looked like she could accept that, at least.

“Fine” she peeked up at me from behind her silvery gold eyelashes “What did you mean a game?”

Full stop.

Shoot.

“Um…”

She rested her chin on her palms and waited.

Okay, here goes “Do you remember me saying the events of the Blight were a story in my world?”

She nodded enthusiastically.

“Weeell… the truth is a little more potentially offensive than that”

“What d’you mean?”

Huff, haven’t been this nervous since I told them about _my_ origin story.

“It isn’t exactly a story… that’s just the closest thing you guys know that I can compare it to. But in reality, its more like a book with moving pictures, where you control a ‘character’ and _live_ his or… her story”

“Her story…” Kallian’s eyes grew wide “… _me_?”

Wow, got it in one.

I smiled and kept going “As you _play_ this character, you need to complete certain trials, such as stopping the attack at Redcliffe, besting the demons in the Tower… and then there are certain choices. Should we conscript the mages? Maybe they _are_ too dangerous, and the Templars are a better option. And speaking of Redcliffe, is saving Connor the best alternative? Perhaps dealing with the demon is too dangerous after all, it’s a real tragedy, but maybe we need to kill him to save the village. Ah but if we **do** wanna save him anyway, then we need the mages help huh? Oh, but what if we already sided with the Templars? Mm… ah, how about we take that guy’s, Jowan’s offer and do a blood ritual to go into the Fade? Provided we didn’t kill him or sent him away before, of course. I mean, we’ll have to sacrifice Isolde but she’s willing, if it’s to save his son…”

“Wait, stop. What?” Kallian interrupted. She appeared to be too confused to settle on what face to make “You mean to tell me my life… **our** lives are an actual _game_ to you?”

Oh boy, I thought we’d already gone over this. Not that I blamed her… it was a hard pill to swallow.

“It was. I’m sorry, I wish I could tell you it wasn’t, but the truth is I never thought any of these… any of Thedas was even real before getting dropped in the middle of it” I caught her eye “But now I’m here and so help me, this is my life. People I thought were fictional are real and I care about many of them… I care about you Kallian, I’m sorry the people from my world didn’t treat you with the seriousness you deserve. We– **I** didn’t know any better”

Let’s see, what more could I tell her to convince her…

“I–“

“That’s enough, I believe you” She rolled her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Huh. Not the reaction I was expecting, but it’ll do.

Kallian got pensive all of a sudden “So, if you’ve seen all the… possible ways in which this will end… you can tell us which is the best one!” She exclaimed brightly.

I hesitated “Kal–“

“No no, I know you don’t want to _change the history of Thedas_ and all that” she said in a voice that was _absolutely nothing_ like mine “But you could tell us what the options are, and then we’d just need to follow what you tell us and get the best possible outcome! It’s perfect!”

It wasn’t. Dammit. I obviously hadn’t explained myself correctly before. I wondered if any of the others were still thinking of getting me to tell them about the future.

“Kallian, there is no best answer. There is no one way in which everyone is happy. You chose to recruit the mages, so you had to forsake the Templar’s help, and many of them probably thought that was unfair” Cullen certainly had. The doody head “Had you chosen the Templars, you’d have to leave the mages behind. Unfair for the mages. See?”

Kallian mulled it over “But what if you just tell us? Then we can choose for ourselves”

Well, its not like her logic didn’t make sense. But.

“So I should tell you everything? Make all the hard choices for you?”

“Well, I mean…”

“I may have given some input before, but the one making every choice was you. I would’ve never trusted me going into the Fade to save Connor, but you did, and now he is safe. Tell me, before being a Warden, would you have been able to decide that? Hell, would you have been able to even decide to take the chance and leave Redcliffe to get the mages to help?”

I waited, but she kept silent. Whew.

My voice got softer “I’m worried, that if you don’t grow by making your own choices, you won’t be the person you need to be to see this through. It isn’t fair to ask you this, but we need you to keep being strong for a little bit more. I’m sorry”

Kallian’s expression was sad when she said “Just a little more?”

I laughed mirthlessly “Maybe more than a little. I’ll let you know when we’re almost done. And…” I took a breath. This was a decision _I_ made “And I’ll be with you until the end. Or until you get sick of me and tell me to take a hike. Whichever happens first”

Kallian’s eyes glistened with tears as she tackled me, clinging on to be as she cried softly “Won’t happen”

I held her for a while, and before I knew it, she’d fallen asleep. It seemed like I was sharing my tent after all. Poor girl, she was literally carrying the weight of the world.

Sharp pain shot through my ankle. Kallian had kicked me.

I turned to see her sleeping with a peaceful expression on her face.

It was gonna be a long night.

* * *

The third party member to ask me for some time was none other than Wynne. We were on one of our long long walks across Ferelden when she gently had me back up from the rest of the companions, effectively providing us with some privacy. There wasn’t much I could tell her of her past that would astound her though.

Except for that one pretty juicy piece of info.

“So you know”

“Yep”

Wynne sighed, tiered “I see”

The badass old lady regarded me with the weight of all her years “I assume you have an opinion about the spirit of Faith that dwells within me”

I smiled at her, pleased to see her no nonsense attitude “I think we lucked out. If Faith hadn’t saved your life, we would miss out on the best addition to our group. Not even kidding. I’ve wanted you to join us since day one. Ask the others”

Wynne didn’t seem like she believed me though “And why would that be?”

“Because you are a gifted healer. You alone raise our chances of survival exponentially” Wynne nodded, seemingly able to accept that as a reason “Also, I know you are trustworthy. And saving the world requires all the trustworthiness we can get” I scratched my cheek awkwardly “I know unlike me, you have little reason to trust me. But I don’t plan on betraying any of you, so I guess I’ll let you see for yourself in time”

Wynne fell silent for a while after that, apparently deep in thought. When she finally spoke again, she sounded slightly less tired.

“I don’t believe you finished answering my question. What is your opinion of me being an abomination?”

Geez.

“I… don’t think you are one” Then again, one couldn’t forget what happens with Anders and Justice “The spirit inside you is… how do I put it… very _in tune_ with you. I think you are compatible, and therefore you’re in little to no danger of becoming an abomination. That is to say, you aren’t one right now. You’re still in possession of all your faculties, and I’m sure you’ve never experienced Faith taking over your body”

Wynne blinked “I… see. Indeed, I have never felt myself slip” she glanced at me “But then you do believe it is possible that I become one in the future?”

I shrugged “Anything’s possible, I guess. But I do think if its you two, you’ll be fine. The spirit of Faith suits you”

I didn’t tell her I knew she wouldn’t become one because I’d played all three games. I hadn’t had the chance to read Asunder, but I scanned the wiki after that mission with Rhys in Inquisition and got the gist of what happened. I worried, though, that if I told her she wouldn’t become one she’d let go of that discipline she constantly sported. Unlikely as that was.

Which reminds me…

“I don’t know much about your past, but I do have one important fact up my sleeve. Would you like me to tell you?”

She shook her head “No, that isn’t necessary. There is nothing else that I feel the need to hide. Even if there was something, I think it would do more harm than good to discuss it with you now”

Inwardly, I sullenly wonder if it was because she didn’t trust me.

Outwardly I said “Fair enough” and left it at that.

We walked in silence, slowly gaining ground towards our allies.

“There’s something I’d like to ask you”

“Oh? How surprising. I didn’t think our roles would change so. How can I help you?”

I hesitated “Well, I was hoping, if you… would you be willing to teach me magic?”

For the first time… ever, I think, Wynne smiled warmly at me “Child, I thought you’d never ask. Of course I’ll train you. We shall begin now”

I blinked “Thank you so much, but, we’re starting now?”

Wynne got a twinkle in her eye “No time like the present”

Oh boy, I guess the other would have to wait until Wynne was done with me.

Ah well, they’d waited this long.


	24. Road trip~ Off Road!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has a small mention of a very problematic behaviour that is alluded to in the games themselves, but might be potentially triggering. I'll mark it so you can skip it if you want, it won't affect your understanding of the story in any way.

“So Bella, I hear your time has been much on demand lately”

I looked up, startled. I’d been refilling my bottles and hadn’t notice the assassin sneak up on me. It was an alarming thought.

“Eh, not as much as you’d think. It’s just that Wynne is taking my magic training very seriously, so I have to as well” I grimaced “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it very much. Its just super tiring, but complaining after she’s accepted _my_ request is just too shameless”

Zevran chuckled “Shameless, is it? I find it easier that way myself, but to each his own, I suppose”

I laughed awkwardly “That’s cause you’re a lone wolf, buddy”

He arched an eyebrow “An interesting phrase. I dare say not completely unfounded, in this case, but what does that have to do with shamelessness?”

I set aside the newly refilled bottle and reached for another one “Well, you know how some animals, such as cats, are lone hunters? As oppose to, say, wolves, who are pack animals”

Zevran hummed, and asked me to go on.

“Shame, like every other emotion, serves a purpose. It prevents us pack animals from doing something that might get us expelled from our packs, facing a higher probability of death and an altogether harsher way of life” I gathered my watery loot and stood, facing Zev “Loners who don’t need a pack have an underdeveloped sense of shame, simply because it isn’t necessary”

Zevran hummed again, taking half of the bottles from me and motioning for us to sit on a nearby rock formation “So what you are saying is I’m a loner, yes? And therefore, I feel no shame”

“I wouldn’t say no shame” I sat down, legs crossed, next to him, turning a bit to face him properly “Just that you’ve had to develop certain skills in order to survive and thrive in the environment you grew up in. And unless I miss my mark” I grinned a little at the accidental pun “Shame wasn’t something all that useful to you, so you somewhat adapted to not feeling it as much as I might have. Morrigan, living a mostly secluded life, hasn’t either, for example. Whereas Kallian has, growing up in the Alienage”

“That makes some sense” he admitted. I tried not to take offense. It made _perfect_ sense from an evolutionary point of view. Don’t mess with Papa Darwin. Of course, a deep sited adaptation process took thousands and thousands of years, so I guess it was more accurate to say Zev had adapted more from learning experiences. Which explains while, although watered down, he was still capable of experiencing shame.

“So I see its true. You do know of our pasts”

I squinted at him as he spoke. Zev was the very picture of nonchalance. I couldn’t see even a crack of discomfort in his semblance, but logic told me it _had_ to be there. Despite his open personality, I thought of him as a rather private person.

“I know _some_ things” I answered, evasively.

Zev gave me a sidelong glance “Such as?”

Ha! Permission granted “I know you grew up in a brothel until you were b-bought by a group of Antivan Crows” I frowned a little. I’d decided bluntness was the way to go with Zevran but as expected, speaking aloud of how the person in front of me was literally _bought_ was not so easy “You teamed up with two other members, until–”

“ _Stop_ ”

I clamped my mouth shut. The look Zevran was giving me had me shivering, before my head cooled down at once.

So _Combat Tactics_ activated. Damn.

That made fucking angry.

“What, you going to get me shot again?”

He blinked, thrown off by my suddenly going on the offensive. And just like that, the mood shifted again.

He smiled again, as if nothing had happened “Ah, I see you are still cross over that. Do forgive me, it was nothing personal”

This asshole. He was a dangerous one. Though I already knew that, seeing it was a whole different experience.

I gave him a hard stare and, despite _Combat Tactics_ , a trickling of fear made its way through the pit that was my stomach. The anger hadn’t faded though, and I like to think that’s what made me ballsy enough to continue.

I unhinged my jaw “I know what you were mislead to do. I know you showed no mercy. I know why you took the job to kill the Wardens”

_BALL. SY._

His smile was gone once more, replaced by the most neutral look you could imagine. The way he looked at me, though, made me wish I’d invested another point in _Combat Tactics_. Or else one _less_ point, so I wouldn’t have dared to push him like this.

The silence that followed was charged enough to be asphyxiating. I resisted the urge to cast _Rock Armor_ , with difficulty, and kept my gaze level. I don’t think I did a good job in hiding the fear I felt.

Eventually, amazingly, Zevran looked away first.

I took in a shaky breath, head dropping. Good God.

“So you know”

My eyes snapped back to him, but he hadn’t moved at all. His voice deceptively soft.

I managed a trembling “Yes”

His answering laugh was more than a little jarring “And you condemn me as well”

I kept my breathing steady. The moment had passed; the skill no longer in effect. So I had to rely on my more mundane skills to keep calm.

*

*

*

“There’s no need for me to do something you already do yourself” my face fell then, remembering the reason he sought the contract on the Wardens, draining all the fight right out of me “Zev you… **you** gave your life to Kallian. You can’t kill yourself because your life isn’t just yours anymore. You said so yourself”

Zevran turned to me, mildly surprised “Are you trying to convince me to live? Truly?”

“I’m trying to convince you to keep your word! You said you’d keep helping Kallian!” I stopped, realizing my voice had grown louder.

_Breathe, Maya._

_*_

_*_

_*_

It was my turn to look away, staring at my hands instead of his searching, caramel eyes “This is a story I’ve lived many times. I know it sounds weird, because it was a _make believe_ story. But I came to know all of you. And you know, it isn’t _that_ out of the ordinary to be emotionally attached to characters from a story. Happens all the time. I met you a long time ago” I shrugged “I came to care about you as I got to know you”

My cheecks grew hot, as if I was confessing my undying and unhealthy love for him instead of the simple feeling of _caring_ for another hum– person.

The silence that followed was uncomfortable, but in a different way than before. At least this fear wasn’t the _holy shit I don’t wanna die_ that it was before.

“I’m sorry”

I met his gaze, my brows furrowing. What, was he rejecting me or something? Oh God, he hadn’t misunderstood me, had he?

“For scaring you just now. It was rather unfair of me”

Oh.

“And” he continued “For having you shot. Granted, it **was** business, but I am sorry, nevertheless. I suppose I will have to make it up to you and our dashing leader in the future, yes?”

I felt my lips tugging into a small smile “Okay”

* * *

After the emotional roller coaster that was my conversation with Zevran, I decided I needed a break from the continuous psychological punches. And so, I stuck to Kallian, Leliana, Wynne and Zevran. All the people I had already covered. My safe guys.

Of course that only lasted for so long; more specifically, until the Wicked Witch of the Swamp cornered me while I was bathing in a stream one morning.

“What is it with you people?” I complained as I tried to cover myself underwater “At least Leliana played it classy. Who barges in on someone like this?”

“You left me no choice” said Morrigan, unrepentant as she stared down at me, fully clothed from the riverbank “You kept avoiding me. Tis’ you who brought this on yourself”

I made a face somewhere between a grimace and a _I can’t believe you’re_ this _dumb._

“Ugh, just wait for me to be done, okay? I’ll come find you” You crazy bitch.

She arched a queenly eyebrow.

“I will! Promise!”

“I will be waiting. Do **not** , think of running again”

And off she went.

Jesus Christ Superstar.

I took my time before getting out. Petty, I know, but screw Morrigan.

I walked back to camp while toweling my short hair dry -these microfiber towels were _the bomb_ -, intent on keeping my promise when Morrigan intercepted me.

“You weren’t thinking on running, were you?”

I scoffed softly “Of course not” I made a sign for her to wait as I put my stuff back in the tent, then walked back and motioned for her to lead the way.

You know, Morrigan _was_ rather dangerous. And she _was_ leading to a place away from camp and deep into the forest.

Hmm.

Morrigan looked over her shoulder “Come along now”

Said the spider to the fly.

We walked by Alistair as he returned to camp from doing who knows what. He took one look at the situation and mouthed ‘Scream if you need help’

‘Thanks man’ I mouthed back.

We kept walking until Morrigan suddenly turned on her heel, eyes thunderous, making me almost stumble into her.

“What do you know?”

“Cows can kick sideways”

“…what?”

“Also, kangaroos can’t hop backwards. Oh! And capybaras are nature’s biggest rodent”

Wow. If looks could kill.

“Cease your babbling! Do not test me, little girl. You will tell me what you know”

“…or?”

“I told you to cease–“

“No no, I got that part. I’m just waiting for the threat. There’s usually a threat attached to an ‘or’. Do this or _consequence_ ”

I could literally feel the air come alive with magic. Like it was dormant before and it was just waking up, responding to the mage’s ire.

Alright, maybe riling her up like that wasn’t my smartest move. But _Combat Tactics_ had activated - _again_ \- as soon as she began talking. I was so done with being threatened by my companions.

“Morrigan, honestly, in all the time you’ve known me, when has being aggressive worked to get what you wanted from me?”

She looked at me, the picture of calmness. But thanks to Wynne’s teachings, there was fooling no me. I could still feel the air charged full of her magic.

Now, I knew a few things for sure. Morrigan didn’t know if I knew her secret, but she suspected it. So to her, I was dangerous because I could potentially ruin her plan. However, if she killed me right this moment, her plan with _definitely_ fail. There was no way the rest of the gang would welcome her with open arms if she returned without me.

I also knew she was one smart cookie.

So I took a gamble. I walked away.

I gritted my teeth. Fucking hell, _please don’t shoot._

“Wait”

Oh thank God.

I stopped and looked back at her.

She seemed to struggle with something, then let it go “I would make a bargain. Tell me all that you know about me and I shall give you another lesson. You seem to be learning still from the old bat. Let me assure you, _I_ can teach you magic she could never imagine existed” Unlike the begging of her speech, the ending was all confidence.

I wondered if she remembered she already owed me a lesson. Then again, I still owed her a question myself.

“I would rather trade a question for a question” her eyes turned hard again “Not any of your big dark secrets, I promise. It’s something more… mundane than that”

She mulled it over “Very well. You may ask first”

Ah, she was so nice.

“Fine. What the hell happened between us?”

She raised an eyebrow “Us? I did not realize there was an ‘us’”

I rolled my eyes “You know what? Yes, I though there was an ‘us’. I thought we got along. Maybe even as friends. Next thing I know, you’re taking every chance you get to make a jibe at me. Hell, you _really_ pushed it back in Redcliffe. What was that all about?”

Morrigan blinked “I…”

I waited

“You what?” I snapped, patience basically fried.

Her gaze sharpened at my tone “I did not think–!” She clamped her mouth shut again.

Seconds trickled by, but still, Morrigan wouldn’t utter a word.

I looked down, sadder than I though I would be.

“Fine” I muttered, turning on my heel again.

“Wait!” She said, just like before. But this time, I could hear something extra in her tone. Fearful. Maybe even a little desperate.

What I saw when I dared another look at her, was something I’d only seen in the game. Morrigan had her head slightly down, her shoulders hunched and eyes shut tightly.

She looked vulnerable.

Before I could even think of what to say, she snapped her eyes open and regarded me with those unsettling yet captivating yellow eyes of hers.

“I had never been called a friend before”

…

What?

She was looking at me, like that explained everything.

“I’m… sorry, I don’t follow” I scratched the back of my neck “Did I cross some kind of line or…?”

Her eyes narrowed “You did. I had never been called a friend before” she repeated “Yet you did so without a shred of thought behind it. Do you have any idea how long it took to come to terms with such casually said words? And when I finally decide you might have been truthful, and it wasn’t a ploy of yours, you come back a shell of your former self” she all but spat the last part.

…

Oh my God.

Wait wait, back up. So she thought I was somehow tricking her with a -no doubt- overcomplicated plot by calling her a friend? And when she finally ruminated enough about it and decided to trust me, I… what? Disappointed her by not being strong enough? Or maybe she thought she’d lose me somehow after just beginning to open up to me?

I had no clue, but I did have a feeling that asking her right now would only lead to pushing her too much. She was already showing more vulnerability than I’d ever seen outside of the game. I couldn’t validate the last part, because I wasn’t even sure what it was all about; but I wasn’t letting her hard work today go without giving it its due credit.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize the effort you were making in trusting me. I did think of you as a friend. I still do. If its okay with you, I’d like it if we could try to… just, get along again” I smiled ruefully “Unfortunately, I don’t have the mind reading ability” _Yet_ “So if you don’t tell me when I do something that ups– that bothers you, I won’t know. So if you can promise to try and tell me when something’s not going well on your end, instead of lashing out at me, I can promise to sit my butt down and listen to you until I understand what went wrong”

I took a step towards her, making sure to look her in the eyes with all the sincerity I could muster.

She looked so very troubled, I couldn’t help but think she was cute. Morrigan. Cute.

Wonders never cease.

“Very well” she finally said, slowly “I shall attempt this. Know that if you betray me, I will not let you off easily”

_Sigh_. She just had to cover up her tracks, huh?

“Noted”

I might be fooling myself, but I would bet a decent amount of money that there was a small, satisfied smile on her face.

“Now. Your part of the bargain. ‘Tis your turn to tell me what I wish to know”

Then again, maybe not.

I leaned my weigh on one foot, hip jutting out “Well… I know about the Old God Baby Plan. Which I have no intention of telling anyone” I quickly added when she looked like she might lose it right then.

“And why would you keep my secret?” She asked suspiciously.

“Cause I don’t want neither Kallian nor Alistair to die” I answered truthfully.

She contemplated my words carefully “So you truly know the effects of the dark ritual”

“I do truly know” I said teasingly.

But Morrigan wasn’t paying attention to me anymore. Rather, she seemed deep in though about something, her hand positioned under her chin in a classic thinker pose.

“Would you…?” She began, then corrected herself “No. Just do not interfere with my plans. And should you tell anyone, I _will_ find out”

I blinked owlishly at her “I ain’t”

I’d kinda spilled the beans to Duncan already, though.

Whoops.

“Shall we get back to camp then, buddy?”

She harrumphed, but came along willingly.

Man, I could never tell her I couldn’t remember when exactly I’d called her a friend.

Tee hee~

* * *

Emotionally spent -again- I foolishly though I might have at least a day before I got called on again.

Boy, was I wrong.

That very night, a tall, blonde and handsome man was waiting for me beside my tent.

“Maya, I swear on the Maker, you’re not getting away from me this time”

Too bad it was for the wrong reasons.


	25. Well, This Is Certainly New

I somehow managed to convince Alistair to keep me company during look out duty. It was my turn to keep watch during the first third of the night and while it was my preferred turn, I couldn’t help but grumble at the difficulty of reading my book by _Spell Wisp_ light, so it got boring after a while. Having someone to talk to was always a nice way to pass the time.

By the way, I was almost done with that book. The protagonists had finally found out each other’s identities in the most dramatic yet hilarious way possible. And now they were dealing with working together while knowing they were battling crime with their crush all along _plus_ knowing the other person was crushing on their own alter-ego…!

Ahem, it was a good book. Moving on.

After Leliana called it a night, I found myself alone with Alistair. He wasn’t as fidgety as I’d expected. Rather, he kept his eyes steadily on the fire, deep in thought. I left him to it. Better he take his time so I could enjoy his company longer.

As such, I took the chance of making some mint tea. Even if this was the last of it, I swore on any honor I might have to search this God forsaken world until I found mint or an adequate replacement.

So with a light and accepting heart, I handed Alistair the second to last cup before helping myself to my own.

“Thanks” He took it easily and continued to stare at the fire.

Well, that was an underwhelming reaction.

Just when I was thinking I should take the tea bag from this d-bag -pfft, get it?- he spoke.

“So I am to be king” Alistair stated somberly.

Oh boy. Straight for the tough one, huh?

“Er… you could be”

He glanced at me, looking oddly defeated “I heard you loud and clear. You said you would _‘never be a king like me’_ ”

Actually I didn’t get to finish that sentence, but it seemed bad form to point that out now.

“It’s a possibility, not a fact” I frowned “I’ve been saying this all along but there are many choices you still have to make”

He turned so that he was fully facing me “I don’t remember you saying that”

Really? Maybe I didn’t say it in front of him “Ah well, I’m saying it now. Yes, you _could_ be king, and you’d do a hell of a job, but that’s not the only way things could go”

He hummed “So I’d do a good job?” He grinned, and it was like his previous mood was a lie “Well, I don’t know that I want to be king, but it’s good to know that if I do, I am not going to screw up the country”

I nodded sagely, like I had any idea what that kind of pressure felt like.

“What other choices are there, anyway? I’m guessing Anora could take the throne? Oh please tell me Loghain doesn’t stay in power” His eyes turned dangerous with that last part, his fist clenched.

Now, he was prepared to go to sleep, and as such he wasn’t wearing his armor but a sort of tunic I imagine goes under it, allowing me to see how his biceps moved along his fists.

It’s a testament of how much Thedas had changed me that I thought ‘ _man, he could smash my head in one flex_ ’ instead of ‘ _ooh lala~_ ’.

It’s good he was one of the good guys.

So, feeling safe despite his ability to kill me without me even lifting my staff to cast, I shrugged “You’ll have to wait and see”

His face changed yet again, turning rather pitiful “Oh come on, pleeeease?”

I hid a grin “Nope. I already messed up by telling you you could be king. I’m done. You make your own choice dude”

“What does ‘dude’ mean? You’ve said it before, to Kallian. Is it something like saying _‘person’_?”

I was beginning to think Alistair might have ADHD. Come to think of it, Kallian qualified as well. Eh, not that _I’m_ qualified to make that kind of diagnostic.

“It’s slang. But yeah, you could think of it as a replacement for ‘person’. Like, ‘that dude over there’ instead of ‘that guy’. Or when calling a friend, like I did with you just now”

“Huh… wait, we were talking about something else just now”

And whose fault was that? This damn ADHD.

“Look, there are many things I’m not telling you, because I don’t want to interfere too much. Some things need to happen for the world to move forward. And some people need to grow so that they can make those changes happen. Adversity makes people grow. Al, there are many things you can become, and many ways you can help yet” Unless he got executed, but I’d burn that bridge if I got to it.

His warm brown eyes held mine, to the point where it made me uncomfortable.

“Many things I can become, huh?” He smiled warmly “Thanks Maya”

I smiled back.

“Tell me something” he said suddenly, breaking the calm atmosphere that had settled over us “I remember hearing you say a few… odd things, I suppose. Like that time when we were in Redcliffe, and you _happened_ to figure it was Lady Isolde who’d sent me to become a Templar, or when we met the assassin and you told me you knew _something_ …”

He left the question unsaid, but I knew it was there, so I answered “Guilty as charged. I knew about Isolde and I know Zevran won’t try to kill us” For now, anyway.

“Aha!” He explained, then cringed, looking at the tents that housed our sleeping teammates.

I giggled “Keep it down, man”

“Right” He scratched the side of his head “Anyway, I knew it”

“Ah, yes. Well done”

“You know you could at least try to sound a little more enthusiastic”

I gave him a grin, sticking my tongue out a little.

Honestly, I thought he’d laugh along. Or at least grin back.

Instead, his gaze went to my mouth and stayed there until I got uncomfortable enough to fill the silence.

“That– ah, you remember the time I tackled Zevran, back at the circle?”

“…yeah”

What now? He suddenly turned serious again. I swear, those were some serious mood swings.

“Well had he touched that vial, we would’ve gotten into a fight with a high level demon”

He blinked “Really? Good thing you stopped him then” he grumbled something under his breath I didn’t quiet catch, then said more clearly “There’s a chance someone might grab it in the future… we should send a message to warn them of it”

I opened my mouth as if to say something, then my eyes went wide and my jaw dropped, unbidden “Shoot, I didn’t think of that! Fudging hell, I–“

“Hey! Easy. There are at least thirty very alert Templars in that Tower. And the mages aren’t stupid. Even if they see it, they won’t touch it. Probably”

Since when did this guy became the voice of reason?

“No use waisting energy on something you don’t know happened yet, right?” He gave me a cheeky grin.

I shoved him -didn’t move him much-, half annoyed that he was throwing my words back at me again. He had succeeded though; I felt somewhat appeased. Is hooked my head and went back to reminiscing.

“And back when we first met? Obviously I already knew you were a Templar, so…”

“What? So I was right? Huh, so this is how it feels… mind telling Morrigan sometime?”

I laughed “You thought I wanted to harm you, though”

“True, but you knew I was onto something and you still made me feel bad”

Touché “Fair enough. Call it even?”

He agreed with a good natured shrug.

“What about when Kallian almost went into Eamon’s room? Back before you went into the Fade to defeat the demon possessing Connor”

“Oh yeah, the demon would’ve attacked for sure. Meaning no Fade battle and no saving Connor”

“Don’t you mean Ponnor?”

“You’re really funny tonight. What’s gotten into you?”

“Excuse me, I’m always funny”

“Funny looking, you mean”

We talked for a while more and before we realized it, my watch was nearly done. Soon, I’d have to wake Zevran up for his shift.

“Thanks for keeping me company” I said, leaning back. We’d been sorta huddling together, in an attempt to keep our voices down.

“Yes, well, I’ll have you pay me back somehow, don’t you worry”

I couldn’t help myself. Blame the lack of sleep “Oh? Are you suggesting _I_ keep you company now?” I wagged my eyebrows.

There was a small pause before Alistair straightened up and said “Ah, yes. If you don’t mind. I’ll meet you in my tent”

My brain had a WTF moment before I realized his face was too serious for him to mean it.

I regarded him, somewhat impressed he hadn’t turned into a blushing mess “Well played”

He grinned “Yup, I have new tricks up my sleeve now” He then lightly placed a hand on my arm “‘Night”

I was left staring at his retreating back as he went into his tent.

…

What was **that** about?

I touched my face with my fingertips. It was warm.

Oh. My. GOD.

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

* * *

Over the next few days, we went back to our usual routine. I kept up my classes with Wynne and even got one out of Morrigan. Their styles were completely different, which meant I could learn a great deal from two fabulous sources.

And, and! I even managed to gain control of _Fire Blast_! As in, I could control the output of power so that the blast itself varied according to my needs. With this, I wouldn’t need to cast _Flaming Weapons_ just to heat up my tea.

What? Too dumb? Well, later I planned on concentrating the blast in order to make a hotter fire. I had the image of blue fire daggers in my mind and no one would take it away from me.

I know, I’m a magic geek. But magic _is_ cool, yeah?

I meant to have that sex ed class with Alistair, but was worried it’d be awkward after that weird night. Shouldn’t have worried. Guy acted like his usual peppy and sassy self. Still, I figured I’d better let it rest for a few days. God, the Maker and basically everyone knew I wouldn’t be able to keep the jokes and innuendos to myself in the middle of _that_ kind of class. What can I say? Sometimes I turn into a 14 year old.

On the way, other than fighting the occasional darkspawn, we passed by Lothering.

While playing, one wasn’t able to go back there. I remember scoffing about underfunded projects and deadlines. Back then, I wanted to see what happened. Now? I kept my eyes straight and did my best to keep a tunnel vision.

This… **this** was the reason why we had to stop the blight.

Of course, no matter how much I looked away, I couldn’t completely avoid the carnage. It was everywhere. Everything was destroyed. Buildings torn down, corpses stacked together in morbid piles. And the land… that was why I couldn’t even look down to escape the horror that was Lothering. Because the land was the worst of it all. It was covered by a sickly black layer, the kind you knew meant death. I shivered every time my eyes found its way down. Not even the rotting corpses at Redcliffe had made me this nauseated. Just walking through was too much.

I came to the realization that although I’d been fighting darkspawn for a while, I’d never seen what the consequences of them winning were. There was Ostagar, but even then, the destruction was more spread out. This was like they’d purposely contaminated the land. The mental image of darkspawn oozing whatever internal fluids they possessed onto the ground appeared in my mind and I had to shut my eyes and breathe through my mouth.

Thanks, brain, for that lovely mental image.

The others weren’t doing much better. The kinder members of the team -Leliana, Wynne and Alistair- looked as disgusted as I felt. Morrigan, Zev and the Big guy wore expressions in varying degrees of careful indifference. But by the slight wrinkling of their noses and the occasional thinning of the lips when we encountered a particularly gruesome sight, I could tell they weren’t entirely unaffected. At least we could agree this place was _foul_.

As for Kallian, curiously she seemed more angry than anything else. Perhaps she saw this and couldn’t help but think of what Lothering once was, on the people that lived here. It was telling of her character, I suppose. Same for Scout, who kept to the heels of his master and growled at everything in sight.

I consoled myself thinking the money I gave to the Chantry was used to save at least a few more people.

No one wanted to linger, so we hurried along, eager to get out of the blighted land.

We were almost on the other side of what once was Lothering’s northern entrance when I saw several cages in the distance.

Ah.

I glanced at Sten. He must’ve noticed it too; the place where he’d been incarcerated. Where he could’ve died while being helplessly overrun by darkspawn.

Suddenly, his eyes flew to mine, making me flinch a little.

Despite my surprise, I held his gaze.

Apparently, my boldness was rewarded, cause I got a nod of acknowledgement before he turned his gaze away.

And so, we uneventfully moved on.

* * *

On another note, I was done with the heart to hearts. There was Sten, but he never approached me, so a few days after going through Lothering, I asked him myself if there wasn’t anything he wanted to know or if maybe he didn’t even believe my story.

His answer was “Everything shall be as it is meant to be. You will either share your information or you won’t. Leave me out of it”

So I left him out of it. His tone did sting a little though. Sniff.

Ah but just as I was leaving, tail between my legs, he stopped me with a single question.

“You knew where to find Asala”

Okay, so not a question per se, but I chose to take it as one.

“Yep” then added “Kallian would’ve found it eventually. I just sped up the process”

Sten looked at me for a heartbeat before nodding once and going who knows where.

One might think that was that. But it wasn’t just that, for from that day on, the Big guy started calling me _Basalit-an_. Now, my qunari was practically non-existent, but as luck would have it, I did remember what that one meant. He didn’t call me _Kadan_ , like he’d started calling Kallian not long ago, but I’d take it. I’d take it and be damn proud of it.

Maybe a tad jealous that Kallian got more love. Eh, sue me.

Anyway, eventually, we made it to South Reach, according to my map. From there, it took us _five days_ to freaking get to the Brecilian Outskirts. By then, I was absolutely _done_ with going off-road. Stupid forest. Good for picking up elf root though.

As an aside, yes, I’d been in Thedas for way over a month. And yes, I had to take care of a few hygienic issues. As with happened when I ran out of toilet paper, I handled it. And that is all you need to know.

Mm… I knew from the other girls that I could get soap easily enough. But I would have to deal with my shampoo and toothpaste situation at some point. For now, I should have enough to last at least until Denerim. With such a big market, I was bound to find a suitable replacement so long as I was willing to compromise a little.

I’d cross that bridge once I got to it.

The weather in Eastern Ferelden turned out to be on the warm side. No idea how climate works here. It seems somewhat weird to me somehow, but I couldn’t tell you why. Guess I should’ve paid more attention in school. Well la dee da. Point is, I didn’t have to wear a mismatched set of clothes because the Archon Robes were simply not enough to keep the cold out. I’m sure I presented quiet the sight with my modern day leggings underneath my mage robes and my purple hoodie on top. I mean, practicality had won in the end, but I can’t say I wasn’t glad I could look decent in front of other people. Sue me, I appreciated looking at least decent.

“Stop right there outsider. The Dalish have camped in this spot. I suggest you go elsewhere, and quickly”

Hah, finally.

Kallian told who I assume was some kind of Dalish gatekeeper that we had business with the Dalish, and after a bit of back and forth -gatekeeper wasn’t sure she believed us-, she acknowledged there wouldn’t be much use in pretending to be Grey Wardens, and guided as with a light warning about using us as pincushions if it came down to it.

I happily followed the Dalish. I was in a pretty good mood, to be honest.

Why? Hehe. I could feel the gatekeepers thanks to my _Survival_ radar. Meaning I was stronger than all four of them.

Oh yeah, this mage was going places.

One look at Kallian, though, and my mood soured.

She’d been so exited until just a moment ago. Out of all of us, she’d been looking forward to meeting the Dalish the most. I knew she was endlessly curious, so it made sense she’d want to know all about how others, specially other elves, lived. But the gatekeepers didn’t even remotely look at her like she was one of them. Didn’t look at Zev either but I knew he didn’t give a rat’s ass about it.

Kallian’s ears, on the other hand, were kind of droopy.

Oh, my poor Kal Kal.

Humph. The elves weren’t looking too good as my favorite recruits. If they looked down on either of my elven friends there would be hell to pay.

It was a scary thought that someone like me had the power to influence wether an entire clan of elves -or wolves, for the matter- lived.

Yikes. Nobody better mess.

As we approached the Dalish camp, dozens of little dots began pinging in my radar.

Alrighty. Dalish camp, here we go!


	26. Being A Gamer Is All About Having Fun

“There you go, beautiful. You’re a good one, aren’t you?” I cooed.

The Halla grunted softly.

“Yes, that’s it! She’s calming down”

I continued making soothing sounds long enough for Elora to approach and examine the animal.

“Ah, I see. It is her life-mate who is sick, not her. He was bitten during the attack, and she fears greatly for him. I did not realize another Halla was injured. This will allow me to prevent the sickness from spreading to the entire herd. Ma serannas… thank you. You’ve done my clan a great boon this day”

I smiled at Elora, accepting her gratitude, and with the job done, bid her goodbye.

If I haven’t said this before, I’m saying it now. _Survival_ is the best.

It hadn’t been long since we arrived at the Dalish camp. We’d been greeted but the one in charge and then quickly decided what to do next, which was to go investigate the threat that prevented them from aiding us first thing tomorrow morning. Because we are efficient as hell.

After resupplying at the merchant, we’d all gone our separate ways. Got some new gloves, boots and armor for Kallian and Zevran, giving them both a Dalish fashionista sort of flair. It was only fair we invested in them, considering I’d gotten new clothes at the Tower and, somewhere during the time I was grieving, Alistair had gotten a new Veridium Heavy Plate Armor and Morrigan a pair of Cinderfel Gauntlets.

Anyway, I assumed the others would stumble upon a quest or two, and figured I’d do my part with Elora’s Halla. I recalled one needed the skill _Survival_ or else _Coercion_ to help her out in the game. I had both, so I gave it a shot.

Afterwards, I found myself an out-of-the-way spot to sit, and observed the camp around me. Elves of all shapes and sizes bustled around, working and socializing. It was really cool, seeing this completely new -to me- culture. Sure, you kinda learned how Dalish elves lived in the game, but seeing it was a completely different experience.

And this group in particular seemed so… free. They’d been so welcoming; downright _warm_ to Kallian. To everyone in our group, really.

That’s what worried me the most.

I was 99% sure the Dalish weren’t this open to the Wardens in the game. Actually, they hadn’t been when we arrived earlier today. The gatekeeper had been suitably suspicious. But that changed as soon as we met Lanaya, the clan’s First. She heard we were Gray Wardens and immediately extended her cordial greetings. She explained the situation after Kallian requested their aid against the darkspawn and offered for us to stay in heartfelt thanks when she agreed to think about it, after which, the rest of the clan followed her lead.

Obviously, the alarms in my head went off. Because I was 100% sure we were supposed to meet the Keeper of this clan, which I distinctly remembered because he looked like a failed Solas. Also, because the whole mess with the werewolves was his responsibility in the first place.

The difference was jarring.

Ah, not between the Keeper and Solas, but between the game and reality.

Why wasn’t the Keeper here? Why was Lanaya so accommodating?

We were told the Keeper had gone to investigate on his own, to try and find a cure to lycanthropy in a brave attempt to save his clan. But he should know how to save it, given his involvement with the curse in the first place. Maybe he went to bargain with the Lady of the Forest? Was our timing the cause? And maybe without the Keeper to keep things balanced, Lanaya’s own personal opinion carried more weight. Even in the game she was the easier to deal with of the two.

I frowned, thinking hard about what that might mean until my head hurt. _Hah_. Was I thinking too much about this? There was also the thing about when Zevran was supposed to appear, which was different to what I remembered, so this could be like that.

After a few minutes of drawing blanks, I gave up. If I hadn’t come up with anything by now, I probably wouldn’t until I had some other piece to this puzzle. Bah, I was a little paranoid by nature. Then again, if this was the real deal and I brushed it off by calling myself paranoid…

I rolled my eyes. See? I did it again. Enough. I’d keep an eye out and be content with that.

Now then, moving on to more exiting news…

Hehe. You wanna know? You do, right?

Hehehehe.

That’s right folks, this mage is now level 10! Woot!

The last time I leveled up had been back in Redcliffe. At that time, I was in no position to properly enjoy it, so now I basked in my success. I finally hit the double digits! To top it off, I was very close to where you got the Arcane Warrior specialization, and as of level 7, I was ready and raring to get one.

But for now, I did the thing.

You know, the thing I’ve been wanting to do for a while now.

I opened my spell screen and reverently chose my spell.

Which one? Well, of course it was _Glyph of Repulsion_!

Finally, the best crowd control spell in the game was mine.

I giggled to myself, feeling downright giddy.

“What are you doing?”

I looked up, startled. Alistair looked down at me with an amused smile.

I opened my mouth to explain, then stopped. Thought about it. Opened my mouth again.

“I don’t know what to say”

He gave me a weird look, then sat down beside me. I moved over to give him room.

“You were giggling to yourself” he pointed out.

“Um… yeah, okay. I can see how that would seem weird”

“What– oh!” He leaned closer to my ear “Is that normal in your world?”

Eek “Nope. I mean, not particularly. I mean, what **is** normal, really?”

By Al’s looks, I was doing nothing to help keep my reputation as a sane person.

Okay, take two.

“Remember the abilities I have that I told you guys about?”

“You mean like the thing where you make your stuff appear out of thin air?”

“Yup. See, when someone from my world goes through Thedas story, they have a few things they can do to take control of it, to an extent”

Alistair nodded “Still cant wrap my head about it. But yes, you told me this before”

“Well the way to do it is through a… er, a screen? That doesn’t make sense to you, huh? Um, like an unfolded piece of velum paper in the space in front of you. One you can only see but not touch”

Alistair scratched the back of his head “Alright”

I laughed “You sure?”

He raised an eyebrow at me “I’ll admit I’ve never heard anything like this before, but at least I’m trying to understand, aren’t I?”

“Sorry, you’re right. Well the thing is I can see that same screen right now. No idea why, before you ask, but those abilities I mentioned are based on the game”

He frowned, and I could almost see smoke coming out of his ears. You can do it, buddy.

“Game?” he finally said.

Nope, didn’t screw up this time. I let it slip on purpose. It had gone well with Kallian, so I thought it might go well with Al too. He was probably the most easy-going member of the group. More so than Zevran, who was easy-going in a whole different sense.

So I explained the concept of a role-playing game the same way I’d explained it to Kallian.

“So you’ve really lived through all of this already” he said after a while.

“In a way. You didn’t believe me?”

“I did, but I think it just finally sunk in” he glanced at me “So you knew me as a _game character_ ”

I winced “…Yeah. I got to interact with you and everyone else too. But its not like I could talk to you about whatever I wanted. I had only so much conversations available and a few choice answers to pick from–”

“Wait” he said. And only in that moment did I realize how well he was taking this. Up until now, he’d been confused, but took everything in stride. And kept asking questions in an attempt to better understand. But in what came next, I saw some actual anger, and maybe a little bit of fear “Have we had conversations like I was a character in your game? You– have you given me… _calculated answers_? Things you learned from your _game_?”

I blinked “I– no. Ah well, except that comment about your mother being a bitch back on our first time in Redcliffe. I stole that line from the game. But! It was too good to pass… I mean, other than that I may have given you calculated answers in the sense that I thought about what effect my words were going to have. But its not like I was being _fake_ with you guys. Just, manipulative in a way that benefits us all, you know?”

He gaped at me, both eyebrows raised “Manipulative in a good way?”

“Yeah, like when I snapped at you for assuming I wanted to hurt you. I knew you were a good one and wanted to get that hostility out of the way sooner to see if we could get along. And see? It benefits us both… and, um, its not like I _chose_ for you… just presented the possibility of you being unfair and then letting you do what you thought best–”

I was interrupted from my ramblings when Alistair threw his head back in a bark of a laugh.

Okay. So he was laughing. It sounded mirthful enough. That was good, right?

“Uh… Al?”

“You admit to manipulating me, and then claim its for my own benefit” he said, still chuckling “And with no shame at all”

Wait, so he wasn’t mad? And was he laughing at me?

“Of course, manipulating someone efficiently means that even if the other person finds out, they’ll still want to do as you tell them too simply because they’ve come to realize its in their best interests”

“I suppose you think becoming friends with you is in **my** best interests”

I blushed “I– well–”

He burst out laughing again “No, if its like that, feel free to manipulate me anytime”

Okay he was definitely making fun of me.

Can’t have that, now, can we?

I smiled slightly and looked up at him through my eyelashes once he calmed down enough “So its fine, hmm? Don’t worry, I’ll be sure you enjoy it next time I manipulate you”

He went beet red. Score for me. The innuendo was a bit heavier than my usual jokes but he brought it onto himself.

Sorry Al, I like teasing rather than being teased.

Something occurred to me as he was trying to regain his composure.

“Hey do you wanna help me with my stats?”

He blinked, still flushed, and looked at me suspiciously “Your what?”

I grinned “The game abilities we were talking about before. The system included numeric values to track your progress in terms of power, which you can mani– _arrange_ in a way that best suits you. And I have that too. It’s the whole reason I’ve somehow managed to keep up with you despite having no combat experience until a few months ago”

I proceeded to explain my stats and what each of them stood for. Alistair did an admirable job of keeping up with the information dump, asking questions here and there. I ended up drawing a chart of my stats with a stick on the ground. Once he grasped the concept, other explanations such as attribute, skill and spell points and level ups went smoothly.

“So you already invested a point to buy a glyph spell?” He asked excitedly.

“Correct” More or less.

“And you have no skill points this time, because you’re on level 10, and you only get those every third level. But you get three attribute points with each one. Where will you put them?”

Well, Alistair Theirin had the soul of a gamer. How ‘bout that.

We bounced ideas off each other. Honestly, it was super fun. It’d been a while since I did this for obvious reasons, but the gamer in me was delighted. While a full immersive RPG was any gamer’s dream, it was difficult for me to separate my gaming system from my current reality. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t take the fun whenever I could.

In the end, I spent all six attribute points I’d been saving up, which made my stats look like this.

**HP: 136 MP: 229**

**Attributes (-)**

Strength 12

Dexterity 10

Willpower 22

Magic 30

Cunning 18

Constitution 15

Alistair and I agreed on upping _Magic_ and _Willpower_. So I ended up spending three points in the former and two in the in the second one. But then he thought I should also put the remaining one in _Constitution_. I was tempted, as more health points meant better chance at survival. But in the end I went with _Willpower_ again. I was part of a team, after all, and it was his job, not mine, to be the meat shield. Better to keep my mana running and keep firing spells. When I told him that, Al looked suitably indignant, but I think he was secretly happy at being relied on. Might be wishful thinking though.

Besides, if my plan to become a neigh invulnerable Arcane Warrior worked out, keeping up my sustainables was a more important job than having high Hp.

By the by, my spell collection was also looking pretty dandy.

**Spells (-)**

**Arcane**

-

**Primal**

Flame Blast Flaming Weapons

Rock Armor

**Creation**

Heal

Spell Wisp Grease

Glyph of Paralysis Glyph of Warding Glyph of Repulsion

**Spirit**

Walking Bomb

Mind Blast Force Field

**Entropy**

-

“I have a thought. I was a character in your game, right? With stats and everything. What if you could see mine too? Can’t you just… take out you velum and take a peak? I wont mind, wouldn’t be the first time someone judged my skills. And hey, maybe this time it’ll be fair”

“Fair? Why? What happened?”

“Oh, you know. The Chantry evaluates you from time to time, to see if you’re making the cut as a proper Templar-in-training. I always did well on the physical trials, mind you. It was the Chantry teachings themselves that proofed a challenge”

“Ah well, I’m sure anyone would have a hard time learning something when they don’t even believe in it”

“Oh no. I meant a challenge for _them_ ” he laughed “They would always _dread_ it when it was my turn to take the test. I would always butcher up the the Chant in some way. I remember this one time, I was very young, you need to understand, and I was chanting a verse in front of the Revered Mother -that’s the one in charge of the particular Chantry I was sent to. She along with other sisters and brothers were testing a bunch of us to see how far we’d come in memorizing it. So my turn came and I was reciting it how I remembered it when I heard a snicker from someone behind the Mother. Turns out, I’d been saying ‘impotent’ instead of ‘omnipotent’ and I’d been too focused to notice the Mother giving me the death glare”

I snorted a laugh, thinking of a young Al calling the God of this world _impotent_.

“Anyway, she about lost it when one of the brothers laughed at ‘ _And the Maker,_ impotent _beyond all reckoning, would only come to those who serve him until dawn_ ’”

I lost it then, too. Oh my God, Alistair.

After we’d calmed down, I went back to his previous question.

“I don’t think I can. I’ve tired calling the command to activate it but either I simply don’t have that function or I’ve got the command… wrong”

I frowned in thought.

Hang on. What if…

But no. I’d thought and said the word _party_ plenty of times before, and nothing like character change or party change did the trick either.

Still, Al looked so exited I couldn’t help but give it another shot.

“Fine. Um… _Party Selection. Character Selection. Gather Your Party._ ” Uh… “ _Switch Characters. Change Characters. Change Party. Change–_ ”

Suddenly, a small medal like thing with four circles appeared before me, forming a diamond. The lower one and the two from both sides were black. The one on top had a picture of me.

I gaped.

Well, I’ll be. It worked.

“Did it work?” Alistair asked hopefully.

“I… I think so. Hang on”

Feeling awkward, I focused on the left circle “Alistair”

“Yes”

His face appeared in the circle.

I pressed my lips together, looking at him wide eyed, then split them in a toothy grin. Did I do that? Did he say ‘yes’ because I _selected_ him? If I removed him from the party, would he yell _Blast and damnation!_

Man, I reaaally wanted him to.

He didn’t when I tried it though. Too bad.

After that, I added him again. I could see his character record.

Oh my GOSH! I could see his stats! How COOL was that?!

When I told him, he all but fangirled with me about it.

I guess that goes to show there were plenty of things yet to learn about my gaming system.

The thought brought a smile to my face.

“What’s going on here?” Kallian asked as she approached alongside Zevran.

I’d seen them both walking around camp, Kallian talking to him animatedly while pointing to nearly everything around them. Zevran seemed content to indulge her, but her enthusiasm was obviously contagious, cause after a while, when they came within sight again, _he_ was the one excitedly talking to Kallian. Guess being the only elves in the group made this experience somewhat special for them… or more like, to Kallian, whose good vibes likely affected the cool-headed assassin after a time.

By the way, the rest of our companions were all over the place. I could see Wynne and Morrigan discussing some book sold by the camp merchant -would have to ask later. If it was a magic book I wanted in on it-. And a while ago, I'd seen Leliana giggle at a stone-faced Sten who I think -I think- had been scratching Scout's tummy.

What I wouldn't give to hear that girl call him softie.

Pfft.

But back to the present, Alistair and I grinned at each other at Kallian's questioning gaze.

"You have got to see this"

And so, we spent the couple of hours left of sunlight playing with the system. The foreboding feeling from before all but forgotten in the presence of fun.

Tomorrow we woke up at dawn.


	27. Don’t Look A Gift Werewolf In The Mouth. It Will Bite Through You Entirely Too Easily

“ _Maya_ ”

He said my name like it was dripping honey. His smokey eyes locked on mine with such intensity it was difficult to look away. _I_ didn’t want to look away. Everything about him was mesmerizing. The way he moved, slow like a predator eyeing his prize. His looks, the powerful eyes, perfect body and rolled-out-of-the-bed-like-this hair.

“ _Maya_ ”

His _voice_. Like my name on his lips was everything he could ever desire.

And just as he was about to touch me, my conscience got the better of me.

“Enough, Desire”

The gorgeous adonis in front of me pouted with utterly kissable lips.

_Stay strong, Maya._

“Desire, cut it out”

A sigh escaped his lips and a blink of an eye later, Desire stood in front of me in her preferred form, the same violet woman she wore when we had our Fade encounter during the whole Ponnor business.

“I truly do not understand you. Other humans would not hesitate upon the opportunity of being pleasured by the man of their dreams. And as a free favor, no less” she rested her cheek on the palm of her hand and regarded me like I was a puzzle. Or a very interesting bug.

So, yeah, the desire demon I met a couple of times before decided to haunt my dreams with images of sexy men wanting to ravish me. This was third time already.

I took a moment to take in the ridiculousness of the situation. No no, the ridiculousness that was me still saying _no_ to this.

Damn my morals.

“I’m one of those people who think too much, like, all the time. I could never forget it’s you and that’s just… a hard pass” I grimaced. Thinking about me accepting any remotely sexual favors with Desire turned man gave me the heebie jeebies.

Ew. No offense to Desire, but ew.

Desire shrugged an elegant purple shoulder, utterly unaffected by my refusal “Suit yourself”

“You’ve been visiting me for a while” I said “Why are you trying to…” Seduce me? That didn’t sound right.

“I am attempting to repay my debt. I told you this”

Right. Silly me “Er, but I don’t really want a man…”

She raised an eyebrow “Is that so? I am not usually wrong about mortals’ inclinations, but if you prefer woman…”

Geez “No no, that isn’t it. I mean I have other types of desires”

There was a glint in her eyes “I see. And what may those be?”

I thought about it. She was asking because she wanted to grant my wish, right? I still wasn’t entirely sure why, but…

“You know, I’ve only been able to be aware in my dreams when you visit me; as soon as you leave I wake up. But I still feel rested in the morning”

“So?”

I mumbled under my breath and a green orb of light appeared beside me.

I looked back at Desire with a big grin on my face “How would you like to visit more often?”

* * *

“GYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!”

Kallian cursed as she slashed her foe “Damn it, someone help her!”

“Busy!”

“GAAAAAHHH!!!”

I kept on shouting my head off, running for dear life as I was chased by a BIG ASS SPIDER.

A BIG ASS SPIDER!

I don’t think you understand the implications of that, so I’ll say it one more time.

I WAS BEING CHASED BY A FUCKING GIANTNORMUS SPIDER.

Not even _Combat Tactics_ could save me this time.

But even in my chaos, I knew I couldn’t keep running because it was gonnafuckingcatchmehelpmepleaaaseee!

I heard its quick steps creeping up behind me.

Jesus fucking–!

Wait! I’m a mage!

In a show of unparalleled will fueled by mind-numbing fear, I swung my Lightning Rod off my back, turning to face the– the _thing_ , in one fluid motion.

“ _Flame Blast!!_ ”

Fire exploded from the tip of my staff, engulfing the monster who screeched and writhed in pain. I didn’t even register that awful smell that usually accompanies burnt flesh. I was too busy channeling more magic into the spell, willing the flames to become hotter by the second. At one point, the spider flipped over, long legs curling together, letting me see a glimpse of Zevran, who stood behind it, frozen in mid-step with his daggers drawn.

The spider wasn’t moving anymore, but I wasn’t fooled. Oh no, those little -big!- shits played dead as well as any other living being experiencing extreme fear, when the threat they’re facing is too strong to flee from. I could just see it, as soon as I stopped my attack, it would turn over and… and...

Ugh, die bitch, DIE!

I stopped only when I was almost out of juice, _Spell Wisp_ , _Rock Armor_ and _Flaming Weapons_ the only spells still in play.

I frightfully peered at it as soon as the magical fire died down. The only thing I could see were ashes. I’d burn it to a crisp.

I looked around, breathing hard. The rest of the guys and girls were keeping a respectful distance, staring at me. They just… stared at me.

When nobody moved, I made a sad face, my eyes growing wide.

Both Kallian and Alistair stepped forward but were beaten by the big furball that was Scout.

I hugged him fiercely as soon as he made it into my embrace.

God I love this pup.

“But I hate spiders” I mumbled against his furry neck.

Kallian reached down and patted my head “I could tell”

The amusement in her voice was almost offensive.

It’s okay though, I would be too.

“Well! That was quiet the display”

Bite me, Morrigan.

Alistair let out a snort. Did I say that out loud? Ugh, whatever.

_Just don’t do it as a spider. Please._

“You lack control, _bas-saarebas_ ”

I opened one eye to see Sten looking down on me gravely.

So, I show a little phobia and go from _basalit-an_ to _bas-saarebas_ , huh? Wasn’t even sure what that meant but I knew it wasn’t good.

“I don’t wanna hear that coming from you, man” the guy who murdered an entire family because he couldn’t find his sword.

The big guy raised both eyebrows, surprised by the venom in my voice. He didn’t exactly ease off, but he didn’t keep pushing, at least. Guess that’s something.

“I don’t understand how you can face everything we have until now, but spiders are too much?” Leliana giggled.

“I don’t know. I just… I hate spiders” I repeated lamely.

“Perhaps it is a good idea to get this… matter of yours under control, yes? Before it presents a problem, that is” Zevran said.

Get your shit together before anyone gets killed. Delicately put, bud.

I sighed “I know, I know. I will. Eventually” I burrowed my face on Scout again. Ah, yes. Avoidance at its finest.

“May I suggest sooner rather than later, child? I know this it is a daunting process, but surely you realize something must be done. There will be more” _Don’t say it!_ “spiders on our way forward” _Waaahh_.

After a few more seconds of avoidance, Kallian voiced her agreement with Wynne, forcing me to answer.

I shook my head and stood with an exasperated sigh. I’d heard this argument before. But it’s never been so urgent for me to do it. Until now, apparently “I know! And I know the treatment for arachnophobia. Its HELL”

“What’s a hell?”

“I think it’s her way of saying the Void”

I ignored Kallian and Alistair and concentrated on the academic explanation “The best-known treatment for phobias is exposure to the object of fear. As…” I gulped “As high as the patient can stomach it”

I could see Morrigan’s eye light up like a Christmas tree “Oh? Should I help you in this endeavor of yours, then? I would be most delighted in lending you a hand”

“Yeah, you just have the best disposition don’t you” Alistair scoffed, walking up beside me.

“No, she’s right. It would probably work best with her help…” My face contorted and I flung myself at Alistair before bursting into sniffles.

His arms immediately closed around me, even as he patted my back awkwardly.

Let me make this clear. I only hugged _him_ because he was the closest one. Don’t misunderstand, okay?

… Yeah, okay.

* * *

As you might have guessed, we were currently in the middle of the Brecilian Forest. That meant we had to leave the horses behind at the Dalish camp because, skittish as horses tend to be, taking them into a werewolf infested land didn’t seem like the brightest move. Most of our stuff was still near the begging of the forest proper though, on the road between the forest and Southron hills were Bodahn and Sandal had decided to wait for us, the cart making it hard to travel surrounded by so much vegetation.

But I digress. Let me give you a run-down of what’s been going on in the last few days. First of all, it took us **three days** to get to the West Brecilian Forest and the actual start of the quest. When we finally got there, we happened upon another of those flowers Leliana liked, which made her and Kallian share a warm, fuzzy-inducing look. It was adorable, but I felt bad for Al, who had to witness the exchange. Poor guy put on a brave front though.

I feel ya, buddy.

On the other hand, the Andraste’s Grace was beside a great bear -labeled conveniently by _Survival_ \- guarding a corpse. So that took the romance down a notch, what with the ground covered in blood and stuff.

We then _ran_ into Swiftrunner -hehe, get it?- the werewolf _beta_. He was big, even towering over Sten. A pearly white set of pointy teeth betrayed his lethality. The only reason I didn’t pee myself was because we’d already fought a group of them -plus a couple of actual wolves and blighted wolves- shortly after encountering that flower, I mentioned before. Thank goodness we outnumbered them or some of us would be missing body parts right now. I kept my squishy self out of range and provided support while the melee fighters engaged directly, and still felt myself flinch every time I heard them howl. Let’s just say, I was very glad Kallian used her powers of _Coercion_ -who said I’m the only one with skills?- to send the beta wolf away.

The conversation went more or less like I expected it to.

Swiftrunner spoke with a guttural growl that could be called a voice if I was feeling generous. Of course, the fact that he could talk alone made him more civilized than they expected him to, which gave our fearless leader pause.

After Kallian successfully persuaded him, Swiftrunner admitted to not wanting a confrontation with us. But neither could he trust us, and so he decided to retreat and leave us at the forest’s mercy.

Bit negligent, if you ask me, but what do I know.

But something he said kept bugging me.

There was no way I remembered the game dialogue word for word. But when he mentioned Zathrian, he said the elf had been seen going towards the West Brecilian Forest, barricading himself behind wards to do Maker knows what. No matter how faulty my memory was or how long ago I last played Origins, I would not have forgotten that. Had my presence changed things this much? But what could I possibly have done to warrant changing the story _this_ much? Duncan was on the other side of the map right now, so he shouldn’t have anything to do with the Dalish either.

So what _was_ going on?

I kept mulling it over and thinking what I was gonna do about it when we run into… _them_. Ugh, no living being should have eight legs and be the size of a bear. That’s a life-cheat. And I knew about those.

We kept going, crossing the bridge where Swiftrunner confronted us and heading east, by-passing an ironically tranquil creak, thoughts of messing up a universe on hold as I concentrated on trying not to die.

We fought more werewolves after that. Along with a group of darkspawn with a freaking Ogre in their ranks. I wanted to try my new spell combination, but the enemies were coming at us from different angles and jumping down on us from hills making it hard to set up _Paralysis Explosion_. In the end my biggest contribution was trapping the nightmare of a creature in a _Force Field_. That was okay. My time would come.

Found a wounded elf named Deygan. Patched him up a bit and returned him about a third of the way back, before running into Mithra and her Dalish patrol -thank fudge-, who took him back with gratitude.

Back into the woods we went.

We got lost and took another route leading -I think- southeast. Got attacked by a murderous tree -#thisismylifenow #rangedattacksforthewin #thatlookedlikeithurt-, collected some elfroot and a bear attack later, we found ourselves gazing at our first set of old ruins.

Having been over a week since this whole mess began, you can imagine the sight of it perked me right up. By the way, I love nature and everything, but I had about my fill of it already. I couldn’t wait to get to Denerim after this.

“Alright, take it easy people. I have a feeling we’re gonna encounter something as soon as we get in there”

“Is that more knowledge of the future?” asked Kallian, high on alert.

“Yes” except not really. It was more a self-respecting gamer knowledge.

I aimed as far as I could with my staff and casted “ _Glyph of Repulsion_ ”

A blue circle of light flashed once almost at the center of the plant infested ruins.

Okay so I was getting kind of impatient about using my new spell. Sorry not sorry.

“What are you doing?” asked Morrigan snottily.

I gave her a confident smile over my shoulder “You’ll see”

We approached the clearing made by the crumbling constructions carefully.

“GRRRAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!”

Boom. Ogre.

Told ya~

“Stay back!” I yelled, a maniac grin on my face.

“What?!” Alistair stopped mid-step, looking back at me like I’d gone bananas. He was half-right.

“Trust me!”

Kallian caught my eye and nodded, even as Alistair was already backing up “Pull back!”

I exhaled a breath and I aimed again “ _Glyph of Paralysis!_ ”

Instead of the glyph blinking into existence, a circle of light blue smoke puffed softly, expanded until it almost dissipated. In its place, a cloud of electric-blue energy smacked down on us, propelling the remaining smoke to explode in a violent gust.

I didn’t miss my que and finished with an unnecessary swirl of my staff. I’d been practicing for a while.

…

Wow.

I heard a victorious laugh, followed by cheers. I turned to find the companions rushing past me to take care of the Ogres. I raised my hand when I saw Kallian approaching. She looked confused for a second before her lips split in a toothy grin, raising her hand to give me a sonorous high five before moving on to help the others.

Hehe. I did good.

With a nod to myself, I hurried to join them.

* * *

Job done, we began looting the area. There were rubble and corpses all around. We also stumbled upon an ancient grave that tickled my memory.

“Don’t touch that” I slapped Zev’s hand as he reached over to sweep the spiderwebs away.

He shook his hand exaggeratedly “Shame, I preferred it when you ran into my arms”

I chuckled and gave him a shoulder bump, turning to address Kallian “Pretty sure that’s gonna spawn some high-ranking demon”

Kallian gave it a speculative glance “Do you remember anything else about it?”

I racked my brain until I got a headache “I think this is part of a larger quest… if its what I think it is we’ll find another one like this somewhere in the forest. If we complete it, we’ll get some cool loot, probably”

“Probably?” Morrigan raised an arrogant eyebrow. Oddly enough, her statement didn’t carry as much censure as I knew it could. Baby steps.

I hummed “I’m getting old you guys. My memory isn’t what it used to be”

Wynne chuckled “Oh I understand what you mean all too well”

I smiled at her easy attitude.

“Old? You can’t be _that_ old. You don’t look much older than me, at any rate”

I quirked an eyebrow at him “I’m 25 years old, man”

Alistair did a double take. Yup, looking young was my bane during work as much as I hoped would be my blessing in the future. Fingers crossed.

I chuckled “Definitely older than you huh? What are you, like, twenty?”

“Twenty-one” he grumbled “As off the month before last”

My turn to do a double take. Wut?

“Your birthday was in…” I gave my brain a mental shake, trying to remember the Ferelden months “Guardian?”

Al blinked at me “Does that mean naming-day? If so, then yes. By the end of the month”

I gaped “Are you kidding me? We knew each other then!” I covered my mouth with both hands, immediately regretting it cause they were _filthy_ “Oh dude, I’m so sorry we missed your birthday”

Kallian gave me an odd look “I’m not sure I follow”

“I believe naming-days are celebrated were Maya comes from, yes?” said Leliana.

I nodded, understanding also downing on me “Guess you don’t? Almost everyone does in my world”

“Oh! Since that’s the case, should we begin doing so from now on? I’d be glad to get to try one of the cultural peculiarities from another world. Might there be more of your fascinating music involved?”

I created a monster when I introduced Leliana to the music app in my phone. Lost an entire battery charge that day. Wonder what she’d think of the Happy Birthday song.

“That sounds like a great idea!” Kallian was right behind Leliana.

I gotta admit though, I was so on board with this plan I was basically already sailing.

Of course, not everyone was.

“Tis a foolish notion and a waste of my time. I wish to take no part in this” Morrigan stated dismissively.

Wynne was kinder “I’m afraid I am too old to be reminded of my years. I would be happy to celebrate with the younger ones, of course”

“It does sound quite feisty” offered Zevran “Alas, I do not know the date I was born, so I’ll just tag along to your commemorations. Pity” He said that, but didn’t sound very put off about it.

Sten said something in qunlat that was obviously a refusal. Honestly, I’m glad I didn’t understand that one.

“That leaves Kallian, Alistair, Maya and me” said Leliana.

The dog barked his disapproval.

“And Scout” Kallian added peppily “I don’t know when you where born, but we’ll pick a date. Oh! Maybe we could share my birthday”

Scout gave her two happy barks and proceeded to rub his head against her… well, he almost reached her chest, actually. I bet she could ride him into battle.

Pfft, that would be a hell of a sight.

“What about the grave” Sten’s words cut right through the warm mood like a whip.

“Ah, right”

Kallian made the final decision to wait and see if we encountered a second tomb like this one to make sure it was the same one I was referring to.

Tired form a long day, we decided to walk a bit more before backtracking a bit and setting up camp. As Zevran and Sten pointed out, the curved ditch that followed after the ruins was a poorly defendable position should we be attacked at night.

I was so tired I only had time to thank my lucky stars it wasn’t my turn to keep watch before sinking into sweet sweet sleep.

Hopefully, I’d get to see Desire in my dreams today. Playing with my spells in my dream-space was a good way to pass the night.


	28. Don’t Get It? Say It Quickly

We packed up camp early in the morning and decided to head west. I say west, but both paths appeared to come around and meet in a circle.

I was waiting for the rest to finish packing, as my tent and my equipping ability gave me a speed bonus, when Kallian found me sitting on a nearby rock, humming to myself and petting Scout, who woke up ready to go.

“That’s a nice melody. I think I’ve heard Leliana singing to it before... I liked how the woman was very sure about what she wanted”

Well, the song was Spice Girls’ Wannabe. So, I guess she wasn’t wrong.

“You done packing up?” I asked, moving over and patting the place beside me.

“Yeah” She fidgeted in place for a bit before sitting “I wanted to give you something”

I raised my eyebrows “Really? What?”

From behind her, she produced a round, dark ball the size of her palm.

I blinked having expected… well, not that.

For that matter… “I… er, what is it?” I had to ask.

Kallian giggled “It’s called a painted skyball. Here, look”

She shoved the thing under my nose, forcing me to take it from her to see it at a reasonable distance. My eyes widened once I realized what I was looking at. The almost perfect black orb had been carefully painted with thousands of little white dots, making it look like the night sky, complete with constellations.

It was so pretty.

“I often see you admiring the sky at night. I thought you might like it” Kallian shrugged, a wry smile on her lips.

I tore my gaze from my gift to the gifter herself. She was fidgeting again, worried about whether I liked her gift. My heart melted.

I leaned over and hugged her “Thank you so much! +10 Approval. Definitely”

Kallian laughed, hugging me back “What?”

“Nothing. I love it”

Scout showed his enthusiasm by bouncing and barking around us. I don’t know how aware he was about what was happening, but man was he exited.

When we separated, Kallian was still smiling “Glad to hear it. Why _do_ you like the sky so much, though?”

“In my world, there aren’t all that many places left where you can see such a clear sky, with so many stars” I explained “The place I lived in had so much artificial light it was common to have a completely starless night” I leaned closer “Also, the first night I spent in Thedas, seeing the two moons helped to convince me I really wasn’t on Earth anymore. See, we only have one moon”

And of course, after that, Kallian wanted to hear all about the ‘light cities’ that were so bright they outshined the sky. That was actually a nice way of putting it.

One thing I didn’t mention was that the twin moons helped to remind me of where I was time and again. It calmed my soul the first time I killed someone, and it continued to do so from then on. I was in Thedas, where the rules were different than in my little, peaceful corner of the Earth.

“Wait, no, I had something else I wanted to ask you” Kallian rolled her eyes “I always get distracted when you talk about your world”

I shrugged; I was fond of that side of Kallian “What is it?”

She bit her lip “You’ve been acting strange since we entered the forest. Whats wrong?”

Ah. Damn.

I scratched the back of my head, thinking. To tell her or not to tell her?

“I should’ve known the gift came with strings attached” I said to gain time.

“It doesn’t and you know it. Don’t change the subject”

Damn.

Screw it “Things are different than what I remember”

“You mean in the story from your world?”

I nodded “The Keeper, Zathrian, should’ve been at camp to give us the mission of breaking the curse. Instead he is somewhere in the west side of this damn forest”

Kallian mulled it over “This worries you?”

“It does. I’m always afraid my being here will change the future. Some of the important points in history were a miraculous coincidence” The Inquisitor stumbling on Corypheus and unlocking the power of the orb came to mind “If I screw that up…”

Kallian put a hand over my trembling ones. I hadn’t even realized I was shaking “You didn’t choose to be here. Whatever brought you is at fault for the changes. It’s fine if you keep trying to make things right” She gave my hands a squeeze “I for one am glad you’re here. Sorry”

I took a deep breath “Why are you sorry?”

“I know you didn’t want to be ripped from your life”

I gave her a weak smile and leaned against her, shoulder to shoulder.

“The clan was weird”

Kallian nodded “I know”

I straightened and gave her a look “You know?”

She sighed “The scouts that greeted us were wary. I wasn’t happy about it, but it made sense. Then we go to camp and suddenly everyone is fuzzing over us. They’re clearly hiding something. Leliana and Zevran agree”

The cunning cunning rogues all noticed something was up. Plus, me who knew another version of reality.

Hmm.

I opened my mouth.

“If you say it’s your fault, I’ll shove the skyball in your mouth”

I closed it and glared at her. So rude.

“Well, what will you do about it?”

I frowned “I don’t know. I guess I could seek Zathrian out. But he is strong. If I have to fight him, I don’t want to do it alone”

“Who says you are alone?”

I shook my head “This is a long quest…” I stopped. The quest had Zathrian at its end. **That** is when the Warden was supposed to choose sides or somehow broker peace between the elves and the werewolves. We would either encounter him anyhow or look for him after speaking to the Lady of the forest. And if he were to continue hiding…

“Shit. Kallian, I need to tell you something”

“What about?”

I gave her a long-suffering sigh “Spoilers”

* * *

“So, the curse, all of it, was because of this Zathrian?”

I nodded.

“But why?”

I made a face “He had his reasons”

Leliana glared at me.

Argh “It had something to do with revenge. Or justice, I guess. The first cursed did horrible things. I don’t remember what exactly or to whom, but it hurt Zathrian deeply”

“If that happened more than a century ago, those responsible must be dead by now” offered Kallian.

“I think so”

“You say the first werewolf, this Witherfang, is a spirit that was merged with that of a real wolf?” Asked Wynne.

“Yeah, that’s how I remember it”

“To trap a spirit and bind it to this plane…” Wynne closed her eyes, pained by the knowledge.

“But Witherfang is the Lady of the Forest, yes?” Said Zevran “Perhaps we could seek an audience? Give them a chance to explain before we swoop in and cut their throats?”

Don’t do it “Yeah. Swooping is bad” Hehe.

Alistair turned to me, alarmed “What?”

I look at him “I’m sorry, I’ve always wanted to try saying that”

“How did you–? Oh, of course. Look who I’m talking to. You know, its really creepy when you do that”

I shrugged “Some phrases are just really iconic”

He gave a look “Any other I should know about?”

“Nope” I turned to hide a smile and muttered “Lamppost in winter”

Alistair spluttered unintelligibly.

“Alright kids, that’s enough” said Kallian, a smile playing on her lips “Maya, would Lanaya have known the truth?”

I thought about it “I couldn’t say. In the story, she didn’t know. Now though? With Zathrian AWOL, I don’t know what he told her”

“AWOL?”

“Absent without official leave”

“Mmm… well, as I see it, either Zathrian will meet us after we talk to Witherfang, or we’ll have to look for him”

I nodded at Kallian’s logic. Still…

“What else is bothering you, Bella?” Asked Zevran from his spot leaning against a tree. That guy leaned against places so often I was beginning to think maybe he had back problems.

“It’s just… I don’t understand why he would seclude himself like that. His people are dying, and he thinks **this** is a good time to take off? ‘Oh, my clan is facing an evil curse I started centuries ago. Mm… welp, time for a camping trip!’” I made a face “Not bloody likely”

Kallian regarded me for a second before narrowing her eyes, her expression telling me she wasn’t seeing me anymore. She was making her serious face.

Oh goody.

Familiar with her quirks, nobody said anything for a minute or two.

“Alright” she said eventually “According to Maya, there are three parts to this mess. We have to find a way to get inside those ruins. Afterwards, we have to battle our way across the ruins. Finally, we confront the werewolves and either kill them or agree to bring Zathrian to them and then again, we have a choice of who to support”

Kallian turned my way for confirmation

“Pretty much”

She nodded to herself “So here is what I think. We finish the first part together. After getting past the barrier, we split up. Maya, you go with Alistair and either Morrigan or Wynne and confront the Keeper. Whatever the conclusion, we meet up again in the ruins”

“And how did you come up with such an arrangement, my dear Warden?” Asked Zevran.

Kallian hit Zev with all the intensity of her emerald green eyes “Zathrian is a powerful mage. If they end up fighting him, I want Alistair and his templar abilities there. And according to Swiftrunner, he is behind a magical barrier. I want an experienced mage there to see if they can do something about it. No offense, Maya”

“None taken” I wasn’t nearly as experienced as either of the other two mages in the group.

Zevran inclined his head in acknowledgment. I also thought it was a good plan.

The rest of the party voiced their agreement and we set off once again.

My memory nudged me more and more as we kept walking. Of course, everything looked different with the high definition real life presented as opposed to a 2009 game graphics, but the terrain was familiar enough.

Well, I’d come this far, so I might as well.

“We should meet the Hermit guy soon” I said aloud.

Leliana caught my eye and motioned for me to proceed.

“He is one of the two options we’ll have to get to the ruins. The other one is a magic tree”

“I’m sorry, I could’ve sworn you said a magic tree” said Al.

“I did. Personally, I like the tree better, but I don’t really remember why”

Morrigan raised a perfect eyebrow “How very useful”

I ignored her.

“Let’s just talk to this guy” said Kallian, diplomatically “Then we’ll decide”

But as we walked further down, the one we encountered was Aneirin, Wynne’s first disciple.

It was a heartwarming reunion. Wynne humbly asked for forgiveness, to which Aneirin responded favorably. We parted ways after he acquiesced to think about returning to the Circle.

“Did you know we would find Aneirin here?” The old mage asked me as we walked on.

“I didn’t before we saw him. The story I read was very long. I remember most general things, but the details escape me unless something jogs my memory. Did you talk to Kallian about him before?”

“I did. Perhaps I should have asked you as well”

I frowned. Somehow, that left a bitter taste in my mouth “Wynne, I’m happy to listen to whatever you want to tell me. And some things from the future I’m happy to share. But remember why you told be you didn’t want to know the future in the first place. You still found Aneirin today, even though you didn’t ask me”

“Mm. Yes, I suppose I did that, didn’t I?” Wynne chuckled “Thank you for reminding me. I must have been a little too shaken up by meeting my old pupil”

“Sure” I smiled at her “I promise, if there is anything very important that you need to know, I will at least bring it up and let you decide weather you want to know”

Wynne smiled benevolently “That sounds wonderful. Thank you for your kindness, child”

* * *

“NO! That is not a question! And if it be an answer it be an answer to a question I’ve not **asked!** Have you no **sense** for the rules?”

Kallian groaned and dropped her head on her hands. Thank fudge I didn’t have to talk to that guy. After getting scared to death when a Sylvan attacked us out of nowhere -I swear they look _exactly_ like trees, up until the try to run you through with their roots- I was in no mood to talk riddles with anyone. Much less a paranoid dude that wasn’t all there.

Anyway, the conversation went on for a bit, until we finally got to where we wanted.

“I stole something from an oak tree some time ago and it won’t stop pestering me for ti back. Would you be so good as to turn it into firewood or something equally dead?

“What kind of tree?”

“A tree I stole something form. Weren’t you listening?”

“Right… I’ll think about it”

Behind her back, Kallian gave me a sign with her hand. Okay then, guess I’m up.

I took a step forward “Hey there, do you want to ask me a question?”

“Oh! Someone else wants to play? Do I want to ask her a question? Yes, yes, I think I will. Let’s see, what is your name?”

From what I’d been hearing of his talk with Kallian, he wouldn’t believe me anyway “You may call me Dixie Normous”

I kept a straight face as I heard a _pfft!_ Of someone holding back their laughter form behind me.

As expected, the Hermit didn’t believe me, but told me to ask another question anyway.

“Do you have anything to trade?”

“Oh yes, yes. Let’s see… I’ll trade you an acorn, a helmet I found, or a book I finished reading years ago. Provided you have something interesting in return”

Whoop, there it is.

“I’d like to trade you for the acorn”

“Oho! And what do you have to trade for the acorn?”

Well, that was the question, wasn’t it?

Damn the lack of multiple choice.

Mmm… I knew some stuff from the camp would do the trick, but I personally hadn’t looted or traded anything… argh.

Ah, wait!

“Did any of you help a young man back at the Dalish camp get together with a girl he liked?”

“Oh, yes!” Exclaimed Leliana, all starry eyed “Kallian and I did. It was wonderful seeing young love blooming so”

Aww, she was cute “Did they happen to give you something as thanks?”

Kallian was already rummaging through her pack “Cammen gave us this”

She showed me a book. The tittle was in english. It read _The_ _Tale of Iloren_.

I took it from her and waved it in front of the Hermit “How about it? The acorn for a book of an elven legend”

“Elven legend, you say? Hmmmm. That might make for good reading by the moonlight. Or it’ll be better than using leaves. Give me that!”

He snatched it form my hands and all but threw the acorn at me.

I smiled as I cradled the seed the Oak Tree held so precious. I could feel… life, radiate from it. It was a wondrous feeling.

After that, we bid goodbye to the Hermit -really hoping we’ll never meet him again- and decided it was time to go back to the west side of the forest.

My map proved useful once again, and we avoided going in circles as we officially left the East Brecilian Forest. Not before fighting a horde of bears first, of course.

Poor bears.

It would take us about a day to reach the part of the forest where shit would go down. So we spent a night in between maps. By that, I mean the area I was seeing with my gamer ability wasn’t one that showed in the game. That being the case, it didn’t surprise me the map was a little different. As per usual, I couldn’t see the area map in detail until I’d walk the area itself, but even then, any area that wasn’t in the game was never as detailed. Never as clearly defined. More like I was the cartographer myself.

That raised a theory; what if the system was getting information from my memories? It could be taking its cues from what I knew of the game mechanics. Or what my brain knew, as I myself couldn’t quiet remember the details.

Ruminating would do me no good. So I called it a day and went to bed. I would be soon be awoken to keep watch, so I wanted to make the first half of my night count.

I hoped Desire visited tonight too. Between my classes with Wynne and my time in conscious La la land I’d been making some progress. I was _this_ close to figuring out _Arcane Bolt_.

As always, I went to sleep with the knowledge that I knew nothing at all.


	29. Fangirling Over A Tree And The Magic Tentacles Of Healing

Focus.

Feel the flow of your mana. Redirect it. Build it up at your fingertips.

Hold it.

Aaaand… _Shoot!_

_Arcane Bolt!_

A blast of pure compressed magic shot from my index finger like a bullet from a gun. Much like that one anime from the nineties. The one with the guy who dies on, like, the first chapter.

What? You knew I was a geek when this all began.

 _Sniff_ , I miss technology.

On the other hand, I did it! I mastered _Arcane Bolt_!

“Mmm… _mastered_ is a strong word, no?”

I turned to look at Desire, sprawled lazily on nothing but air.

Nuh-uh. She wasn’t raining on my parade “Whatever. I did it! I can’t wait to show Wynne when I wake up”

“That is the old mage bonded with Faith, is it not?”

“Yup”

“Mmm… I cannot understand it. Why would Faith want to be linked to a mortal? It will disappear if it keeps clinging onto her as the mage is now”

I thought about that one short story with Rhys and Evangeline and Cole “Faith will be fine” Wynne on the other hand…

My dream space withered as I thought unhappy thoughts.

It was kind of amazing, how much the dream space felt like a sentient being, reflecting my mood every time it changed. As if reacting to it.

“Desire, why is it that you’re the only being I ever see in my dreams? Shouldn’t I be getting other guests? Spirits wondering what’s up with my pocket in the Fade or demons trying to possess me?”

The demon in question looked down on me with all the advantage her floating above me allowed

“Am I not enough? Why do you wish for others to visit you?”

I quirked an eyebrow “I don’t _need_ it, just wondering… wait are you jealous?”

Her brows furrowed prettily “I am not Jealousy. I am Desire”

I giggled “For Desire, you sure seem jealous. You know, there’s nothing wrong with that. Emotions can sometimes get tangled like that… though I guess Fade dwellers work differently? Sorry if I said something too weird”

She sighed “You always do. You… see me differently than other mortals do. I enjoy who you see me as”

Wait “What do you mean? Do you–“

“Ah, it is time for you to wake”

“What? No, five more minutes!” I blinked and the image of my favorite demon became blurry “Desire, wait” I extended my hand to her dramatically “Desireeeee!”

“Must you always do that before you leave?”

I woke up.

Looking dazedly at the ceiling in my tent, I repeated Desire’s words in my head and let out a chuckle.

Of course I did. How else would I get my drama kicks in this God forsaken place?

* * *

Guys. GUYS. I’ve fallen in love.

He is tall, has a deep voice and speaks in rhymes.

“Allow me a moment to welcome thee. I am called the Grand Oak, sometimes the Elder Tree”

And so polite!

I mean, I know okay? He was too old for me. Also, a tree. But a girl can dream right?

Besides me, Leliana murmured “Wow…”

 _Sigh._ You and me both, girl.

“And unless thou thinkst it far too soon, might I ask of thee a boon?”

Keep rhyming like that and you can ask me anything you want, baby.

Leliana gave me the crazy look. Did I say that out loud? Oh boy, hope nobody else heard that or I’d blush something fierce.

“Why do you speak in rhymes” Kallian asked.

“I do not know. Why dost thou not? Thy words seem plain, a mundane lot. Perhaps a poet’s soul’s in me… Does that make me a poet tree?” The tree chuckled.

He punned. Someone, catch me. I’m swooning.

“A poet tree. Yes, I get it” Kallian deadpanned.

She didn’t get it. This tree was a genius. No wonder I liked him over the hermit guy.

I listened raptly until they got to the part where he -it? Bah- requested for us to recover his Acorn.

“We have have it already, I think” Kallian turned to me “Maya?”

Oh gosh, was it my turn already?

I cleaned my sweaty palms on my robes and cleared my throat “Equip Acorn” a light shined on my hand for a second before disappearing, leaving the Acorn in its wake.

I held the Acorn high and presented it to the Elder tree “Is this what you are looking for?” I batted my eyelashes.

The tree couldn’t express his joy enough -literally; I mean, he **is** a tree- then offered one of his branches, which he promised would help get us to the temple where the werewolves had holed themselves in.

“Thank you kindly, you’ve done us a great service, and that’s putting it mildly” I said brightly.

Been thinking about that one for all of five minutes. Don’t judge.

The tree chuckled “A bright one you are; I wish you safe travels, however far. Now you should not dwell, I bid you farewell”

I sighed dreamily as the tree went back to his unmoving form.

Mission accomplished, we began our trek back towards the East Brecilian Forest.

Alistair hanged back, walking beside me “Are you alright? You’re looking a little flushed”

I laughed “Yup. Just a little fangirling. I’m so coming back to talk to the Elder Tree again”

Alistair frowned at me “Why? What even is fangirling?”

I smiled benevolently “My dear Al, there is a lot I must teach you”

* * *

I screwed up. A little. Remember that tomb I told Zevran not to touch because a high ranked demon would come out? We found another one while making our way out of the West side of the forest. That confirmed it was the quest I remembered. But when we tried to disturb it it didn’t work. Which of course was the moment the light bulb lit up and I recalled the set of massive armor that was the reward for completing the quest and that for some retarded reason, we had to tackle the tomb in the ruins first. We wanted that armor, which meant we’d have to circle back to this tomb at one point or another.

Stupid forest. Stupid brain. Stupid quest.

Stupid.

The others mostly left me to my silent fuming. But the road was long, and by the time we made it to the ruins and the tomb we’d passed up before, I was done with fighting reality and back to accepting the world was an unfair place. It made me feel better.

We fought the Revenant. Me and Morrigan took turns casting _Shield Force_ on it while we finished off the skeletons that rose up with it. After which, we all ganged up on the demon, hitting him with all manners of debuffs while our heavy hitters introduced it to the pointy ends of their weapons. Honestly, it was easier than I expected. I supposed other than a good strategy, having more than four members in our party made a notable difference. I’m not complaining. It might not be as challenging, but I was all for an easy trip towards the Archdemon, thank you very much.

After the fight, Kallian called a break. That was Wynne’s cue. The old healer got to work as swiftly as if she hadn’t been in the fight just then. I swear, in a very real sense, that woman is the youngest one of us all.

Now, normally I was right beside her, soaking up all the vicarious knowledge I could witness. But I was deadass tired of the damn forest. So I told her to suck it and went to rest next to Sten. And when I say ‘I told her’ I mean I very carefully said it in my head, hoping very hard she didn’t activate her mind reading ability and hid behind the big guy.

That was, until she called for me.

“Maya would you come here a moment, please?”

Dear God, she did it. She’d read my mind.

I hurriedly let my brain hurl out all compliments I could possible flatter Wynne with.

“I wish for you to take care of Zevran’s wound”

…

“Yes, of course”

Done with my comedic panicky moment that amused no one but myself -so totally worth it- I approached my new patient with all the professionalism I could muster.

“Having not one, but two beautiful women take care of me? Why, getting injured seems almost worth it”

Both of us ignored him in favor of checking his wound. Ironically, he’d taken an arrow to the upper arm. It hadn’t stuck, apparently, but it did leave a nasty gash.

I carefully cradled his arm with both hands, mindful of his wound despite the blood that covered it. Despite my efforts, I’m sure it hurt, but Zev kept a placid expression the whole time.

“Send a small amount of magic, just a trickle, really. Good. Now spread it… yes, just like that”

I poured my mana into Zevran’s arm as gently as I could manage. Even as it left my body, I focused so that the connection between me and the luminescent tendrils that left my fingertips didn’t break. This way, the magic acted like an extension of my consciousness, softly grazing the injured flesh, mapping the contours of the wound.

I opened my eyes “…It isn’t very deep, I think”

From my periphery, I saw Wynne nod “Begin the purification process”

I closed my eyes, letting my mana be my guide once again. Through the tendrils, I sent a small pulse of magic, cleaning the wound. I knew this spell, and so choosing the right kind of magic was like picking up the right ingredient for cooking. Sprinkle a pinch to kill bacteria, then add a little something to speed up the naturally healing process, and finish by sewing the opening shut.

And so I got to work on slowly weaving my mana tendrils throughout the wound, dusting healing magic as they slowly retreated back to the surface.

As soon as I was done, I let out a puff of breath, sitting back on my haunches. I used the sleeve of my robe to clean the sweat that’d formed on my forehead. The amount of energy I used had decreased significantly -leaving me with a decreased need of munching on something by the end of it-, and even the mana spent had lessened. On the other hand, the process required me to focus in a way simply casting the spell didn’t. Wynne said with practice, I’d be able to get the best of both worlds, but until then, I was forbidden from using the old method unless we faced an emergency. Usually though, I had no need to use _Heal_. Not since Wynne joined us.

“Well done, Maya”

I looked up to find Wynne studying Zevran’s bicep. After a moment, she cleaned off the blood, revealing a think, pink line over his dark skin.

“It will leave a small scar, but the healing was done appropriately. I can sense no problems with what you did”

I smiled tiredly. Yaay me.

“Thank you for helping out, Zevran. Would you like me to fade the scar away?”

Zev flexed his arm, testing it.

By the by, lean as he was, his bicep was all corded muscle.

Mmm.

“That’s quite alright, I’ll save it as a memory of Bella’s first successful healing” He smirked at me.

I smiled warmly at his words. Aww. That was really sweet of him.

“After all, Maya’s first time was with me. I couldn’t possibly pass up the chance for a souvenir, yes?”

My face fell. Damn Zevran ruined it.

* * *

Once break time was over, we decided it was time to split up. As suggested earlier, Alistair would come with me. That left the other warrior, Sten, to join Kallian. I suggested keeping Scout with them, as they would be attacked by werewolves often and he couldn’t be overwhelmed like the rest of us. Wynne volunteered to go with Kallian, given that I could function as a healer in a pinch, leaving Morrigan to join me. That left an opening in our group for a rogue.

While either Leliana or Zevran would do, it was more or less clear by now that Leliana and Kallian liked to stick together. No one really spoke about it, but we all generally acknowledged it as part of the group dynamics. It was up there with its ‘important to have a balanced party when splitting up’. Obviously, though, no one explicitly spoke of it. Whatever their relationship progress was, they weren’t speaking about it yet.

So I guess one could safely assume that Zevran not withdrawing from the temple adventure was a dick move. The look of exaggerated innocence he sported a dead giveaway.

After a few uncomfortable seconds, Leliana summoned all her maturity to sigh wryly and took a step towards me, only to stop midstride. Her head snapped back and downwards, where Kallian’s hand had taken a hold of hers.

Kallian was looking down, too. Avoiding everyone’s gazes by hiding behind a curtain of hair. After a heartbeat that extended forever, she spoke up “Zevran you go with them”

She raised her head a little, enough that I was able to see a fierce blush on her face, before dropping Leliana’s hand like it was on fire and giving us an awkward wave “Let’s meet at the entrance of the temple in two weeks. Good luck” she coughed. And just like that, turned tail and power walked away from us.

A slow smile spread on Leliana’s lips as she watched her walk away. With the look of a love struck teenager, she followed the object of her affection, oblivious to the rest of us, extras that we were in their epic love story.

Me? I stood there, unwilling to voice my thoughts out of compassion with poor Alistair.

But man, that was **adorable**.

Sten, Wynne and Scout followed soon after, the mage bidding us farewell and urging us to stay safe before disappearing around the corner.

I scratched the back of my head and shrugged at the rest of team B.

“Er… onwards?”

We had a long way to go still.

* * *

“You have my condolences”

“Excuse me?”

“No need to pretend. ‘Tis safe to say we are all very much used to your whining. You may use this chance to moan to your heart’s desire. By all means, do not waste this chance, Alistair”

Oh goodie.

Not long after we began our journey west, Morrigan just couldn’t contain herself any longer and began goading Alistair on the scene we’d just witnessed. Honestly, I’d had half a mind to give him a hand, but the way he responded was rather animatedly, instead of the barely suppressed anger I remembered from an Alistair who’d gotten dumped by the Warden in the game. I wasn’t about to attribute Morrigan with any altruistic intentions, but their bickering was way better than the awkward silence form before. Instead, I opted for walking beside Zev, who seemed to be rather enjoying the show.

“You know, you were kind of an asshole back there” I told him after a while of listening to the bickering duo.

Zev raised an eyebrow “But…?”

A half smile tugged on my lips. I extended my fist towards him “But well done, man”

He chuckled an obliged me by bumping his fist with mine “It was of no consequence”

”It’s good that he’s taking it well” I nodded towards Alistair’s back “I was worried”

“Mmm. He does seem rather unaffected. Perhaps his was more an infatuation than love. Or mayhap he’s found a new target for his devotion”

I hummed along, thinking of how genuine his love for a romanced Warden turned out “Maybe he just takes rejection well? I mean, we all kinda saw it coming”

Suddenly, Zev began chuckling to himself. I gave him an odd look “Oh, pay me no mind. Just amusing myself with my own jest”

Hmmm… “Say, I kinda thought you too…” I left the question hanging.

“Towards dear Kallian? Why, its true women like her are a rare find, and I’ve made it no secret that I’d welcome the chance to share her tent any night. But I’m afraid I’m a little too jaded to talk about love” there was a hint of mockery by the end, which was ironic considering he was one of the Origin’s love interests.

“You know, I once read an investigation, back home, where it said that what contributes the most to human happiness are deep, meaningful bods”

“Human happiness, is it?” Zev smirked.

“Well, there aren’t any elves in my world, but I think humans and elves are pretty similar creatures. At least, when it comes to social interaction, I haven’t noticed any differences”

“Am I to understand you wish for me to _find love_?” I think he tried to keep the sarcasm to a minimum. I appreciated the effort.

“Not exactly”

There was a twinkle in his eyes as he closed the distance between us and whispered in my ear “Or are you saying you wish try me yourself…?”

“Dude, no” I shoved him lightly, rolling my eyes at him. Admitting only to myself I wasn’t entire unaffected buy his teasing “I’m telling you to make some meaningful bonds. They don’t _have_ to be romantic”

“Oh? That’s a shame” he winked.

I shook my head but let him drop the subject. He seemed to be fond of Kallian, after all. And got along well with both Leliana and myself. His relationship with Sten and Morrigan was still a little green, but he’d made some progress with Alistair and Wynne. All in all, my prediction leaned towards being able to avoid him turning on us when his old friend came looking for trouble.

Ah, I didn’t forget about Scout. He just got along with everyone. Even with Morrigan, though she would never admit it.

Mushy conversation successfully avoided, I turned back to focus on the road ahead. It was then that I realized Morrigan and Alistair had stopped arguing, the former choosing to pay attention to her surroundings over her traveling companions.

Al, though, I caught looking at me. He quickly turned his gaze back ahead.

I swallowed hard.

It took all my mindfulness training to let go off a single, treacherous thought that kept worming its way into my brain. Over and over again.

Alistair peeked at me again.

_Gulp._


	30. Been Cursing A Lot Lately. I Wonder Why

As the last enemy fell under Alistair’s _Shield Bash_ , I quickly turned my attention to Morrigan, who’d taken a _Virulent Walking Bomb_ to the gut and was all but coughing blood. She let me examine her, the same way I’d done for Zevran all those days ago, and my magic quickly zeroed in on the violent infection the spell caused. My magic recoiled, and I had to force it to remain in contact of the disgusting substance that invaded my companion. I sent a pulse of magic through the tendrils. The infection pushed back, its foreign magic colliding with mine.

I frowned as I sent even more magic.

_Leave her alone, you shitty spell._

Another wave of magic and the _Virulent Walking Bomb_ dissipated.

I sat back, one hand still supporting Morrigan by the shoulder “Good?”

The witch nodded “You have my thanks”

I offered her a bottle of water, which she took cautiously, examining for the nth time the clear plastic. I left her to it as I went to check on Alistair and Zevran, who were both surrounding the last fallen mage.

As I neared, I noted Zevran was examining his mouth. Further approaching revealed something else.

“He’s dead?” Weird, I thought Alistair hadn’t killed him.

“He poisoned himself” said Al grimly.

Oh. _Oh._

“One does have to wonder, what was such a group of mages doing here, that they saw the need to off themselves to prevent being pressed for information” Zev mused.

“Truly? I find it odd that they were here in the first place” said Morrigan, as she joined us “These are no ordinary mages”

“Because they are– **were** , stronger than average?” I asked.

“That is a concern, yes, but the way the fought as well… ‘tis as if they’ve been brought together to battle, and not nearly by circumstance, as have we”

I understood what she meant. The way the fought was… organized. And the spells they used… it was as if they’d coordinated what to learn. Or as if they’d learned together.

“Maybe they’re from Tevinter? Did anyone hear them speak?”

Of course, the answer was no. Which was another point in the odd-meter. Were they being carful on purpose? Maybe we were thinking too much, and this certainly didn’t show up in the game, as far as I could remember. But to me, that made this all the more suspicious.

Looting the bodies gave us no clues, and without further options, we opted for filing away the incident for the future. Still, the whole thing bugged me for a while longer.

What the hell was going on?

* * *

I stared at my attributes. By which I mean my stats, not my… yeah. Anyway. I’d been expecting this for a while, so I wasn’t very surprised to note that my _Constitution_ was a point higher. Hell, with all the walking and climbing we’d been doing, I only wondered how it hadn’t happen sooner. Regardless, with a nice 16 in my _Constitution_ score, I was in quite the happy mood.

Until I looked at my specialty point.

I buried my face in my hands. I’d forgotten about it, but I needed to be in the ruins to get the Arcane Warrior specialization.

Argh, dammit. I hadn’t given it much thought before, but I was the only one subjected to game mechanics in this world -that I knew of-, which meant that if someone else were to get to the warrior trapped in the… the… philately, was it? If anyone else got to it first, and freed the elf trapped in there, they might not be able to teach it to me in the convenient way the game provided. Worse, if it was anyone other than Wynne, they might not be able to teach me at all.

Ugh, I should’ve told them– Er, then again, I couldn’t very well tell them to let the warrior suffer for a few more days so that I could be the one to save him or her and get the power up… or could I?

With a start, I realized I would have, had I remembered to tell them before parting. Shame rolled inside me as I followed Morrigan through the forest. I never considered myself to be power hungry enough to be wiling to sacrifice the welfare of others, until my survival depended on it…

But I couldn’t excuse it. Wouldn’t. Yes, the stakes were high, but I decided to put myself before another nonetheless. I’d done it every time I killed someone, after all. The truth was, although the loss of life still weighed me down, I’d learn to cope with it. They were after my life, too, and so I could get away with thinking about it as me defending myself.

The trapped warrior gave my sensitivities no quarter. It was… difficult to accept. Living in a world where fear was no longer as useful as it had once been, I’d never known how much I would do to stay alive.

…

No use ruminating. Not when there was nothing I could do about it at the moment.

_No way to tell them not to touch the phylactery._

My face heat up at the thought. Shit. I–

I run straight into Morrigan.

She glared at me “Look where you are going”

I rubbed my nose in response. I’d banged it on the back of her head. Ow.

“It appears we’ve found our mark” Zev called out from the front before I could ask.

I looked at where he pointed and, after a bit, saw what he meant. About thirty paces away, in between two inconspicuous trees, there was nothing. But, if you kept looking at it, and turned your head just so…

Light gleamed between the trees, just for a moment. Like trying to see a spider web. No idea how Zev caught sight of it, I wouldn’t have been able to if he hadn’t pointed it out.

Alistair peeked over my shoulder “Where? I can’t see it”

I pointed “There”

Al cocked his head “Where?”

“There”

He squinted.

_Sigh._

I grabbed his shoulder and moved him to the position I’d been in, then put my head beside his -only possible cause I’d made him bend a little- and tried to get a feel on his perspective.

“ _There_ ”

“Oh. There it is. Good eye” he told Zev.

Fudging finally. We’d been going around the damn woods for days, even after reaching the area Swiftrunner mentioned before. Honestly, I think we’d halfway given up. But there was no way we could return to Team A without Zathrian. The plan was to keep looking for a few more days, then have Morrigan turn into a bird and meet up with Kallian at the end of the two weeks so that they could try and come up with an alternative on how to deal with the wolves. On the other hand, if we’d somehow missed Zathrian and he was on his way back to the original plot -which was unlikely- she’d come back to bring us up to speed and we’d decide our next move depending on what happened with Team A. If you’re wondering why we hadn’t made Morrigan scope up the woods from above, looking for Zathrian, its cause we’re in a very dense forest. Meaning she could see little from up there. She tried.

Thankfully, we’d managed to stumble upon the barrier. I mean, there was no guarantee that this was Zathrian, but how many barriers could there be in the West Brecilian forest area?

As we approached, the barrier became more visible, until we could clearly see a shimmering whitish wall, similar to the one Wynne had made to keep the demons out when we first met her at the Circle Tower.

“A spirit barrier” she murmured while examining it.

What, like in Inquisition? Cool “Does that mean we can take it down with lightening magic?”

Morrigan gave me a long suffering look “I suppose it would be fruitless to ask where did you procure such knowledge”

The internet, of course. In a way. I’d skipped the game pop ups too fast and had to look it up. Though according to some, the barriers could be taken down with almost any element, it’d be faster to use the one opposite to the element of the barrier. For whatever reason, the opposite of spirit was lightning.

And lo and behold, my staff was a Lightning Rod. Thank the universe for small favors.

“The one on the other side will be aware of our attempts. We should do this fast, so as to give him no time to prepare” said Morrigan.

“Doesn’t that seem a little, I don’t know, rough? Can’t we just knock or something?”

Morrigan couldn’t resist “Yes. We’ll know on the magic barrier. Good thinking Alistair”

“Al has a point, though. We want Zathrian to come willingly. Breaking his barrier is probably considered bad manners or something, huh?” On the other hand, I really wanted to blast at it.

“And what would you have us do, my dear Bella? Ask him nicely?” Said Zevran.

After some back and forth and much to my personal disappointment, the pacific road won. As there was literally no way of knocking, I raised my staff and, after coating it with magic, gave the barrier three light taps.

_Knock, knock, knock._

And waited.

After about ten minutes, Morrigan spoke up “I believe I said this would happen”

Yeah yeah, you told us.

So we went with plan B. Morrigan took out her staff and gathered her mana. Hers was a Magic Staff. Yep, that was the name. It looked like a large branch, except it was made of steel, which was a tier above mine. Unlike mine, though, the damage it made was physical, so it wouldn’t be as effective.

Luckily, Morrigan knew an electric spell.

Sparks flew from her, and when she looked at me, her eyes were shinning.

Cool. Creepy, but cool.

“On my signal”

I saluted. Which likely meant nothing to her but she got the point.

“Now”

Blue lightning shot from the tip of her staff, hitting its target. The barrier trashed under Morrigan’s power. At the same time, I swung my staff like a tennis racket, sending basic attack after basic attack. Even when her spell ended, Morrigan kept bombarding magic, helping the process of bringing it down.

Finally, the barrier collapsed.

_Well, that was fun._

My smile fell as soon as my eyes caught on the flash of crimson light coming from beyond the threshold where the barrier had been.

Before I could yell a warning, the spell flew, aimed toward Zev. He’d seen it too, but must’ve realized he couldn’t dodge at that distance, and so he braced himself for impact.

The spell hit Zevran like a truck, sending him flying back. The light flashed again and dimmed down upon collision, enough so that I could see blood splattered in its way. Fear punched me in the gut at the thought of my injured friend. But then, I saw something that made my stomach twist with dread. The spell had left a trail of blood in its wake.

Blood Magic.

_Blood Magic._

My feet moved towards my fallen companion even as I yelled at Alistair and Morrigan to stop Zathrian. It had to be him, after all. Who else could it be?

My brain conjured up thought of the group of mages we’d fought only days ago. I let go of them, I needed to get to Zevran first.

I skidded to my knees beside him. His face was ashen, but he was awake, and clutching at his blood covered torso. I brought my trembling hands up even as my eyes widened and my stomach threatened to be sick. There was so much blood.

“ _Heal!_ ” No time to get fancy with the magic tentacles.

My magic covered Zev, instantly healing the worst of the damage. Just to make sure, I casted a second _Heal_. I almost did it a third time, I would have, but Zevran stopped me.

“I’m fine, Bella. Just a second and I will be happily joining the fight. And speaking of which, you should go now”

I hesitated, but at his insistence, I agreed to leave him for now, very firmly telling him to stay put before turning back to Alistair and Morrigan, who were still engaging Zathrian.

So it _was_ him.

A cursory glance had me thinking they were both doing fine. But there was no way my skeptical ass would be so trusting, so I opened up my companion page. An image of Alistair appeared before my eyes. His Hp wasn’t full, but he wasn’t about to keel over any time soon. Flipping over to Morrigan reveled the witch to be in worse shape than she appeared. What really worried me was turning to Zevran’s and noting his Hp still going down.

Shit, was this because of the blood magic? We needed to end this fast.

Looking at Zathrian though, it was clear the fight was taking its toll on him too. Even without my help, those two shouldn’t have any problems finishing the…

The ground trembled beneath our feet.

An earthquake? No, wait, had Zathrian used a spell…?

He hadn’t. I knew because soon after the movement ceased, a giant moving Sylvan came up from behind Zathrian.

Ah, right. He used those in the game, too.

Crap.

Another rumble from the left revealed a second Sylvan approaching.

Double crap.

Okay, this was bad. Especially because we hadn’t intended on fighting Zathrian in the first place.

Oh, what about that?

I aimed my staff at a point between Alistair and the Blood Mage and casted my spell.

Even as I prepped to cast the second half of the combo, I howled “Al! Mor! RUN!

They didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as I deemed they would make it our of the blast zone, I casted.

_Glyph of Paralysis._

I think that was probably the moment Zathrian wised up. Regardless, it was too late. He got caught in the blue explosion that followed, rendering him completely immobile. The Sylvan closest suffered the same fate, whereas the second one got trapped in a _Force Field_. Courtesy of Morrigan.

Suddenly, the noise riddled battlefield became as silent as the eye of the storm.

Then Alistair let out a loud breath “I love that spell of yours”

I gave a jittery laugh “Me too, buddy”

“‘Tis no time to give praise. The fight is far from over” said Morrigan.

Flicking her staff with practiced ease, the magically strapped it to her back once again as she strode purposefully towards no other than dear Alistair.

For his part, Al went from confused to wary to adopting a defensive stance, to which Morrigan rolled her eyes. Th woman didn’t slow down at all, which might have confused Alistair enough to not move at all as she reached over to his side and deftly stole the dagger he kept as an emergency weapon.

I saw Morrigan’s lips slowly curved upwards before she turned and headed towards the frozen elf, leaving an opened mouth almost templar staring after her.

Mmm… you know, I was never into this particular ship, but I think I can see where other people got it from. Those two had some potential in the sexual tension department. And there was also the ritual night… which was neither here nor there.

Back to Morrigan. She hurried, somehow still looking unhurriedly graceful, and reached Zathrian seconds before the spell lost its effect. That still left her with enough time to raise the dagger and, for one heart-stopping second, slash the elf’s neck. Or rather, the air before his neck.

“Do not forget it, elf. If we wanted you dead, you would be”

Shit “Morrigan if you do use that, do it to kill. Otherwise you’re just fueling his blood magic. But don’t actually kill him, please”

Morrigan raised the knife again “I know that”

As soon as she finished the sentence, Zathrian recovered his ability to move. I felt the air shift as both him and Morrigan gathered their magic.

Shoot. Okay, this scene needed a good cop.

“Please wait, Zathrian. We didn’t come to fight. We just want to talk”

The keeper glared at me “Talk?” He spat “Even as your witch holds a knife at my throat?”

“As I said. I have not killed you, yet. Of course, that could be easily arranged”

Dammit Morrigan, stop helping.

“Normally, I’d agree. But I would like to point out, we did knock” said Alistair, as he came to stand beside me.

I nodded fervently, trying my best to send the subliminal message to agree as Zathrian considered his words.

For a hopeful second, I thought he’d agree to at least hear us out, when a gasp had me turning to find Zevran wasn’t alone anymore. The second Sylvan had somehow managed to sneak its roots towards Zev as we talked, and now held him prisoner within them.

I turned again, in time to see Zathrian facing off with Morrigan.

In a confident voice, he said “Stand down, humans”

Oh, this bitch.

I snapped my fingers, drawing his attention to me.

_Force Field._

Even captured as he was, the spell took, enveloping Zev in the safe cocoon of my magic. Interestingly, the tree’s roots got repelled by the spell, forcing it to round the translucent cylinder instead of the elf inside.

When Zathrian looked my way, my eyes were already on his.

“We. Just. Want. To. Talk. Give us a chance to explain what we want, at least. We’re trying to help your clan here” We didn’t have enough time, so after a few seconds of silence, I spoke again “But we will fight if we have to” And I said all that without a hint of anger in my non-stuttering voice. Go me.

As if to back my words, Alistair raised his sword and shield, adopting a fighting stance. Morrigan and I began gathering our mana, and out of the periphery of my eye, I saw something glinting from within the _Force Field_. I hoped Zev had more juice left to fight than me. Honestly, I was mostly drained and my gathering what little mana I had left was purely for show.

Seeing this, Zathrian finally relented. He called off the trees, which backed up before resuming their normal, boring tree forms. After a glare from our queen B -aka Morrigan- he dropped his staff as well.

I sighed inwardly. Well, this was proving to be a hell of a day.

* * *

I stared at Zathrian as he mulled over what I just told him. We’d stuck pretty close to the actual facts. The clan had sent us to break the curse. We’d found a way inside the ruins. But we’d heard about how the keeper was mysteriously hidden here, plus him having something to do with the curse, as explained at some point by one of the werewolves. Of course, that last part was the one we’d tweaked a little in order to make our trip to get him more believable. We also added that the werewolf implied key to breaking the curse was known by Zathrian. And so, we’d split up and half of the group had gone to find him and ask him whats what.

And so, here we were, questioning the keeper as we regained our breath from the fight -and so I could eat, after getting the munchies from overusing _Heal_ -. For his part, Zathrian was taking care of his own wounds with some poultice we’d provided as a gesture of good faith. It did my soul some good to see him struggling also.

“So what’s with that? Do you really know about the curse?” I asked him again. Not to brag, but I played the clueless little girl fairly well.

Zathrian sighed “In a way, yes. The truth is, I was aware the wolves were after me. It is why I his inside the forest. I had hoped they would come after me, instead of the members of my clan” He shook his head “If Lanaya asked you to intervene, I can only assume they kept attacking the others”

Well, yeah.

“Why are they after you?” Asked Alistair.

Zathrian shrugged “Revenge? Who’s to say. I do not pretend to understand the nature of such beasts”

Nature of the beast. Heh.

“And yet that does not explain why the were after you” Morrigan said coolly.

Zathrian closed his eyes, looking pained “The curse began by my own hand. Many decades ago, a group of humans attacked our clan. At the time, I was not there to protect them. They… they killed my son. They took my daughter and did unspeakable things to her. In the end she– she couldn’t take it, and died after finding out she was pregnant. I cursed the lot of them. But even now… **even now they continue to hunt us** ” his speech started in pained quiet, but by the end, I could feel the resentment Zathrian had been boiling over for what I knew had to be centuries.

“I am sorry for your pain. To be hurt even after so much time has passed… it speaks loudly of how important your children are to you, even now” When in doubt, validate that which is clearly valid. Like feeling emotions.

Zathrian nodded “They are. Which is why I cannot forgive the descendants of those monsters. If Lanaya sent you, then you must know. The only way to break the curse is by using Witherfang’s heart”

Uh huh.

“Didn’t the wolf say they would not let us meet this Witherfang until they found Zathrian?” Zevran cut in right on cue, already looking much better and munching on some provisions as well “The big fella was very serious about it. Granted, it was difficult to see, thanks to all that hair, but I usually have a good sense for these things”

I pretended to ponder it “He did say something like that…”

It didn’t take much more to convince Zathrian to follow us. After a promise to side with him if the werewolves attacked without parleying, providing he didn’t attack them first, we agreed to travel to the ruins with us.

We gave him a few minuted to gather his stuff before heading out.

Still hungry, I stayed at the back of the group and, very silently, equipped my cookie jar and took a single sweet treat as a reinforcement for a job well done. The start was a little rocky, but we’d managed to get the old man to follow. This, was a huge success.

And chocolate chip cookies were my favorite.


	31. Hell Of A Week. Even For Me

About three days into our journey back to the ruins, I came to a shocking conclusion.

I didn’t like Zathrian.

Shocking, huh?

The man was arrogant with capital A. Every time he spoke to one of us, it felt like he was talking to a child. Might be my own narcissism, but that condescending tone of his got on my nerves every time. I wasn’t the only one, either. Both Morrigan and Zevran seemed to dislike him as well, the former more obvious than the later in her interactions with him. Alistair, bless his soul, was probably the only one who was fine with the old elf’s attitude. I really envied his easygoing personality.

To be fair, I guess the know-it-all trait came with such a long life. Solas had a similar attitude, though he made up for it in various ways. Poor Zathrian got none of his charms. It probably isn’t fair of me to compare the two, is it?

But if he offered any more “pointers” about my _unnecessary movements_ in handling my staff I **would** lose it on the old man. I did them on purpose, because I was a mage and they made me feel about 20% cooler. Leave me be.

Ah, but any slack I might’ve cut him completely got squashed after we encountered Danyla.

I scrounged my eyes at the memory.

_Danyla. God, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Athras._

The quest had started exactly how it did in the game.

First, the werewolves attacked us. The five of us against four werewolves made for very advantageous odds. I swung spells left and right, aiding the rest as we dominated the fight.

Maybe that’s why I got caught off guard.

 _“Arcane B–!_ ” I didn’t get to finish the spell. A huge canine beast fell on me from the side, sending my staff flying from my sweaty fingers.

I didn’t even register what happened. Something instinctive made me raise my arms in protection when two rows of big, pointy teeth came at my face.

Instead, the werewolf got my arm.

The pain came half a second later, and I screamed.

I let out a blood curling scream as the werewolf _Overwhelmed_ me. The sound of it _gnawing_ on my arm ripped a sob from my chest even as I wailed. In my panic, not a single spell came to mind. I just trashed underneath it, helpless.

Then, suddenly, the wolf disappeared, pushed aside by a powerful blow.

A heartbeat later, Alistair’s face loomed over me. He helped me sit up, making shushing noises, one arm around my shoulders, yelling something at Morrigan I didn’t catch.

I took big gulps of air, trying to focus on him.

“Maya, look at me” he told me, in a serious tone I seldom heard from him. But I was looking at him already, wasn’t I? “I need you to focus. And I need you to cast a healing spell”

I looked around, but everyone seemed fine. I stared back at him, confused.

“On yourself. I need you to cast it on yourself. Can you do that?”

I blinked rapidly, still not understanding. Me? But I was fine. I was–

I look at my arm told me I was _not_ fine.

The words _bloody mess_ came to mind as I stared at what used to be my arm.

My skin had been torn apart. Peeled off so I could see inside unencumbered. The entirety of my lower arm was a dark, viscous red. Except for the white nub underneath all the blood dripping on the forest floor.

_My bone. I can see… I CAN SEE–!!_

Another scream bubbled in my throat, dying before it could make it out as I lost my strength. My body slumped like a puppet whose strings have been cut, falling against Alistair, who still supported me.

_I can’t feel it._

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that was bad. But I couldn’t bring myself to care. Right now, not feeling was a blessing.

Next thing I knew, I was being shaken, made to drink and awful liquid that had me nearly gagging. But as soon as it went down, the pain that’d been fogging my mind lessened a bit, allowing some room to think. Enough so that I could make sense of the words being directed at me.

“– _eal_!”

I could almost make it…

“Cast _Heal_!”

Ah. Right.

I quickly cast the spell on myself, not bothering to be thorough and just dumping a sizable amount of mana directly on myself.

Instantly, the pain came back all at once. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but a few calming breaths was all I needed to keep from passing out, even as the tears kept falling freely from my eyes. Noting my arm looked somewhat like my arm again, I took my time to focus and heal it again; properly, this time.

I was keenly aware of Alistair supporting me the whole time. In retrospective, I don’t think I could have allowed myself to calmly -or, something close to _calmly_ \- look after my wounds without the added assurance that he had my back. Literally.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I finished my work. With a shaky breath, I attempted to close my fist. It worked, and I kept testing my arm, moving it this way and that way until I was satisfied there’d be no lasting damage.

Thank the universe for magical healing.

As it was, I couldn’t do it as well as Wynne, leaving two reddish lines as long and thick as my index fingers from where the wolf had taken a chunk of my skin with it.

Blood drained from my face as the memory flashed through my mind.

_Deep breaths, Maya._

I looked up to find Morrigan right there, a few bottles of poultice discarded at her feet, empty. I’d only drank one, from what I could recall. She must’ve dumped the rest directly on my arm.

“Thank you” I told her, still a little shaky.

“I… you are welcome”

I turned my head to look at Al, resulting in his face being a breath away form mine. I didn’t have the strength nor the will to move away right then. I could see how tense he was even with all that armor on.

Still teary-eyed, I offered him a small smile “Thank you, too, Al”

He exhaled, his breath tickling my ear, and smiled, dizzy with relief.

“You are welcome, Maya”

* * *

The attack left me reeling. It’d been a long time since I faced something _Combat Tactics_ couldn’t handle. We decided to take a break, in order to give me time to recover. Well, Alistair decided for all of us, but other than a few harmless verbal pokes done by Zevran, nobody complained. Not even Zathrian.

I ate my fill and drank some wine Zev magnanimously agreed to share with me. Now, I’m not saying alcohol is the solution, but neither is water, and I was out of tea, so.

The wine helped me relax a little. I would have to face the dangers of the forest fully lucid soon enough, but for now, I decided I deserved to be coddled a little.

By the way, I blame the shock for not anticipating what came next.

“P-please… help… listen… I am not… the mindless beast I appear to be…”

I admit, I flinched a little at the sight of her, even submissive and injured as she appeared.

The second part of the quest started only a few paces away from where wed fought the wolves. My friends and I had backtracked a bit so we didn’t need to see the bloody battlefield as we rested. I very carefully avoided looking at the place where the ground had soaked up so much of my blood as we passed.

A little further in and we saw Danyla, quietly whimpering as she curled in on herself.

We went through the motions at first. With the rest of my companions alternating in answering or asking questions. With Danyla begging us to end her suffering. Or more like, begging her keeper to.

“Keeper… Hahren… please…”

Safe for the initial surprise at seeing her, he had been silent as he heard his clan-mate’s plea. Despite that, a single look at him and a even a moron could tell.

Seeing her like that was killing him.

And I saw it. The exact moment when he decided to grant her wish.

“Stop, please”

Zathrian paid me no mind. I could see a quiet sadness in his gaze. It was the look of a man who’d accepted the world was a cruel place. One that demanded he kill his own family.

I hurried to plant myself between the two.

“What are you doing? Remove yourself at once”

Zathrian’s cold voice had me almost turning around. I made a very conscious effort to ignore him.

“Danyla. I am so sorry you’re in so much pain. I can see your suffering is nearly intolerable. But I promise you, we will do everything we can to end this curse. So please, hang on a little longer”

Danyla shook her head furiously “I… I can’t… the pain…”

“We can heal your wounds” I added quickly “That’ll make the pain lessen. I can teach you a few strategies to survive this crisis for a while longer… and you could go to the other werewolves. They can help you until we lift the curse”

She’d already told us the other werewolves tried to take her in. To help her. I’d never made the connection before, while playing, but the werewolves that attacked us must’ve been trying to protect Danyla.

The knot that’d formed in my stomach since the fight lessened. Just a little.

Danyla kept panting, still unconvinced but… but she was listening.

“I know I’m asking a lot… but you’ve already lasted this long” I pleaded, holding her eyes with mine “Give us a chance to fix this. Just…” I quickly calculated how long the quest should last “Just two more weeks. If we can’t lift the curse, you always have the option to die”

Danyla wavered. I could see she was considering it.

Now, for the final touch…

“Isn’t the chance to live a long live with Athras worth two more weeks of suffering?”

Her eyes widened, and I knew she would do it.

I was a seller of hope, and I could tell she would buy it. That was all I needed. We would lift the curse. We **would** save her…

I saw a flash of red behind me. In the next instant, blood sprayed from Danyla’s neck.

With a strangled cry, she collapsed on the floor, her eyes blank and unseeing.

I could only stare.

“You–! Why did you do that!?” I heard Alistair yell. The noise his armor made as he walked and came to a stop told me he stood right behind me. I couldn’t take my eyes off Danyla’s body, but in my mind, I could see him as he got in Zathrian’s face, all full of righteous furry.

“You have no right” Zathrian didn’t shout, but his words somehow boomed in my ears “There was nothing we could do for her. Those savages would have only corrupted her further. I would not prolong her suffering”

At that, I turned.

“You don’t know that. We could’ve saved her. It wasn’t your choice”

Even I was surprised at how my voice came out. There was no accusation, despite knowing in my head I hated him for what he’d done. I just sounded… tired.

Still, Zathrian glared at me “I did the only thing I could for her. I granted her a quick, merciful death. Believe me, mage, no one regrets what happened more than I” He closed his eyes, perhaps remembering his part in bringing the curse to his clan “She was already lost to us”

With that, he walked away, leaving us no choice but to follow or lose him in the woods.

I tried, I really did, but my eyes were dropping so much I grabbed a hold of my nearest companion -Zevran- to prevent myself from walking into a tree. After some initial eyebrow raising, he gracefully tucked my hand on the inside of his elbow, pulling me along as he walked.

_I’m tired. I’m so so tired._

* * *

One thing that can always cheer me up? The prospect of a descent bath.

Granted, a medium sized brook wasn’t _descent_ by modern standards. But amidst the Brecilian Forest? A blessing from the Maker himself. Not that I considered myself Andrastian, but at this point, the promise of a bath was enough for a girl to convert. Especially when we’d found a small, natural pool that made the water reach my waist.

I washed the grime and blood from my hair. In lieu of what I’d gone through recently, I even indulged in a little shampoo -hehe, I’m good at rationing. Still, I was almost out; I’d have to figure something out soon-, ignoring the fact that we still had a couple of weeks of traversing through the forest left.

Mmm… You know what? I’ll eat my last few cookies as well, what the hell. Ferelden wasn’t a stranger to the round little pieces of heaven. I’d get more as soon as we reached Denerim.

I dipped underwater one last time. I stayed there for as long as my breath held, at peace in the silence beneath the water.

Imagine my surprise when I resurfaced to note I wasn’t alone anymore.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

I sank to my neck in the water, hiding my body from the eyes of the unwanted visitor.

Zathrian gazed at me, cool as a cucumber.

“There is no need to worry. I have no interest in your body”

Like I give a damn.

“And keep your voice low. We don’t want anyone to come looking” I felt the magic stir around me, threatening to materialize at a moment’s notice.

This fucking asshole.

I gritted my teeth “Oi. I don’t care what you want. It can wait after I’m done bathing. Go. Away”

“I’m afraid that won’t do. Your companions are coincidentally preoccupied at the moment. I do not have much time until I cannot excuse my absence, so you will have to listen now”

I felt my magic respond to my ire. How dare he? Who did he think he was?

I’m sure he could feel my power around me. Unexpectedly, instead of upping the ante, it made him back off instead.

“Apologies, I did not mean to threaten you” He turned his back to me, folding his power back on himself “This is as much as I can do. You must listen to what I have to say. It involves you’re and your companion’s wellbeing”

I glared a whole in his bald head. But in the end, curiosity got the best of me.

I sighed “What is it?”

“I’ll be blunt. You are infected”

…

WHAT.

“Excuse me?”

“When the werewolf attacked you earlier today. You became infected. Even if you haven’t noticed yet, it’s only a matter of time. You’ll become feverish soon, feel your body spasm and not long after… you’ll turn. Just… like Danyla”

I looked at my arm. It felt fine.

“How do you know?”

“I created the curse. I should now. I can feel the forest magic permeating you even now” he said, matter of factly.

What the CRAP.

No no no no no. I did **NOT** sign up for this. Goddammit.

I sunk my face in my hands. I’m turning into a werewolf. Of all the fucking–

“And” I said softly, after a while “What do you want?”

“Rest assured, I’m not here to kill you” Good God, the thought hadn’t even entered my mind. Fucking good to know, though “I’ve come to gamble”

He didn’t say anything else.

“Look asshole, I am not in the mood for guessing games. Just tell what you want”

“I know you want me to remove the curse without killing Witherfang” he said placidly, no sign of being affected by my words. Damn, how did he find out? “After today, I can tell you truly believe them to be something other than savages. You would be wrong. Even Danyla, may the creators grant her peace, would have succumbed to the urges of a beast, given time”

The image of her attacking in the game flashed before my eyes.

…I couldn’t remember if she’d done it out of desperation at the Warden not killing her sooner or because she couldn’t fight the urge Zathrian was referring to.

“I have, however, no choice but to convince you and your group, as I alone won’t be able to defeat Witherfang; much less if you choose to ally against me. What I propose is for you to prove me wrong” I could tell from the tranquility of his voice how likely he thought that would be “After you turn into a werewolf, if you are able to reign in your savage instincts and stand with your own against Witherfang’s pack, I shall admit the curse does not mean one is lost”

Hah. He thought he was so smart, didn’t he? _I shall admit._ Like that was the same as saying he’d remove the curse.

…However.

“I would need to leave for a while. So the other werewolves can teach me how to control myself”

He inclined his head “If you feel that’s what you must do”

I balled my hands into fist, feeling as my nails bit into my palms.

In the game, the Warden, no matter the level of persuasion, could never convince Zathrian to end the curse on their own. The Lady of the Forest had that honor. But they _could_ convince him to talk with Witherfang. It’s how one got the Brokered Peace path.

Then, if I could win this bet, I could at least give Kallian and the Lady of the Forest the chance.

“If I do turn into a werewolf, you’ve got yourself a deal” I said softly, even as the tears rolled down my face.

* * *

Two days later, my body clearly exhibited the signs Zathrian warned me about. I’d been hopeful he’d gotten it wrong. But this was me. Of _course,_ I got infected.

The symptoms came fast. In a matter of hours, I’d gone from ‘it’s kinda hot today’ to ‘my brain is _this_ close to having permanent damage from the heat’.

My companions obviously noticed.

“What is wrong with you? If you keep dragging your feet, we will never make it in time”

Ah Morrigan. Direct as always.

We’d just settled on a spot to make camp, thank fudge. I don’t think I could’ve walked anymore.

At Morrigan’s inquiry, the three men stopped and waited for my answer. Well, Alistair and Zevran did. Zathrian already knew. The smug scumbag.

I scratched my cheek sheepishly as I put my luggage down “Well I think, I _think_ ; I’m turning into a werewolf”

My confession was met with silence.

Then all hell broke loose.


	32. I’m Forced To Face Reality. For The Record, I Wasn’t Ready

“What do you need?”

Alistair looked up at me from where he’d been crouching, next to a pile of branches he’d been gathering, as I fidgeted next to him.

Now, how do I go about asking…?

After I revealed and Zathrian confirmed my transformation into a bipedal canine-like thing, the others had adapted rather quickly. I suppose there wasn’t much that fazed these guys -or maybe everyone living in this crazy place- but the fact was, we didn’t know exactly what would happen after I turned furry. And to me? That was scary as hell. Although not as scary as wondering why in the blue blazes no one thought we should talk about it. Were they that confident that I’d be able to keep control of myself? What happened with Danyla didn’t make my odds look too good. Had they maybe decided the natural course of action was the simplest? Something like ‘ _if she attacks us? Why, it’s too bad, but we’ll just kill her! Tee hee!_ ’

…

What? I’m making fun of my own fear. It kept me sane. Sue me.

Back to the main point, these guys tended to be rather pragmatic. Despite my growing friendship with Zev and Morrigan, they were the kind of people who saw the world as a cold, dark place where sometimes you had to do shitty things like kill what could have been a good friend. The only one I could probably count on to have a little more compassion was good old Al. Not to say he hadn’t gone through his fair share of misfortune, but he’d managed to hold on to whatever allowed him to see the good in the world.

That was the beauty of it. The dialectic of a world that could be wonderful and utterly suck, both at the same time.

But I digress.

I took a deep breath and gathered my courage as I kneeled next to Alistair.

“I…”

“You don’t look very good” He frowned “Are you…?”

I nodded “Yeah, I don’t think it’ll be long now. Likely tonight. Zathrian said it’d happen around this time, too”

“Ah, well. Don’t worry too much about it. We’ll figure this whole thing out and have you turn back in no time. You’ll see” He smiled and went back to messing with the firewood.

I froze. His words seemed nice on the surface, but to me, they were all but.

I looked down, my hands balled tightly into fists “I’m… afraid” Al looked at me once again, a comforting word in his smiling lips. I hurried to keep talking “I’m afraid I’ll lose control and you’ll be forced to kill me. Or you’ll have no other choice but to leave me behind. I’m scared­– I’m so scared that it’ll _hurt–_ ” I clamped my mouth shut, realizing being afraid of pain wasn’t something he’d be able to understand. Something he might even reject “I’m afraid, okay? And I can’t just turn it off. So don’t tell me not to worry. If I could stop worrying I–”

I stopped abruptly as Alistair’s hand rose to my cheek. His soft brown eyes held mine as his thumb gently stroked my cheek.

Wha–?

“If you could stop worrying, you would have done it by now. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that”

He moved his hand and swiped at my other cheek.

Ah. I was crying.

I stood up fast enough that Alistair was taken aback.

“No, I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you I’m wor– concerned, that I won’t be able to control myself after I turned. In a little bit I’ll be going away from the camp, so I can, um, _change_. If it doesn’t go well, I’ll run. I’ll try to meet you back at the Dalish camp after the curse is broken… if I’m behind you, just tell someone your next destination and leave a horse, and I’ll catch up with you. If it goes well, I’ll go ahead and meet you in the werewolf temple”

I finished saying my piece and got out of there like a bat out of hell. Leaving a dumbfounded Alistair behind.

* * *

I dragged myself through the trees, looking for the place I’d spotted earlier. A medium sized rock formation at the back, covered on one side by thick foliage and a soft patch of grass on the ground instead of dirt. It wasn’t welcoming at all, but it would have to do.

I dropped the bag I usually carried poultices and potions in -funny how I’d begun thinking of it that way instead of its original purpose of carrying my climbing gear-, now filled with provisions and a rope, plus my sleeping bag strapped to it on the outside.

The plan was to strip, store my clothes in the bag, then secure it on my back so that it wouldn’t fall off even after I transformed. That way, as soon as I transformed back into my human form, I’d have the bare minimum to survive if I didn’t meet up with the party right away. I know the game showed the people turning back fully clothed, but realistically, there was no way to go through a change like that without tearing your clothes apart. And I refused to believe the magic accommodated the change in wardrobe. This was Dragon Age, not a Disney movie, and I’d be dammed if I walked around the freaking forest butt naked.

I believed I’d come up with the best possible plan, given the circumstances.

So why wouldn’t this rotten feeling go away? I guess even knowing I was doing my best didn’t keep this from being a shitty situation. It didn’t help that I lycanthropy symptoms came with fever, muscle pain and shivers. Not to mention the nausea inducing fear.

I sat down and hugged myself for comfort.

_I really want my mom._

A rustling sound had me looking up again. I reached for my staff out of habit, only to remember I’d left it with the rest of my stuff so the other guys could haul it through the quest in my stead.

“There you are” a familiar voice called out.

A hulking figure approached enough for me to make out the vague figure of my favorite templar.

I blinked up at him, waiting for Alistair to tell me what he wanted.

He looked down at me sheepishly “I… came to keep you company”

That… what?

“Company?” I repeated dumbly.

He nodded, standing a few steps from me, as if afraid of being rejected “I think I said some pretty insensitive things back then… it occurred to me that you were trying to ask for my help, and I went and stuck my foot in my mouth, _again._ Which I’m sure must be shocking to you” He gave a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck “I– Well, I may be deluding myself, thinking that you’d come to _me_ for help but… I wanted you to know I’m here for you if, ah, if you want me”

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if some light would reveal him blushing up a storm.

I brought my knees to my chest and buried my face in them.

“…ay”

“I’m sorry?”

I raised my voice a little “Please stay”

“Oh, yes, of course”

Tears of relief threatened to come out, and I was glad the darkness would prevent him from noticing as I stood.

“I’m gonna take my clothes off” I said breathlessly.

“WHAT?”

I bit back a chuckle “I don’t want my clothes to get wrecked, so I’m taking them off and covering myself with my towel” I brandished the red microfiber towel in front of him.

“Oh, right. Of course”

“Don’t sound so disappointed”

“I wasn’t–!” He harrumphed “Oh, har-har. If you’re back to teasing me, I’ll assume I’m forgiven, at least”

I giggled and had him turn around while I undressed -thank the lord the forest was warmish even at night-. The situation was so surreal, it distracted me from the fear I’d been feeling until the. Just a little, but it helped a lot. Having _him_ here helped a lot.

“You know­–”

“Yes!”

I smiled. His embarrassment made mine lessen substantially.

“I’m sorry about before too. I guess saying I was seriously frightened could sound like an excuse… I know things here don’t work the same as back in my world. So I can’t help but wonder if any of you would even blink if you were in my shoes. And if I’m asking for help with this… I don’t know. Am I being too dependent?” I asked quietly.

He thought about it for a few seconds before answering “I can’t talk for the others, but I know _I_ would be shitting my pants by know. Not that anyone would know about it; I’d be cracking bad jokes here and there so no one could tell. I suppose what I’m trying to say is I’d do almost exactly what you did in trying to deal with everything on my own, all the time wishing someone would lend a hand”

He’d read me like a book “…yeah. Thank you for being here”

“Well… you’re welcome”

“If you ever need some emotional back up, I promise I won’t pull a Morrigan on you”

He gave a bark of a laugh “Likewise”

I finished stuffing my clothes in my bag and sat down, making sure I was presentable before asking Al to come sit beside me. I teased him a few times, too. It made me feel better.

As we waited for the transformation to begin, I mulled over something I used to tell my patients. The Chinese word for ‘crisis’ was written with the characters for ‘danger’ and ‘opportunity’.

Being turned into a werewolf sucked.

And I was glad to discover I could trust Alistair this much.

* * *

Being turned into a werewolf SUCKS BALLS.

I lay on my side, heaving, my brain numbed with alarm as my body twisted and contorted to do something it wasn’t meant to naturally do.

Everything hurt.

I grasped at the ground with my claws as I felt my muscles growing and my body rearranged itself, propelled by the invasive forest magic.

Something in my cracked, causing me to arch up and cry out before I hit the ground again in a pile of misshapen limbs.

I could hear myself sobbing.

_Enough. No more. Please, I can’t. I CAN’T._

Another, more lucid part of me registered Alistair’s presence near me, murmuring encouragement. I had no clue what he was saying, but his voice brought no small amount of comfort to my fear riddled brain.

The curse paid no mind to my suffering as it continued guiding my body into its knew, unwelcome form.

Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. Relief filled my tired muscles. It felt like I’d been running for days and was finally allowed to rest.

I struggled for breath, not daring to pick myself off the ground yet.

Was it… was it over?

“Maya?” I felt someone moving around me before Alistair’s tired face came into view.

“Maya” he repeated, then smiled in a gesture of pure relief “You did it. You are a–”

_Werewolf._

I tried to move then, feeling my body like something foreign. I attempted to bring my hand in front of my face, the movement awkward, and a massive clawed paw appeared in front of me.

_Mom I’m sorry, I turned into a bitch._

…alright Maya, not the time.

Trying to stand led to falling down a few times, until I settled for sitting on my haunches as I examined myself.

I was so hairy.

But it wasn’t until I looked at Alistair, who’d quietly waited as I got my bearings, that I realized how big I’d gotten. So much so that he looked small compared to me.

How was that possible? Did I just _create_ mass…?

Oh right. Magic. Moving on.

I opened my mouth to tell him how weird this all was, and a growl came out.

Oh, my God.

A laugh made me focus on Alistair again.

“Ha, I’m sorry, it’s just that you look like you don’t know which way is up” he grinned at my answering grunt “But other than that, you seem fine. A proper werewolf. How are you feeling?”

A thought about it, then sort of let my shoulders and arms drop.

_Tired._

“I don’t blame you” He looked up at the night sky “We still have a few hours before the sun comes up. Why don’t you try to sleep? I’ll keep watch”

I wanted to tell him to sleep as well, or to wake me up so he could catch a few z’s as well but sitting up was already proving to be a monumental effort.

I dropped unceremoniously, feeling a something small dig into my side.

Alistair noticed my attempts at trying to get it out “I’ll get that for you”

Without hesitation, he helped get my bag previously strapped to my bag -somewhat undone from my trashing around- and left it beside me, making sure I was comfortable. I shook my head when he asked whether I still needed the towel and he took it upon himself to roll it and tug it under his arm.

I wanted to tell him to use it himself, but my eyelids kept closing without my consent and before I knew it, I was asleep.

* * *

“You smell odd”

I frowned up at Desire.

So rude.

“What happened to you”

I looked at myself to find I’d retained my human form in my dreams.

“I got cursed into being a werewolf”

Her delicate eyebrows shot up “A werewolf? My, you do interesting things”

“I mean, it wasn’t on purpose”

“Mm… more importantly, who was that man in your dream earlier?”

Uh “What man?” Talk about being fickle.

She gave a satisfied sigh “Blonde, tall, muscular… Mmm”

Huh “Probably Alistair. Are you, uh, attracted to him?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

She let out a low, seductive chuckle “No, but you, my dear, are. Ahh, I can feel your desire. Delicious”

Full stop.

My WHAT?

“I don’t think I–”

“Oh, don’t bother. I am Desire. Do not insult me by denying it”

…I got nothing.

No, wait “I mean, I’ve always thought he was attractive, I’m not blind. Ah, is it because it’s the first time I dream of him? So you’ve never seen him before? Just so you know, he’s not the only man I find attractive”

“No. I have seen him before, although I cannot tell you how long ago it has been for you. Time has… no real concept in the Fade”

Okay, that made sense. People have an average of five dreams a night, most of which they can’t remember. It was probabilistically likely I’d dreamed of him, whom I saw daily, at least a few times.

Desire kept going “If I had to guess, I would say your desire for him has simply grown since that time”

Ah “I was afraid you’d say that”

“Oh? That is a lovely shade of red you have” she purred.

“Oh, leave me alone”

“Would you prefer if I took on his form then? Mm… I wish to enjoy feeling your desire as you gaze upon him”

Okay, that’s too much.

Wake up, wake up, _wake up!_

“Leaving so soon? Shame. I look forward to–”

“Nope! Not listening!”

I awoke with a start. It was morning. Early, as far as I could tell.

“You’re up?”

Alistair’s voice drew my attention to him. He was sitting up, leaning against a nearby tree. He yawned, making me do so as well.

I heard him chuckle “Those are some frightening teeth. How do you feel”

I ignored his comment on my pearly whites as I scanned my body.

Yup, everything still hurt.

It was different from before, though. This felt like that time one of my cousins took me to her high intensity interval training multiplied by a hundred. It flipping hurt, but it wasn’t the worst type of pain.

“I’m guessing it’s not as bad as you’d feared?”

I looked back at him and nodded.

“Good. Now, I’m thinking we can go back to camp as soon as you feel ready. We still have about an hour or two before we need to start getting ready so… what is it? Why are you shaking your head?”

Gingerly, I rose, using my tail -which felt _weird_ \- for balance. My limbs felt stronger than the previous night. Hell, they felt stronger than _ever_.

Clumsily, walked on two legs towards where Al had left my bag. I picked it up carefully so my claws wouldn’t tear it and handed it to him.

Alistair looked at the bag suspiciously “You’re not still thinking on going on your own, are you?” I nodded “Why? As you can see, you can control yourself just fine. In fact, you’re a little weak right now. Its better for you to come with us”

I actually felt quite strong. I opened my mouth– I mean, my _muzzle_ , and let out a string of growling gibberish.

Alistair dropped his frown and laughed “Sorry, this is rich. Where did your eloquence go now, huh?” I growled at him, for real this time “Ooh, scary. I gotta say, it’s very odd to know you’re taller than me now. Be honest, are you just afraid of all the dog jokes?”

I rolled my eyes. Well, at least he was having fun.

Hah, why couldn’t I talk? Other werewolves could. Mm… maybe I just needed practice. Meaning the only difference between the other wolves I’d encountered and myself was time. Problem was, I didn’t know if other things, such as loss of control and pain also came with time.

In conclusion, I still felt I needed to get help from the pack.

I pushed my bag towards Alistair again, gesturing for him to help me put it on.

He sighed, losing most of his mirth “You still think it best to go to them?” I nodded. I’d explained to everyone what my plan was and the reasons for it the night before “And there’s nothing I can do to change your mind. Not even if I say please?” I shook my head “…fine. I have a feeling you’d just bite on this and go off on your own regardless. Might as well help you get it out of the way”

He helped me get my oversized limbs into the straps and a minute later, I was ready to go.

“There” He looked up at me “You do know how to get from here to the ruins, right?” I rolled my eyes, even though it was a valid question “Alright, just checking. So… I guess I’ll see you later? To be honest I’m still worried but…”

But he was trusting me to do what I thought best. Desire’s unsolicited revelation came to mind.

Well, it wasn’t like I hadn’t noticed a little something extra before… I just didn’t feel like dealing with it with so much else going on in my new and dangerous life. But once I got slapped in the face by the fact, there was no way I could unknow it.

“Be careful, alright?”

His concern gave me a warm feeling inside. Having no words to express myself had me leaning towards him, softly pressing the top of my muzzle along the side of his face and closing my eyes.

I pulled back to a wide-eyed Alistair. He didn’t say anything, so I gave him a final nod before dropping on all fours and sauntering out of there.

Hah, it was too late now, wasn’t it?

I liked Alistair.

Kinda.

* * *

I stopped by a stream to lap at some water. After splitting from Alistair, I’d been traveling non-stop in the direction of the ruins. First walking, then at a tentative jog, then full out running.

And man, could I run. It felt freaking fantastic. I now understood why Morrigan liked to spend some of her time as an animal.

Despite my reaction when Al asked, I did worry I’d get lost on my way to the ruins. I needn’t have worried. There was something, a pull of sorts that made me certain I wouldn’t lose my way.

Who wants to bet that was the Lady of the Forest.

Anyway, lucky~

With that, I’d be able to find the other werewolves no problem. Even if I couldn’t access my map–

I shuffling sound had me looking up.

A map of Ferelden spread in front of me.

…

NO WAY.

Wait, wait. _Area Map._

The map changed to show the Brecilian Forest.

My considerably large jaw dropped. Okay, what about…

_Character record._

The map changed to show my stats, resistances, and a picture of my face. My very lupine face.

Holy molly, I looked like a nightmare. Alistair’s face as I pulled away from him earlier now had a completely different tint. Oh man, and here I thought it’d been a warm and fuzzy kind of scene. Yikes.

A look at my stats made me forget about scarring my crush for life. They were different. Wow. What if…

_Spells._

…no dice, huh? Oh, how about…

_Talents._

The image changed.

Well, hell.


	33. Raaawwwr!!

I narrowed my eyes against the battering of the wind as I ran after my pray.

I hummed inwardly. The little guy was fast.

But I was faster.

I pounced, earning a squeak from the fennec, cut short by my teeth, as they teared through its throat.

I fed, even as some part of my brain knew I’d be disgusted by what I’d just had I been in my human form.

As it was, Maya the wolf didn’t give a flip.

What I cared about at the moment were the bare necessities and little else.

Except, of course, getting to the ruins. I had to answer the call. Had to.

And that was also where I would meet _them._

…them? Who were–?

A splitting headache cut through my thoughts like a whip. Making me drop my kill in agony.

Them! My friends! I had to get back to them!

Memories of the last seven days flooded me.

_Running through the forest floor, my powerful limbs eating up the distance my human legs would have taken ages to traverse. Realizing with each passing day why Danyla was in so much pain, as the wolf took over and I resisted time and again. Refusing to submit and holding on to my humanity. The sweet relief to my senses every time I slipped and remembering what I’d done as a wolf. Behaving not as some feral monster who attacked everything that moved, but as an actual wolf. Deciding not to fight it. Trying to make it work in my favor instead, so I didn’t go bananas from the pain. Not submitting but allowing the wolf’s instincts to take me safely through the woods as I realized the Lady of the Forest was still calling to her._

I finally had enough presence of mind to note that my human brain had taken the lead again, and forced it back, handing the reins back to the lupine brain.

I sighed in relief as the pain subsided, shaking my big head to rid myself of my last thoughts as I refused to dwell on them, and continued my meal.

I yawned after eating my fill, licking at my muzzle and tasting blood.

Mm… tired. Sleep.

I paced around, still on all fours, looking for a good place to rest when my ears twitched as they picked up a noise. I turned fast toward the intruder, hackles up and fangs bared threateningly, a growl on my throat.

A group of three werewolves walking on two feet came out of their hiding place, alert, but not approaching. Not quite submissive either.

I was outnumbered by a pack.

Dangerous.

“You did well to come here” the leader of the pack panted “Come with us. We can help you. We’ll take you to our Lady”

My answering growl reverberated through the forest as I snapped my teeth at them

_Come no closer, threat._

The leader growled back. A warning. “You must regain your senses. The Lady can help you”

They weren’t attacking, but they weren’t retreating either. I didn’t understand. Their behavior didn’t make sense to me, as they weren’t giving any clear signals. What did they want? What did they-?

My vision swam as I was blindsided by the pain again, and I screamed as I grabbed at my head, barely able get the words out as I finally understood the situation the wolf could not.

“Hhhe–lllp” I all but growled out “Hhh– eeelllp. Mmmeeee”

Next thing I knew, I was tackled down by something heavy, then a hit to the head flowed by sweet darkness.

* * *

I woke up and the first thing I noticed was the lack of pain, followed by the realization that I was very much in possession of my human awareness. The next thing I noticed was that rhythmic movement of bipedal walking beneath me. Opening my eyes revealed a hairy backside and a swishing tail.

Aha, I was being carried like a sack of potatoes by a werewolf.

Who had a guess? Life does take you to interesting places.

Not wanting to alarm anyone into attacking me, I groaned to alert them of my rousing.

The werewolf that carried me stopped, growling something I didn’t catch due to the guttural werewolf tones as he set me down. Gently.

Landing on my butt, I quickly maneuvered my oversized body into a crouching position that would allow me to leap and take off if necessary. I took a cursory look of my surroundings, noting we were still outside, yet already the scenery was different than the rest of the forest.

While I was unconscious, we’d reached the ruins.

Mm… the sun was still up, meaning it shouldn’t be far from where I encountered the werewolves.

As I looked around, a clear, nearly melodic voice reached me.

“You are awake”

I did a 180° and saw a pure, white wolf staring at me.

I froze. Holy cow.

“Welcome” it– _she_ continued, though her muzzle remained closed “You have come a long way. How are you feeling?”

“…beeettt…errr” I grimaced as the word came out wrong, not used to my new vocal cords yet.

The wolf nodded, looking like the animal version of royalty “It is good Swiftrunner found you when he did. Had you taken any longer to reach us, we might have been unable to aid you until it became too late”

I cocked my head to the side, wanting her to elaborate but not wanting to talk again.

Instead of answering though, she said “My name is Witherfang. But I am also known as the Lady of the Forest by our brethren. You are now one of us, should you choose to be”

I blinked, not sure how to answer that.

Witherfang nodded “It is much to take in at once. Rest, child. And think on what you would like to call yourself, for in this new life, you may be born anew as well” she didn’t smile, as she was still in wolf form, but I could feel a warmth emerging from her, accepting me.

Wow. She was… wow.

A werewolf approached me, slowly and carefully helping me stand. I accepted his help with a grateful nod before turning to my Lady once more.

I couldn’t help it. She was somehow… magnetic to me.

Again, I felt more than saw her smile “Worry not, child. What you are feeling is natural, as the curse that rans through you began in me. It will be less intense the more time you spend in my presence”

Did that mean I could stay with her longer?

Yaay!

“How would you like us to address you, my friend?”

Er… what would be a good werewolf name?

“Caaallll… mmm’… _Mmoonnn Mmmoonn_ ”

My Lady stared at me “I… understand. Very well. From now on, you shall be… Are you certain, child?”

The other wolves gave me odd looks as I nodded. This was a great idea.

My Lady kept silent for a moment longer before closing her eyes with an air of finality.

“Then I welcome you… Moon Moon”

Aw _hell yeah_. Nailed it.

Just then, another werewolf came running in.

“Lady” he growled “The intruders… are… advancing”

“Have they faced the dragon yet?”

“Not… yet. But they are… close. Going… back”

My Lady nodded “If they can defeat it, perhaps we can consider parleying with them. Perhaps, they will listen to our plight”

Swiftrunner harrumphed “They are fools. They are better off as the dragon’s feed”

I snorted inwardly. Really, what kind of idiot would–

…

Shoot, those were my idiots!

The realisation made me snap back into reality.

Argh, what am I doing?

Swiftrunner’s guttural voice reached me as I took off “Moon Moon! Where are you going?”

I looked over my shoulder as I jogged away from “Sorrrrr-eeyyy! Gottt’ saavvvvv… ‘eeemm!”

I didn’t look at Witherfang as I disappeared into the ruins.

* * *

  
I checked my newfound talents as I ran on all fours through the ruins.

Turning into a werewolf gave me access to four and only _four_ talents, limiting my move pool greatly. This is exactly why I didn’t go the shapeshifter route. As cool as it was in real life -and maybe I’d ask Morrigan to teach me a trick or two sometime- not being able to use my spells was a deal breaker.

 _But now, I gotta make do with what I have_.

That included my current stats as well, which had been reshuffled to look something like this.

**HP: 186 SP: 184**

**Attributes (-)**

Strength 30

Dexterity 15

Willpower 15

Magic 12

Cunning 10

Constitution 26

My _Cunning_ had dropped dangerously low, which kinda explained why I had so much trouble concentrating as of late. Actually, having few talents could be a blessing in disguise at this point, what with me being virtually unable to come up with much of a strategy.

So, I did the only thing I could and read over the descriptions of my talents, familiarizing myself with them in case I needed to come in swinging.

I groaned. The group here had likely no idea I got turned into a werewolf.

Ugh, they would definitely attack me, wouldn’t they?

Ugh.

My surroundings blurred as I flew past every room in the ruins, passing by corpses of werewolves, spiders and what were no doubt undead skeletons on the way. The place was much bigger than I remembered, but it felt familiar enough to recognize a few landmarks from the game, as well as linear enough not to get lost. And it didn’t take long for me to pick the path of five very distinct trails. My sensitive nose could easily tell the places where they’d stopped for a prolonged time, evidently being their camping sites.

And the more I ran, the clearer the scents became. Until I heard a powerful roar up ahead.

I didn’t need much _Cunning_ to know that was a dragon.

I stepped into a big room with a high ceiling. And walked straight into a fire blast.

I was so startled, I wouldn’t have been able to dodge, had the fire reached me. As it was, the fire stopped far enough that the only thing I felt was a slight heat.

As soon as it withdrew, I jumped inside, speeding as if chasing after the retreating fire.

_Terrorize._

I let out a glass-shattering howl, raising my attack power. Then…

_Leap._

As the fire disappeared completely, I took my chance, catapulting from the ground right into the dragon’s surprised mug.

I lashed out with my claws, dealing an instant critical hit.

The dragon reared back, stunned only for a moment before she bounced back, swatting at me. I wasted no time into backing up, narrowly avoiding the hit, which was damn lucky considering _Terrorize_ debuffed my defences _._

With my field of view widening, I caught sight of a few of my friends. I saw Scout taking advantage of the dragon’s distraction to tackle her with reckless abandon. Followed closely by Kallian, who gave me a glance that clearly said, ‘What the frack is going on?’

Tee hee!

A whooshing sound had me jumping back just in time to avoid a giant sword aiming for my neck. My eyes went wide at a stone-faced Sten. He said something in qunlat I obviously didn’t understand and glowered at me. I opened my mouth, doing my utmost to project my indignancy and scowled right back at him. It was probably the wrong move on my part, as it led him to raising Asala again. Not wanting to get side-tracked, I turned tail and ran in the opposite direction, going around the dragon so that he’d have to actively chase me about if he wished to fight me.

As expected, with me out of reach and not posing a direct threat, he went for the bigger fish.

Good. How dare he attack me when I was obviously helping them against the dragon? The nerve of that guy.

I watched as Wynne shot the dragon with an earth spell straight to the face, followed closely by Leliana’s arrow, but she just shrugged it off and went for Kallian, who kept attacking her from a close range, despite Scout and Sten flanking her as well.

While they kept her busy, I launched myself at her back, hitting her with _Leap_ again, dealing critical damage. I’d meant to dance out of the way immediately, but in my current position, with her long exposed, it was too tempting a situation to let it pass.

I opened my mouth wide and bit into her, my sharp fangs tearing into her, making me taste blood.

The dragon trashed about, trying to fling me off her back. I held on with both tooth and claw, intent on bleeding her out.

I’ve said this before, but thinking strategically proved to be a challenge, and the dragon had a long neck.

She turned her head to me and blasted me with fire.

I turned away yelping, managing to avoid part of the damage but still getting badly burnt.

Coarse as my layer of protective hair was, the fire freaking hurt.

Moronic as my last tactic proved to be, it did buy Sten enough time to hit her with one of his powerful yet slow attack from his massive sword, causing significant damage. Or it would be, had the opponent not been a dragon.

Unwilling to make the same twice, I adopted the hit and run tactic, mixing in stronger attacks like _Leap_ and _Frenzy_ -which dealt four quick attacks at normal damage- whenever I got the chance. Despite the change in stats that favoured physical attacks and resistance, I’d never really fought without mana. I quickly learned it was different. As I used my abilities in combat, my attacks became sloppier. I paid the price of realising this too late when I was too tired to successfully avoid a hit from the dragon’s tail.

I’ve never been hit by a whip, but I imagined the tail slash was worse.

My front was bleeding, and surely, I’d done something to my poor ribs. At least it didn’t hurt to breath. Wasn’t a doctor, but that would probably be a bad sign, huh?

The fight was slow-going, but little by little, we managed to chip away at the dragon’s health bar, until it was low enough its attack pattern became more aggressive. At one point, it sunk it’s claws on poor Scout and wouldn’t let go, even as Kallian desperately ripped onto its arms while Sten and Leliana kept the head occupied and Wynne kept buffing the dog’s resistance so he could withstand the damage.

Seeing as they made no progress, I dared to go into their space -I’d been careful not to get in their way too much- and with no better options, chomped down on one of the dragon’s paws. At that point, the Dragon had enough, backing up to protect her bloody self as she covered us in flames. I had a split second to register Kallian’s attempt to carry Scout out of the danger zone before picking the pup myself and hightailing it out of there.

I got my tail singed for my trouble, but the dragon was obviously just trying to get some space between us, or we wouldn’t have gotten off that easy.

Still wary, I immediately dropped the Mabari, who landed on his feet and growled at me for a second, before stopping short as he took a whiff in my direction, a puzzled look on his canine face.

That’s right buddy! It’s me, your pal Maya.

After that, it wasn’t long before Kallian made the finishing blow, sinking her twin blades into a vertical slash down the dragon’s throat, effectively killing her.

She landed on her feet, breathing hard and covered in blood.

_Holy bloody elf. Thank the universe she’s my friend._

Then she turned to glare at me, full of suspicion “Why did you help us?”

Oh shit. Right.

“And where. Did you. Get that” she grounded out, pointing at my fallen bag some ways away.

Oh man, the straps must’ve gotten burned at some when I got my ass fire blasted. Luckily it seemed otherwise no worse for wear. Damn sturdy to have survived my week-long trek through the forest. Especially when I’d all but forgotten it was there in the first place.

I snapped back to the present when Kallian took a threatening step towards me.

I raised my hands up defensively, trying to appear non-threatening, which was pretty much impossible while being a giant bipedal werewolf.

“I… mmm. Mmm…yyaaa”

Kallian scrounged up her face, while the others started eyeing me warily too.

Oh gosh, this was nerve-wracking, and it was making the herculean task of speaking even harder on me.

Okay, take two. Time for pantomiming.

I raised three fingers at her.

Her brows furrowed even more “What? Three?”

I nodded enthusiastically before I closed my fist and raised a single digit. Then pointed to my eye emphatically.

“Your… eye? Eye…” her jaw dropped “You’re Maya!”

I gotta admit, even as I pointed to her and gave a few poor attempts at saying ‘yes’, I deflated a bit. I kinda wanted to finish miming the sentence. Oh well.

Leliana gasped “She is? How can you tell?”

Kallian approached me even as she answered “We played this game of hers called ‘charades’ before and this is exactly how it went” She then gave me what I can only call a dumbfounded grin “Besides I can’t imagine anyone else being **this** ridiculous of a wolf”

And proud of it, lady. I needed to keep something simple of my character with me to keep me sane, and I regret nothing.

Scout trotted right behind Kallian, and got close enough to sniff at me, before giving me a happy bark. Mindful of my claws, I opted instead to rub my massive head against his, earning myself some tail wagging from the blessedly simple-minded dog.

Raising to meet Kallian’s bright green eyes again, I let her see mine, which I knew from looking at my picture in my inventory window were still the same clear blue, albeit a bit smaller in size.

“It’s really you” she breathed, incredulously “How did this even… no. Are you alright? You were injured, weren’t you? Wynne, can you check on Maya…?”

A dull ache spread through my chest, moved by my friend’s unconditional concern for the furry me. And I knew curiosity must’ve been killing her, but she still put my well-being first. And also…

Also, I’d been so, so scared. Every time I regained my senses, I felt so very afraid, even through the pain. What would happen to me? Would I make it? Will they attack me before I had the chance to explain? Will I even be able to gather myself enough to explain?

I thought I’d die so many times.

And now, I was safe -well, safeish- once again, surrounded by people who truly cared about me -and Sten-. And I wanted to cry.

Instead, I leaned forward and caught Kallian in a giant hug.

She sputtered as my fur got all over her face, as I practically swallowed her in my massive frame.

After the initial surprise, she gave an “Oh, Maya…” and hugged me back.

I’ve said it before, but it’s good to have friends.

* * *

“So, a werewolf bit your arm? That’s it?”

“Yyyeesss”

“We should be careful, then” concluded Leliana, as she walked beside me. Despite her words of caution, she looked rather happy as she examined her new bow. According to her, it was a unique dragonthorn bow named Falon’din’s Reach, and it came straight out of the dragon’s hoard, along with jewels, poultices -what were those even doing there? _Sigh_ \- and a big chunk of money.

I shrugged in response to her question, not sure about that, but not really worried, as none of the OG’s got infected canonically.

“Even if we do, I understand the transformation will take a few days at least, isn’t that so?” Wynne asked.

I nodded, tired of forcing myself to speak.

It’d been a day since I met up with Kallian’s group. I’d caught up with them just as they’d been doubling back from the lower ruins to rest for the night on the floor they’d already completely cleared, only to face the oversized lizard they’d manage to avoid when Leliana noticed the fire traps in the room on the way in. Not wanting to take chances, they tried to deactivate them, only for them to go off and wake the dragon.

FYI, I _did_ warn them about it before we split up, which is why they’d been on high alert the first time they came into the room. When nothing happened though, they figured I’d misremembered -their words, not mine- and let down their guard a bit.

Hah, of all the times not to be able to say _I told you so_.

Anyhow, what that meant was that they’d manage to clear almost the entire lower ruins already, and so we were basically taking a peaceful morning stroll through the ancient ruins.

There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.

They’d regaled me the night before about the Arcane Horror they’d defeated just earlier that day, which was the entire reason they’d chosen to rest before continuing on, since I’d told them about that fight being the last big one before descending to the actual Werewolf Lair. And got a face full of fire-breathing dragon for their troubles.

Oh well, c’est la vie.

Kallian surprised me by showing me a pair of ashen gloves she’d saved for me from the loot up until then. Such a sweetheart, that one.

In spite of the relief I felt at how close we were from our goal; I couldn’t help the sad puppy look I gave when we passed by the room I recognized as the one with the Arcane Warrior phylactery.

“What is it girl? Did you see something?”

Kallian giggled as I gave her a low growl, not at all intimidated by my big pointy teeth.

“Is something the matter, Maya?” Wynne asked benevolently.

I sighed and shook my head “Powwerrr… uuupp” I got out, pointing at Wynne, then down the stairs where the phylactery used to be “frrrreee… warrreeorrrrr”

Wynne gave me a puzzled look “I’m afraid I am not following, my dear. Is there something in that room?”

“We fought skeletons there” Sten said.

Kallian nodded “That’s right, but I don’t remember anything noteworthy from that room”

I blinked once. Twice. Before the gears in my slow brain started moving.

NO WAY.

I quickly dived into the room, skipping the stairs in a single jump while my companions startled voices followed me.

I didn’t need to go far before I saw the seemingly unimportant trinkets as they collected dust on the furthest corner of the room. I gingerly dug around until I found an eye-catching round artefact with a gem imbedded on it. There was blood inside of it, and it gave a soft, constant hum.

Oh my gosh, the ancient elven phylactery. They hadn’t gotten to it yet.

Very gently, I slid my claws under it and cupped it in my paws.

The gem was warm to the touch. Instantly, my vision swam as images and scenes of ancient times flooded me.

Imprisonment and isolation.

Pain and bleakness.

Anger and sadness.

All of it hit me like a dragon tail to the gut.

Then, I felt a presence in my mind. It recoiled in fear.

‘I’m sorry’ I thought ‘I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s okay, I won’t harm you’

The presence calmed at that and proceeded to beg me to stay and listen.

And although I already knew the story, I did listen. Seeing flashed of what’d happened, asking questions because the game did not do justice to the agony this poor soul had endured. _I’d_ listened to it all first-hand and I didn’t think I could, either.

The elf was so sure someone would rescue it. That they would come back for it when it sought asylum inside the life gem. But no one did.

I can’t begin to express the loneliness I felt through it.

‘I’ll help you’ I said, not giving my purpose in seeking it any thought in the face of so much suffering.

I shared the image of setting the phylactery down on the altar to my left ‘Is that it?’ I asked to be sure.

There was a hint of surprise from the elven warrior, but it was soon replaced by an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and relief.

Yes, that is what it wanted. And the presence could give me something in exchange. The last of its memories, the knowledge to become an Arcane Warrior. It could feel my magic, buried deep inside of me, dormant. But it was sure I could learn it as soon as it awoke.

Shame filled me. Ugly and painful.

‘I’m sorry. I knew’ I cried ‘I knew you were here and needed help. But I only thought of myself. My survival. I… I don’t deserve your knowledge. I don’t. But I need it. Please, please give it to me’

I made sure to convey that I would help nonetheless, even as I begged for that which had already been offered.

The trapped soul took a moment to dissect my confusing trail of thoughts and emotions. But then, it understood what I meant.

And it didn’t care. It was obvious what it wanted. Trapped for so long, it did not care about my motivations. Freeing it from this eternal prison was all it cared about.

Gulping, I nodded to myself. My feelings were not important now. The only thing that mattered was ending the warrior’s suffering.

I rouse. Every step to the altar filled me with a joy that wasn’t mine. And once I stood in front of the altar, the presence asked me again.

Did I wished to learn the secrets of an Arcane Warrior?

My sense of honour demanded that I refuse. I should do the right thing, I should help and heal, even if I didn’t directly benefit from it.

…But.

I needed to live, too.

‘I don’t deserve it. But yes. Teach me, please’

Without hesitation, the elven soul flooded me with its hazy memories. But it was enough. I understood it as well as if I’d spent countless hours training to master it myself.

I knew how to become an Arcane Warrior.

When it was done, the soul urged me to fulfil my promise. To let it rest.

I took a step forward and placed the gem on the altar, wishing it safe travels and happiness to wherever it wound up next.

The last I felt from it was joy, as the tired warrior welcomed oblivion.

The phylactery broke, a blue mist spreading from it.

I closed my eyes in sadness and relief and thanked the parting soul.

May you rest in peace.


	34. I Am So Done With Being A Werewolf

The six of us handled the skeletons in the las portion of the floor with ease. I finally got to try my strongest talent, _Overwhelm_ , on one of them. Big mistake. I found out the stupid way that the undead don’t taste good.

Have I mentioned my brain is rather slow in werewolf form? Yuck.

Well, _Overwhelm_ didn’t work on any creature who also had the talent, such as Scout and the other werewolves, or substantially bigger creatures like the dragon, for obvious reasons. I refused to try that one again on a zombie, so I guess that meant I wasn’t using it much. Except as protection no to get overwhelmed myself.

The image of the werewolf that bit me chewing on my arm flashed through my eyes.

I shuddered. Perhaps it wasn’t a complete loss to have the talent.

Sten walked up to me as Wynne tended to Leliana and Kallian’s injuries.

I nodded at him, not wanting to speak unless it was necessary.

“You are managing decently enough in battle. I admit, I was concerned. But the question remains if you can maintain discipline over your new form”

To praise and insult a girl in the same sentence. Big guy, this is why you don’t have a girlfriend.

Well, that and he’s a qunari.

I scoffed at him.

Sten scowled “Our deal remains. If I see you failing to control yourself, I shall slay you with no hesitation”

What? Asshole. I growled at him.

He growled back.

I growled harder.

So did he.

Annoyed, I added a snap of my teeth to the next growl.

Sten kept my gaze unflinchingly and nodded “Perhaps there is hope for you yet, basalit-an”

…Bah, who understood this guy.

“If you two are done, we should get going” giggled Leliana.

I gave Kallian a look as we heeded the red-head’s words. She had a hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

I cocked my head to the side.

“I’ve seen him do the same thing with the dog” she laughed.

Scout barked in confirmation.

Ah that’s right. I remembered that scene.

Well, let’s not think on what that could mean.

Time to go into the werewolf lair!

Woot!

* * *

Jumping through the whole in the floor was fun. Fun for me, that is. The werewolf lair was obviously designed to house physically gifted individuals, such as Maya the werewolf. Having been using my werewolf form for a while now, I confidently jumped into the whole, landing easily.

Scout, not one to be outdone, gave a brave bark and jumped after me. Kallian’s yell had me scrambling to catch him before he hit the ground. Shouldn’t have bothered. The massive dog would have been fine, and I got flattened for my trouble.

The others managed to get down one way or the other. Sten, in a clear show of raw strength, jumped down, making a loud noise as he landed. The rogues found some footing to climb down a bit before jumping the rest of the way. Wynne pondered about buffing herself up with spells and then simply jumping; thankfully, she reconsidered and asked me to catch her on her way down. I did her a better one and climbed up before going back down with her on arms. I got a pat on the cheek for that.

We fought a group of zombies. Didn’t caught me by surprise this time. Prolly thanks to my heightened senses.

Huh, guess there’d be some things to miss once I got back to being human.

Anyway, Kallian picked up a corpse gall -there was zero chance of me getting close to that thing. Never mind that I didn’t remember which quest it was for, it couldn’t be worth it- and we were off.

The complicated part came next.

I mean, I saw it coming. We _were_ in the werewolf lair. Running into other werewolves was kinda the point of coming all the way here. What I didn’t expect is to be called a traitor. I actually gasped when I heard that. They were wrong, of course. I didn’t owe them anything just cause I got turned into a werewolf. Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt my feelings.

This fight was difficult, because unlike before, I aimed to incapacitate, not to kill. I suppose I did feel some sort of kinship after all. Only not enough not to fight if they attempted to hurt Kallian and the others. Despite my telling -or trying to- them we just wanted to meet the Lady, we did end up fighting, and killing most of them. Turns out its difficult to knock out werewolves. Who knew, huh?

I bitterly wished for a sleep powder kind of spell. If only I’d been trapped in the world of funny looking creatures with ridiculous powers. Then again, I did have access to the sleep line of spells in the Entropy tree. But to get the actual _Sleep_ spell I’d have to invest three whole points in there. I wanted it but…

Mmm… choices, choices.

Failing to come to terms with killing more werewolves, we moved on. A couple shadow wolves attacked us and injured Wynne severely. In an outstanding show of composure, she closed her eyes and healed her own wound the same way she’d taught me before.

Grandma Wynne was badass as fudge.

Again, we moved on. Finally, and after looting everything that wasn’t nailed to the floor, we came face to face with the Gatekeeper. Contrary to my expectations, the Gatekeeper didn’t spare me a single glance. He engaged Kallian in conversation instead, where the word ‘parley’ got repeated too many times for comfort.

“Do you agree to parley?”

Yes we agree to _parley._ We’ve been wanting to _parley_ since we got here.

Some people just don’t listen.

I didn’t say a thing, though. I didn’t feel like getting called a _trrraaaightooorrr_ again. Although to be fair, the Gatekeeper had better pronunciation than the last guy who called me that.

We followed him, and soon enough we found ourselves in a big circular chamber, chocked full of werewolves growling and spitting curses at us, and what I knew were Sylvans that would attack if prompted to. In the middle of it all, Witherfang waited for us.

As soon as I saw her, the words formed in my mind unbidden.

_My Lady!_

“I bid you welcome, mortal. I am the Lady of the Forest” Her gaze, those magnetic eyes of her found mine “And welcome back, child”

My ears flattened against my skull, and I took a step forward.

“Maya?”

A startled voice beside me snapped me out of my reverie. I looked down at Kallian, who had a worried expression on her face.

Right Kallian. My friends. Right.

Yikes.

Swiftrunner made a noise like he had phlegm “How dare you turn back on our Lady! You are no sister of mine! Moon Moon!”

Oh God, he actually used it.

_Pfft!_

I was sure Swiftrunner meant to sound threatening and angry. But the use of my werewolf name kinda ruined the whole vibe.

Heh, it was a good choice, if I do say so myself.

Swiftrunner must’ve notice, because he began to urge the Lady to allow them to attack us, all full of righteous fury; with some spitting for effect.

“Hush, Swiftrunner. Your urge for battle has only seen the death of the ones you have been trying to save. Is that what you want?”

_Aah, her voice…_

Nope! Dammit Maya, don’t listen.

The Lady apologized on her second’s behalf, prompting Kallian to agree that we all struggled with our nature.

“Truer words where never spoken” the Lady agreed “But few could claim the same as these creatures: that their very nature is a curse forced upon them” there was a pause, then “As I am sure your friend can testify”

I tensed, screwing my eyes closed. Ugh, couldn’t you just ignore me?

“Maya?” Leliana asked “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting… odd. Or, well, odder”

Hey.

“It is not her fault” My L– _The_ Lady intervened “My presence is calling to the curse in her. This will pass, in time. But she is much too young still”

Without waiting for them to process her words, she began explaining exactly what the Dalish had left out of their version of the events. She, along with Swiftrunner, added to the info I’d already shared.

“However” she added, when I was sure the tale had reached its end “You must know some of what I have told you already. Isn’t that right, Moon Moon?”

I flinched. Please don’t talk to me.

“It’s true that we managed to piece enough information to understand there was more to this story. It was apparent the Dalish didn’t share the whole story with us” Kallian said vaguely, not really letting on how we’d arrive at that conclusion, for obvious reasons “But we couldn’t have known had we not made it to you, Lady” she finished confidently, not backing off from the ethereal being in front of her. Then she frowned “But what is this _moon moon_ thing you keep mentioning? Am I missing something?”

Oh boy.

“Moon Moon, is the name your companion chose for herself. Her identity as one of us. Though now I am thinking she did it in jest”

I did my best to present a picture of innocence. Let me tell, being a giant wolf-thing did not help me one bit.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Wynne looking at me incredulously.

Ahaha…

“Anyway” said Kallian, a hint of mirth in her voice clear to those who knew her. She kept asking questions, which the Lady responded to. I only half listened to it all, but my ears perked at the mention of the healing process the werewolves had to go through so regain her humanity.

So she’d heal me, somehow, after the those werewolves found me near the ruins. A wave of gratitude came over me.

_My Lady saved me._

After a while, she agreed to bring Zathrian, and my Lady showed them another exit, asking them to return with him as soon as she could.

The party moved on, walking the path signalled by My Lady.

Then they stopped.

“What is it now” the bigger one asked “You, come with us”

I startled. He was looking at me. They all were, different levels of confusion in their faces.

I turned away from them and approached My Lady.

Other werewolves growled at me, even as she raised a hand to calm them. When I stood before her, she, in all her grace, settled a hand over my big head. I closed my eyes, enjoying her calming touch.

“Wha–? Maya? Why…?”

“She could hold the curse no more” My Lady spoke “Her instinct is naturally searching for that which will help her. Do not worry. I will take care of this child until you break the curse”

I don’t know what happened to them. I didn’t care. All that mattered was that I could remain near My Lady.

…so why did it feel like I _should_ care?

* * *

I’m not sure how much time passed. Several hours for sure bur honestly? Could’ve been over a day and I wouldn’t have noticed. What I did notice was my brain cells slowly waking up. The longer I spent in My Lady’s presence, the stronger the little voice in my head that said to stop being a moron became.

So I stuck to her. Well, as much as I could, what with the other werewolves bitching and moaning at me. At one point, I got attacked. It was a single wolf though, which made the fight pretty even. Then again, I went up against a more experienced werewolf with no back up. Lets just say between that and the werewolf attack that got me infected, I’m really glad My Lady intervened and put a stop to it.

I knew they came back by the stirring it caused around me. The lair was abuzz with tension, as the group of warriors approached, having almost doubled in size.

And among them, the elf that started all of this. And something else that caught my attention…

“Spirit, I am here” he said once they got close enough, all arrogance and confidence.

The werewolves didn’t take kindly to his tone, making Swiftrunner get in his face, demanding he gave his lady her due respect.

Mmm… what was that familiar smell. I couldn’t see very well from all the werewolves in front of me.

“And? Where is she? The cursed mage”

The Lady kept her expression cool “Why do you wish to know? She is one of my brethren now; another soul afflicted by the curse”

I circled the room, searching. Ah, it was coming from among the newcomers…

Zathrian harrumphed “It is as I thought. I made a deal with the mage. But even knowing what would happen was not enough to prevent her decline into barbarity”

“What is this deal you made?” someone else asked.

“I said–”

“Whoa!”

All eyes in the room turned my way. But I was occupied, as I’d finally found the source of the familiar smell.

The name floated up from the murky depths of my mind.

_Alistair!_

“Stop! St– umph, _hahaha stop please!_ ” He tried to fend off my searching nose as it attempted to get into the crooks in his armor for a better whiff.

“Is that Maya?” asked someone in the group.

“Must be” answered Alistair, still laughing from my tickling sniffles.

Mm? Wait that voice sounded familiar too.

I redirected my attention to a smaller human. A woman with fiery red hair.

“Oh dear, Maya, don’t–” too late. I got to her, sniffing at her neck the same way I’d done with Alistair.

_Leliana!_

The more I paid attention to the air, the more familiar smells I could gather despite the heavy werewolf musk permeating it.

_Wynne! Kallian! Scout! Zevran! Sten– ah no, don’t go there. Morri– nope, even worse._

“The healing process seems to be near its end” The Lady of the Forrest said “the arrival of her companions must have accelerated the process”

“Why is she so bent on smelling us?” asked Kallian.

“Not that I mind” added Zev, as I clung onto him “But I am certain I shall enjoy this plenty more once she goes back to normal”

“Yes, let us continue where we left off, Zathrian. Will this suffice as proof that we are not the mindless monster’s you believe us to be?”

Zathrian shook his head “No, I…”

A hand reached for me, and I turned to find Alistair slightly behind me. Wordlessly, he made a motioned to let go off Zev and extended his arms a little. I happily abandoned Zevran and draped myself over Al, who accepted the added weight with a defeated sigh.

I felt my tail wagging against my legs. Ah, yes. This was it. The scent that made me feel safe.

The conversation continued without my notice. At one point, Zathrian’s eyes found me, still clinging to Al. Now, you’re probably aware of this, but I wasn’t exactly all there yet. I was getting there though, which allowed for a silver of coherent thought to dash across my mind.

_That’s right. Take a good long look at the one you call savage as she cuddles her friends._

_And don’t ever forget Danyla._

After a few more minutes, Zathrian hung his head, the Lady’s hand resting upon his shoulder. And I knew. She’d done it. We’d done it. And somehow, without a fight.

Mission accomplished.

* * *

“Oh! That armor looks really good on you”

Kallian blushed and giggled “Thank you”

Leliana smiled “Silverite suits you Kallian. It makes you look… ethereal.”

The blush intensified.

Gee. How were they not together yet?

I shook my head as I listened to my friends flirting. At this point, I wish they’d just kiss and be done with it. Unbelievable.

I assed Kallian from my spot several steps away. To be fair, she did look rather otherworldly; almost as much as myself. Heh, get it? The glow of the silverite giving her light complexion a mystical air. Varathorn should be proud. It was a hell of an armor.

“I do wish they would get on with it already, and save us all the pain of watching”

I looked at Morrigan, who’d stepped beside me.

“Hear hear”

“I could never claim to understand the attraction for another woman, but I understand even less the lack of action when that which you desire is right in front of you. Yours for the taking”

Maybe I should introduce Morrigan to Desire. The demon, I mean, not… yeah.

“I agree. However, maybe what they desire isn’t as obvious as we think”

“Oh?” She gave me a sideways look “And what do _you_ suppose that is?”

I shrugged “I dunno. But they at least seem to be enjoying the ride to wherever this thing is taking them, at least. And they can go at it however slow they want, and rub it in our noses as much as they want”

Morrigan gave a short laugh “Is that jealousy I hear?”

“Oh, absolutely. I mean, aren’t you? They look so bloody happy”

“Mmm… I do think they’ve become closer after out little excursion”

I scoffed. Little excursion lasted almost two entire months. I was ready to never step into a forest for the rest of my life, thank you very much.

“It is quiet nauseating”

“Word” I raised my arms over my head and stretched, making my bones -my human bones, thank fudge- pop “We still have about an hour before we hit the road again. What do you say about doing some training?”

I swung my brand-new Oak Branch from my back.

That’s right my peeps! This mage got un upgrade!

I was the proud owner of a tier 4 Veridium -which was a weird type of steel- staff. With a boost to my _Magic_ , _Constitution_ and an extra ten percent nature damage, it beat the electricity boost from the Lightning Rod, which was now somewhere in Varathron’s coffers. I couldn’t stab undead without it, but whatever. I’d deal.

Morrigan thought about my offer and nodded “Very well. I do wish to see your new abilities for myself”

…hehe. Hahaha. Bwuahahahaha!

Because I’m an Arcane Warrior!

All the pain, all the sadness and the living hell that was turning into a literal animal. But it was worth it. Or, it will be -it better be- as soon as I invested some spell points in it.

Which brings me to my second maniacal laugh.

Ehem.

Nyyahahahahahahaha!! I levelled up! TWICE!

That’s right! I have no idea when it happened. My guess is sometime after I got bitten. My mind was all over the place with healing my wound and then Danyla and then dealing with the fact that I was turning furry. And after that, with whatever killing up to reaching the temple, the freaking DRAGON, the fights that followed plus finishing the quest, it must’ve been enough to push past another level.

_Hah_ _~ I’m so happy, nothing could ruin this moment._

“We also need to talk about what that infuriating elf told us before he died” Geez, only Morrigan could talk about the recently deceased like that “It has been weighting on my mind”

Aaaand my mood soured. _Sigh._ I worried about that too. About the people who convinced Zathrian to hide in the forest by himself, telling him about things to come.

About the possibility of me not being the only otherworlder in Thedas.


	35. I Miss My Therapist

I opened my eyes in my dreams and was greeted by two pairs of shinning eyes. Both equally mystical, if in entirely different ways.

“This is the human” said the green woman-like entity.

“Indeed” replied my demon friend.

The spirit turned to me “Greetings”

“Ah, hello”

Eloquent, aren’t I?

To be fair, there was always a brief moment when I entered my dream space where I didn’t know which way was up. And the new arrival caught me by surprise.

The spirit -cause that’s obviously what it was- looked odder than Desire, who at least was _solid_. If I’d only seen the spirit’s shadow, I’d have guessed it was a woman. But looking at it directly gave it a more androgynous feel. It had wisp-like luminous hair. Its skin was… sort of transparent, but I had no trouble seeing it clearly. Its eyes were shinning orbs of light, almost as if its brain had lit up and the two holes where its eyes should have been were the light’s only escape.

Just as I was about to ask the purple lady who her weird friend was, it spoke.

“I am Wisdom”

Oh?

“Cool. I’m Maya. Nice to meet you”

Wisdom cocked its head “Cool? The temperature does not drop in the Fade”

I gave it a half smile “Its slang. It means I think it’s great that you’re Wisdom”

Wisdom stared at me, then nodded.

…

Okay then.

“Um, so what brings you to my corner of the Fade? Are you a friend of Desire?”

Beside me, Desire scoffed “We creatures of the Fade have no need of the bonds mortals so often crave”

I turned to her pitifully “So you’ve got no friends?”

Desire raised an eyebrow “I can sense your pity, Maya. Desist at once”

“Don’t worry” I said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder “I’ll be your friend”

After all, I knew what she claimed wasn’t true. I’d played the hell out of Dragon Age Inquisition and knew for a fact Solas considered many spirits his friends. Then again, he _was_ kind of an elven god.

Eh, pretty sure I didn’t need to ascend to godhood to consider a fade-dweller a friend of mine.

Desire stared at me, unblinking. It was kinda creepy, to be honest.

“You look like you don’t even know what friends are” I teased.

Desire didn’t respond.

Seriously?

“A friend” I began slowly “Is when you pick a person you’ve met and go ‘I like this one’, and then you just hang out together”

“I am not sure how, but I can tell you are mocking me”

“You’re imagining things”

“I see”

“I see as well” interjected Wisdom, who’d been quiet during our exchange “You two are friends”

Desire hummed as I smiled brightly. Hells yeah, we were friends. Desire was a fun one.

“This one is here because I owe it a favor” Desire explained, answering my previous question.

“I wish to know” said Wisdom. Then, as if as an afterthought, it added “You have come to possess lost knowledge”

Lost…? Oh, of course.

“You mean cause I’m an Arcane Warrior now?” I couldn’t keep the smile off my face when I said that. _I_ am and Arcane Warrior. How cool was that?

I’ll answer that one. TOO COOL.

“Yes. I am happy to meet you”

Aww, what a sweetheart.

“There is much I do not know. Much to learn” it approached, its flashlight eyes making me feel like a deer in the headlights.

Okay, slightly less sweet. A little creepier.

* * *

“What’s wrong, big guy? Having trouble?” I whizzed.

Sten grunted “Cease the useless talk. You will not goad me into failing”

I laughed “Why so defensive? Is it working?”

With a growl, Sten put all his strength in a final push, slamming my hand against the rock, winning the arm-wrestling match.

I fell back on my butt, cradling my hand, breathing hard.

“I cannot begin to fathom the reason behind the increase in your strength” said Sten standing up.

“It’s a kind of magic” I sang, snapping my fingers.

The big guy shook his head and left without a word.

How rude. It’s not like I’m lying, either. The first spell in the Arcane Warrior tree, _Combat Magic_ , was now mine. Turns out, this meant my considerable _Magic_ attribute would satisfy my lacking _Strength_ stat, while also aiding my attack -which from what I’ve seen has more to do with accuracy, apparently- and damage output during a fight. For those who are having a slow day, let me spell it out for you.

I’m freakishly STRONG.

Like, I couldn’t beat Sten or Al, but in terms of raw strength, I was above everyone else in the party. Well, maybe not Scout, but I couldn’t really arm-wrestle with him, so he doesn’t count. Which makes me third, alright?

Also, with the second spell, the conveniently passive _Aura of Might_ , my attack, defense and damage received additional bonuses. I don’t think I need to tell you how freaking COOL that is.

I’m one step closer to Maya the Untouchable! Maya the Iron curtain! The Wall of Ferelden!

Bwahahaha!

In all seriousness, I felt closer to my original goal of having a near perfect defense. By stacking sustainables and getting the few passives available -which meant bonuses at no cost after learning them- I would virtually be able to stand there taking attack after attack and not feel a thing. Theoretically speaking, the receiving damage could be zero, or close to it. Not to mention if I managed to gain access to the Awakening spells, there were a few more sustainables I could stack up.

So I knew which way I wanted to go, but there were still a few spells making eyes at me. For instance, the _Sleep_ spell, which would save me a lot of trouble when I wanted to sneak by. Or _Spell Might_ and _Mana Clash_ from the Mana Alteration tree, the last one which would give me an edge against other mages, while the former one combined with _Spell Wisp_ would give me an edge overall. And then there was _Crushing Prison_ , which simply put was a hell of a spell, what with paralyzing an enemy while dealing damage _and_ allowing me to keep attacking them myself. Ah, and I still wanted my _Fireball_.

Choices choices.

Well, for now, I had to gain two more levels before I could get to the next spell on the Arcane Warrior tree, which I wanted above all else. In the meantime, I’d probably invest in Wynne’s recommendation, _Arcane Shield_ , if I failed at learning it by myself by that time. If not, I’d either go for the ones I mentioned before or continue along the Mastery tree, as the last two spells were passives.

For now, my spell list looked like this:

**Spells (-)**

**Arcane**

Arcane Bolt

**Primal**

Flame Blast Flaming Weapons

Rock Armor

**Creation**

Heal

Spell Wisp Grease

Glyph of Paralysis Glyph of Warding Glyph of Repulsion

**Spirit**

Walking Bomb

Mind Blast Force Field

**Entropy**

-

**Arcane Warrior**

Combat Magic Aura of Might

Not bad!

Although, my many cool spells did present a problem. A problem with my mana reserves, to be exact. If I activated all my sustainables in a fight -which was kinda the plan- then I’d have a meagre 56 mana points left to get me through the fight. Hell, I wouldn’t be able to get the paralysis combo I was so proud of going.

In the end, I made a radical decision.

**Attributes (-)**

**Strength 12**

**Dexterity 10**

**Willpower 28**

**Magic 30**

**Cunning 18**

**Constitution 16**

…yeah. I dumped all six points from my last two level-ups in _Willpower_. I know, it’s crazy, but I had to. I mean, even with that, my mana cache got raised by only thirty mana points. Not nearly enough, but it would have to do, at least until I got more items that helped increase either the base points or the mana regeneration rate.

Good thing we were on our way to Denerim.

After leaving the Dalish camp with the new Keeper’s oath for aid during the battle against the archdemon, we spent the next few days hiking through South Reach until we got back to the Imperial Highway. Plain old beautiful dirt road as far as the eye could see.

Deciding to take it easy and rest along the way, we expect it to take us a little over a week to reach the capital. Tired as I was, I would’ve gladly picked up the pace to get to civilization a day quicker. I was 100% done with nature. I’m a city girl, after all. But, and I can’t believe I’m still saying it after all this time, I’m the slowest one in the group. Hurrying up only to tell them to slow down later was a big no-no. Too embarrassing.

Eh, for now, I was just happy to be out of the forest. Away from mosquitos and murderous werewolves. And near a river filled with glorious clean -ish- water at nearly all times.

The first day passed by quickly. I’d had fun arm-wrestling everyone and testing the limits of my newfound magical strength. Pfft, should’ve seen Al’s face when I beat him the first time we went at it. I’m sure he meant to go easy on me though, cause from then on, I didn’t win once. Not that I made it easy for him, but there you go.

Later that day, I got in a little reading. I hadn’t gone back to my one book in ages, but man was it good. The big reveal was finally upon us. The female protagonist had found out her mysterious partner was none other than her crush turned friend, and she was _this_ close to telling him. I could feel it.

I even got some time to teach Alistair a little sex ed. With a tickled Zevran as a colour commentator. I had so much fun, you have no idea.

Mmm? Ah, yes. I hadn’t forgotten Desire’s revelation about Alistair on the night I turned into a werewolf -there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say-, I just…

Well.

I kinda kept some distance from him on the way back from the ruins. Then realised what I was doing and tried to act as I did before finding out. I still wasn’t certain what I wanted to do about that. I was about 50% sure Alistair would be game if I asked him out. But the thing is, I didn’t want a fling. If I was gonna start a life in Thedas, I wanted to think long-term. Which isn’t to say I wanted to get hitched as soon as I got past the first date, but I definitely wanted to aim for a serious relationship, maybe get a boyfriend or whatever the Thedas equivalent of that was. My life had already changed so much and so drastically lately that I craved some sort of stability.

The good news? Alistair would probably want that. Something long-term, I mean. From what I knew of him, casual was not his thing. So there was that, but…

Well, if he went king on me, we’d have to break up, right? Leaving aside the question of whether I had the balls to date a freaking king, or if he’d want to date me to begin with, there was no way the nobles or whoever would accept a mage as the– the… I don’t know, the royal partner. On the other hand, I didn’t know many people in Ferelden. And I was a difficult one. Falling for someone else would take time.

…was I thinking too much?

Blegh, I don’t know. One moment they seem like legitimate concerns and the next it all seems so silly and shouldn’t I just go for it?

Maybe I needed a fresh perspective.

My mind immediately threw a name at me and my head swivelled around camp to look for her.

Kallian, Kallian, where are thou?

Failing to find her, I approached Wynne “Hey, have you seen Kallian?”

“I believe I saw her leaving in that direction” she pointed “to gather firewood, perhaps?”

I thanked Wynne and set off to find my friend.

Even though the area around our camp was nowhere near as dense as the Brecilian Forest, the two moons were barely enough to keep the darkness at bay. I considered casting _Spell Wisp_ to provide some light, but while I didn’t think anything would attack me so near camp, I’d rather not paint a target on my back. I could see well enough.

I heard a noise that sounded like a woman’s voice and frowned. That didn’t sound like Kallian.

I approached the sound carefully. Didn’t have to go that far. I peeked from around a thick tree and came face to face with Kallian and Leliana. That wouldn’t normally present much of an issue, except this time their faces were sort of occupying the same space.

Both girls stared at me and for a moment, I stared right back.

Slowly, a smile crept up on my lips.

“Sooo sorry, you guys!” I exclaimed merrily “Just came to ask Kallian something, but it can wait. Go on, don’t mind me”

Kallian’s face was on fire, a complete opposite to Leliana’s serene acceptance.

Not wanting to intrude on them any longer, I shot them a final grin before turning around and hopping away.

My ship had officially sailed!

Regrettably, I wouldn’t be able to talk to Kallian about my own matters tonight. Not because I didn’t think I’d get the chance to talk to her at all so much as even if we did, we’d be talking about the kiss scene I just witnessed.

I returned to camp humming to myself.

Aaahh I wanted to talk to someone about this! My eyes took in our campsite, doing a quick headcount even though I knew I couldn’t really tell a soul so long as the girls kept wanting to keep it hush hush. Come to think of it, I still wasn’t sure why that was. Mm… now that I obviously knew, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to ask them about it. My money was on Kallian being the reluctant one, which was ironic considering from what I just saw, she was clearly taking the lead there.

My roaming eyes landed on Alistair. He stood a bit apart from the rest -not counting Morrigan- and seemed to be rather enthralled by something. Curious, I walked towards him.

“Hey, Al, what–”

Alistair turned my way and I saw what he was holding. It was a rose.

Oh. _Oh_.

He saw me looking and opened his mouth, only to fall quiet as both Kallian and Leliana entered camp, chattering like they weren’t just found sucking face by yours truly.

I gotta give it to them, the two rogues had the innocent act down pat.

Oh wait, Shit, Al’s rose.

I swivelled my face back to my friend, who met my eyes with a small, tired smile.

“I don’t suppose you know…?” he left the question hanging, gesturing at the rose in his hand. He must’ve seen the recognition in my face.

Oh man, what lousy timing.

“I… yes, I do know. I’m sorry”

Alistair chuckled mirthlessly “Well, can’t say I didn’t see it coming. I’ve known they were heading that way for a while. It was only a matter of time”

My face fell. Damn, what was I supposed to say in this situation?

“…I think” I began carefully “Kallian is very lucky, to have you thinking about her for so long”

…

Oh GOD, that was so CHEESY. Someone hit the soft reset bottom, I want do-over!

“Wait, you mean… what?”

Alistair’s startled voice snapped me out of my shame, making me look up at him.

I blinked, not understanding his confusion.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times “Where did I find this rose?”

Understanding dawned on me “Lothering”

“So you know the whole thing? What I thought when I picked it up, how I planned on giving it to…” His gaze darted towards Kallian’s direction before coming back to me.

Ouch. This was so not how I wanted to spend my evening.

“Yeah. It was kind of an important scene, so I remember it”

“Of course you do” he said, sounding annoyed.

I wanted to snap at him I didn’t know because I wanted to. I didn’t ask for any of this. It wasn’t my fault. And yet…

As much as I was having a bad time, he was probably feeling even worse.

So I stayed quiet, letting my eyes rest on the road we’d been traveling on, further from camp. I didn’t say anything even when he stayed silent, too.

Finally, Alistair sighed “I’ve known about them for a while” he repeated “Known that I’d completely missed my chance even before we started that accursed trip into the Brecilian Forest”

I couldn’t help it, the pun, intended or not, had a corner of my mouth lifting ever so slightly. I dared to peek at Alistair from beneath my lashes to find him staring at me, looking tranquil as the river I could hear nearby.

“I’m not gonna say I’m happy about it. But I think I can be okay with it” he hesitated “But I have to ask… in the events you saw before coming here; did Kallian and I…?”

“Ah” I struggled for the best way to put it “Yes and no. I told you before how what I saw were possibilities, right?” he nodded “There are many ways in which the story could’ve gone when it came to the Warden’s relationships”

Alistair frowned “The Warden?”

Had I not explained this to him? Sigh.

“The way the story was told, you got to see it from the eyes of a controllable character. This person could be male or female; a human, an elf or a dwarf. There were… what, six, seven origin stories? The Warden could’ve been a human noble, or a casteless dwarf; a Dalish elf, or a…”

“City elf” Alistair finished, looking a little sick.

I nodded “The type of person he or she could’ve been also varied. As did their class abilities and their preference in partners. For instance, had the Warden that Duncan chose to recruit be a male noble dwarf, you might’ve befriended him, but not fallen for him. Instead, and depending on their interactions, Morrigan might’ve been interested. Or maybe a female Circle mage would’ve been more into Zevran”

Alistair gaped at me, then shook his head and sat down. Just, plopped on the ground while cradling his head.

“This is… a lot. I thought I understood what you meant before. But to think someone else could’ve taken Kallian’s place if Duncan decided on another recruit…”

“I know” I said softly. Tentatively, I sat next to him, leaving some space between us “I have to say, I’m glad he chose Kallian. I’m rather fond of her”

Al sighed and raised his head “Me too. I am…” he smiled that self-deprecating smile of his “Glad, things are the way they are”

_Really?_

He turned to me then, smiling a little bigger “Really”

Shoot, did I say that out loud?

He then did something that I really didn’t expect.

He offered me the rose.

I stared at him, wide-eyed.

Al chuckled “I had this whole speech prepared from way back. But I’m sure it’d be boring if I just said something you already heard before. So let me just say this: Maya, _I_ am lucky to have met you. And I am glad you are here, with me, with us”

Almost mechanically, I took the rose. Al said something more and stood to leave. I stayed right where I was, sitting at the edge of camp until Scout came looking for me.

I hugged the big dog, finding comfort in his soft, warm coat of fur. I didn’t know how to feel. Happy because my crush gave me a flower? Sad and jealous because it wasn’t originally meant for me? Pissed off because how could he waste such an iconically romantic scene and turn it into something so… so…

Argh.

My thoughts were too chaotic. I needed to talk to someone about this. What a bad time not to be in therapy.

Which was tough. I couldn’t talk to Kallian or Leliana for obvious reasons. Wynne was a pass because of how I knew she reacted to potential romance between Wardens in the game. Sten and Morrigan weren’t even on my list. Scout was out because while he might be a good listener, we sucked at giving advice. That left Zevran, but from what I could see, he’d already gone to bed, probably due to having the morning look-out duty.

Out of options, I decided my wisest move would be to go to bed, then talk to Zev in the morning, provided I still felt like talking about it. Which I probably would.

Patting Scout goodbye, I headed for my tent.

Desire visited that night, which prevented my brain from avoiding the issue by virtue of being unconscious. I opted for distracting myself with thoughts of Denerim, of the quest that awaited us and whatever else I needed to do while staying there.

The next morning, I got up fast, making a beeline to Kallian’s tent. My efforts for distraction had made me come to a rattling realisation.

Denerim. The Alienage. Slavery.

Kallian’s family was in danger.


	36. The Suspect Had A Large Moustache. Also, A Big Stick That Shot Magic

I looked at my feet as I moved forward, focusing on taking one step, then the next.

I was very tired, but complaining was the last thing on my mind.

_This is all my fault._

I’d been negligent. I could’ve anticipated this. I could’ve done something sooner. And now? If something happened to those elves, I’d never forgive myself.

Because it was my fault.

…

Except it wasn’t.

I scrounged up my eyes. I couldn’t get rid of the guilt stomping on my chest. I knew, intellectually, that the Tevinter slavers were to blame. That even if we didn’t save all of them, assuming it’d already started, we’d be able to save a big group of elves. More than if I hadn’t been here. Hell, if we were lucky, we’d get there _before_ it all began.

And yet… I couldn’t get rid of it. The guilt, the sense of responsibility. These weren’t blank NPC’s anymore. These were Kallian’s friends and family. Living, breathing people. If I failed them, if I failed my friend…

I picked up the pace.

We were almost there. A week-long trip had been shortened to a five day march, and I could feel each saved hour in my bones. The road itself had been tense. I avoided Kallian like a highly infectious virus. Not that I needed to go out of my way too much, as she herself didn’t look for me once after I told her everything I knew about Denerim and the Alienage when I barged into her tent all those days ago.

I closed my eyes as I remembered how Kallian went from a sleepy daze to horror to the cold, calculative mask of someone who’d just gotten tunnel vision. Since then, she became precise and efficient, leaving no room for the emotional side of things. I knew the members of our group would either be understanding or simply wouldn’t care about the change in attitude, but it worried me. Emotion is vital in understanding the situation. The information it gives us cannot be replaced by logic. I understood that Kallian needed to close off her feelings to keep functioning and not be overwhelmed by worry for her people, but if she kept this up, she might miss something. So I figured I’d help, I’d be on the lookout and compensate for what she might miss. It soothed me, even if I knew Leliana could very well and would probably attempt to fill the gap herself.

But I’d be there too. It was the least I could do.

Kallian hadn’t been idle on the way. With the help of worldly people such as Leliana and Zevran, we summarised the slavers route out of Denerim. Most likely, they would leave from Denerim’s port, it being a less conspicuous place due to its large population. Not to mention, they had Loghain’s backing, making it easier to sneak out. From there, they’d sail to either Antiva or Rivain, making a pit stop before continuing all the way to Tevinter. If they sailed off, things would become a lot more complicated. The chances of securing a ship that could follow were slim. The chances of getting one that could withstand enemy fire were non-existent. We were dealing with _Tevinter_ salvers. Long range magic was worse than cannons. We needed to get to them before that. If the whole operation wasn’t currently in motion, we had a couple of preventive measures we could set in place. However, this scenario would bring its own set of difficulties. We couldn’t stay indefinitely; we had a country to save.

Regardless, our first objective was to sneak in, and assess the situation. We had two options: get in from the Market District or use the backdoor past the back alleys of Denerim. The former would give us the element of surprise but would make getting in more challenging, plus it would require more time. The backdoor would be less guarded, but there was a chance of running into the slavers, forcing a confrontation. In the end, Kallian decided to go for option number one, focusing on getting the lay of the land before acting. I disagreed. The back entrance was riskier, but it would permit us to fight a lot more openly if we had to. Plus, sneaking into the Alienage without being seen would be a job for the stealthy ones in the party, effectively dividing our forces. Big guys like Sten and Alistair wouldn’t make the cut. Scout was obviously out too; and asking Wynne to climb up the walls wasn’t even worth mentioning. That left all three rogues, Morrigan and me. And I knew at least _I_ tended to roll a natural 1 when it came to stealth.

Despite trying to make myself invisible during the whole trip, I dared to speak up about my misgivings. Well, I said as much to Kallian, in private. She shot me down. She was very logical about it, too. This was a rescue mission. By acting before gathering all the information we risked the slavers getting away; and coming back later, better prepared. Hence, our best course of action would be to get as close as possible, cutting off all known escape routes and taking them all out. I wanted to argue that if this was a rescue mission, our main focus should be on securing the hostages. Meaning getting every elf to safety, first and foremost, and **then** deal with stragglers. But hell if I said anything that would suggest I cared more about their safety than Kallian. And in the end, it was just my opinion. I wasn’t confident enough to insist my plan was better.

We entered Denerim in the afternoon. The city wasn’t Ferelden’s capital in name only. No soon had we gone in that I suffered an attack on the senses. The noise of hundreds of people hit me first. Then all sorts of smells, form mouth-watering meat to… something I couldn’t quiet place, but that my stomach instinctively rejected. And as soon as I rounded the corner, _bam_. People and colours and movement everywhere. Now, as I’ve said before, I’m a city girl. And this place had nothing on the cities in my world; but I think I’d gotten used to the little towns and nearly empty roads because the bustle and hustle did give me pause for a second. For the first time in a while, the desire to explore dazzled me like a neon sign.

Mmm… I missed the big city. But it would have to wait.

We decided we’d take refuge in brother Genitivi’s house. It was closest to the entrance we’d be using, and we needed to go retrieve the documents detailing Heaven’s location anyway. Plus, it was free.

The downside, of course, was the dead body. Two, after Kallian slashed fake Weylon’s neck.

It was brutal. Sweet, kind Kallian barely talked to the guy before killing him. I mean, I was the one who told her the outcomes all ended up with him attacking us if we pushed for answers but… Still, she went in, told him she knew he was from Haven and she _would_ get the research the owner of the house was doing and by the time the man reached behind him for his concealed knife, Kallian was already upon him, drawing one of _her_ knifes across his neck.

Okay, that’s it. I’m worried.

While Kallian and a few others went in to investigate the house, I took Wynne to the side.

“Have you noticed…”

“Kallian’s odd behaviour? Yes, I have”

Okay then, I wasn’t the only one.

“Do you think we should–”

“Do something about it? Yes, I do”

I gave her a look “Are you going to–”

“Finish all your sentences? Only if you keep making them so obvious, my dear” Wynne smiled at me, a twinkle in her eyes.

I scoffed a laugh. Somehow, I felt relieved at the easy banter I could still strike up with her. It meant she didn’t entirely blame me for what was happening.

“As a matter of fact, I feel _you_ should be the one to talk to her”

Full stop.

Now I really gave her a look.

“Lady, if you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly Kallian’s favourite person at the moment”

“Oh, I don’t know about that” Wynne smiled benevolently “You two are going through a rough time; it does not mean you do not care for one another, does it? Or are you saying you do not feel concern for her if you aren’t getting along?”

I shook my head “Of course not. Being angry with her doesn’t mean I don’t care. And… it’s not like I think she doesn’t care for me, just that it’s unlikely for her to listen to me right now. I just… wanna give her the time she needs. I can’t blame her for being angry at me” I added softly.

Wynne reached out and cupped my cheek in one of her smooth, wrinkly hands. I could feel a few callouses from her using staves through the years.

“I understand that you are afraid. But is it not a friend’s privilege to give us a kick when we go astray?”

And with that pearl of wisdom, she left to help clear the place.

I followed after her and found a way to make myself useful, all the time thinking about Wynne’s words. Not the mushy part about friendship; the part when she said I was afraid. She was right. I was afraid Kallian would reject me. More to the point, I was afraid she would reject me and that would mean the rest of the group would too. I mean, as far as I know –cause I never played through it myself- no one really makes much of a fuss if you turn on Alistair during the Landsmeet. Though it may be a game thing, like when Hawke’s companions don’t even blink if you execute Anders. In _real life_ , perhaps things wouldn’t be like that. Then again, we didn’t band together for shits and giggles. Everyone here had their own agenda, and circumstance and common goals brought us together.

The possibility of me getting kicked out was all too real. And _that_ scared the crap out of me. So no, I wouldn’t be taking to Kallian.

Fingers crossed that that decision won’t come back to bite me in the ass.

* * *

Denerim’s nightlife was nothing to sniff at. There were nearly as many people around as they were in the day. Glow-light enchantments provided more visibility than I expected. Additionally, the night-time businesses were abuzz with their costumers’ patronage.

I stood on an empty side street, leaning next to a wall, letting the shadows cover me. Alistair stood next to me, arms crossed, posture relaxed. Just two friends enjoying each other’s company with their giant war hound as far as anyone could tell. If I thought someone would recognize Al as a possible inheritor to the throne, I was in for a big surprise. I wasn’t expecting anyone to take out their phones and look him up, but it did always rub me the wrong way how the Warden party could walk all over Denerim without anyone giving them a second glance. I suppose that’s what I got for overestimating medieval media. No pictures of the secret royal bastard turned wanted Grey Warden around.

Maybe Wynne spoke to Kallian in the end because the plan changed a little. The three rogues went inside the Alienage. I’d been paying attention to their movements and couldn’t catch them at all. That I was actively looking for them and still wasn’t able to spot them bode well. That Alistair couldn’t either was even better. Not that the Alienage security was exactly tight, anyway.

Morrigan, Wynne and Sten -who’d been muttering his displeasure with the current situation for a while now, by the by- were posted in the back alleys, ready to signal the people inside and provide assistance should the slavers appear. Us, too, had a distress signal in the form of my _Spell Wisp_ , which I discovered could go up fairly high. As we wanted it to be visible without it being too conspicuous, my little light worked just fine as long as I didn’t move it around too much. I had no idea what Wynne and Morrigan planned to do, come to think of it. I’d have to ask latter.

We’d also sent a search party comprised of Leliana and Zevran to the docks. We needed to make sure the Tevinter slavers hadn’t already loaded up their cargo and were ready to sail. Whether they’d already shipped their first batch of elves or not… we didn’t really talk about it. If they had, there was nothing to be done. We only had time to worry about what we could change. Alas neither rogue found anything, which had us abandon that side of the city in favour of our current posts.

By the way, I got worried about Leliana and Zevran going about the city, each because of their own respective quests. I made the choice of talking to each of them in private before the mission began. First, I went to Leliana while she made arrangements to leave.

“Hey, got a second?”

“Of course!” she turned to me with a welcoming smile “What’s on your mind?”

I looked around and asked her to move to a more private spot and we stepped outside. Before I could say anything, she beat me to it.

“I think I know what this is about”

I doubted it.

She gave me a knowing look “You are worried about Kallian”

I opened my mouth to deny it.

“It’s alright, I understand. You feel ill at ease, since you have been so close up until know”

“Leli–”

“It shall pass. She is just a little tense at the moment. Leave it to me. As soon as this is all over, I’ll give her a little push in your direction. You’ll see, you’ll be back to the best of friends in no time” she said, smiling warmly.

“Leliana, that’s not– You really think we’re best friends…?” I shook my head once “No, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. It’s about Marjolaine”

Leliana’s whole demeanour changed in the blink of an eye “Oh? What about her?”

“There’s a small chance she’s here in the city”

Leliana visibly recoiled “What? Why?”

Her reaction surprised me. I don’t think I’d ever seen her so rattled “From what I understand, she got it into her head that you’ve spent the last few years plotting revenge on her”

Leliana gaped “But I’m not! **She** betrayed me! I’ve done nothing– how can she even think…?”

I grabbed her shoulders, making her look at me “The woman is bananas. I can’t even begin to tell you why she’d think that. Whether deep inside she feels guilty for betraying you or she’s just _that_ self-absorbed… I don’t know. Maybe she got targeted for betraying someone before, so she expects it to happen again”

Leliana gazed at me, her eyebrows furrowed with concern. Eventually, she sighed “Tell me what you know, please”

I nodded and let go of her shoulders in favour of holding her hand and giving her a reassuring squeeze. She squeezed back.

“From what I recall, there should be a random encounter while traveling. Bandits attack us; nothing new, except you notice these people are well trained. You would then learn that they’re assassins working for Marjolaine, and that she’s hiding somewhere in Denerim. You get the address from the leader and come here to confront her. What happens next really depends on what you choose to do”

Leliana frowned, deep in thought. After a while, I spoke again.

“I’m sorry” she glanced at me “For not saying anything earlier. I figured if the assassins hadn’t found us yet chances were Marjolaine didn’t know where we were, and from the story I know, other than sending her minions, she never comes looking for you but… well” I made a motion to encompass our current situation “You know”

“I know” she gave my hand another squeeze “thank you for telling me”

After that, I hugged Leliana and went looking for Zevran.

I found him as he came back from _dumping_ the bodies. Whew, there really is no way of putting it delicately, huh?

“Hey Zev, got a minute?”

“For you Bella? Always”

I dragged him to where Leliana and I had been talking, deeper into the residential area where few people mingled.

“What is this, privacy? I am liking this more and more” he grinned mischievously.

I gave an exaggerated sigh “If only. I actually want to talk about a potential run-in with the crows”

Zev raised an eyebrow, non-pulsed “Oh? And what do my fellow country-men want in Denerim?”

“Well, there’s this one guy who if I’m not mistaken, should’ve been around the market…”

“Master Ignacio, yes, I noticed the old fellow”

“Right. He’s not here for you nor the wardens. Actually, if we go talk to him, he might offer Kallian some work, but one way or the other, as far as I know, he should leave us alone”

“Mm, I’m sensing there’s more”

“You are so perceptive” flattery in the face of bad news couldn’t hurt, right? “I… am pretty sure it’s still early for this, but if you’re going to go around on your own, you should know. Someone else is, or, uh, will be, after you. So, er…”

Zevran chuckled “Bella Maya, as charming as I find your rambling, I’m afraid we are pressed for time. Come now, out with it”

Aw, geez “It’s your ex”

“I see. Mmm… since Rina is dead, that can only mean Taliesen will be paying me a visit”

I waited for him to say something more, but he just stared at me, an easy smile on his lips.

“And you’re… okay with that?”

“Well, it is to be expected. The Crows _had_ to send someone after I failed to kill our dear Wardens. It is just like them to choose my former lover for the task. If anything, it is good to know who I need to watch out for. Luckily, I know how my ‘ex’, as you put it, works quiet well”

“Oh” I blinked “Okay then. That’s… well that’s that”

Zevran gave me an exaggerated bow and turned to leave. After a moment’s hesitation, I grabbed his hand.

“Wait”

“Yes, Bella?”

I looked at his hand in mine. He wore his new leather gloves, which Kallian had gotten for him back at the Dalish camp. I found myself wishing I could give him a present as well. Maybe it was because I knew he’d been dealt a lousy lot in life, but I had this almost familial desire to take care of him.

“Thank you for going easy on me”

Zev gave a chuckle. I thought I detected a hint of awkwardness in it “Nothing to thank me for. In fact, it is me who should be thankful, I believe”

I studied his face to see if he was forcing himself to appear easy going and found nothing of the sort. Zevran was just _that_ nonchalant about the news. Mm… perhaps he already suspected Taliesen would come for him. Or perhaps he was just _that_ good at hiding his feelings.

I glanced at his face again.

Well, at least I could tell we were okay.

“You’re a pretty cool dude, you know that?”

Zevran looked tickled “I shall take that as a compliment”

I nodded, then pretended to hesitate “Zev, if we have some time after the rescue mission, could I talk to you about something? I need some advice”

“It would be my pleasure, Bella”

We’d see about that. People could only form significant relationships if they allowed themselves to be vulnerable in front of another. I wanted to talk to Zevran about the Alistair matter anyway, so two birds, yeah?

Of course, that was all before finding out Al and I would partner up for the stake out of the public entrance to the Alienage. Fortunately, he kept his silence and I followed suit, saving me from any awkward exchange. We hadn’t really talked much since the rose incident so…

“Maya can I ask you a question?”

He read my mind. No, I really worried he’d read my mind. It wouldn’t be the first time someone did that since coming here. Damn mind-reading skill. Which I wanted. Badly.

“Maya?”

Shoot, I took too long. Okay, be cool.

“Sure” Nailed it.

“I, well, I don’t know if we’ll have time after this, but there’s someone I want to visit here in Denerim. Do you… know who I’m talking about?”

Ah. I nodded “Goldanna” I couldn’t bring myself to say ‘your sister’.

“Yes” he nodded sagely, taking my knowledge of it in stride. Boy was learning.

“What about her?”

“I… wanted to ask, if you don’t mind… would you come with me?”

Full stop.

Wut.

“To meet her, I mean”

I know what you mean! Just… WHAT? Why would he even…?

“I… don’t mind, but why are you asking me?”

Alistair sighed “I’m just really nervous, so I thought it’d help to have someone along”

“No. I mean, why did you ask _me_ ”

Understanding dawned on him, then he grinned “Am I going off script? I take it this isn’t something I do in your _game_ ”

He sounded so pleased with himself “Kinda. You would usually ask Kal– well, your fellow Warden”

“Yes, well. My _fellow Warden_ has enough on her plate as is. And you did say you’d help me out back in the Brecilian Forest so…”

Oh, okay then. Payback time.

“That I did. Sure, I’ll come along if you’re fine with me”

He smiled at me again. Less smug and friendlier this time.

“Thanks. I’ll let you know when I’m ready”

He didn’t even ask me to tell him how the meeting would go. Atta boy.

Mm… I might have to talk to Zev sooner rather than later. And really think about what I would say to Alistair after the visit. It would be the only chance to harden him -pfft, _harden_ him. God sometimes I felt like a fifteen year old- and I wasn’t comfortable with making that decision for him outside the game. I’d have to be real careful not to mess–

“Maya”

Al’s tense tone snapped me out of my thought. I followed his gaze upwards. I almost missed it, but there was a ghost of a shimmer in the sky, as if the air had randomly condensed in a small portion of the sky before realising it was too warm for hail.

_Winter’s Grasp._

Scout whimpered and took off towards the back alleys. I followed after him, trying to make it seem like my dog just suddenly ran off and it was my duty to follow as the exasperated owner.

After a few turns, we ran into the rest of the party. We were the last ones to arrive.

“What’s going on?” Alistair voiced for both of us.

Kallian looked at us, her face pale even under the dim light.

“They took them. Seventeen of them. The salvers smuggled them yesterday”

I shook my head vehemently “No. We searched the port already. And we know no ship left yesterday except small fishing boats”

For the first time in a while, Kallian met my gaze as she spoke “Somewhere else. They’ve been hidden somewhere else in the city. One of my friends overheard them. They’ll move them to a ship and depart tomorrow”

If they sailed off, they’d be lost to us.

Shit.

* * *

From the information we got from Kallian’s friends, we knew the slavers would make their move come morning. We didn’t know how they intended to move seventeen people in plain daylight, but the Wardens were still wanted for treason; confronting them then would bring the whole Fereldan army on us. I don’t think any of us knew what Kallian would do if it came to that. We couldn’t afford to paint such a big target on our backs in the middle of enemy territory. And she **really** didn’t want to give up on her people. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do in her place.

We needed to find them tonight.

We had a few leads. Seventeen people weren’t easy to hold in one place, but it was unlikely they had too many random places around the city to store people for a few nights. In addition, we’d been told all the elves had left together, in wagons, so it stood to reason they’d been taken to the same place. We were therefore looking for a building big enough to house all of them. Probably near the port to make final transport easier. Not a residential area though; you can’t lug around over half a dozen unwilling captives and expect others not to notice. Especially if they were all attention-grabbing non-humans. We also had a physical description of the most notorious slavers. All in all, it wasn’t much to go on, but we’d have to make do.

We split up into search teams to cover more ground. Kallian and Sten; Alistair and Wynne; Scout and me. Morrigan would shapeshift to give us a literal bird’s-eye view. Zevran and Leliana each had their own ways of getting information, especially during night-time, so they would go alone.

“If you find a scarcely populated place with a bigger than normal amount of waste nearby, that could be a clue that they are close by. You should keep an eye out for such an event” said Leliana, right before she and Zevran bled out into the night.

Not a moment later, the rest of us were ready to go as well.

With only six hours until sunrise, the hunt for the missing elves began.


	37. My Timeli–! Oh, Fudge It

Scout and I spent two hours running around east Denerim. We found nothing and were attacked once. A group comprised of three bandits who saw the chick and the big dog and thought it was worth a shot. I didn’t want to get outed as a mage, so I tried to fight without my staff, currently hidden -ish- underneath my blue jacket, which had managed to endure the perils of the road all these months. It didn’t pose a problem. A little _Grease_ here and some Arcane Warrior super strength there and even I could take on simple thieves. Well, that and the giant war hound that took down two out of the three guys. By the by, thank the universe for _Rock Armor_.

But yeah, we found nothing note-worthy on our assigned area. As per the plan, we made our way back to brother Genitivi’s house to re-group; see if anyone’d had better luck.

On the way back, Scout began to whimper.

I reached over and patted his head.

“Hey, it’s alright, buddy. Maybe the others found someth– Scout? Scout!”

Stupid dog took off. I cursed under my breath and did my best to follow. Lucky for me, he ran mostly in a straight line. Had he taken too many turns; I would’ve lost him for sure. Not for nothing do I sport the title of the slowest member of the group, thank you very much.

But I knew that damn dog was smarter than any animal I’d ever met, and a fair number of humans, come to think of it. He wouldn’t have left me like that unless it was important. It wasn’t long before I was proven right.

I found Scout sitting next to Kallian, little excuse of a tail wagging as he looked up at his master. Kallian had her back to me. Sten, her partner for the search, hovered a step behind her. Our eyes met once I got close enough; seeing it was me, he turned back to whatever had Kallian’s attention without so much as a nod in my direction. Jerk.

I approached, wondering what they might’ve found. I don’t know what I expected to find, but it was certainly not a little elven boy, curled up with his back against the wall.

My brain had some trouble processing the image. Kallian was kneeling in front of the boy, talking to him in what I could only describe as a forcibly patient tone, her eyes focusing on him with single-minded intensity. She looked like she was one wrong word away from exploding.

For his part, the boy’s eyes kept swivelling from her to the mountain of a man behind her to the newly appeared small horse that was Scout. His big amber eyes found mine. I didn’t need to be trained in reading body language to tell he was scared out of his mind.

I looked back at my companions. What were they doing? Had they really not noticed the mental state of this child? I admit I didn’t expect much from Sten; even if he did read the situation, it didn’t mean he’d do something about it. And no matter how clever, Scout was still a dog; and I mainly point that out because I have no idea what goes on in his head, because he might be surprisingly good at reading the room. But Kallian? What the hell was she doing grilling a child like this…?

Oh, of course. The kid must know something. Maybe he saw the slavers and followed or was taken captive and managed to escape or…

In that moment Kallian reached for the kid. I saw him flinch, as if afraid she’d strike him.

“Stop”

Hah, I’ve had enough.

Kallian turned to me, but her hand didn’t stop its course. However, it was enough for the quick little elf, who darted away from her in a mad shot at freedom.

But of course, Kallian wasn’t alone. Scout, understanding enough of his master’s wants, blocked the boy with his big body, growling a warning.

I snapped “Scout stop!”

I obviously wasn’t his owner, but whether it was thanks to the tone, or all the treats I’d snuck him in the past, he listened to me, dropping his head and whining.

Kallian glared at me “Don’t yell at my dog”

I ignored her and closed the distance between me and Scout.

“Back off a little, okay?” I told Scout; my tone gentler than before “You’re scaring him”

Scout moved at my probing, getting closer to Kallian, who was still glaring daggers at me. Really, had she not been as focused on us, she might have noticed the child frozen in fear in front of me, who’d fallen backwards when the war hound threatened him.

In all fairness, I don’t think Scout would’ve attacked him. But the child did not know that.

The kid raised his head when I knelt in front of him. I saw newly shed tears ran down his face and my heart broke.

Oh God, what do I do?

I couldn’t touch him; he’d recoil. Just like he’d done with Kallian.

I liked children well enough, but I was far from being good at managing them. Even my patients were mainly adults, with a teenager here and there. I wracked my brain.

_Who do I know that’s good with children?_

A familiar face flashed in my mind’s eye. My mother. My mother was good with children.

_What would my mom do?_

I looked at the boy again, paying more attention to his current condition than before. He was still shivering, yes, but perhaps it wasn’t all due to fear. Perhaps he was cold. I tried to gauge his clothing; from what I could see in the dark, it was far too thin for this time of the night. Northern Ferelden was cold.

I took of my jacket slowly, so as to not startle him, and very gently laid it over him.

“It’s cold, isn’t it” I said softly.

The child didn’t respond and didn’t move. He just kept looking at me with those big eyes of his.

My mom would’ve seen to his needs first. Make them feel safe by taking care of what they need right now.

_Let’s see, what else does he need?_

My eyes drifted up and I saw we were all still huddled together around him.

“Would you guys step back, please? Give him some space”

Nobody moved. Shit.

I kept my gaze even, looking at each of them in turn and finally settling on Kallian. If she listened to me, the others would follow.

“We don’t have time for this” she managed to get out.

There were so many things I wanted to say to that.

“You’re right. Let’s go back to what you were trying before. I’m sure you’d have scared him into talking eventually”

I regretted my harsh tone as soon as I said it. Damn, was I too hard on someone on the verge of losing it?

I was already thinking on what else to say when Kallian spat out a ‘fine’ and retreated a couple of steps back. Not as much as I’d have liked, but I didn’t want to push my luck.

I went back to the boy. What else…?

Now that the others weren’t blocking the light, I could see him more clearly. I could see a dark spot peeking from the loose collar of his shirt. My eyes roamed over him critically, one of his arms was exposed due to the hem ridding and I caught another dark spot. Had he not been clutching onto my jacket with his little hands as if to absorb its warmth I wouldn’t have seen it. How many more bruises that I couldn’t see did he have? My blood turned to ice.

Shit.

He was so small, too. He was, what? Six?

Shit.

Being very careful to control my expression, I put a hand behind my back and equipped two bottles from my inventory. I offered the boy one of them.

“You must be thirsty” I told him “Have some water. I promise its clean”

He looked at the water bottle in my hand, making no attempt to take it.

After a second, I moved from my crouching position -making the poor kid flinch- and crossed my legs to get comfortable. This could take a while.

I could feel Kallian’s and Sten’s impatient glances. But just when I thought they might’ve reached their limit, the boy moved.

Tentatively, one of his little hands reached out to me, grabbing the half full bottle with some difficulty. I gave him a small smile as he brought it to his lips and drank. After he gulped down the first mouthful, it was like his previous reservation was blown away. He drank greedily, as if it was his first taste of water in days. Oh, wait, was he dehydrated? In that case he really shouldn’t–

The boy chocked and spurted water, breaking into a coughing fit. My hand automatically went to his back, patting him.

“Easy, it’s okay, you just drank too fast…”

At my words, the boy froze again and turned to face me. I’d closed the distance between us and was now right next to him. I quickly backed up, bringing my hands to where he could see them “I’m sorry”

The kid didn’t say anything, so I mentally shrugged and went for the second bottle.

“This is a poultice. It’ll help with your wounds. Just take a bit and spread it over it. Go on, try it” I explained. And I know, I could just tell him to drink it, but that thing tasted foul, and he’d already been through enough tonight. Yuck.

I had to wait a couple more minutes, but he eventually accepted my offer and I tipped the bottle and poured some of the liquid on his extended hand. He brought it up to his eyes and I saw the exact moment the poultice did its job as his eyes got wider and wider. With a marvelled look, he began rubbing his hands together, trying to get the small cuts on the other hand.

“More?”

He turned to me; his hands cupped together to receive more miracle juice. I complied, smiling to myself.

“Kid, can you tell me your name?” I asked after a while, shaking him out of his trance as he stared at where there used to be a bruise on his forearm.

My words snapped him out of his trance, and he gave me a suspicious look, as if wondering what I could possibly want with his name.

“I can keep calling you ‘kid’, if you want” I offered.

He thought about it a bit more before opening his mouth and letting out a murmur.

“What was that?” I asked.

“…Sylvan” He repeated, so softly I almost missed it again.

…

What, like the moving trees? Mm… actually, after the initial gut-jerking reaction, it wasn’t bad.

I smiled at him “I’m Maya”

Of course, he didn’t answer.

“I’m sorry. You must be hungry too, but I don’t have anything to eat right now… but if you want, I’ll take you to the house we’re staying at. I’m sure I have some bread and cheese somewhere. How does that sound?”

At my words, Sylvan’s stomach growled.

I chuckled and made to stand, moving slowly so as to not catch him by surprise. He still seemed wary but didn’t flinch this time.

“How about it? Do you–?”

“ _Parshaara_ ”

Suddenly, Sten crossed the distance between himself and us in three long strides, looming over the kid with the full advantage of his qunari hight.

“I’ve had enough of your excessive meandering. This cause is already far from our goal of defeating the Archdemon. I see no benefit in staying here any longer–”

I was on my feet and in his face before he could finish his sentence, putting myself between him and the kid “Back off”

Sten growled at the interruption.

Jesus Christ, has he always been this tall?

“You are perpetuating an already dubious task. Let us get what we need from elf and be on our way”

Holy fudge, he was scary. Apparently, _Combat Tactics_ didn’t think my life was in danger yet. Joy.

It took everything I had to hold his gaze “Back. OFF”

I began to stack up my sustainables as he stared me down. A single step and he’d have me right within reach. From the periphery of my eye, I saw his foot come up and tensed.

“That’s enough”

I turned to look at Kallian, _the_ Warden herself, who’d managed to reach us without either of us even noticing. I had a moment of panic that she’d take Sten’s side even with all the bullshit he’d been spouting. But she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at Sten.

“Sten, ease off, we’ll get what we need. Give her more time”

“Oh? Were we not in a hurry? I ask your pardon, I did not think a mission of such vital importance in stopping the Blight should be further delayed” he said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

Kallian scowled at him “Do not argue with me right now, Sten”

The qunari returned her scowl, unfazed “I will not simply follow as you insist on this useless endeavour”

“And what will you do about it?” Kallian’s voice had a dangerous edge. So much so, I actually got worried for Sten. Just a little.

By the way, what was up with this development? It was kinda like that scene from when you take Sten to Haven and he questions you and eventually could fight the Warden for leadership.

“I am taking command”

Oh nevermind. It’s exactly like that scene.

“Defend yourself, Warden”

Oh, shoot.

I quickly got out of the way, grabbing Sylvan and taking him with me without caring about invading his personal space. So sorry kid.

Sten’s hand disappeared behind his head, only to blink back into existence with Asala securely in his grasp. Sword at the ready, he charged Kallian. Now, while he did pull out his weapon with practised ease, he was still slower than Kallian. This meant she was dancing away from his strike zone way before the huge sword became an issue. Before I knew it, Kallian got behind him, slashing at his back with one of her twin knifes. Sten grunted in a way that told me she’d found a whole in his armor, but obviously it wasn’t enough, because the qunari turned around faster than his big built should allow and swung his sword in a wide arc. Kallian jumped back, avoiding most of the attack, but I could see a small drop of blood making its way down her forearm. I looked at Sten and noticed a tiny pool of blood at his feet. They stood there, facing each other, anticipating their opponents next move.

Yikes.

I felt trembling in my arms and looked down to see Sylvan, eyes wide and glued to the fight. I rubbed his back in what I hoped was a comforting manner but stopped once I heard him hiss. I considered hugging him to myself to keep him from watching, but worried he might feel that was more dangerous, robbing him of the possibility of being visually aware of his surroundings.

Instead I said “Don’t worry, Kallian’s got this” his gaze shifted to me, somewhat startled. I grinned at him “And if it seems like she’ll lose, I’ll help. We will protect you as long as we’re here, I promise”

Whether he believed me in that moment or not, I’ll never know, for at that moment the clash of steel against stone made both of our heads turn so fast I got worried I might get whiplash.

Sten had charged at Kallian again, hitting the floor where she stood. They continued in this manner for a few more rounds. He mainly attacking with powerful swings; she mostly evading, wicked fast. But while Sten managed to get a few lucky shots, Kallian kept making small cuts here and there without fail. That might make it sound like a lot of time passed, but in reality, it all happened fairly quickly. It wasn’t more than a few minutes before Sten was partially covered in blood from all the small wounds Kallian had been making. Eventually, even I could tell Sten’s movements had become slower.

Kallian couldn’t beat Sten in a face to face confrontation, so she chose to bleed him out. Clever. Also, hella scary.

Eventually, Sten made a mistake, letting Kallian close in enough to let her left dagger rest against his neck.

“ _Yield_ ” she commanded.

Sten knew, just as I did, that Kallian laced her left knife with poison.

“I was wrong” he said eventually “You are strong enough. I shall continue to follow your lead”

“If you pull something like this again, I _will_ kill you”

Sten nodded easily, probably giving Kallian something like a +5 approval for that last line.

Kallian sheathed her weapons, standing tall in her victory like the badass she was.

Well, that was bloody and terrifying.

But _man_ was it also one of the coolest wins I’ve ever seen.

Then she turned her icy green eyes on us. Oh boy.

“Sylvan” she called. The boy stiffened, still kneeling next to me. I admit, I was still a little wary, but what she said next put my mind at ease.

“I’m sorry”

Kallian’s face went from stone cold killer to guilty child in 0.1 seconds. She bashfully turned her gaze down as she continued speaking “I was– **am** , very concerned about what happened to the others, and I didn’t consider what you went through. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you”

Sylvan didn’t say anything, but he’d stopped shivering and was looking straight at Kallian.

“I’m really sorry” she continued after a heartbeat “but I need to know where they are. Would you tell me, please? After that, maybe Maya can take you to get something to eat and get the rest of your wounds treated…?” she left the last part hanging and looked at me. So, I wouldn’t be in the fight? Well, I didn’t really mind. At my nod, she went on “Does that sound fair?”

It sounded like a fair deal to me. And obviously, it did to Sylvan too. Maybe it was because he found an exchange less suspicious than blind kindness, but shortly after, I found myself grumpily healing Sten as Sylvan gave directions to Kallian on where to find the warehouse the slavers were keeping the elves at.

“My thanks” said Sten after I was done.

“Yeah yeah”

“You are irritated. At me” he pointed out.

I shrugged “I don’t agree with what you just did”

Sten scoffed and I gave him look.

“I wanted to get the information we needed without further scarring that child, and you came in between me and that objective. So, yes, I’m angry at you”

“Your objective is wrong. We do not have the leisure to prioritize an unknown child’s wellbeing over our mission”

“There are two instances in which anger is justified” I began “The first is when we are being attacked; it acts as a mechanism with which we defend ourselves. The second is when an important goal is being blocked” I looked down on him, possible thanks to him sitting down “You don’t have to agree with what _I_ consider to be an important goal. You just have to accept that you stood in the way of something I wanted to accomplish, and now I’m angry at you”

I had no wish to keep talking to him, nor did I care if he understood the point I was trying to make or not. I turned around to pick up my charge, exchanging an awkward nod with Kallian -progress, I tell you- and left together with Sylvan towards brother Genitivi’s house.

Much as I trusted all three of them to be stronger than most people they’d meet at the warehouse, they would likely be annoyingly outnumbered. I needed to send back up fast.


	38. I Cannot Catch A Break

I sat with Sylvan on brother Genitivi’s dining table. The boy had found out the hard way that eating and drinking too fast would only cause him to regurgitate his hard-earned food. I drank my green tea -which I’d stolen from the good brother’s pantry- as I watched him from over the rim of my cup. My heart squeezed painfully at the sight of Sylvan marveling at the taste of his sandwich. Even if I’d grilled it with a little help from _Flaming Weapons_ , a chunk of cheese on hard bread didn’t deserve such amazement.

We’d hightailed it straight to Genitivi’s house after parting with Kallian, Sten and Scout to find almost everyone else waiting for us. I summarized what happened and gave them directions to the slaver’s hideout and off they went, with Morrigan promising -after some cajoling- to look for Alistair and Wynne, who hadn’t made it back yet, on the way there. Having been left alone with the kid, I proceeded to offer him treatment for whatever injuries he might have. After the obvious effects of the miracle juice he’d seen earlier, it was an easy sell. I also offered, tentatively, to heal him with, well, _Heal_. Surprisingly, he agreed without fuss, allowing me to literally work my magic.

It is a show of my 28 points in _Willpower_ that I didn’t wept right there.

My magic found a few new, minor wounds, but also older injuries that hadn’t healed quiet right. I found one on his back that felt so wrong I impulsively asked him to take off his shirt. He recoiled at that, of course, and I apologized for my blunder, assuring him I could work around it. I got to work again, only for his little hand to grasp at the back of his shirt a moment later, pulling at it enough to reveal his back without taking his shirt off.

There was a large, angry red gash in the middle of his back. As if someone had hit him with a pointy branch. The edges of the wound were covered by thick, yellowish pus, and I could feel heat radiating from it even with my hand simply hovering over it.

As I stared dumbly at Sylvan’s small back, his whisper of a voice reached my stunned brain.

“…it hurts”

Two powerful emotions fought within me. Utter sadness, at what this boy had endured, and point blanc _fury_ at whoever had done this. I clenched my hands into fists, nails digging into my palms, teeth biting the inside of my mouth in an attempt not to scream my outrage. With effort, I blinked the sting out of my eyes. Even in this state of mind, I knew yelling at this unfair world or bawling my eyes out wouldn’t help Sylvan now.

I turned back to the wound and began the healing process. It took a bit, but I managed to heal the infection and close the wound.

And now he was eating happily, pain-free after who knows how long ago.

I tried to get him to engage in small talk in between bites. He didn’t really say much, but I managed to gleam a few key details.

He was 9 years old. He thought. He wasn’t sure anymore, but he remembered the Vhenadahl in the middle of the Alienage changing its leaves twice since he was told he was 7. I was taken aback because I’d put him at 6 years old. Were all elven kids this… slight? Or was it because of malnourishment? Maybe it was both.

It also begged the question, what about his parents? Dead. Both of them, apparently. He’d been living on his own for the last two years, surviving on what little food the people in the Alienage could spare him. His home, where he used to live with his parents, now stood empty, save for him.

I’d have to talk to Kallian after this was over. I hoped someone in the Alienage would take care of him, or at least check on him once in a while; to make sure he was alright. Come to think of it, it’d be nice if he became a mage. At least in the Tower he’d be well fed… then again, that was in exchange of very limited freedom and the possibility of encountering some nasty Templars. Not to mention, the Alienage Orphanage was literally haunted by demons. A mage would no doubt attract them, and if he got possessed like Connor did back in Redcliffe, I suspected mobilizing a bunch of mages and investing a ton of Lyrium in getting it out of him wouldn’t be an option…

I decided he’d be better off not being a mage.

I opened my mouth to ask him something else when a sharp sound pierced my brain. Startled, I concentrated and found three hostile creatures within my radar-zone. Three humans approached the house, fast and steady. They were aiming for us.

Shit.

“Sylvan, hide”

The little elf looked at me with wide eyes.

I ushered him into the study and in the corner between two bookshelves, urging him to be quiet and stay put while I dealt with some uninvited guests.

I went back to the main area after grabbing some poultices and Lyrium potions and quickly equipping my Archon Robes, Leather boots, Ashen Gloves and the stupid Enchanter’s Cowl. And of course, my Oak Branch at hand.

_Grease. Glyph of Repulsion_

I casted my trap near the entrance and took a swig of a Lyrium potion as I tried to come up with a strategy while I waited for the hostiles to reach me.

What did I know?

_You excel at the skills that allow you to survive in the wilderness. You can now detect nearby creatures of up to two levels higher than your own level, revealing the subtype of creature and its level. This skill also grants a small bonus to nature resistance._

Reaching level 12 allowed me to put an extra point in _Survival_. This meant I could tell one of the mages was stronger than me, while the other two were one level below me and at my own level each. I expected them to be Tevinter mages -for obvious reasons- and wasn’t very optimistic about beating all three of them. I knew for a fact I’d been able to detect half of my companions in my radar, meaning I wasn’t too far behind them, no doubt thanks to my cheat ability, and for whatever reason - _cough, game logic, cough_ \- each of them was usually able to deal with several assailants at once. Problem was, what I made up for with cheats, I lost in actual combat experience.

Not good.

Also, if they knew _Mana Clash_ , I was toast. Hopefully they hadn’t realized I was a mage. I’d been careful with the use of my magic since coming into the city, and if they’d seen me fighting the bandits with Scout while we patrolled, they’d have no reason to believe me to be a mage, and would have no reason to send someone to deal with a magic user either.

It didn’t really make me feel better.

Dear God, PLEASE don’t let there be a fourth one I can’t feel.

In my mind, the mages got closer.

_Rock Armor. Combat Magic. Spell Wisp._

120mp gone. A meager 136mp left. It would have to do.

I took a calming breath and waited.

The two windows in the main area shone brightly before bursting open. I shielded myself from the broken glass. A second later, two hooded figures entered the hall.

And slipped.

If I wasn’t in mortal danger, I’d have laughed at the would-be assassins landing on their faces after such a dramatic entrance. Mages don’t usually have much in the way of physical resistance, which was the check they needed to pass so as to not fall on my greasy trap.

As it was, I didn’t have time to laugh. I turned around and ran into the kitchen even as I looked back to cast.

“ _Glyph of Paralysis_!”

I took cover behind the kitchen wall, barely avoiding the blue mist that signaled _Paralysis Explosion_ taking effect. I waited until the spell dissipated before peering over.

One of the mages got stuck in the middle of standing back up. The other one lay face down in the grease. Both paralyzed.

I couldn’t miss my chance.

I approached, staff on hand, my intent clear as the mage that could see me watched me with resent and fear.

I couldn’t find my knife before; I’d have to do this the messy way.

_Walking Bomb_

The vint’s expression remained paralyzed as he got hit by the deadly spell. Of course, that wasn’t enough to kill him. I needed something extra if I wanted him to explode and damage the other guy at his feet.

Nausea had me losing a precious second as I convinced myself this was the only way. I wasn’t strong enough to keep them incapacitated.

I got in position so both mages lay on my strike zone. Then stopped.

I couldn’t cast _Flame Blast._ The grease would make the whole place light up like a bonfire.

I began hitting him with the Oak Branch’s basic nature attack as I looked around, trying to find something sharp. There was nothing in plain sight. Of course, everyone had taken their weapons with them. Dammit, of all the times to lose my freaking knife–!

My radar beeped and I froze. Shit. The third mage.

I looked up just in time to get a blast of magic in the face.

I stumbled back. Someone hit me with an _Arcane Bolt_.

Ouch.

I shook my head to get rid of the blurriness in my eyes. I’d lost a bit of health.

The newcomer saw I was still standing and casted again, growling something I didn’t get. I tried to avoid, but I could tell the spell took by the symbol lighting up beneath my feet.

I tsked and sent a spell of my own her way.

_Arcane Bolt!_

The spell flew from the tip of my staff… and landed somewhere behind the mage.

What the–?

The mage spoke with an accent that sounded Greek to my ignorant ears “Never seen a _Misdirection Hex_ , have you?”

Misdirection– shit.

The woman laughed and slowly approached. She obviously thought the battle was over. I didn’t know how long the hex lasted, but I was pretty sure my _Paralysis Explosion_ would last even less.

I gripped my staff.

Fine.

I launched myself at the nearest frozen mage, the one who’d been standing when he got paralyzed. His eyes went wide as the woman gasped, half surprised, half annoyed at the crazy mage who ran to her companion, swinging her staff like a moron–

And braining the man so hard, I broke his neck.

There was a precious second in which the woman didn’t move, enough for _Paralysis Explosion_ to lose its effect and for the man lying down to raise his head.

_Crack!_

I thwacked him in the back of the head with all of my considerable strength. Blood pooled beneath him, mixing with the grease still on the floor.

I shuddered.

The remaining mage screamed in outrage, sending a barrage of attacks my way. From my position, I couldn’t dodge most of them, taking hit after hit. I tried to fire at her as well, but all of my attacks went wide, hitting everywhere but at the mage herself, even when I tried purposely missing to see if I managed to get a lucky shot.

I didn’t.

And I couldn’t keep taking hits like this. My Arcane Warrior spells did a great job at offsetting the damage, but there was a limit to how much I could take.

I tried to put a _Force Field_ on myself, and somehow missed.

_This hex is so fucking dumb._

Annoyed and unwilling to spend any more mana uselessly, I mentally threw my hands up and closed in on the mage, even as she kept casting my way.

How was I still tanking this?

The answer came from the part of my brain that kept problem solving even under duress, courtesy of _Combat Tactics_. I was able to take so many hits because of _Aura of Might_. The second level spell form the Arcane Warrior branch, which gave me a nice defense bonus. I’d been lucky; most of the hits I didn’t even need to tank, they didn’t even graze me.

Until one did. One that did enough damage to slam me against the wall on the other side of the room. I’ve never been electrocuted before. What do ya know? It fucking _hurts_.

When the barrage of lightning bolts hit me, all my muscles contracted and spasmed as the pain ripped through my body. I hit the wall with a loud thud, crumbling unceremoniously to the ground. Even as my vision swam, I could make out the hex beneath me blinking out of existence. The smell of burnt flesh hit me.

In the silence that followed, I laid there, twitching. I’d managed to hold on to my staff, perhaps being unable to let go due to the electricity, but now it laid in my prone fingers, which were unable to properly hold onto it.

The sound of steps approaching had me looking up, blinking rapidly in an attempt to clear my vision. Cold grey eyes met mine.

She spoke through gritted teeth “You killed them”

Were they her friends? I suppose that was possible. Just because they were the enemy and tried to harm us didn’t mean they weren’t people too. People who cared for each other.

She seemed to be expecting an answer. I swallowed, trying to get my dry throat to work “Y–you… star–ted… it” I got out.

“We just wanted the elf!” she screamed, loud enough to hurt my ears “We would have left you alone!”

Right. They come in spell-blazing and she expects me to believe they were willing to talk. And even if they had…

My lips trembled as I attempted to smirk “You don’t… know… anything”

The mage scowled “What do you mean? Do not speak in riddles!”

I scoffed, then looked down at my staff, still in my useless hand “Do you… know… what th–this is?”

Her face screwed up “What?”

“S’not… wood. Looks like… it. But… s’ ver–idium. Me–tal”

“So what?”

“See, I… am very strong”

I gripped my staff and surged forward, pushing the tip of the Oak Branch into her belly. The woman gasped; eyes wild as she processed what’d just happened.

Blood sputtered from her lips. But even then, she managed to focus enough to hold my icy blue eyes with her own, filled with hate.

I didn’t look away as I sent a blast of magic through my staff, killing her instantly. The Oak Branch might not be as pointy as the Lighting Rod, but it did the trick.

I let her fall to the ground, sans my staff, and leaned back.

Jesus.

I took a moment to breath before looking back at the mage, dead on the floor. Her gunmetal eyes were still open, still filled with loathing for her killer.

And I couldn’t bring myself to care. In fact, I made the conscious decision to pat myself on the back. This people came to us, to **attack us**. I’d done my best to defend myself and the kid under extremely difficult circumstances and somehow pulled it off. Looking back, I couldn’t help but be quite impressed with myself. In the aftermath of the electric shock I received, I’d managed to quickly _Heal_ myself once, the blue shimmering mist that accompanied it getting camouflaged by the remaining electricity and dust from my landing. Afterwards, I’d kept talking nonsense while healing myself again, this time with the more subtle version Wynne taught me. It was amazing what only two healing spells could do. I’d had to let go of _Spell Wisp_ , but even then, it’d been strong enough to get me back on my feet.

Still, I wasn’t yet fully healed. I let go of my other sustainables and closed my eyes, concentrating on finishing the healing process with what little mana I had left.

Suddenly terrible coldness swept over me. Like getting hit with ice water, only a thousand times worse. I collapsed again, feeling drained. Empty. The glove on my right hand had come off a little, allowing me to see the tattoo of the golden ring that housed my health and mana bars. The blue line was gone.

I managed to move my head enough to see a man slowly approaching. It was the one who’d been lying down on the grease, the one I’d whacked on the back of the head before he even had the chance to stand. He was still alive. Barely, but enough to be able to cast a spell on me. Perhaps he was even a healer, and did the same thing I did, curing himself while I fought his companion. Leaving enough mana to cast a spell large enough to knock me out in one hit.

 _Mana Clash_.

My vision blurred with unshed tears. How was it that I managed to survive all that only for this to happen? I was done, dammit. And then the guy who was supposed to be dead uses the worst spell he could use on me. I briefly wondered if the grey-eyed mage thought the same thing when I killed her.

Shit. I didn’t want to die.

The man was upon me, his own staff raised high to deliver the same kind of punishment I dealt on them. I was out of mana and couldn’t move. Despair tore a sob from my chest, and I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall, unbidden.

No, no, no, no _. Please…_

_NO!_

The strike never came. Instead, I opened my eyes just in time to see the staff that’d been threatening me fall to the ground, followed by the man himself.

I looked up and was greeted by a big pair of warm brown eyes in a small face.

Sylvan dropped something on the ground and knelt beside me, his hands hovering over me like he didn’t know how to help.

With difficulty, I gestured at the shelf where I’d hidden a few poultices and potions before the fight. Sylvan got the message.

_That’s right little buddy. Go get some miracle juice._

My eyes found the object he’d dropped.

 _Ah, he’d found my dagger_.

Sylvan came back and helped me drink both types of potions. As my mana replenished itself, the coldness ebbed away, warmth returning to my limbs, allowing me to move once again.

I felt immensely better, but with how I’d been just a minute ago, that wasn’t saying much. I still wanted badly to pass out.

I looked at Sylvan to thank him and ask him to help me stand when I got a good look at him. He was shivering, crying buckets and covered in blood.

And then it hit me. This little boy had just killed a man. He’d done that, in order to safe my life.

“Oh”

I reached out and hugged him, rubbing the back of his head as I murmured reassurances. I told him how grateful I was. That he’d saved my life. That he’d been so brave, and I was so sorry he’d had to be.

The boy cried in my arms, clutching my charred robe desperately.

And like that, exhaustion finally caught up to both of us, and we fell asleep.

When the party members came back, they found us curled up together, with three dead bodies and a lot of grease surrounding us.

* * *

I watched as Sylvan played with Scout outside Genitivi’s house. I had to smile when I saw how mindful he was of his new set of clothes, one much more suited for Denerim’s cold weather.

After Kallian and the others got back, they’d rush Wynne to us, and I’d woken up to the cool sensation of being healed. Their faces ranged from worry to pure bewilderment. Then shock as I explained how the fight went down and Sylvan saving my life at the last second.

I didn’t give them time to digest as I remembered to ask how _their_ mission had gone. I learned they’d been successful, and that most of the elves where unharmed, if tired and scared. They’d managed to usher some of them back into the Alienage, while the others would wait in the same warehouse where they’d been found and trickle back a few at a time, so as to not rouse suspicion. I thought it was just cruel to have them holed up in the same place they’d been held hostage, but I suppose the lack of Tevinter guards made for a vast improvement.

I also learned this was the second shipment. Several elves who’d been taken from the Alienage by nobles beforehand had comprised the first batch and were already gone. Their families in the Alienage hadn’t known what became of them and now they would. I could only speak for myself, but perhaps it would’ve been a mercy to remain ignorant this time. I’m ashamed to admit the first thought that came to mind was whether Kallian would blame me for this.

However, that would have to be a problem for the tomorrow’s Maya. Having stayed up most of the night -can’t believe it hasn’t been even a day since we reached Denerim- all of us agreed we deserved some rest. In a gesture that took me by surprise, Kallian offered me the bed, to share with Sylvan, who’d woken up to hear the news of my companion’s success before falling back to sleep, his small body exhausted from the day’s events. I was about to turn her down when I thought better of it. To hell with consideration. I was tired and a bed was too good to pass up. So, I ended up sharing the bed with both Sylvan and Wynne, who’d been deemed old enough to warrant a bed. The rest set up their sleeping rolls either in the kitchen or in the bedroom with us; except for Morrigan, who turned into a cat and went to sleep somewhere else. Later, I saw Kallian and Leliana disappear, which made me think I’d found at least one of her motivations in yielding the bed to us.

When I woke up, almost everyone was up and about -and there were no dead bodies in the house, thank fudge-. I washed up with the water someone had kindly replenished after we’d ran out last night, when Wynne had ordered all of us to be decently clean before going to bed, to prevent infection. Of course, I didn’t complain.

Hygiene before anything, kids.

While Kallian took some of the party to check on the elves and finish looting whatever the slavers had left behind, I grabbed Sylvan and took him to buy some clothes. I scowled at anyone who looked at me weird -I really had no patience left today- and had Sylvan pick something he liked. It took some convincing that I was really going to buy him clothes, but once he believed me, he excitedly chose the warmest set he could find -which wasn’t the prettiest, to say the least- and hugged them to himself as soon as I paid the owner; as if worried someone might try to take them away.

I smiled slightly at the sight. The clothes were cheap, and other than the obvious use, I’d simply wanted to take his mind off of yesterday’s events. The kid seemed fine, but trauma didn’t usually show its ugly head until about a month after the incident, when the brain failed at processing whatever had happened. I’d have to talk to him about it at some point. With any luck, his way of life would make the situation seem more normal than what I was used to and he wouldn’t develop PTSD.

…I’ve said this before, but damn this shitty world.

We went back to the house, were he disappeared somewhere to change. Meanwhile, I decided I needed to do something about the chaos in the main area of the house, and got to cleaning the mess I’d made, recruiting Leliana and Zevran to help when they came back from their information gathering. It didn’t take long after that, and with nothing better to do, we simply sat down, enjoying a well-deserved break.

“I think I’ll go see how Kallian is doing. Will the two of you stay here?” Leliana asked after a while.

“My dear Leliana, I am sure you will not need my assistance in this. As a matter of fact, you’d be better off without me. I think I may make the elves nervous” he smiled, showing all his pearly whites.

Leliana gave him a look, then sighed, relenting.

Oh boy. Zevran, what did you do last night?

“And you, Maya? Will you stay here with Sylvan?”

The kid was still playing around with Scout. I was sure the dog made for a good bodyguard, but there was something bothering me about Sylvan and the Alienage elves, and I wanted to really think about what I’d say before I saw them.

“Yeah, I’ll stay. Shout if something happens”

She raised an eyebrow “From the other side of the city?”

“Shout loudly”

The bard gave me a bemused smile and parted, leaving me in the brother’s house with the elven kid, the war-dog and the assassin.

Now there’s a sentence I’d never thought I’d say.

“Just the two of us now, Bella” Zevran said.

I pointed at the two playing outside, clearly visible through the hole where the window should’ve been.

“They both have enough sense not to interrupt, I’m sure. And if memory serves, you’ve been wanting to talk to me about something since yesterday, yes? I have to admit, curiosity has been eating at me”

“Ah, that” I hesitated for a moment, but shook it off “How about we walk and talk?” I didn’t think I could stay still while talking about it, anyway.

Zev agreed and we walked along the road where Genitivi’s house was located. It was the same road where the Wonders of Thedas sold its overprized stock. Mmm… I’d have to check it out later. Overprized they were, but man were their wares good. Still, we didn’t go far, so as to not lose sight of Sylvan and Scout.

“So…” I began.

“Yes?”

Tsk. To hell with it “I like Alistair” I felt my face heat up and added “I think”

Zevran fell silent for a blessed moment before letting out a boisterous laughter “Indeed! Why, that love could bloom even in these strained times! Surely a blessing from Andraste herself”

Something in the way he said it rubbed me the wrong way.

…hang on “You knew?”

Zevran smirked at me.

I facepalmed. Unbelievable “Since when?”

“Oh, a few gestures here and there. A few lingering glances. The usual”

I made a face and he laughed at me. Again.

“Quiet, you”

“Are you sure? I had thought you needed my advice on something”

Damn him, I did. I took a breath and faced him, letting him see how worried I was about the whole thing “Zevran I am tired. And I’m gonna be even more so when this is all over and I don’t want any more unnecessary drama. What do I do? Should I just ask him out? Do you think he might be… you know… willing?”

Zevran shook his head, still amused “Ah Bella, I really don’t know why you thought I was the right person to ask. Are you so starved of conversation partners?”

I shrugged “Why not? You are observant and impartial in the matter. And you’re also my friend. You’ll help, right?”

He didn’t answer and I waited. He wouldn’t turn me down, would he?

I was beginning to get nervous when he spoke “You play an unusual game Bella”

I thought about it “Maybe because it isn’t as much of a game as the ones you’re used to”

“Maybe so”

We walked a bit more and stopped. We could still see Sylvan and Scout, but any further in and we’d lose sight of them.

After a while, Zevran sighed “Bella, I am a man who goes after whatever strikes his fancy and cares little for consequences beyond right now. And right now, there aren’t a great many things to find pleasure in. If you have found something that does, I say bag the sucker and have your way with him”

That startled a laugh out of me. I looked at him with a smile “Just go for it?”

“In layman’s terms, yes” he grinned.

“Okay, how? Should I just tell him?”

“Might I suggest seduction?”

“You may but I don’t… hmm” I mulled it over. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to have another card in my hand.

Mmm…

“Alright, I’m not saying that’s necessarily the way to go but I’ll bite. What do you have in mind?”

Zevran smirked “Do not get ahead of yourself, Bella. Let us get you two a room before you start biting, yes?”

I regretted this already.


	39. I’m So Buying Scented Soaps After This

“Stop”

Instead of backing off, Zevran got closer, hand on my knee, purring right next to my ear.

I mentally rolled my eyes and unceremoniously placed a hand on the elf’s face, pushing him back “Zev, cut it out”

A sigh came from behind my hand “How will you learn if I don’t show you? I am just trying to be thorough. Like you did back when we had that fascinating lesson with that manly templar of yours”

“I don’t remember giving you a practical lesson”

Zevran removed my hand from his face to reveal an amused smirk “Really, now?”

I decided to ignore that and focus on the matter at hand “You know I can’t just go and put the moves on him, right?”

He blinked at me, amusement still on his features “And why ever not?”

I could think of so many reasons “Cause he’s new to this? Dude’s never been kiss, and probably never been successfully seduced. I can’t just suddenly go on the aggressive, he’ll freak out” And rightly so. If someone I considered a friend began flirting with me out of the blue, and in the way Zev considered acceptable? I’d probably freak the hell out as well.

“Mmm… his lack of experience could be an issue. Then again, I have seen him turning pink at your words many a time before. Whatever it is you say to him at those times, I am sure it is just a hop away from–”

His words were cut off by none other than the object of our discussion himself. Alistair saw us as he came into the house’s main area and stared for a second before clearing his throat awkwardly.

“I, ah, wanted to have a word with you, Maya? If you’re not, er, busy…?”

I wondered at his wording when I noted Zev’s hand on my knee.

I looked at him, impressed “Damn, I didn’t even notice your hand was still there”

Zev grinned as he slowly removed his hand “As I said, the touch must be as light as a feather, one you might not even notice it’s there… until you do” his grin widened.

I nodded like I knew what he was talking about and turned to Al.

“What’s up?”

Alistair scratched the back of his head awkwardly and glanced at Zevran “Could we maybe go somewhere else?”

I nodded and told him I’d be right there, though not before I heard Zev wishing me good luck. There was a hitch in my step, and I waved him off with a hand behind my back so Alistair wouldn’t see.

No way.

* * *

Nope. No way was I asking him out **right now**. Obviously…

…

Hmm…

I mean, maybe he had a point? We were in the city, and we just cleared a quest. The plan was to spend a couple of days here, take a breather, get some money, do some shopping and then be on our merry way. Sure, I still had to talk to the leader of the Alienage and get the issue with Sylvan resolved, but Kallian had already told them he was with us and we’d scheduled a meeting for tomorrow, so that was done. Plus, Sylvan was hanging out with Wynne for the rest of the day so I didn’t need to worry about that.

Wasn’t this, like, the perfect time?

I peeked at Al as he walked by my side.

A cold feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Oh God, it was the perfect time.

Oh God. Oh God.

_Okay, Maya, chill. It isn’t your first time asking someone on a freaking date._

“So…” Alistair began.

Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, omigosh.

_CHILL!_

He gave me a sheepish smile “You know how you told me you’d go with me to meet my sister? Well I was wondering if we could go. Like, right now. Could we? I mean, would you? Go? To… yeah”

I blinked and looked around, realizing we’d somehow walked all the way to the Market District and stood in an out of the way spot, where we wouldn’t be easily seen by a passerby.

“Or… not?” he scratched his cheek “If now isn’t a good time… sorry, and I even brought you all the way here…”

“No, no. Sorry, my brain was just changing tracks. I had something to tell you too, but it can wait. Sure, I can tag along, if you think you’re ready”

He laughed weakly “I absolutely don’t think I’m ready. But if I don’t do it now…” he glanced at a nearby house, which I assumed he’d already figured belonged to Goldanna, then took a step back “Actually, maybe not now. Maybe not ever. Should we just go get something to eat? I haven’t talked much to that elf kid of yours. I bet I can bribe him with something sweet…”

I cut him off “First of all, Sylvan is not _my_ kid. I am in no way ready to take care of another life form, let alone a child. Second, quit stalling, man. I’m not gonna force you to go see her” wasn’t even gonna try, because duh “but you might wanna make up your mind before we leave the city”

“Right, sorry. It’s just… do I seem a little nervous? I am. I really don’t know what to expect. It’s my sister, you know? I’ve never had siblings… well, there was Cailan, but I didn’t really know him. And now I have a chance at… I don’t know, will she even know who I am? Oh, I’m babbling again, aren’t I?”

I chuckled “You are” I hesitated, but my couldn’t help myself “Do you… not want to ask me anything? If I know something about…” I waved a hand at where I thought Goldanna’s house was.

Alistair raised both eyebrows “Are you offering to tell me? Do I get to listen to your obscure, otherworldly, super-secret future knowledge?”

Well that was a mouthful.

I opened my mouth, then closed it. Opened it again. Closed it. Began fidgeting with my fingers.

Huff.

“I don’t… I want it to be your choice. Independently of what I think is best” I shrugged.

“Oh, I see. You just don’t want me whining to you later”

My eyes widened “No, I–”

“And not feel responsible for whatever happens. Like with Kallian”

My mouth dropped open. He said it. He called me out on it.

Alistair laughed at my expression “Look, I get it. You’ve already got problems with her and you don’t want to add to that by having _me_ angry with you too” his face was not unkind when he added “You don’t have to worry about that. I know you keep quiet for a reason, and I’ve seen you struggle with trying to keep us informed and content while not ruining things too much”

I gave him and incredulous look “You do”

“Yes” his soft brown eyes stared into mine “I do. I’ve been thinking about that quite a bit, actually… yes, yes. That’s dangerous, I know” I couldn’t help but smile at his words. He grinned back before continuing “Do you remember when we debated on what to do with Connor back when he was possessed?” I nodded “Somewhere in the middle of that conversation, I seriously thought we’d have to either kill him or Isolde. For a second there, I was ready to choose one over the other”

He made a dramatic pause I didn’t understand.

“Okay… I guess I can see why you’d feel bad about it, but Al, you didn’t actually go through with it, it was just a thought. Whether you’d _have_ gone through with it or not, had the choice been yours, we’ll never know. And even then… I don’t mean to say it would’ve been no big deal, but it was either that or let the village burn, if we’d been unable to go to the mages”

Al shook his head self-deprecatingly “Wish I could’ve been so pragmatic about it. Back then, I thought I was the worst villain to ever live for thinking that. I loathed myself for even considering it. For not even trying to find another way”

Alistair’s reaction when the Warden decides to do the blood ritual and sacrifice Isolde came to mind. I’d gotten the royal accusing finger afterwards at camp during my third playthrough, because I’d chosen to recruit the Templars and so couldn’t take the mages to Redcliffe to perform the ritual. That he’d turn that rage upon himself if he’d had to make that choice? Yeah, I could buy that.

“The worst part though? Had Kallian been the one to make that decision, I’m sure I’d have blamed her for it. Even when I thought there were no better options. And even though I knew I would have done the same in her place”

Nope. Not touching that one. Some things are better left unsaid.

But man, did I want to.

“You’re probably wondering what my point is. Well, here goes. I have grown” he gave an embarrassed smile “And that would never have happened had I not gone through that moment, thinking what I thought. Had I not dwelled about it later and realized both Kallian and myself were doing the best we can” he gave me a pointed look at that one, and I somewhat recalled telling him something similar, once.

“So” he continued “I guess you could say at least that happened the way you said it would?”

I guess you could.

I grinned at him “Telling a girl she’s right? And providing evidence? You really know how to get them, huh?” my smile widened as I watch him blush faintly, even as he rolled his eyes at me.

It did make me wonder, though. What was it with this character development of his? He wasn’t even hardened yet, so how come he became more flexible about doing what ‘needed to be done’? Was this simply not mentioned in the games or was it my influence that caused the change?

“For what is worth” he said after a second “I like being able to think this way, and I don’t think I would’ve gotten here had things been easier. Not that they would’ve been a _lot_ easier, mind you, but you know what I mean”

“So, you don’t want me to tell you what’ll happen with Goldanna?” I asked to be sure.

“Nope. I’ll deal with it myself. And if I say something to you later, you can call me on it”

I could’ve hugged him “Thanks, Al. And you were right. About everything, I didn’t want someone else to get angry for keeping secrets, even though I _know_ it’s the righ– the best thing to do” I couldn’t call it right. No matter what, there were people, like Kallian, who’d disagree. But maybe, we were both right. Maybe what I had to do was come up with a synthesis of both, mine and Kallian’s truth. An answer that combined my black and her white; not in grey but in something that was black _and_ white.

And the one who’d help me get to this point was the goofball in front of him.

Hah, I really like him.

“I’m right about everything, you say?” he smirked evilly “Now who’s trying to get who? Hmm?”

I gaped at him, feeling the heat rise. Not because he’d thrown my words back at me, but because he was right in a way he didn’t even realize he was. I really was trying to get him. Had a whole conversation with Zev about it just half an hour ago.

Oblivious to my thoughts, Alistair laughed at me as he walked towards Goldanna’s house. I hurried to catch up.

This was just gonna be one of those days, wasn’t it?

* * *

Goldanna’s house was pretty simple. Stone walls, something like concrete here and there. Lots of wood. But there was something that distinguished it from other places in the city: it smelled clean. Which wasn’t odd, considering washing clothes was her job. Still, it was the cleanest place I’d been in since getting here and I took a deep breath as soon as I walked in.

Was that jasmine? Mmm…

“Eh? You have linens to wash?”

A red-headed woman made her way to us. She was rather pretty, with surprisingly lustrous hair and delicate features. Even her figure was nice, if on the small side. Narrow shoulders made way to thin but toned arms and ended in rough hands.

In short, she looked nothing like Al. Even her eyes, though brown, had a slight greenish tint to them. A nice hazel. Alistair’s eyes were amber brown. Warmer, and more intense. They felt like coming home to a nice fire and a glass of whisky after walking around in the rain…

Alright, I’ll shut up now. I may be biased but even I can tell that was too much. I apologize.

Moving on…

The conversation started as I remembered the one in the game did. Hence, I had little interest in what she had to say. Alistair had come down once again after daringly teasing me before coming in. So instead of their little tête-à-tête, I focused on observing him. I watched as he talked with whom he thought was his sister, apologizing for things he didn’t do, becoming more and more disappointed the longer they spoke.

“…and when I went back, they ran me off!” Goldanna threw her hands in the air as she finished her rant, causing Al to flinch ever so slightly.

I already knew she would react like this but seeing it now? I had to do _something_.

Mm… let’s try the soothing approach first.

“Look, miss, I realize this is a huge surprise for you, but Al–”

“And who in the Maker’s name are you?” she interrupted. Rudely “Some tart, following after his riches, I expect?”

Oh, this bitch.

Before Alistair could defend me -and I could tell he was about to, the sweetheart- I spoke up.

“First of all, Alistair is broke” I snapped at her “Second, you’re wrong” I pointed at myself with my thumb “ _I_ want him for his body”

“What?”

“ _What?!_ ”

That’s right. I said that. And with a straight face and all. Go me.

“A–anyway” Alistair said after he recovered, though his ears were still red “I wouldn’t say I’m, _broke_ , precisely. But I _am_ a Grey Warden. I don’t–”

“Ooohhh, I see. A prince **and** a Grey Warden, too” she interrupted. _Again_ “Well, who am I to think poorly of someone so high and mighty compared to me?”

She kept going on about how wronged she’d been, and Alistair kept saying how sorry he was. Now, I know what it feels like to lose a parent at, well, _any_ age. To put it mildly, it sucks balls. At the same time, it really wasn’t Al’s fault -whether you knew he was her real brother or not-. The funny thing is, had she let him talk, Alistair would’ve probably said something about how Grey Warden life wasn’t exactly lucrative, and then help her anyway. Had she been smarter and played the nice sister card, she’d have found someone unexpectedly humble, and more than willing to help her however she needed. An ally for life in her ‘brother’.

“I’m sorry Al” I said when the conversation began to circle.

Alistair looked at me with his mouth half opened, then shook his head “Yes… I wasn’t expecting my sister to be so… I’m starting to wonder why I came”

“I don’t know why you–”

“Ah!” I raised a finger in Goldanna’s direction, effectively shutting her up. Whether she was intimidated by my glare or just surprised, it didn’t matter. I hadn’t wanted to intrude before -except for a quick shake of my head when Alistair glanced at me after Goldanna said King Maric had forced himself on her mother- but enough was enough.

I spoke kindly to Alistair “Wanna get out of here?”

“I… yes. I think I do”

I opened the door for him, and he strode out without looking back.

“Now, wait a minute!”

I looked back to see her face contorted in righteous fury and sighed.

“You moron. You could’ve had a loving brother who would have supported you in any way he could. Instead, you’re stuck feeding five mouths on your own. You messed up. And I hope, one day, you’ll come to understand the only one to blame for that is your idiotic ass”

And with that, I inhaled deeply and stormed out of her house before she could say anything.

That Gold- _digger_ is a real bitch, but her house sure smells nice.

* * *

“You okay?” I asked Alistair after putting some distance from Goldanna’s house.

He hesitated “Well, I sort of figured it wouldn’t be easy, from your offering to tell me beforehand. But that was… not what I expected, to put it lightly”

I listened as he lamented what his family turned out to be like and nodded fervently when he called his ‘sister’ a shrew.

“I feel like a complete idiot”

I vaguely heard a cow mooing on cue, but tried to focus on what to tell him next.

In the games, what the Warden said here was crucial to open up the dialogue to harden Alistair later on. If I followed through with it, he’d change in a number of ways. In the words of the forum, he’d grow a backbone. It’s what I preferred to go for, to be honest. I like a more realistic, open minded and assertive Alistair. But it would also mean an Alistair who would be more interested in the throne, and then would 100% break up with a mage in order to rule -unless one went with the mistress route but that was a whole other dragon-. I didn’t know if it would work between us yet, but that would close off a few options I might have wanted.

So what did I do?

“In an ideal world, you would’ve had a sister that welcomed you with open arms. But we do not live in an ideal world” I offered him a small smile and hooked a thumb in Goldanna’s direction “The sooner you accept that, the less you’ll suffer when reality decides to slap us in the face”

I told him the truth. Well, the truth as how I saw it. I figured something like this would push him towards the hardening route, but we’d have to wait and see.

“Yes. I suppose you’re right. I should” one last look at his ‘sister’s’ house and he turned away for good “Let’s just go. I don’t want to talk about this anymore”

I nodded and led the way, snaking my arm around his to pull him along “I saw a place where they sold some sweets that reminded me of home last time I was here. Let’s see if I can find it again” Because food fixes everything.

What’s that? I’m taking advantage of his vulnerability to get a little touchy? Well, FYI, physical contact is one of the many ways in which humans offer comfort.

Ahem.

* * *

“I think these have some alcohol in them” Al muttered; his mouth half full.

Guys. GUYS. Two words. Medieval DOUGHNUTS.

Yum~

“If you don’t want it, I’ll eat it”

“I didn’t– hey! Back off, you have your own”

Al held his sugary treat above my head as I tried to make a grab for it and failed miserably, not even getting close to it.

He raised an eyebrow “Problem, shorty?”

Alright, he asked for it. I curved my fingers ominously and wiggled them next to his open side.

He got the message and jumped back, raising his hands in mock surrender “Okay, you win. I’m super ticklish– I mean, ah…”

A slow grin crept up my face “I’ll remember that”

“Please don’t”

I laughed at him and went back to my doughnut. They might not be made with modern standards, but I hadn’t had sweets in weeks and had stacked up a +20% nature resistance.

I was enjoying this so much; I can’t even tell you.

The food also seemed to lift Alistair’s mood. Or perhaps it was just him and his ability to bounce back. Or he was avoiding. Either way, if he didn’t do it himself at some point, _I’d_ bring back the subject of his sister. And I still needed to tell him about his parents.

But for now, I was happy just hanging out with him like this, eating doughnuts as we walked along the city’s wall, which granted us some greenery to look at as it peeked in from the other side.

“By the way, didn’t you say you had something to tell me?”

I chocked on my doughnut.

“Are you alright?” Al slapped my back as I tried to breathe again “Should I go get some tea?”

“No–” I coughed a few more times “I’m fine” _cough_ “Just give me a minute” I wheezed.

I managed to take a few deep breathes before he went back to his previous question.

“Right… what was it again?” I tsked “Can’t remember, but I’m sure it’ll come to me later if it was important”

“Well, alright…”

Yeah, I wasn’t asking him out today. He’d had a rough day, and… I don’t know. It felt like the wrong time to ask when I thought of his expression in the latter part of his discussion with Gold-digger. I’d let him get it together for a day or two before I stirred up any more trouble for him.

“Oh, did I tell you about the last time Morrigan took me to magic practice?”

“No, what happened?” he asked, finishing his last doughnut and dusting off his hands. Man, he was fast.

“Nothing much, but when she called for a break, I said to her ‘yeah, I could take a break for a _spell_ ” I looked at him with wide eyes “And she just walked away!”

Alistair gave me a suitably flabbergasted stare “What? She didn’t dissolve in hysterical giggles at that one?”

I shook my head in disappointment “Didn’t even crack a smile”

He sighed “I don’t get it. That’s gold. Maybe you need to _spell_ it out for her”

He punned. I couldn’t help but give him a brilliant smile.

Damn it, I do like him.

But I couldn’t ask him out. Not today. I’d already decided, and there was no way–

“Would you like to go on a date?”

Full stop.

Our eyes met and neither of us said anything for a few seconds, in which Al’s face and neck got dangerously red.

Still, Alistair recovered faster and opened his mouth.

“Well… er, I think that’s what you called it before?” he gulped “So, um… would you?”

Holy crap.


	40. I Hate Misunderstandings, But They Do Make For Good Drama

Alistair stood in front of me; his expression revealed how afraid he was. He was putting himself out there, after all. And yet, his eyes weren’t leaving mine; his feet were firmly planted on the floor and he was flushed.

He looked hopeful.

Oh boy, what do I do? What do I DO?

No, well, I’m saying yes, for sure. But the question was, why the hell? I mean, like, a week ago we were talking about how he’d given up on Kallian, and suddenly he asks me out? I was a little optimistic about him agreeing to give it a shot if I asked him out myself but for him to take the initiative didn’t make much sense to me.

I kept thinking like this for a bit, enough that he began fidgeting, which made me realize I was taking too long to answer. I decided to just say what was on my mind.

“I’d do you like Kallian”

Only problem was, what was on my mind was a jumbled mess.

Alistair’s face went from expectant to bright red to baffled.

I raised my hands up, cringing and fighting a blush of my own.

“I meant to say, I do, but I thought you liked Kallian” kill me now.

Alistair’s face broke into a warm grin that made my heart to a few flips.

“I… thank you”

“Oh, er, you’re welcome” nailed it.

I swear to God, we are the biggest dorks in Thedas. Or I guess I should be swearing to the Maker, then? _Sigh_ , if we ever slept together, I’d have to think of a better answer if he winds up thanking me after the deed or something. Ack, wait! No fantasizing; focus now.

“About Kallian” Alistair continued, still smiling “To tell you the truth, I already knew they’d end up like that from before we got separated in the Brecilian Forest. I mean, you saw how she reacted when Leliana almost went with our group instead of Zevran. I’m not _that_ slow”

Well, yeah, it was pretty obvious even then.

“But that time, in camp, with the rose…” I left the question hanging.

Al furrowed his eyebrows “The rose?”

Uh “Yes? The rose you were gonna give Kallian and then gave to me?”

Alistair seemed even more confused “What do you–? But I gave it to you, didn’t I? I… I thought you knew what it meant”

What the hell.

“Uh, but it wasn’t meant for me, was it?” I said tensely “You just gave it to me because you couldn’t give it to Kallian anymore, right?”

Maybe I was too short with him, but bittersweet though it was, that event still stung a little.

“Wha– no! No, no, no, no, no!” Alistair closed the distance between us, surprising the hurt out of me “I mean, yes, but not in the way you think”

I was so confused. It must’ve shown in my face too, cause Alistair began trying to explain.

“First let me get one thing straight. In your _game_ , do I only give the flower to Kallian? Or whoever is here instead of her?”

My heart was hammering in my chest. Wasn’t too sure if it was due to his proximity or because I was afraid his explanation wouldn’t be enough.

“Yes. In the first game, only the Warden, that is the player character, gets to romance someone”

“Right, I guessed as– wait, the first game!?”

Ah crap.

“Can we talk about that later?”

Alistair used his index and thumb to rub his eyes “Andraste’s… Yes, alright. Back to that rose. I don’t know what you saw before, but the reason I picked it up in Lothering was because it was beautiful, and it reminded me how even in times of despair, beauty can be found”

I nodded, this much, I knew.

Al hesitated, but plowed on “In time, I grew to think of Kallian in the same way. Strong and beautiful, a beacon of light in dark times. And so I thought about giving her the rose”

Is it sadder that he kept waxing poetic about another girl right after asking me out; or the fact that I agree with him?

_Le sigh._

“But the damn flower wasn’t about Kallian. It was about something _good_ found in miserable times. When I talked to you, I thought you might’ve seen me, or, the _game_ me, giving the rose to whoever fit that description for me at that time”

I blinked up at him dumbly.

Al scratched the back of his neck awkwardly “I didn’t give you the rose because I couldn’t give it to someone else. I gave you the rose because that’s how I think of you too. Because that’s what you are. You are… softness and laughter and loveliness in the face of so much misery. And perhaps if things had been different, in another world, I’d have given it to Kallian, or Maker knows who else. But not **me**. I didn’t _have_ to give it to you. I _wanted_ to”

He called me _loveliness_.

Good lord.

I blinked a few times to keep myself from crying.

“I’m sorry it didn’t come out right at that time. I admit, I was a little annoyed that you already knew about the flower, so I just gave it to you without explaining anything. I didn’t think you’d misunderstand like that”

Wait, pause.

“You meant to give me the rose that night? From the start”

Al nodded.

Well, hell.

It was amazing, really, how much a memory could change from gaining a new, different perspective.

“Oh” I exhaled.

There were a few seconds of silence, were neither of us looked at the other.

“So…” I looked up and Alistair was _right there_. When did he get so close? His voice took on a low tone “You’ll go on a date with me?”

I didn’t hide my grin this time “Yeah, I’ll go on a date with you, Al”

He grinned back, like a happy fool.

Oh goody.

“So?” I asked after a bit.

He blinked “What?”

I cocked my head “You do realize you’ve got me almost pressed against the wall in a secluded place, right?”

It was half true. My back wasn’t touching the wall yet, but all it would take would be him backing me up a step or two.

Alistair looked around, assessed the situation, and proceeded to blush something fierce.

Oh no, this was too good.

“You’re not doing anything after being so bold before?”

He gulped, his eyes going to my lips, getting close enough to let me feel his breath.

A slow grin crept across my face “No? Mm… you’re right, let’s save it for after the date”

I patted his check twice and scurried off, heart beating fast, trusting Alistair to follow.

Well, things were getting a little too mushy for me. Not really my style. Not that I didn’t like it, because I did, but…

I smiled to myself as I heard Al’s footsteps behind me. What can I say? Suspense was good and I can be a little shit sometimes.

* * *

“You look happy”

I stopped whistling to look over at Leliana, who walked beside me and smiled “That’s cause I am”

“Oh?” the bard gave me a sly look “Has anything good happened lately?”

Wouldn’t she like to know… hmm… actually she probably already did, the wily rogue.

But yeah, a few good things had been happening lately. Yesterday, Alistair and I had set up a hot date for tonight and boy if that didn’t make me downright giddy. As if that wasn’t enough, this morning I got a much-needed shopping session. I’d been saving up and managed to buy almost everything I wanted. Mainly hygiene products. I saw a video of someone making shampoo out of fruit once and was dying to try my hand at it. I also got some sea salt and apple cider vinegar in the hopes of saying goodbye to my bleeding gums. Using my toothpaste so sparingly had taken a toll on my dental health, so here’s hoping they’d do the trick. And I bought soaps! Lavender and jasmine. They were a little expensive but totally worth it.

By the way, I was quite surprised by Thedas fashion sense. I expected clothes as horrifying as the ones from the game, but some stores had some pretty neat stuff. Some of the clothing resembled the ones of the second and third game -which was already an upgrade- but there were also a few outfits that had a decidedly modern feel -not, like, jeans or crop tops but you get the idea-. None of them provided any buffs, sadly, but I could at least see myself wearing them throughout my life here no problem.

I grinned at Leliana “You bet”

She hummed knowingly and offered something for ‘just in case’. I had her elaborating a little more until I understood what she meant. Essentially, she gave me birth control tea.

…yeah. I took her offer. I mean, I didn’t think I would need it _tonight_. But it’s always good to be prepared, right? Honestly, I was just glad it came in the form of lily root tea and not, like, goat intestine condoms or something. Yuck.

“Just in case of what?”

I looked down to Sylvan, who walked slightly behind me, holding onto my jacket. I rolled my eyes as Leliana giggled beside me “Remind me, and I’ll tell you another time”

I was all for educating the younger ones, but if at all possible, I didn’t want to have the talk with a nine-year-old kid in the middle of the road.

We’d have to leave it for later.

We walked around a corner, which allowed me to see Kallian already waiting for us by the Alienage’s backdoor. It was time to have a talk with dear old Valendrian.

* * *

Dear old Valendrian received Kallian and Sylvan, and by extension Leliana and I, warmly. He was aware we’d taken part on the elves rescue, and although some of the people with him seem a little on edge by the two humans in the Alienage, the elder himself was cool as a cucumber.

“You have my most heartfelt thanks for what you did for us”

“You are very welcome, elder. We are happy to provide help for Kallian’s family” said Leliana, who sat at the table next to her significant other.

Valendrian nodded at Leliana’s words, then turned to Kallian “You have grown, child. It is a pleasure to see you doing well among friends. We didn’t have much time to talk before, but I hope you’ll spare some for me before you leave”

Kallian looked down, embarrassed “I apologize, elder. My father and cousins have taken up much of my time after the business with the Tevinters was over”

Valendrian chuckled “I would expect no less. They have missed you greatly, and I am sure they were relieved that you made it out of Ostagar alive. Tell me, is Duncan with you?”

Kallian hesitated but must’ve decided to trust the three elves accompanying Valendrian, cause she told him Duncan was alive, if currently on a different mission.

“I am glad to know he is alive, at least” he gave Kallian’s hand an affectionate pat before finally turning to me and Sylvan, standing behind Kallian and Leliana “Sylvan, I am very happy you’ve made it back to us. Come, child, let me see how you’re doing”

Sylvan gripped my jacket tighter but didn’t move. One of the elves accompanying the elder coughed awkwardly.

“Sylvan?” Valendrian repeated.

Sylvan took a step back, hiding behind me. I didn’t blame him.

When they realized Sylvan wouldn’t move, one of the elves, a blond guy about my height, squared his shoulders and approached us.

I stepped in front of Sylvan.

The blond glared at me “This has nothing to do with you, human”

“Carren, enough. This is a friend of Kallian’s, and someone who helped get our friends back form the slavers”

At the elder’s words, Carren had no choice but to clench his teeth and retreat. But he didn’t forget to give me the stink eye before he turned.

Ooh, scary.

Valendrian himself approached us next, keeping himself at a respectful distance.

“Forgive Carren. He was one of those who got his family taken from him, and he is wary of humans. But we are all grateful for your aid”

I looked at him for a moment, withholding the automatic ‘you’re welcome’ to glance at Kallian. She looked pained, but still came to stand beside me.

“Elder” she began, much to the surprise of the elves present “We have been negligent. We have failed at taking care of one of our children”

You could drop a pin in the silent that followed. Another of the elves, a brunette, regained her voice first “Kallian, how can you say that? We’re always looking out for the little ones. I know Sylvan’s parents are no more, but we _have_ been providing for him. And making sure he was alright…”

The brunette clearly had more to say but stopped at Valendrian’s sign “What do you mean by that, child?”

Kallian pressed her lips together “Sylvan was wounded when we found him–”

“He was taken by slavers! He wasn’t the only one wounded!”

“Carren, peace” Valendrian repeated, then turned to Kallian to let her continue.

We’d agreed before coming here that Kallian would do the talking, but this was obviously difficult for her. I was wondering if I should jump in when she continued “The wound was old, elder. It happened at least days before the slavers took him”

The other elves’ faces were a mix of shock and disbelieve. But Valendrian? He looked like he’d been struck. His eyes went to Sylvan, who was peeking at the others from behind me.

“Sylvan, is this true?”

I guess he couldn’t help but ask.

The blond elf, Carren, spoke up before Sylvan had the chance “Of course not! It can’t be!” he glared at each of us in turn, finally settling on our illustrious leader herself “Kallian, you’ve been had. This human–”

“ _This human_ ” Kallian cut him off “Healed him. And then risked her life to save him. Twice”

Twice? Oh, did she mean with Sten? Had I been at death’s door at that time? Omg, I didn’t even realize. Blessed be the ignorant. Holy hell.

Carren let out a strangled sound. I couldn’t see Kallian’s face, but I knew from experience she must’ve had her alpha face on. The ‘I am _the_ Warden’ expression that inspired her allies and sowed fear in her enemies and all that jazz.

I glanced at the kid, wondering what he thought of all of this. We _were_ discussing him, after all. Sylvan seemed a little anxious, but that was that. I’d already talked to him about today, actually, so maybe to him this was just a core he had to get through before he could move on.

He caught me looking at him and, before he could say anything, his stomach gave a soft growl. He flushed a little, then gave me a shy smile that had me melting.

Alright, I was getting tired of this anyway.

I cleared my throat “We’re taking him with us” I announced “There is a Dalish clan currently in the Brecilian Forest. We’re planning on asking them to take Sylvan in”

The brunette gaped at me “You– we don’t even know who you are”

Oh, my bad “I’m Maya”

Carren threw his hands up “Who cares!”

Well, she asked!

The brunette woman raised a hand to calm Carren and spoke again “I’m afraid you cannot decide that on your own. Granted, we have not been as careful with Sylvan as we should have been, but that does not mean you can take him away so suddenly”

Kallian stood, her hands spread on table in front of her “It was not a matter of not being careful enough, Nolari. Sylvan could’ve died from the wound he received. It was already starting to fester, according to Maya”

“And what if she is lying?” Asked the third elf in attendance. A ginger that hadn’t spoken until then.

Hey, we had blond, red head and brunette on both sides! With Valendrian’s white head as a bonus. Damn, I felt like I should make a wish or something.

Kallian gave the guy a level stare “She isn’t. I trust her”

Well, hell if that didn’t just give me the fuzzies.

The ginger hummed to himself, seemingly accepting her answer.

“Still, Kallian, don’t make any rash decisions” said Nolari “Leaving with the Dalish… won’t you take some time to think it through? Perhaps we can make some arrangements here first…”

Kallian shook her head “We’ve already asked Sylvan. This is something he agreed to”

“He’s just a kid. He doesn’t–”

“Nolari” Valendrian, who’d been suspiciously quiet until now, shut his fellow elf with a single, soft spoken word. He stared long and hard at Sylvan before addressing the elves “We have been neglectful, my friends. We didn’t notice something foul happening under our own roof. If Sylvan has decided to try to be a part of the Dalish, if he thinks they will give him a fairer treatment, there is nothing I can say. I trust Kallian will be able to get him there safely”

Carren, who at this point was a bundle of suppressed energy waiting to explode took a step forward “But elder–!”

“No, Carren”

“You can’t just hand him to the humans!” Carren went on, ignoring Valendrian’s warning “Even if Kallian is there, you can’t trust humans to care for him as another elf would!”

I mean, we were just taking him there dude. He’d be with us for a couple of weeks, tops.

“Then let me ask you this” Valendrian went on calmly “No humans have come here for weeks before the Tevinters appeared. Do you know who gave him that injury? I for one, have no idea”

Carren opened his mouth but no sound came out.

Of course, he was speechless. This meant, provided everything we said was true -and it was-, it was an elf, from within the Alienage, who’d harmed Sylvan. One of their own.

Yeah, that’s one tough pill to swallow right there.

Nolari swallowed audibly “Who…?”

“He won’t say” said Kallian simply.

I’d tried to get a physical description from Sylvan before, but the kid was tied lipped, for some reason.

After a heartbeat, Carren dropped his head, defeated. Nolari also looked down, lost in thought. The ginger elf was the least shocked of them all, perhaps already deducing part of the truth.

Seeing this, Valerian turned back to us and, very slowly, approached Sylvan. Once he stood right in front of us, he knelt, looking at the kid at eye level.

“I am so sorry I couldn’t protect you, Sylvan. I will not stop until I find who did this to you” Valendrian’s face scrounged up in pain, before bowing his head “Indeed, we’ve been negligent, but should you, at any point, decide that you wish to give us another chance, we will make sure the place you return to will be one were you will not need to worry about such things ever again. You will always be welcome here. I hope you know that”

With their elder like this, the other elves had no choice but to shut their mouths, anger and guilt clear in their faces. That was fine by me. A little guilt did wonders at allowing one to fix things. At the same time, Valendrian had done all the right things, so angry as I might be, I couldn’t help but admire the old man.

“Okay. Thank you, elder”

Sylvan might be thinking along the same lines, because although he said those words, he didn’t get close to Valendrian, choosing instead to peek at him from behind me.

“Neron” the elder called out after a while.

“Yes”

“Find them, please”

The ginger headed man merely nodded and walked out the house.

I blinked at the door as it closed behind him. Turning back, I saw Valendrian locking eyes with Kallian with an air of finality “We will find them”

Oh snap.

Old people in Thedas were so freaking badass.

* * *

Marking things off my list felt nice. We dealt with the slavers and rescued the elves. I went with Alistair to meet his sister and got the hot date hidden quest. I also got to go on a much needed shopping trip. Then we met with the Alienage elder and managed to make a clean break between them and Sylvan; plus getting some things from his house he wanted to take with him.

And all of these in just under three days!

I am so efficient~

Now, all that was left was to visit the Pearl -hoping to meet Isabela here- and take up a quest or two to get back what I spent in the market earlier. And the date itself, of course.

I was organizing my schedule for the next two days when a hand tapped me on the shoulder.

Kallian stood behind me, looking to the side with a sullen expression.

“Can we talk?”

Ah yes. There was one more thing to take care of.


	41. People Skills. Useful Stuff

There was no convenient empty alley around, so we’d moved to an out of the way place, where no one would ask us to move, yet we couldn’t avoid the people walking around hearing a word here and there. Well, I’m sure anyone overhearing wouldn’t be able to grasp anything too confidential from our conversation. Also, I chose to believe Sirius Black and his hide a tree in a forest approach when it came to clandestine meetings, so there.

And there I stood; face to face with none other than _The_ Warden. The one who would be hailed as the Hero of Ferelden. Possibly the next Warden Commander in the country.

“So, um… the thing is…”

And she just wouldn’t stop fidgeting and mumbling like a teenager trying to confess to her summer crush. Mm? Is that oddly specific?

Anyway.

I couldn’t take it anymore either.

“I’m sorry” I mean, she took the initiative to talk to me first, might as well take the next step myself.

Kallian’s head snapped up at my words. I offered her a sheepish smile “Kallian I’m sorry. I… would like to explain myself if you’re willing to hear me out but the bottom line is that I… well I screwed up. Royally. And I’m very, very sorry”

I stopped myself before apologizing for the fourth time. Three was enough. Three was a good number. Can you tell I’m nervous? Geez.

“Why didn’t you tell me before? Why were you so adamant in keeping your secrets at the cost of…” she trailed of, looking at anywhere but me.

I sighed “I’m going to tell you something I haven’t told anyone yet” I looked her in the eye, hoping to convey how serious the revelation was “Once the Fifth Blight is over, there will be a sort of peace for a while. But a series of somber events will keep happening in the next couple of years. And in about a decade, something will threaten Thedas again. Something no one’s ever seen before and arguably worse than the Blight”

I paused, waiting for the info dump to sink in before saying what, form the looks of it, Kallian already expected me to say.

I opened my mouth “I know what’s gonna happen in that time, in the same way I know about what’s happening now”

Kallian’s deep forest eyes bored into mine, making me wonder if maybe it was me who couldn’t look away, instead of holding her gaze as I thought I’d been doing.

“What­–” she began, the clamped her mouth shut.

I smiled to myself. Her curious nature was the same no matter her mood, huh?

“Right now, my knowledge is useful; but whatever I tell you won’t change the main vein of the plot. Loghain will still dick around and the Archdemon will still attack in the end. But in another ten years? What I know could change everything. It could make things better just as much as screw everything over completely. And if that guy wins…”

“That guy” Kallian whispered.

I pursed my lips, unwilling to say anymore on the subject.

“And the reason you’re being careful about what you’re reveling now… it’s because you’re afraid”

She sounded so surprised at her own epiphany, even though that was something I thought she already knew.

Hah, miscommunication. This is the bane of relationships, I’m telling you.

Kallian began pacing, then realized she was in the middle of the road and began tapping her foot on the ground impatiently “You don’t want to change the events in the far future, so you are being careful with the present”

I nodded “Yes. For example, the event that begins the shitshow is very specific. I’m very worried that if _anything_ changes, the hero who would save us all won’t have the… tools, they need to do the saving” I shook my head. I’d been racking my brain on the subjected for so long and still felt like my options were too limited. The best I could come up with was finding Solas before he handed his godly powers to the big bad -like a dumbass- but even that seemed… tricky. Ugh “There are just too many variables”

“…You haven’t told this to anyone?”

I vacillated “Duncan knows I know of events after the Blight and Alistair knows I’ve got two more games’ knowledge after the first one, but that’s it”

Kallian didn’t say anything for a while. She kept looking down, hand on her chin in a classic thinker’s pose. Foot tapping on the ground getting faster by the second, to the point where I worried it might get lodged on the ground at this rate.

Finally, she opened her mouth “You’re smart”

Okay “Uh, thanks”

“Smart enough” she continued, ignoring me “To know that there are too many variables **right now** ” she wheeled on me, making me take a step back as she shortened the distance between us and pinned me with her stare “You’ve already altered many things. And those things are bound to alter other things. We even know there’s someone else changing things from what we learned from Zathrian. So, if these variations have already happened, there must be something else holding you back”

Oh shit.

I put my hands up “No, I really am worried–”

“Yes. You are. But that’s not everything. There’s something you’re concerned about and it’s making you… make mistakes and keep secrets you shouldn’t”

No. The possibility of messing up was all too real. I was legitimately sweating at the prospect of being the one who broke the future and then I’d be–

…

Goddammit, she was right.

Break the future? That wasn’t something I could do, simply because the future didn’t exist. This was the basics of Mindfulness. The only real thing was the _now_. It was about me. The reason why I was so afraid was…

“Kallian I can’t live with the guilt of knowing I made a fouler world” My eyes began to burn, and I could feel the tears threatening to fall “I already shouldn’t be here, but if on top of that I make things worse…? I’m sorry, I keep trying to do things right but failing scares me so much I make stupid mistakes–!”

My voice got caught on a sob and I quickly covered my mouth to muffle the sound. Through my blurry vision, I saw Kallian approach. In my confusion, I took a step back, but of course Kallian was faster than me. Before I knew what was what, I found myself in Kallian’s arms.

I blinked against her shoulder “Kallian?”

“I get it. Me too. I’m terrified I’ll do something wrong and the Blight will swallow us all because I wasn’t good enough”

I exhaled what was almost a laugh “You cover it up well”

I felt more than saw her nod “I don’t feel it all the time. Only when I think about it”

“That’s an excellent habit” I raised my arms and hugged her back.

“Yeah. Otherwise I’d be like you right now”

“Ouch. That was uncalled for”

“Sorry” her hold on me tightened “I didn’t realize the burden of knowing”

“…yeah”

“You can talk to me, you know? I won’t be rash because I know what’s going to happen… uh, at least I won’t if you remind me. And I know you said I should go through adversity and all that, but from the looks of it, knowing also has its challenges”

Mm… “I guess. I’m tired now, though. Ask me again later”

“And then, after the Blight is over, I’ll be there to help you with whatever comes next”

I pressed my lips into a thin line “You will?”

“Of course. You help me with my mission to save the world, so I’ll help you with yours later”

It wasn’t my mission, per se. Both sets of adventures had their own heroes. And I didn’t know how involved I’d be in those events. Not to mention, if the letters you received in Inquisition were more than an excuse, she’d be busy looking for a cure to the Calling.

So I didn’t know what would happen, but knowing she wanted to stick around reassured the hell out of me. So much so, I wanted to spill everything right then and there. Fortunately, that was the moment I caught the glances the passersby were giving us.

“Um, maybe we should catch up with Leliana and Sylvan now”

“We can meet up with them back at the house” she answered, seemingly with no intention of letting me go.

“Kallian we’re attracting attention”

She gave me a non-committal hum. Okay, now she was just messing with me.

Fine, time to use my hidden card.

“I need to ger ready for tonight”

“Why? What’s happening tonight?”

“I’m going out with Alistair”

“Out where?”

Ah yes. No actual concept of dating in Thedas.

“You know how you and Leliana are?”

Kallian stiffened “Yeah?”

“I’m going on an outing with Al tonight with that kind of relationship in mind”

After a heartbeat, Kallian slowly grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed herself off of me enough so that she could look me in the eye.

“What, did you just say?”

Oh goodie.

* * *

Not long afterwards, I found myself back at Genitivi’s house with the girls and Sylvan.

“Your clothes are marvelous” Leliana said, holding my purple hoodie above her head “Such quality… but I’m not sure it’s appropriate for a date”

Kallian reached out to touch the fabric with her fingers “Mm… you think?”

“What do you guys even know, you didn’t know what a date was until today”

Leliana made a shushing sound in my direction, which made Kallian giggle.

My eyes met Sylvan’s, who was sitting crossed legged in the chair next to me.

“You were shushed” he informed me.

I nodded gravely “That I have. Do you think I should retaliate?”

Sylvan frowned, thinking hard.

“I don’t know” he said finally.

I chuckled and patted his head.

“We’re just trying to help you, you know”

I gave Kallian a sideways look “You, I believe. That one’s just having fun, though”

Leliana clicked her tongue “Such slander”

We kept the back and forth running. It was so much fun, bantering with friends without something dangerous looming over our heads.

And I missed doing this. I used to get together with my cousins or my friends to pick out clothes like this, as I imagine many people do. It was a bittersweet moment for me.

It was amidst so much innocent fun that the party pooper, better known as Wynne, showed up.

She knocked on the door, which we’d left open “I apologize for interrupting your fun. Could I have a moment, Maya?”

Uh “Sure”

I followed Wynne with an ‘I’ll be back’ behind my back, having a certain idea of what the old lady wanted to discuss.

We went to the far side of the main room, where Wynne bent to pick something up.

“Here” she said, handing me my Archon robes “I believe they turned out well, but you should try it on when you have the time. Do tell me if there’s anything wrong with them”

I received the clothe, a little ashamed at the thoughts in my head after she’d done me the favor of fixing my gear for me “Thank you so much, Wynne. I owe you one”

“Think nothing of it, dear. Sandal helped with a good deal of it, so it wasn’t very hard”

Really, it probably wasn’t an easy task. These were enchanted robes. Sewing was only half of the skill-set needed to mend them after the number that electro-happy Tevinter mage did on me. You needed lyrium and the know-how of how to properly apply it to the enchantment woven in the robes.

“You all seem to be having fun in there”

“Mm? Yeah, we…”

“I hear you are doing something with Alistair later… I know it is none of my business, but it is difficult not to notice the doe-eyed looks he gives you, especially when he thinks no one’s watching.

Gasp! She said it! And here I felt sooo embarrassed for suspecting her.

Wait, Alistair was giving me doe-eyed looks? Ah, no, focus.

“It’s almost too sweet for my tastes” Wynne continued, completely ignoring my thoughts, even though I was half convinced she could hear them “And I’m an old lady who should be making lace hearts and fuzzy blankets with animal motifs”

Obviously, I didn’t remember word for word of what she tells the Warden when she talks about her relationship with Alistair, but I was sure it was at least pretty darn close.

Wynne looked at me, expectantly. Oh shoot, was she waiting for me to reply? The lack of multiple-choice answers threw me off.

“Instead, you’re weaving potentially poisonous substances into fighting gear” I said, showing off my newly mended robes.

Wynne chuckled “Yes, I imagine you are much more likely to see me weaving lyrium rather than pom-poms, but that’s hardly my point”

Here it comes, folks.

“I’ve noticed your blossoming relationship, and I wanted to ask where you thought it was going” To infinity and beyond? “Alistair is a fine lad, skilled in battle, but quite inexperienced when it comes to affairs of the heart. I would hate to see him get hurt”

I gave her my best pained smile “Everyone is going to hurt you, Wynne. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for” Bob Marley, everybody.

Wynne seemed taken aback “That’s… true, I suppose. Nevertheless, the situation you have both found yourselves in has the potential for tragedy. He is a Grey Warden, and the son of a king. He has responsibilities which supersede his personal desires”

I nodded sagely “With great power, comes great responsibility” Uncle Ben. Although I’m pretty sure Voltaire said it first.

“Yes, exactly. Love is ultimately selfish. It demands that one be devoted to a single person, who may fully occupy one’s mind and heart, to the exclusion of all else” Her eyes on me were firm, but her tone was not unkind “A Grey Warden cannot afford to be selfish. He may be forced to make a choice between saving his love or saving everyone else, and then what would you have him do?”

I didn’t have a quote for that one. Better answer seriously. And boy, were there things I wanted to say.

But first, a little validation.

“Thank you, Wynne, that’s very considerate of you”

Wynne made a surprised face, but it was quickly replaced by a frown “There’s no need for sarcasm. I know my advice was unsolicited, but I am only trying to help”

I nodded “Yes, I know. I meant it. You are obviously looking out for both of us, so that we don’t get hurt later, because the stakes we’re dealing with are unusually high. It isn’t like you’re saying this just to be mean. Where I come from, people call that tough love”

The frown melted from Wynne’s face “Quite right, dear. I’m glad you understand”

Now then, time to spice it up.

“I have to say, though, a love like what you describe seems… kinda unhealthy, actually”

“Pardon? Unhealthy?”

“Uh huh. Devoted to a single person, occupying one’s heart and mind to the exclusion of all else…” I faked a shiver.

“Such is the nature of love, I’m afraid” she said placidly, but I could see she was already suspicious of where I was going with this.

I shrugged “Well, maybe it’s a cultural thing, then. I believe love should nurture. Yes, ideally, one would be happy just being with the object of their affections, but I think such relationships rarely last. Love is justified when the other person brings something to your life that makes it better, such as the safe heaven the protagonists usually provide each other in those novels you read” I added with a grin.

Wynne raised a fist to her mouth, clearing her throat “I see. An interesting perspective, but no the main topic we are discussing, I’m afraid. As you said, the stakes are high, Grey Warden’s can hardly afford love of any kind, as such a thing would derelict them from their duties”

Heh, _duties_ “I guess we’ll have to disagree on something, then” I sighed “I also think the burden Grey Wardens carry during the Blight is heavy, but rather than make that their single minded focus, to the exclusion of all else, I believe letting them enjoy the chances they have at whatever happiness they can find is the least the world can do for them, giving what they’re already sacrificing for it”

I intentionally repeated the words she said before, the ones I described as unhealthy love.

“Then there’s nothing left for me to say” she said, folding her arms in front of her primly “I have given my advice, do with it what you will”

I raised a hand to stop her as she made to leave, having said her piece.

“Wynne, I know” I gave her a self-deprecating smile “I’m well aware what would happen if he chose to… fulfill his responsibilities as a prince. And I don’t even know if we’d make it that far… for God’s sake we’ve only just began having this type of relationship, like, yesterday. But even if we do end up falling in love with each other…” I laughed, in spite of myself “Wynne I’m a mage. I know he’ll have to dump me if he chooses the crown”

She looked at me for a few seconds, as if seeing me for the first time “And yet, you would still choose to pursue what could be an ill-fated relationship with him?”

Ouch, she doesn’t mince her words, does she?

I pursed my lips “I know what it feels like to lose people you love. I lost everyone, Wynne” saying it aloud, even when I’d known this all along, brought a sharp pain to my chest “And I would never wish I hadn’t loved them. I don’t want to be the person who rejects opportunities life gives her because she’s afraid to get hurt”

Because I didn’t think there were many things as painful as losing what I already had.

Wynne reached out, gently swiping a tear that managed to roll down my cheek. I wanted to show some vulnerability, cause it was necessary if I wanted Wynne to understand my point of view, but I’d already cried my fill, and I didn’t want to open that dam again, least of all right now. Puffy eyes on a first date were a big no-no.

So I said “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”

Alfred Lord Tennyson, in a quote so cliched it was bound to snap me out of it.

Wynne smiled, kindness and understanding radiating from her wrinkly features “That is very wise, my dear. And I am sorry. I may have been too harsh before. What you have may not last. Death and duty may part you, but love’s worthiness is not diminished because of that. I seem to have forgotten who I was speaking to”

I returned her smile in kind “Not at all. Thank you for caring enough to speak to me about it”

And that was that. Wynne excused herself, and after breathing in and out for a bit, I returned to the room, where I found Leliana with her head buried in my backpack.

“Maya if you’re done, go try that outfit I’ve laid out for you”

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly and went to do as I was told. Only for Kallian to grab my hand and give it a squeeze, gazing at me with big, sorrowful eyes. I was uncertain what that meant, until my eyes landed on her ears. Her long, elvish ears that apparently had super hearing.

I shrugged my shoulders and gave her what I hopped was a reassuring gesture. Of course, Kallian wasn’t the only one with elvish hearing in the room, as I realized when Sylvan gave me a sad puppy look.

Gosh, these sad elves would be the death of me.

* * *

So, date night was awkward.

Al and I met up– oh wait, right. We didn’t need to meet up, cause we lived in the same place. So it was more of a, ‘er, ready to go?’ and a ‘oh, uh, sure’ exchange. Not that it was all bad. Alistair looked great, for a guy wearing medieval get up. No, I was being unfair. The balloony pants were a little out there, but the white tunic he wore looked good. Extra points for having the sleeves rolled up. Because forearms.

Plus, mine wasn’t any better. As for what I was wearing, it was an outfit that wouldn’t look too odd for Fereldan standards and somewhat satisfied Leliana, and that’s all I’m gonna say about it. But I do think Al was checking me out, so that’s good.

Thankfully, the date went uphill from there.

We had dinner at a tavern, which wasn’t bad at all. Had some ale, and just talked. He was a little stiff at first -me? I was breezy, as always… yeah- but soon the atmosphere eased up, and we had seldom the uncomfortable silence. I told him about my world, my job and my family. When I named my numerous cousins, aunts and uncles, who had all been present in my life before and after my mom passed away, his eyes sparkled.

“I’ve always wanted a big family” he confessed “That’s one of the reasons I was so eager to join the Wardens. They all seemed like a tight-knit group. It’s what I imagined a large family to be like”

He proceeded to tell me stories about them. The one I remembered from the game was about a drinking competition, but there were many that were new to me. Like the time they made a bunch of the guys think there was a darkspawn attack, and this one guy came out butt naked. They later found out he’d been getting lucky, the poor sod.

Afterwards we walked around a bit. Too late did I realize there weren’t many hot date spots in Denerim. I almost stopped someone to ask what they did for fun around here, but thought better of it. Anywho, it was still fun, and we didn’t run out of things to talk about. I even told him how I was thinking of getting _Spellweaver_ , the Arcane Warrior sword, and he offered to teach me how to wield a sword as soon as we had a moment, which is honestly something I should have asked him for a long time ago. I was busy practicing magic and stuff, shut up.

In short, it went well.

Okay, it went great. I definitely wanted to secure date two.

Ah but then, we got back to the house.

“Um, how about walking around a little more?” I offered once we reached the door, pointing towards the path that went further down the road, which I knew had a dead end.

What? I’m not plotting anything nefarious. I just wanted to make the date last a little longer. Seriously, lay off the Anne Rice novels. Geez.

Anyway, Alistair agreed, and off we went. And we kept going, until we reached the end of the road, at which point I turned around to face him.

I looked up at him and smiled “I had a great time”

He grinned back “Good. I mean, I did, too. But it’s… I’m glad you did”

“Does that mean I earned my second date pass?”

Al laughed “Shouldn’t that be my line?”

I cocked my head, even as I leaned forward “Why?”

His eyes fell on my lips “…I forget. It’s probably not important”

“So… yes?”

“Yes…?” he blinked “Ah, yes, absolutely”

I chuckled. I liked his enthusiasm. It made it clear that I wasn’t the only one who wanted this…

Or so I thought.

Our lips were so close… and he pulled back.

He pulled back.

“Al…?” at his hesitance, I felt myself pale, the sting of rejection like a needle in my chest “Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed”

“No!”

I flinched, surprised by his outburst.

He went on, a little calmer “Maker, no. You _should_ assume that. You should absolutely assume I wanted to… yes”

Kiss. The word he couldn’t bring himself to say to me was kiss.

So cute.

I was so confused though “So, then…?”

Alistair scratched the back of his neck, suddenly turning serious “I heard about… what you talked to Wynne, earlier today.

Oh. _Oh_.

“I like you. You know that. And I know you said you’d be okay with getting what you could and accept it if it didn’t work out because of my choices. And I thought I would be okay with it too but…” he grabbed his hair in a fist “I… I don’t know. I don’t know if I can be that guy who could be with you, all the while knowing I may decide to…”

Run a damn country. To be honest, it didn’t seem like the worst reason to break up with someone.

I stared at him, stomach dropping “Does that mean… is this it, then?”

He made a face as if I’d punched him in the stomach “I don’t know. Give me some time to think. Please”

I thought about it for a while, watching him get more and more nervous. And I saw it again. His anticipation and fear of rejection. He wanted this. But he also wanted to do the right thing.

Damn his moral compass. And mine.

“Alright. But make it fast, or I’ll take Zevran’s advice and seduce you”

He exhaled in relief “Thank y– wait, what?”

I pointed at him “You’ve been warned”

“No, wait a minute. Did you say sedu–”

Just then, my eye caught sight of a door I was sure had been closed the last time I was here with Zevran. I gasped.

“Al, look!”

“Huh?”

“That door. It wasn’t open before”

Alistair looked at me like I’d gone crazy “Okay…? Back to what you were saying before. Uh, out of curiosity, how are you–?”

I shushed him and approached the open door. Al cursed under his breath, but seeing I was bent on this, he followed after me.

And yes, for those of you that don’t think me a complete moron -yet-, I did have a reason for cutting him short and approaching a seemingly random open door. If I was right, that was _that_ door. The one that led to the Grey Warden Vault in Denerim. You know, the one Riordan gives you access to.

And if we hadn’t rescued Riordan yet -which I should talk to Kallian about soon, btw- then the only one who could’ve found and opened this door was…

In my excitement, I strode to the door and swung it open like a freaking telenovela, ignoring Al’s surprised protests from behind.

_THWACK!!!_

I jumped back with a yelp. Next to me was an axe, still vibrating from the force that sunk it into the doorframe.

Eyes wide, I turned to the only person inside the room.

A red-headed dwarf with a big ass hammer glared angrily at me.

“Who the dung are you?”


	42. Misunderstandings, They Aren’t Always So Bad

I stared dumbly at the axe that could have easily landed in the middle of my chest. That was my mistake. I should’ve kept my eyes on the approaching dwarf, fully armored and radiating menace.

“I asked you a damned question”

Oh Jesus.

She was terrifying.

“ _Rock Armor, Combat Magic, Aura of Might_ ” I quickly began casting my suitainables, a knee jerk reaction to being in danger. And then “ _Glyph of Paralysis!_ ”

The glyph flickered to life beneath the dwarf… and fizzled out.

Right, their race had higher magic resistance.

She growled at me “Fucking mage”

Oh shit.

A hand suddenly grabbed me from behind, forcing me to retreat as someone else took my place.

“Stay back” Al warned me, as he took out his blade “I’ll keep her occupied, you keep trying to chip away at her with your spells”

I grunted my agreement to his strategy, immediately recognizing our usual fighting pattern.

With a battle cry, the dwarf charged at Alistair. Instead of meeting her head on, he reached to the side with his free hand and wrenched the ax form the doorframe it’d been stuck to. With a fluid twist of his wrist, he hurled the ax back at the dwarf. She blocked it without much effort, but it gave Al the opening he needed to meet her attack and effectively interrupted the woman’s momentum.

Wow. That was cool.

Oh wait, focus on the fight, fangirl later.

_Glyph of Warding!_

Having casted the only buff type spell I knew, I kept trying to hit the dwarf with my spells, which proofed difficult, being in such close quarters. Alistair was keeping up admirably, though, considering he’d neglect to bring his shield to our date, and was fighting only with his sword. Ugh, so much for the big date ending, by the way. Not only did I fail to steal a kiss from the guy because of some sudden honorable thoughts, we also somehow ended up fighting a random dwarf in the middle of a Grey Warden vault…

…I’m an idiot.

Of course there wouldn’t be a random dwarf in the vault. She wouldn’t have found the place and if she did, she wouldn’t have been able to enter without breaking the door. A cursory glance told me the door was fine, if the lock looked a little odd. Not broken exactly but it would explain why it’d been left open. That meant she must’ve come with someone who knew the vault was here. Riordan was presumably still held captive, so she was either with Duncan or the mysterious people that we encountered in the Brecilian Forest. And since those were mages, my money was on Duncan.

I tried to take a good look at her face, wondering if she was Brosca or Aeducan, but the stupid helmet was in the way. Mm… should I just call a name randomly? Or just yell both of them…?

Oh, I know.

“Yo! How’s Gorim?” I yelled.

She ignored me, not a hint of recognition in her face. Not a hint that she’d heard me at all, really.

Alright, let’s try with the other one.

“How ‘bout Rica?”

The dwarf’s eyes snapped in my direction for the first time, giving Al the chance to knock the hammer from her hands in a single sweep. Atta boy.

My relief was short-lived. Ignoring Alistair this time, the woman side-stepped him with an agility she hadn’t shown before. Her eyes never left mine even as her expression contorted in fury and she came at me like a bull seeing red.

“Wait, Brosca–!”

Oh hell–!

I turned tail and RAN.

…Or I intended to, only to come to a stop by a sudden wall materializing in front of me. A rather short, if incredibly sturdy wall, who sprouted hands that grabbed me.

I looked down to meet the startling grey eyes of yet another dwarf. But my astonishment lasted only a second, and I began struggling against him, trying to get free to keep fleeing from the possessed dwarf who would surely bite my head off the moment she reached me. Unfortunately, a second was all she needed.

Fortunately, it was also all that guy needed to get between her and I.

My peripheral vision caught a blur as it passed by me, then an all too familiar voice.

“Hold, Natia. She is not out enemy”

Holly molly.

“She is a friend”

Duncan.

* * *

“Please let go” I asked the grey-eyed dwarf politely. Now that Duncan was here, the tense atmosphere died down like a fire spell under heavy rain. The dwarf -Aeducan, most likely- did so without fuss. I turned to greet and thank Duncan, but he still had his back to me. Peering over his shoulder was enough to understand why.

Alistair stood perfectly still; his eyes stuck on Duncan. I could see the disbelief in his features and in the way his sword hung at his side, all the fight drained out of him. I couldn’t see Duncan’s face, because he was blocking the doorway with his back to me, but I was close enough to feel the slight tension his body radiated.

…

Well, say something, man.

“Alistair… it is good to see you”

Did I say that out loud or was he reading my mind again? Bah.

Alistair blinked once, twice. He slowly approached Duncan, passing by a confused and still fuming Brosca, and stood face to face with the closest thing to a family he’d had in… well, ever.

“You­– you–” he attempted, then cleared his throat before trying again “You…” You can do it, buddy “You’re alive” there ya go.

Duncan chuckled “I’d have thought Maya would’ve told you already”

Alistair let out an awkward laugh of his own, wonder written all over his face “She did but… knowing and seeing are two different things” he looked at Duncan for a second longer before giving him a blazing grin that lit up his whole face “I’m glad to see you haven’t kicked the bucket yet”

Duncan laughed along, placing a hand on his shoulder “So am I, my friend. You have done well in my absence, a true Grey Warden”

With an exhale, Al dropped his sword and caught Duncan in a big bear hug.

…Good God, Kallian isn’t my biggest love rival. Duncan is.

After Alistair let him go, we all huddled inside, away from prying eyes. Alistair and I learned that Duncan’s party arrived at Denerim only a few hours ago, and that they’d left Natia to guard their hideout while the rest of them scouted the city and got something to eat. Said hideout turned out to be the entrance to the Grey Warden Vault and was located just a few minutes away from brother Genitivi’s house, as you would have it. The door had been left ajar thanks to Natia’s accidentally breaking the lock, apparently. Not that she looked very apologetic, but whatever.

Crazy how things work out sometimes, huh?

My reunion with the Warden Commander was much less dramatic, by the by.

“I see you have succeeded” he told me, clasping my arm firmly.

I hummed “Mostly, I guess. There were a few bumps along the way” Nobody died though, so I counted that as a win “Things went alright on your end too? I hope you’ll tell us the whole story sometime, I bet it was fun” I nodded my head in the direction of the two dwarfs.

That got a smile from Duncan “Indeed. Regrettably, by the time we reached the border, Loghain’s men were already blocking the road in and out of the country. Looking for another route would’ve taken more time than we had. Still, it was worth it. Allow me to introduce both of you to two of our new recruits, Natia Brosca and Duran Aeducan”

Two other origins, right in front of me.

This was SO COOL, you guys. I mean, Natia Brosca was still glaring daggers at me, but my sense of danger had gotten a little lenient from spending months in Thedas.

“So you’re rebuilding the Grey Wardens? That’s… wait, did you say Aeducan? As in, Orzammar’s royal family?” said the king’s bastard son.

“Not anymore, I’m afraid” the prince in question answered from his spot next to Natia “I’ve been exiled on grounds of fratricide. Call me Duran. It is a pleasure to meet you”

Alistair gaped at him.

I hid a smirk “...I’m Maya Bellerose, it’s nice to meet you”

“Uh, right, I’m Alistair, of the Grey Wardens”

“And I’m still waiting for an explanation” We all turned at Brosca’s inpatient tone. She pinned me under her stare “How the stone do you know about Rica”

It was a question, but it came out as more of a ‘tell me or I’ll murder everyone you know and have you watch’.

I blinked at her, then turned to Duncan “You didn’t tell them?”

“Tell us what?” she snapped again.

Sheesh, lady. Take a chill pill.

“I believed a premature revelation would only endanger you”

Thanks man.

“Alright, fine. I know about your sister because I come from another world, where some of the events of Thedas are recorded and made available to people as a story of sorts. I know of some of the thigs that have happened to you as well as a few events in the future” I finished with my arms crossed, daring them to fight me about it. This was much easier than when I told the party.

“You nug-humping liar. If you think I’ll believe–”

“She’s telling the truth, Natia”

The red-headed dwarf turned her incredulous eyes on Duncan. Meanwhile, I was still reeling at being called a nug-humper. That was a first.

“I see” Duran nodded to himself, eyes focused not on us, but somewhere in the far end of the room “I would assume that’s how you knew so much of the events in Orzammar, despite not having any informants in the city other than Lt. Kardol… Is her knowledge also what aided you in finding me and Natia?”

Duncan nodded “Precisely, Duran”

No wait, was that really just a guess?

The former prince caught my eye and nodded deeply “Then, milady, we owe you our lives”

“Oh, well… Duncan did all the work”

“No, stop. You’re going to believe that load of dung?”

Duran gave his fellow recruit a small smile “I can believe she acquired information about the events to be, yes. It is the simplest explanation”

Occam’s razor. Nice.

“I know it is hard to believe, my friend” intervened Duncan “But her predictions have proven to be correct more than once. You asked, when we first met, how I knew your sister expected a son. It was Maya who told me so, as well as how to find you in the first place”

Natia took a moment to take everything in, then shook her head and went to lean on a wall opposite to the entrance.

Okay then.

I scratched the back of my head sheepishly “Sorry, I guess I kinda dropped a bomb there, huh?”

“You did. But believe me, there is no easy way to take the news” Alistair comforted me “Then again, you don’t look very surprised” he glanced at Duran.

He tilted his head to the side and blinked “I’d say I’m reasonably surprised, though?”

Pfft, sure didn’t look it.

“Did you know Gorim is here in the city?”

Duran turned his gunmetal grey eyes on me, blinking owlishly “I didn’t”

What, that really was his surprised face? He was funny.

“He was your second back in Orzammar, was he not?” Duncan asked him.

Duran simply nodded.

“Do you mean the dwarf you pointed out at the plaza the other day? The one selling dwarven crafts?”

“Yep”

“I remember where he set up shop. We can go tomorrow, if you’d like”

Duran gave him a nod “I would. Thank you”

We began talking about meeting up with Kallian and the rest of the group. I snickered to myself. I couldn’t wait to see her face when she met these guys. As reactions went, I suppose none would be as good as Al’s meeting Duncan again, but they’d do. I envied them, somewhat. I wasn’t usually surprised by such plot-twists, given what I knew. Even at times like this, when something non-canon happened, it was usually something I was aware of beforeha–

A beep in my radar made me look towards the entrance sharply. I typically tuned out non-threatening presences, so this one had sneaked up on me until it was obvious they were heading our way. I opened my mouth to warn the others when the door swung open.

“What’s this? Dammit, Salroka, did you bust up another door?”

…

“Oh my GOD IT’S LESKE” The warning died in my throat and became a screech.

I stand corrected.

* * *

“So you knew who I was, because you’ve seen the future in another world, and I appear in it?”

“Er, yes” more or less.

“Well, I’ll be. How’s that duster, I’m famous in another world!”

Natia rolled her eyes at her friend “Don’t get your tiny beard in a twist, duster. She’s lying”

To my right, Kallian laughed “It took me a while to wrap my head around it too, but Maya’s no liar. We’ve all seen her words proven right time and again”

On her other side, Duran chuckled “I’m looking forward to seeing it myself”

This was so surreal.

We’d rendezvoused back at Genitivi’s house, where Duncan greeted Kallian warmly, and we made the proper introductions. And now, I got to see three origins chatting. All alive and together. Plus Leske outside of Orzammar and joining the Warden group. The fangirl in me was doing little flips.

Behind me, Alistair lowered his mouth next to my ear “So these two are also possible… you know, they could’ve been…?” his breath tickled me, causing the girl in me to do summersaults.

“Uh-huh” I said, fighting off a sudden impulse to take Alistair and continue our date were we left off. Fortunately, I do have some self-control.

“This is… crazy. But also good. If we can have more Wardens join in, and if they turn out to be as reliable as Kallian, we have the Blight in the bag”

He was still whispering in my ear, and I could feel a blush creeping up on me. Enough was enough.

I stood on my toes and spoke softly “I know, but if you don’t stop teasing my ear, I’m not sure I can wait as I promised”

I leaned back and couldn’t help but smile at his predictable blush.

I have _some_ self-control.

Satisfied, I turned… and caught Duncan watching us. I suddenly found the ceiling fascinating.

I don’t know, okay? For some reason, Duncan knowing about us somehow made me feel like a teenager getting caught with her secret boyfriend.

Thankfully, we were discussing more pressing matters.

“We have the map to Heaven, the town brother Genitivi was investigating” Kallian informed the newcomers “If we follow it, we can find the Urn of Sacred Ashes, save the Arl, and get ourselves the support we need against Loghain during the Landsmeet. We succeed there, and we can rally the rest of Ferelden against the darkspawn”

Duncan nodded, as if his attention had never left Kallian “Good. Then the only ones left would be the dwarfs… although I do wish to go to soldier’s peak. I understand from Maya there are some valuable findings there”

“There’s also another town we can stop by on our way to Haven. Apparently, there’s some sort of secret we should uncover”

Both leaders turn to me “Yes and yes. And I’m not telling what it is you’ll find in any of those places”

Kallian gave me a half smile “Still worried about the changes?”

I grinned back “No, I just don’t want to spoil the fun. I’ll tell you about the dangerous parts, don’t worry”

My friend rolled her eyes at me, but Duncan’s look told me he wouldn’t let the matter go so easily. Yikes.

It made sense, though. I’d only spent a short time with him, and I didn’t keep many secrets to myself then. Since, though, I’d had a lot more time to think.

“So we’re staying another day, then?” Kallian wondered aloud “Or are we leaving and planning on the road?”

“If it’s alright, I’d have our departure delayed” answered Duncan “I need to prepare the ingredients for the Joining of our new recruits.

Kallian froze. It was only for a second, but I knew some of us noticed “I understand. Do you have… everything you need here?”

Duncan nodded, catching her meaning “Yes, although I would rather we leave before the actual ritual”

“That’s just as well, it’ll give us a chance to go to the Pearl”

You could hear a pin drop from the stillness that followed.

_Don’t laugh._

Leliana’s tentative voice broke silence “Ah, the Pearl, Kallian? That… you do know it’s a brothel, yes?”

_Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh._

“What? Oh! No, I’m going with Maya”

I cracked up.

“What? WHAT?”

“Maya stop LAUGHING!”

“Are you really going to a brothel with Kallian?”

“If you are, may I join in?”

Oh God, I loved these people.


	43. Things Happen, Even If I’m Not There To See Them, Unfortunately

“So this is the one?”

“Mmm”

“Are you certain? She seems… ordinary”

“I am certain”

I stared up at the two purple ladies floating in my dream-space, wondering if I should say something or just let them sort whatever they were on about by themselves.

“Speak, human. Show me why Desire regards you so”

Regards me how? Ah, whatever.

“Um, hi?” Nailed it “I’m Maya, and you are…?”

She looked down at me, arms crossed, horns turned upwards.

“She is Desire, as I am” my Desire answered for her.

While the two were unmistakably of the same species, they did have their differences. My Desire had waist length silver hair and horns that slicked backwards. The new Desire’s hair was longer still, with horns that curved up. There were also some subtilities that set them apart in their facial features and body types.

They were both gorgeous, in that otherworldly way of demons.

“And what brings her to my little pocket of the Fade?”

“Desire, of course” answered Desire. The new one.

“As in, the feeling or _she_ Desire?” I asked, pointing at my demon friend Desire.

…

This was getting confusing fast. Maybe I should give her a nickname.

“ _Your_ desire, little girl. I could feel it, and so I came. I was hoping Desire would be willing to share, but alas, she is not”

Full stop.

“You came to… what possess me? Or make a deal with me?”

New Desire gave me an ominous smile “Why, if you wish so…”

“Enough. I am already occupying this place. You are not welcome”

Whoa, you go, D-girl.

…yeah, no, that was awful. Thank God I didn’t say it out loud.

The new Desire tsked “Fine, I have no wish to fight you over a single mortal. I shall take my leave”

Before I could even react, she covered herself in a hurricane of purple flames. She spun twice within them and disappeared as the fire consumed itself.

Dessie sighed “She is so flashy”

Really? I thought it was pretty cool. I wonder if I could do something similar without setting myself on fire.

“You were cool though, Lady D”

She raised a perfect eyebrow “What, did you call me?”

I looked down, pretending to kick a none-existent Fade pebble. Imagine my surprise when it appeared in front of my foot “Weeell… it was getting confusing there with the other Desire, so I thought about giving you a nickname. Do you like it? I’m in the fence between that and ‘Dessie’”

She gave me a disgusted look that reminded me a lot of Morrigan “Do not waste my time with such folly. And you should not relax. This time, I was stronger than the intruder. Next time, you may not be so lucky. I like it here, but I have no intention on risking by life for you”

“I’ll keep it in mind, Dessie” she scowled prettily at me. Hmm… No, I still wasn’t sure which to use “By the way, what did she mean my desire drew her here?”

She exhaled, looking tired “You have been… exuding, more desire as of late” she inhaled deeply and a small smile curved her lips, she suddenly looked like she’d woken up from a power nap.

And of course, the first thing I thought of was the dashing, yet infuriatingly indecisive templar.

…I wasn’t _that_ frustrated though, was I?

As if she could read my thoughts, Lady D chuckled “Mmm… yes. _He_ is quiet delectable in your thoughts” _shudder_ “But it is more than that. You have begun to have… _wants_. You have begun to imagine a future and all which you wish to obtain. It is becoming clearer now”

I stared at her, a dumbfounded expression on my face.

Was she right?

…holy hell, she might just be on to something there. I had indeed been thinking about my life in Thedas more and more. What I would wear, what I would eat, how I would manage to keep my hygiene standards… _who_ I hoped would be in the future I imagined.

Dessie sighed “Alas, our conversation must be cut short. You are waking”

Wha– already? I began to feel myself fading into consciousness.

“Wait!” I looked deeply into her dark eyes as the sensation pulled at me “I promise, I will choose a nickname for you next time we meet. I promiiiiseeeee!!”

She gave me a long-suffering sigh “Desist, Maya”

And with that, I woke up.

* * *

“So you’ve already been to see Marjolaine?” I asked, surprised.

“I have” Leliana nodded “Kallian was with me, along with Zevran, Sten and Scout. I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t ask you to come… you were busy at the time” she giggled.

With my date with Al. She’d gone to face her past while I made eyes at a handsome templar.

Truthfully, I didn’t mind it that much. I wanted to be there for my friend’s milestone achievement, but I was always happy to skip a fight, especially against people. Hell, if I could get all my levels from fighting darkspawn and collecting herbs, I’d be a happy mage. Mm… come to think of it, maybe I should ask one of the rogues to teach me how to pick a lock.

“That’s fine. How did it go? Did you…”

“Did I kill her?” Leliana pressed her plump lips into a thin line “Yes, I did. I… don’t know if that was the right thing to do or not, but I couldn’t afford her coming after us later”

I nodded “I’m sorry”

“Why? Do you think I chose wrong? I couldn’t–”

“No, no, no. That isn’t it. I’m sorry you had to make the choice. I know she was someone you cared for once. And you are so kind, it’s obvious her death would weight down on you”

Leliana chuckled mirthlessly “Kind? Kallian said something of the sort, as well. How can I be kind? I’ve killed people and I– I’ve enjoyed it. I enjoy the intrigue and danger the Game provides. I am not kind”

I looked up at her, letting my sadness show “I wish you were as kind to yourself as you are to others, then you would understand. Let me ask you something, why did you kill her?”

“Because– because I could see she wouldn’t relent. She would send assassins after me until she succeeded. And while doing so, she would put all of you in danger”

I clapped my hands, startling her, and gave her a big smile “So you see. What lies behind your killing Marjolaine is your desire to protect those you care about. We are very lucky to have such a kind friend”

Leliana opened her mouth in a perfect ‘o’ “I… I suppose you are right. But…”

I waved her off “I don’t expect you to change your entire outlook based on a single conversation. If people worked like that, I’d have been out of a job a long time ago. Just think about it; why do you do the things you do? In the service of what do you act?”

She took a few moments to process what I said, then gave a slight nod “I shall think on it, thank you Maya. You are very good at this”

I laughed. Kind of my job back on earth. Leliana would’ve made a good psychologist too, I think. Or a politician. Either way.

After that, Leliana fell back, saying she wished to take advantage of the time until we reached our destination to get to know Leske, who was walking with Zevran behind us.

That apparently was opening enough for the number one guy I didn’t want to talk to, who approached me before I could even ask Leliana to let me come along.

Our group had gotten unnecessarily big. So much so, we decided the best course of action was to split up and cover more ground; by which I mean some people would be doing quests and earning money while the others visited the Pearl -except for Wynne, who’d offered to stay with Sylvan back at the house-. Needless to say, I was part of the latter group. So was every rogue on the team, plus Alistair. I’d told them there might be something for them in the Pearl, and they’d all seem interested. For Al, though, I’d been gushing on and off about the event there, and I think I finally piqued his curiosity enough for him to tag along.

Hehe.

There was also a quest or two at the brothel itself, so two birds, yeah?

Right now, though, I had an entirely different problem.

“You cut your hair”

I glanced sideways at Duncan, who walked next to me.

“Huh? Oh, yeah… it’s, ah, more convenient this way”

“It suits you” he smiled.

“Thank you”

_Omg, this is nerve racking._

I’d been on edge around him since the day before. I was just so sure he would mention the thing with me and Alistair, so I’d been avoiding him. It’d gone well, until he decided to accompany us to the Pearl. I couldn’t tell him not to go without a solid excuse and for the life of me I couldn’t think of one. And I sure as hell wasn’t gonna miss it, so…

He hadn’t said anything yet though, so I still had some hope he wouldn’t–

“You seem nervous. Is there something on your mind?”

I almost walked into a wall.

Betrayed by my own anxiety. Typical.

“No, nope. Everything is dandy… Is there something on your mind?”

“As a matter of fact, I’ve been meaning to thank you”

Huh. Didn’t see that coming “Oh?”

Duncan smiled kindly at me “You did a good job; in spite of the secrecy you were forced to keep. I thank you”

Well, shucks “It was nothing” Wait, what am I saying “Actually, it was super rough. I cried so many times and almost died a couple others”

I looked up at him, expectantly.

Duncan’s eyebrows rose “I… am sure we can find a way to compensate you for your time”

We turned a corner after Kallian and Alistair, who walked in front us. A non-descriptive building appeared before us. It looked much the same as the other buildings in the block, except that on the front, a hanging wooden square depicted a simple sphere, the world _The Pearl_ written in cursive below.

I smirked at him “I’ll remember you said that”

Duncan hummed “I’ll also refrain from mentioning anything about regarding your relationship with Alistair”

I tripped over my own feet. Duncan didn’t even look back as he walked up to his fellow Wardens, but I thought I heard him chuckle.

Crafty old man.

* * *

“Interesting”

“Indeed, I have never seen someone move quite like her before”

“Oh! Did you see that? She turned and swiped with one hand while stabbing with the other at an angle. How clever!”

“She’s as good as I remember. Perhaps I should go say hi”

“What, you know her? Or you _know_ her? _Gr-aw_ ”

I sighed inwardly. Rogue-banter. Boy, my companions were a bunch of nerds. And that’s coming from me.

Not that I blamed them. That _was_ Isabela, captain extraordinaire and a seasoned heart-breaker. In both senses of the phrase.

It was funny how no one lifted a finger to help; they all seemed rather content with watching her fight. Or watching _her,_ I suppose. By the way, I still couldn’t believe we’d gone in at the exact same time as she was attacked. Game logic at its finest.

On another note… OMG ISABELA! This was so cool you guys.

I was still busy fangirling inside my head when Isabela’s fight came to an end. The pirate cleaned the blood from her daggers on the people that now lay on the floor -hopefully not dead- and sauntered over to us.

Eep! She looked just like her DA2 avatar!

“And look who we have here. Come to apologize for leaving me bereft of my lord husband and then vanishing without a trace?”

Zevran smirked slowly “You know it was just business, Isabela. Business that turned out well for you, I see~ You inherited the ship, I take it?”

Isabela’s lips curved upward ever so slightly “Hmph, I suppose I never did like the greasy bastard. And the Siren treats me far better than she ever did him”

“Indeed” He turned to us with a flourish before announcing “This is Isabela, queen of the eastern seas and the sharpest blade in Llomerryn”

We didn’t introduce ourselves to her one by one, but rather as the ‘Grey Warden and co.’ which was a little awkward, seeing as Duncan was there, yet Zev still treated Kallian as the head of the party. Kallian must’ve noticed, cause she glanced very briefly at Duncan before deciding to go with it and immediately veered the conversation to the pirate’s obvious fighting skills. Kallian wasted no time in asking Isabela to teach her how to be a duellist, a request that was well received, as per the norm in the game.

I perked up at this point in the conversation. Now, **this** is where it got good.

“I do, however, wish to get to know my potential student better, so we shall call for a drink, and you will honour me with a game”

What’ll it be, Kallian?

To be honest, I didn’t expect much. Kallian had her thing with Leliana, but I’d never thought of her as someone particularly… adventurous.

However, instead of answering right away, Kallian’s face became troubled.

“You mean a card game? If I win, you’ll teach me?”

“Yes. Wicked Grace is the name, my dear”

Kallian sighed “I’m afraid I’m not very familiar with card games… are there no other ways for us to get to know each other?”

Wait.

Isabela looked intrigued “Do you have… something else in mind?”

WAIT.

Kallian gave her an eager smile “We could board your ship. I’ve never been on one, and I’d like to see what’s below deck”

I slapped a hand over my mouth. Oh my God.

“Ooh, and now you’ve piqued my interest. It would surely be rude of me to decline such a… delicious offer” Isabela purred.

Kallian breathed a sigh of relief.

“You’re going with her? I… I thought you were joking?” Leliana asked, taking a step forward “I can’t let you do this. N–not without me… uh, keeping an eye on the both of you”

Alright, this was getting out of hand.

“And what about you, Zev? Shall we, for old times’ sake?”

This was really getting out of hand.

“If Isabela wants your company, who am I to say no?”

What is happening! Oh boy this was too good.

From behind me, I heard Leske murmuring “Stone, had I known the surface was like this, I would’ve left Orzammar a long time ago”

“And what of you my dear, do you also wish to join us?”

I looked around to see who she was talking to, only for me to meet her eyes.

Full stop.

“What, me?” I pointed at myself, eyes wide.

“Mmm… There is something about you. You are just my type”

My mouth dropped open “ _I’m_ you type?” Oh my gosh! I was Isabela’s type!

I couldn’t help it, I giggled. I giggled like a schoolgirl.

Suddenly, Alistair was at my side.

“Are you… with her? With _them_? I mean… wow. And here I am, awake and everything”

_Maya, whatever you do, DO NOT LAUGH._

I jutted a hip, giving him a look “I thought you needed time?”

His mouth hung open “I did, but that doesn’t…” He dropped his head to whisper in my ear “Do we really have to talk about this right now?”

“Perhaps your friend is feeling left out? There is always room for one more… yes?”

I glanced at Al, brow arched.

He looked at me like I’d grown a second head “You can’t be serious. Oh, I get it. Bad Maya. You are so doing this on purpose”

I so was.

Anyway, this was just turning into a full blown orgy, wasn’t it? If she invited Duncan, I would flip my lid.

Well, I could see it in his face; there was no way Al was ready for that. I mean, I was having doubts myself, and Al hadn’t had his first experience yet. I wasn’t _that_ mean.

“Thanks, but I think we’ll pass” I made a motion encompassing me and Alistair “What we have is pretty new so… maybe some other time”

“Hmm… pity”

I could be wrong, but I think I saw Duncan rubbing his eyes from the corner of my eye, as if he was getting a headache.

And with that, the four of them left for the Siren. Before they disappeared from sight, I heard Kallian whispering to Leliana.

“Why didn’t Alistair want Maya to come and see the ship with us?”

I am proud to announce, I only cracked up after they were gone.

* * *

“Here you go, one dubious love letter”

“Thanks, man”

I grabbed the letter Leske offered with greedy hands. After dealing with the fake Grey Warden supporters, who’d holed up in one of the Pearl’s rooms, we’d wandered around the place, waiting for the others to, ehem, finish.

By the way, we’d dealt with the fakes embarrassingly fast.

I’ve said this before, but Duncan is a beast.

It was interesting seeing Leske fight. I was by no means an expert, but he obviously knew what he was doing. Furthermore, his fighting style leaned a lot toward making up for what others lacked. Even in the reduced space, he made sure no stray hits reached me, who was supporting from the back. Somehow, he was also right there next to Alistair, covering for his blindspots, few as they were. Duncan didn’t need any help, but I bet Leske was paying attention, nonetheless.

Alistair peeked at the letter in my hands from over my shoulder “How is it that you keep finding those wherever we go?”

I shrugged. Game logic, man.

“And what were these people even thinking? One would think they’d be more careful were they leave their, er, love letters”

“Are a couple of spicy letters worth so much trouble?” asked Leske while Al kept rambling about inconsistencies.

I grinned “Depends on who you sell it to. I know a guy”

Leske turned to inspect the chest he’d just opened, seeing if there was anything else of worth inside “How? I thought you’d never been here before”

I explained the knowing the future part to Leske. Again. He didn’t have a problem believing I came from a world, but other than him being known there, Leske didn’t pay much attention to anything else. Since I refused to tell him much about the future where he joins up with Jarvia and tries to kill Natia, he kept missing explanations I’d given before.

Well, I didn’t mind it much. It was interesting talking to him.

“There you are” Duncan’s voice called.

Alistair immediately went to meet him “Hey. I thought you were going to keep an eye out in the main room”

“I was. But, ah, it seems I attracted a little too much attention. I hope you don’t mind me accompanying you”

“Of course not! You are welcome anytime” Al assured him.

I inclined my head to the side. Something felt off.

Right as I was thinking that, Leske let out a boisterous laugh “Ha! Those ladies outside try to get some money out of you, duster?”

My eyes went wide at the notion “No! For real?” And I missed it? Hell and damnation!

Duncan cleared his throat “It wasn’t a lady, as a matter of fact”

A male prostitute tried to hit on him? Oh no, that was somehow even better.

“Oh, I would have paid good money to see that” said Alistair between bouts of laughter.

“Me too” Leske seconded.

I raised a hand “Me three”

“I am pleased I can amuse you so” Duncan deadpanned “But it would seem it is time for us to depart”

I followed his line of sight to see the rest of our group returning, a nervous looking Kallian bringing up the rear.

“Whoa, talk about the walk of shame”

Alistair grinned at me “Wanna go make fun of them?”

I beamed at him “Do I?”

We both took off, leaving a chortling dwarf and a tired Warden Commander to follow along.

To be fair, this was probably the last bit of free time we’d have in a while. Tomorrow morning, we left Denerim behind.


	44. The One Where I Set Myself On Fire

I concentrated my mana, sending a small part of it to my fingertips. The urge to cast a spell was there, gnawing at me, but I kept at it. I willed the mana to heat up, slow and steady, until my hand ignited in a bright flame, burning painlessly.

“Wow”

I smiled as I watched Sylvan watching my magic in pure, childish fascination.

It’d taken a while, but after many practice sessions, I’d managed to create fire without casting one of the game spells. It hadn’t taken long for me to realize that while the game system gave me a notorious advantage at the begging, in the long run, it would limit what I could do. The flexibility with which Morrigan and Wynne could use their magic was something I lacked thanks to the rigid game mechanics. But as proven by the new way of healing Wynne taught me, I could learn the basics. If it went well, I’d be able to turn this into a permanent advantage. After all, it’s obviously easier to win at poker if you’re allowed to have more cards at hand, yeah?

I gave Sylvan a half smile “Wanna see something even cooler?”

Sylvan nodded enthusiastically, eyes shining.

I concentrated on the fire. In my mind, the fire burned hotter, the flow of oxygen improved, and the combustion became more efficient. My magic responded, and ever so slowly, the fire changed, a blue flame coming to life at my fingertips.

Sylvan gasped, coming so close I had to move a little so he wouldn’t get burned.

“Careful, this flame’s hotter”

“Wow…”

My chest puffed with pride. I mean, yes, Wynne could do this too and Morrigan could make an even hotter flame which burned violet. Still, looking at this little kid all starry eyed at the sight of the fruit of my labour made me downright giddy.

While Sylvan continued to watch, entranced, I focused on what I’d been practicing for the last few weeks.

Under my watchful gaze, the blue flame became smaller, more concentrated. From a wide flame, the fire became a thin blade, akin to a Bunsen burner I used back at school.

“Wow…”

This kid was good for my ego.

“Fascinating”

I looked up at the low voice. Duran approached us with a slow gait, pausing a few steps away, giving us some space.

“Hello”

I answered in kind. When Sylvan didn’t, Duran glanced in his direction.

“Um, h-hello”

Duran smiled benevolently, nodding at the child like a teacher letting his student know he’d done well.

“Are the others back yet?” I asked.

The dwarf shook his head “Not yet, no”

The Wardens and Warden-recruits had all gone darkspawn-hunting. Duncan wanted to perform the Joining before our group split up, as some of us would be going to Soldier’s peak, while the others would leave for Honnleath, paying dear old Flemeth a visit and dropping off Sylvan with the Dalish clan on the way. Afterwards, we’d meet back up in Redcliffe, before tackling Heaven together.

“You were doing something interesting, just now”

“Mm?” I turned back to my hand, only to find the fire gone. Shoot, didn’t pass the concentration check “You mean the fire magic?”

Duran nodded “You said something about the blue flame being hotter”

“Ah, well” I racked my brain for those long gone science classes “The fire being blue is an indicator that it got hotter, but not the cause”

“How did you do it?”

“Well, I used magic. But Sometimes when you mix some other chemicals with the fire you can get a similar result”

He cocked his head to the side “Like what”

We continued talking about the components of fire. I provided what insight I could from a 21st century perspective. I was no scientist, mind you, but primary and secondary level education allowed for some interesting information. Duran listen attentively as I moved on to explain the education system back home. At some point, he’d sat next to Sylvan, who was also paying attention, though I’m not sure how much he understood.

That was something to say about Duran, though. He was particularly smart. Despite being a man of few words, it became obvious after a few days of traveling together. He, by the way, didn’t accompany the other Wardens, because of some deal he’d made with Duncan; he’d decide later if he wanted to pursue that career path or go after the crown.

Tough choice.

I liked Duran. He was an intellectual, which was something I could relate to and was hard to find in Thedas. Which isn’t to say other people I’d met weren’t smart enough, only that they weren’t academics. Just look at Morrigan, having basically been home-schooled and yet she likely already stood at the top of her field. On the other hand, most of her fellow mages had been taught in circles, which I guess is the closest thing to magic school in the continent right now, and most didn’t even come close to her prowess. Sure, she’d had Flemeth/Mythal for a teacher, but still.

But I digress. To summarize…

…Shit, I should start a magic school.

Sylvan pull at my clothes tentatively, shaking me from my Hogwarts ambitions “Um, Maya, when is Alistair coming back?”

It wasn’t hard to figure out why he was interested in my not-so-boyfriend. I grinned “Eager to continue sword training, are you, Mr. Prodigy?”

He flushed at my teasing, but I could tell he was pleased underneath. After setting out again, Al had made good on his promise, and I’d started learning swordplay from him. After a few tries and lots of adorable blushing, Sylvan had asked if he could join, too. It’d only been a few days, but Sylvan had taken to it like a fish to water, and Al would burst with praise at every training session.

I might have been a teeny tiny bit jealous at first, but Sylvan is cute, so I came to terms with it. It made me both content and sad to think this might be the first he’d been praised for something in a long time.

I chuckled “They left yesterday morning, so I’m sure they’ll be here anytime now. Should we surprise him by practising on our own? We can get a few exercises done and boast to him about them”

Sylvan’s big eyes brightened up “We can? Yes, please!”

Cute. So cute.

Sylvan, Duran and I walked back to the village proper, having put some distance to avoid any hysterics about an apostate on the loose. On the way back, Duran offered to train with us. I readily agreed, happy to have another expert at hand in case anything went wrong.

“Have you decided which group you’ll be joining yet?”

Duran shook his head at the question, immediately knowing what I was referring to “You’re going south, are you not?”

I nodded. I was determined to accompany Sylvan until I could see him safely delivered to the Dalish’s open arms.

Also, I wanted to see Flemeth.

I decided I’d procrastinated long enough, and when Kallian told me how she’d already had that scene where Morrigan asks her to kill her mother, I knew I had to take the chance to see her or else wait years to come by another one. Meeting her with Hawke’s group would be tricky and meeting her during Inquisition would be a whole new can of worms. Plus, I didn’t want to wait that long.

Duran returned my nod “I’m still uncertain. I wish to see the Dalish elves, as I have never met one before. However, I am also intrigued by learning more about the Grey Wardens” he glanced at me, his gaze suddenly razor sharp “It would help if you could share what you know will happen at Honnleath and at Soldier’s Peak”

I almost told him, something about his presence suddenly turning commanding “Er… I don’t wanna ruin the fun, and you will find out some cool stuff no matter what you choose”

Duran hummed “Perhaps I will accompany you, then. It would make sense to have a sword and shield user on each side”

“Sure, it’ll be–” pause “Did you just say, ‘a sword and shield user on each side?’”

Duran simply nodded. I waited, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Is Alistair going to Soldier’s Peak with Duncan?”

Duran slowly looked up at me, blinking owlishly “I believe so”

That royal bast–

“Help! Please, help!”

Dammit, what now?

A human man came running at us. Duran’s hand flew to his waist, ready to unsheathe his sword despite his apparent calm.

“Yes?” he asked, almost placidly, as the man came to a halt before us, whizzing.

“It’s… oth-ther… _haah_ … side… village… _haah_ ”

I didn’t want to hurry the poor guy, but this sounded rather urgent “Spit it out, man”

The man met my gaze with eyes wide with terror.

“ _Darkspawn_!”

Well, hell.

* * *

The village was chaos.

The darkspawn weren’t coming from one place, they’d infiltrated the village and were everywhere. Literally; I could sense dozens of spots in my radar.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pair of darkspawn attacking two village boys. I swung the staff from my back and casted.

_Arcane Bolt!_

The blast of pure spirit energy flew across the field, landing on the darkspawn’s back with a small explosion. It wasn’t enough to kill, but it was enough to cause serious damage and get some aggro in the process.

Both darkspawn spotted us and abandoned their prey in the face of a bigger threat. Duran, sword in hand, went to meet them. I tried to gauge the damage done and the space between us and shot a barrage of nature attacks one after another, until it fell, not three steps away from clawing my face out.

Duran took care of the other darkspawn easily, and together with Sylvan we went on to check on the village boys, beckoning them to come with us.

“ _M-mage_!”

Called it.

Duran gave them a level stare “Yes. Either mage, or darkspawn. You may choose”

I raised an eyebrow. Nice.

He signalled me and Sylvan to follow him, leaving the guys to decide what they wanted to do. They came along, thank fudge.

We killed another darkspawn that appeared to be terrorizing a scarecrow before we made it to the town centre, where most of the action was happening.

“Maya! Duran!”

We followed the voice and found Leliana, Morrigan and Zevran right next to the local Chantry. They were fighting against half a dozen darkspawn. Duran and I joined them just in time to form a pincer attack on them, before more came to replace them. We used the brief respite to usher Sylvan and the two village boys inside with other refuges.

“Would someone care to explain just why we are being attacked by a horde of darkspawn” snapped Morrigan, even as she kept firing spells at distant enemies.

I shook my head. I had no answer for that. Duran, however, seemed to have an idea.

“The Wardens left to find darkspawn, did they not?” he wondered aloud, seemingly unconcerned about the new incoming wave of uglies “Perhaps that ruffled some feathers. It is my understanding that darkspawn have a hive mentality”

Leliana let out a boisterous sound that had me jumping on the spot, before she nocked another arrow. She’d sung a _Song of Valor_. I sure hoped the buff took and that heart attack she almost gave me was worth it.

“That makes sense” she said “Kallian did say she could feel the presence of darkspawn to some extent, and they could sense Wardens in much the same way”

A solid theory, yet now it hardly mattered.

We kept fighting; it was long going. At some point, Sten and Wynne joined us. God knows what they’d been through, but they looked like they could use a poultice or two. Villagers around us tried to defend themselves. Some fought until exhaustion before running to the protection of the chapel -Chantry?-. Some fell before they made it. Some others just ran, obviously far too scared to do anything else.

And still, we fought. I hadn’t been in a battle this long since Redcliffe. Most didn’t last longer than a few minutes. But we’d been at it for over an hour. I was exhausted, thinking this would never end, until…

“Do not falter, friends. They aren’t replenishing their numbers anymore. It appears it is almost over” came Wynne’s angelic grandma voice, just in time to save me from keeling over.

But of course, things are never that easy.

“Emissary!”

I tore my eyes from my current target and they landed on a hulking figure, bigger and more powerful than the ordinary Hurlock, only for its nightmarish visage to be replaced by a blinding light in front of my face. I barely had time to curse loudly before the spell imploded right as it reached me.

“Pay attention, child”

I nodded gratefully at Wynne’s tired face, who took a step back, breathing heavily while taking a moment to replenish her mana.

I had all my sustainables in place, but her barrier was still much appreciated. A quick glance at the battlefield proved her earlier statement to be true. There was only a dozen or so darkspawn, aside from the emissary. A look at my companions showed me they were all at least as tired as myself.

They were all busy with their own fights. Apparently, I’d be taking the Emissary alone.

Joy.

Alright, one last hurrah, people.

“Morrigan, care to hex that one for me?”

She glanced at the Emissary, already prepping for another spell and complied, somehow still managing to look haughty despite the situation, barely managing a _Mindblast_ to keep the darkspawn closing in on her at bay.

Well, at least I had an edge now.

Wasting no more time, the Emissary launched another spell my way. I evaded with difficulty and fired a spell of my own.

_Glyph of Paralysis._

The glyph flickered to life… and died.

Dammit, it passed the check.

We kept dancing around each other like that, landing some spells and missing others. Make no mistake, the Emissary was stronger than me. The only reason I could keep up was because each attack of mine did extra damage thanks to Morrigan’s hex. That and my above average Arcane Warriors defences. Problem was, once the hex ran out, the balance would probably tip again.

…come to think of it, why did I get stuck fighting the boss? The biggest spell I used was _Paralysis Explosion,_ I shouldn’t have drawn enough aggro, overall.

I narrowly avoided a _Fireball_ aimed at my face, which ended blowing up the well behind me.

… _And maybe I should stop comparing everything to the game and focus on not getting killed. I could really use a plan right now._

RAAAAAWWWWRRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

The Emissary emitted a bloodcurdling cry, making me step back instinctively. All around it a thin, red veil spread through the ground, forming a translucent circle at its feet.

What the fu–

“Maya do not take another step” Morrigan snarled at me, somehow conveying her message all the way from where she was fighting her last few darkspawn “Tis blood magic you are dealing with. You will feel your blood boiling within your veins if you approach”

Boiling?! Jesus Christ, that didn’t sound very good. And all he needed to do was get us all in range?

Dammit, blood magic is OP as hell.

_Shit. Okay, what do I do?_

I spotted a horse-less cart not far from me, a small one with no roof, and a stupid idea came to mind.

“A little help, anyone?” I yelled back, still flinging basic attacks at the approaching Emissary, edging closer to the cart.

“We’ll be right with you, just hang on!” answered Leliana, putting another arrow through a darkspawn’s eyeball.

I didn’t have much juice left, though. The cart idea was my last card. Ugh. How am I supposed to deal with this alone?

“Alone? Nay, that will not do. I shall lend you a hand, Bella. Mayhap two?”

I didn’t even care that I’d said something aloud without realizing again. I grinned as the shadowy assassin appeared at my side as if by magic.

On my other side, the unmistakable mountain that was Sten loomed over me.

“Please and thank you” I pointed at the key element in my ill-conceived plan “See that cart? I’m gonna get on. You just need to push it with all your strength towards that ugly bloke over there”

To their credit, neither man wasted time asking for explanations. We quickly got into positions and, with one foot on either side of the cart to hover over it while Zev and Sten angled it correctly…

“ _Grease_ ”

A sticky green substance covered the surface of the cart. I turned to Zev, who looked at me with a raised brow, somehow seeming amused even now.

I beamed at him as I let go of my sustainables “Take out a dagger”

The blade all but materialized itself in Zevran’s hand. Nice.

“ _Flaming Weapons_ ”

The dagger caught on fire, and my friend gave me a sly glance.

“I have to admit, I am now intrigued”

I gestured at the incoming Emissary. Everything happened remarkably fast, but it was almost upon us “Push the cart as hard as you can and light it up at my signal–”

I hadn’t finished speaking, when a massive force hit me like a train, catapulting both me and the cart forward, almost making me fall off the cart. I blinked and found myself already before the red line.

Son of a– “Zev, NOW!”

_Force Field!_

A translucent shield sprung up a fraction of a second before everything around me went up in flames. I didn’t even have time to be suitably terrified before I collided with my target.

It was a strange feeling. I could feel myself being jostled around inside the cylindrical barrier, but there was no pain. I could see bits and pieces of what was happening within all the wreckage, but not even the smoke made its way in. I couldn’t see its expression -do darkspawn even have expressions?- but I heard several grunts and cries of pain.

And then, I waited; while everything around me burned, counting the seconds in my head. Once I reached the halfway mark, I downed a lyrium potion and got ready to cast.

4…3…2…1

As soon as the shield flickered out, wild, hot flames wrapped around me.

_Rock Armour! Aura of Might! Mindblast!_

I used that last one to propel me as I turned into a roll, which is how I exited the danger zone, all the way screaming at the top of my lungs.

I finally came to a stop, breathing hard and scared witless. I opened my eyes, wondering what cushioned the hit, and found myself staring up at a pair of anxious, amber eyes.

I sat up, looking around in a near panic. There was a big blob of fire where I’d been. Not far from there, I saw Sten and Zevran landing a final hit on the Emissary -it didn’t die from the cart hit. Tough bastard-, before it finally fell, defeated. Further observation revealed no darkspawn left; the Wardens had arrived and were currently helping the ones that’d been in the fight. Later, I learned Kallian hadn’t missed her heroic arrival after all, making it just in time to save Leliana form being overrun.

It was over.

I turned back to Alistair, who stared at me with an odd face.

I let out a heavy breath “That was crazy”

Instead of saying anything back, Alistair shook his head and rushed forward, crashing his lips against mine.

I staggered backwards, making a strangled noise, but he just kissed me more desperately, holding me so I wouldn’t fall.

My mind was a mess, but I managed to scramble enough brain cells to recognize what was happening now, and how much I wanted it.

So I leaned into him, responding eagerly, throwing my arms around him, only to flinch and pull back with a gasp.

Alistair backed off, equally startled “What happened?”

I turned over my arms to reveal my forearms, covered with blisters.

Al winced in sympathy, and rummaged around until he found a poultice, which he begun to apply on my arms. Once he was done, he scanned my face, reaching out to smear some on my jaw.

Our eyes met, and he blinked.

I still had no idea what the fuck was happening, because I’d just crashed a demon like creature in a cart on fire and rolled out of it only to find myself in the arms of my crush who almost immediately kissed me senseless.

Everything was too much, and way to ridiculous, so I decided to focus on what was in front of me and deal with any possible PTSD later.

Alistair kissed me.

A slow smile crept up my lips “You kissed me”

There was a heartbeat, then Al blushed a lovely pink.

“I-I-I didn’t… I mean, I wasn’t–” he let out a hefty sigh, and a small smile graced his lips “Yes, I guess I did” the smile fell “I got here and saw you, just, _setting yourself on fire and slamming against a darkspawn._ Do you have any idea how frightened I was? I thought you died!”

I scrounged my eyebrows at the actual fear in his voice, touched by his concern “I’m sorry I scared you. I was under a shield the whole time, but I can see how it all looked to you” I winced, he probably thought I’d gone bananas. A possibility I hadn’t completely discounted yet.

Al sighed again “Yeah, good to know. And I know you were careful, in a weird way” he shook his head, a bit incredulous “but do you think you could keep plans like this waaay down in the list of possible solutions in the future? Please?”

I laughed softly “Yes, of course. I have no desire to do something like that ever again”

“Somehow, I’m not very reassured”

I laughed, a bit more mirthfully, and leaned forward.

Alistair noticed my intention and blushed a little, coming closer to meet me half-way…

“If you two are quiet done making eyes at each other, do come join the rest of us in trying to make ourselves useful, there is much to do”

My head whipped in the direction of the aggravating voice. I glared at Morrigan, attempting to make her go away by the sheer force of my annoyance.

She didn’t seem very intimidated, though, scoffing at me before beckoning us once again.

I groaned, turning back to Alistair, who was glaring at the offending witch himself.

His eyes met mine and we shared a smile. The moment was over, and we both knew there _were_ things to settle in the aftermath of the battle.

He helped me up and we moved towards the group together.

FYI, I had absolutely no intention of letting this slide. He and I were having words later. Hopefully, we’d have not-words as well.

Tee hee~


	45. At Least Call Me ‘The Girl On Fire’

I’m the biggest moron on the planet.

No, seriously, I am.

There was a simple, yet elegant solution. One that absolutely did **not** require me to become a human fireball.

I should’ve put a shield on the Emissary.

I wanted to cry.

“Maya? Hellooo? Did I lose you?”

I glanced side-ways at Alistair’s concerned face. Understanding dawned on him upon seeing the pout on my face.

“Are you still thinking about the fight?”

I flipped.

“It was so stupid, Al! I set myself on fire! I can’t… ugh!” I covered my eyes with both hands, unable to contain my shame.

Al chuckled as he patted my back, taking a sit next to me on the grass.

After the fight, I’d gotten a myriad of responses for the stunt I pulled. The most prominent ones had been disappointment, and downright mockery. The former came from the less vicious side of the group, so Wynne, Duncan, Leliana… The latter came, as expected, from people like Morrigan, Zevran and Leske, who had no intention of pulling their punches. Especially once Duran asked for an explanation to the logic behind my chosen tactic and innocently wondered if the shield I used on myself wouldn’t have worked on the Emissary as well, effectively trapping him until the Blood Magic ran out.

Worst of all was, it was solution I had frequently used in the past. I had nothing to say to that.

Of course, I still tried. Not to claim mine was the better way, cause that ship had sailed right from off the bat, but to prove I wasn’t a complete idiot and that there was _some_ sense in what I did. I argued that at the time, panicked at the thought of my blood freaking boiling in my veins, I acted rashly, not thinking of stalling but of dealing damage and hopefully killing the darkspawn. At the moment, I truly believed my only option was to kill or be killed.

…yeah, that line of thought only got me so far. I managed to mollify some people, namely Kallian, who was fuming at my carelessness, but most of the ridicule kept going.

 _Sigh_. My next skill point was so going into _Combat Tactics_.

… _sigh_.

I decided I needed something to misdirect my frustration at.

I glanced sideways at Alistair “It didn’t help that you kissed me right after, either”

He gaped at me, half embarrassed, half indignant “Excuse me?”

My lips pulled into a mischievous smile “What if my brain ends up learning I get kisses every time I do something dangerous?” I tsked.

Catching on, Al scoffed and smirked at me “Yes, well, you need to understand. At that time, I thought I saw you heading towards certain death. I couldn’t…” he swivelled his head bashfully “I couldn’t help myself. I suppose that means you don’t get them anymore”

“Mmm… that, or, you could kiss me at other times, too”

Al gulped, eyes going to my lips.

“Of course, none of it matters if you aren’t gonna be around”

“Right… wait, what?” Al shook himself, blinking at the sudden mood swing.

I gave him a look “Duran says you’re going with Duncan’s group to Soldier’s Peak”

“Ah, that” he scratched his cheek awkwardly “Well, yes, I thought about it. Duncan just came back from the dead, and I wanted to stick with him for a while”

I nodded. Evidently, I didn’t want us going with different groups. I wanted to keep figuring out where this thing between us would go, especially after he took the plunge and kissed me. At the same time, I understood that Duncan was important to him, and it made sense he wanted to travel with him, too.

Still, I couldn’t help but look up at him hopefully “And what did you decide?”

Alistair laughed at how obvious I was “So here’s the thing. While we were away these past two days, it was great. I mean, sure, we were constantly surrounded by darkspawn and fighting with our lives on the line. But I got to do that alongside Duncan again, and with other Wardens…” He looked down at his hands, a wistful smile on his lips “I never thought I’d do that again”

They were rebuilding the order in Ferelden. It was something he wanted more than I could probably understand.

I stifled a sigh. I didn’t like where this was going.

“But.” I perked up at that. Again, he chuckled “I decided to go with Kallian’s group after all”

My mouth fell open, then split into a wide grin “Seriously?”

He nodded, a tinge of red on his cheeks “Yeah, I… missed you”

…oh gosh, he did not just say that.

I let out a squeak before launching myself onto him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

I giggled at Al’s surprised grunt. He still wrapped his arms around my waist, albeit tentatively.

I pulled back so I could see his face. He was grinning from ear to ear.

“Good call?” He asked.

I smiled back “Good call”

My eyes flickered down, and I inched closer “Does that mean you don’t need to think about it anymore?” I murmured against his lips.

His voice was a little strangled when he answered “I…”

“Maya?”

We both froze, then turned towards the owner of the voice. My anger at being interrupted died down when I managed to process to whom the voice belonged to.

“Hey, kid” Al and I untangled ourselves from each other. I cleared my throat, trying to hide my embarrassment “What’s up?”

Syl didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, though, and just fidgeted in place, his hands behind his back “Umm, I thought you were feeling bad, so I…” He took a deep breath and scrunched up his eyes “th–this is for you”

From behind him, he produced a single flower. I wasn’t sure if the name was the same here, but it looked like a blue daisy.

I took it, blinking at it.

Sylvan kept fidgeting. Then said in a small voice “Um, d–do you… like it?”

_My heart!_

I clutched my chest, only half exaggerating.

_This precious little guy._

Touched by the gesture, and I couldn’t resist catching him in a big hug.

“I love it! It’s so pretty, thank you!”

Sylvan stiffened at first; but relaxed a second later. Upon hearing the verdict for his gift, he let out a childish giggle, hiding his face against my neck.

Al caught my eye from above Syl. He had this look on his face that managed to convey both, his exasperation at being cut short, and his approval at the tenderness of the scene.

Heh, you and me both, bro.

“Well” Al said, getting up “We still have a few hours of daylight, and we don’t depart until tomorrow. What do you both say to a little sword practice before supper?”

Sylvan jumped up, exited at the thought of going back to training. I agreed, but.

I turned to Syl “I’ve thought this before, but we should get your hair trimmed so it doesn’t get in your eyes while practicing”

I’d been taking care of the kid’s hygiene since we began traveling together. I had cut its length at the first opportunity I got, ridding him of the worst of it, so his honey brown hair was clean and smooth -hurrah for homemade hair products- but his fringe had grown back surprisingly quick.

Syl nodded obediently and we set out in search of Leliana, who I knew had a pair of scissors available.

I gave Al a wink, promising to see him later for sword training and continue were we left off afterwards. He got the message, a blush creeping up all the way from his neck.

I walked away, hand in hand with Sylvan, happy with myself, when Al’s voice came calling from behind.

“You should get a haircut as well! I think the tips of your hair got singed from when you set yourself on fire”

“Oh, shut up!”

Al’s boisterous laughter had me ducking my head, feeling my face burning up. Damn it all.

I swear, they were never gonna let me live this one down.

* * *

“Take care of yourselves. Look out for each other”

“You as well, Duncan. May the Maker watch over you”

“May He watch over us all”

Duncan, Alistair and Kallian exchanged final farewells with each other while the rest of us extras stood behind their respective team leaders. Granted, Al wasn’t a team-leader, but he did have both seniority and a hero-worship thing for Duncan, so he was there. At any rate, no one seemed to mind.

Farewells had been both upbeat and depressing. Our group consisted mostly of jolly people, while the Soldier’s peak group… didn’t. I told Morrigan I’d miss her, and she spat on my face.

Alright, she did not, but it felt that way. She did tell me she expected to see results regarding my magic training when we met again, though. And that she’d be very cross should I allow her mother to kill me.

Is it weird that I got the fuzzies from that? Eh.

Then there was Sten, who gave me a single nod before walking away to exchange words with Kallian.

Well, whatever. It was more than he afforded to some of the others.

Zev surprised me when he exchanged farewells with Natia. Honestly, I hadn’t gotten too close to her, cause she always glared at me. She glared at everyone, really, but I had the feeling I’d gotten the lion’s share of the death stares. So when Zevran approached her, all smiles and easy charm and hadn’t gotten his head ripped off, I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened between them that they got along so well now. Then again, maybe it was just me? Leske didn’t count, because they’d known each other for years, but Duran and Kallian weren’t intimidated by her either. Neither was Duncan, of course. Nor Sten or Morrigan, though I wouldn’t say they were amiable with her.

Hmm…

Anyway, I did get a pat in the cheek from Wynne, so that’s something. Sniff.

Oh, and Leske! He was a fun guy, when you didn’t think about him betraying his best friend in another life. We’d gotten along better than I expected.

Thank God he’d survived the Joining.

Last night, all of us got together in the local tavern, waiting for the Wardens to finish their ritual like you would a patient undergoing surgery. And I do mean everyone, although I’m well aware we all had our own reasons to stay up. I didn’t think most of them knew trying to become a Grey Warden could prove fatal, but maybe some sensed something intuitively.

I sat next to Morrigan, who looked particularly invested in the results of the Joining. Of course, I knew exactly why.

“Nervous?” I asked.

She glanced at me sideways “Hmm… You must know already how much is riding on this going well”

I bit back a snicker. Riding; how fitting.

“I do not understand how it can amuse you so” she said, noticing my mood “considering that if that dwarf fails to become a Warden, I will have no choice but to set my sights on Alistair, much as I loathe to think about it”

I grimaced, making a none-committal noise. Or at least, I thought I had.

Morrigan’s full attention landed on me “What is it that you know?”

Wow, she was so good.

I cleared my throat “Hang on. Syl? You awake?”

The kid mumbled something unintelligible from where he leaned on my side. I offered for him to go ahead and sleep in the room we shared with Wynne and Morrigan -which we’d rented the day we arrived at the village-, but he’d insisted on staying up with everyone else. It was quite late, though, and he’d fallen asleep despite his efforts.

Convinced he was out cold, I turned back to Morrigan “I told you before that I was on board with the old god baby plan, remember? I’ve a couple of ideas that could work even if… er, if Leske doesn’t make it” I made a face. I really hoped he survived. I knew Natia would; and if Duran ended up joining the Wardens, he would, too. Leske was a wild card.

“You could have told me so sooner, then, could you not? Or was this another of your ploys to make things more… _dramatic_ ” she finished with a twist of her mouth.

I gave her a look “Hey, I would have offered to help. You didn’t want me to interfere”

Morrigan harrumphed “Very well, I see your point. So? What are these ideas of yours?”

I feigned shock “Shame on you, Morrigan! Here I am, worried our dear Leske will kick the bucket and you’re already planning what to do if such a thing happens” _tsk tsk._

She stared at me with those yellow eyes of hers.

I caved fast “Alright, I’m sorry. I _am_ worried and deflecting with humour is a way to deal with it” Not a good way, but believe it or not, I ain’t flawless.

Morrigan looked like she would roll her eyes, but stopped midway through the motion and awkwardly reached over to pat my shoulder “It… will be fine”

My utter astonishment must’ve shown on my face, because Morrigan immediately stopped and turned away from me.

…Well.

I smiled, even though she couldn’t see it “Mmm. I hope so. Thank you, Morrigan”

She grunted something I couldn’t catch.

“What was that?”

Having received no response, I shrugged, deciding to continue “I mean, I’m on your side on this one. I don’t want anyone to die if we can help it. Even if it means Alistair has to sleep with you. Though it isn’t like I can force him if he doesn’t want to” And I’d really rather we thought of that as plan Z, if at all possible.

“Ah, yes, I have heard of you and the chantry idiot being...” She made a face, clearly finding no words outrageous enough to explain my relationship with Al “As for why you thought it a fine idea, ‘tis a mystery to me”

I gave her my ‘ _are you an idiot?_ ’ look.

“Are you kidding? Have you seen his body?”

Morrigan raised an eyebrow at that “I see”

Maybe I’m just fooling myself, but I thought she sounded mildly approving.

I opened my mouth to ask if she still wanted my help with the old god baby when the door to the tavern opened with a soft noise.

Duncan came in, then halted as he noticed all of us in the large room. He took in the sight of Morrigan and I sitting at one of the tables, with Sylvan stirring from his nap beside me. He saw Wynn sitting in a chair with a book on her lap, and Zevran chatting with Duran on a couple of stools at the bar. He saw Leliana kneeling next to Scout, a hand scratching his big head. And he saw Sten, leaning against a far wall like the brooding grey Hulk he was.

And then, we all saw him smile.

“Allow me to introduce our new Wardens, Natia and Leske”

* * *

So, yeah, they’d both survived. It was a pity I wouldn’t have much of a chance to get to know them well, given that both of them were in Duncan’s team. It was why I wasn’t surprised Morrigan decided to join them, by the by. I would bet my Oak Branch she was full on planning to put the moves on Leske, and I was unspeakably sorry to miss it.

“Take care, otherworldly girl”

I grinned back at Leske “You too man. Next time we meet, I’ll be able to open locks on my own, no problem” Kallian had agreed to coach me.

Leske let out a bark of a laugher “I look forward to seeing you opening those little ladies up. _Gr-aw_ ”

I groaned “Dude. Come on. Ew”

He laughed at my reaction of and waved goodbye as he walked to rejoin Natia. Her eyes met mine and for a split second, I didn’t know what to do. I ended up raising my hand to wave at her. She might or might not have nodded once, before turning her attention back to her friend.

Sheesh.

With farewells done, we shuffled towards our respective ways, ready to get going.

“Maya”

I turned to find Duncan right beside me, almost making me jump out of my skin.

“Duncan” I answered with a hand over my thumping heart.

He raised his hand, and I took it for a handshake out of habit. If he found it odd I didn’t grab him by the forearm as it was usually done in Thedas, he didn’t show it.

“I’d be grateful if you kept helping them out from here on as well”

“Oh, yeah, of course. I’ll do my best”

He gave me a soft look “And take care of yourself, please. Don’t be a hero”

I had to laugh, having the words I said a long time ago returned to me.

“Likewise. See you soon”

He nodded and turned away from me. As I was about to do the same, the wicked witch of the swamp caught my eye from afar.

She opened her mouth in a silent message.

‘Do not die, Maya’

Heh ‘Ditto. See ya, Mor’ I mouthed back.

I didn’t stay long enough to see her reaction to the pet name. Like the proud coward I am, I turned tail and began walking towards the next part of our adventure.

* * *

We left the village right after sunrise. Which was entirely too early for me. We ate up the distance step by step. Looking at my map, I’d say we’d make it to the Brecilian Forest in a little under a week, at this rate.

So things were going well. We made it out of the Darkspawn surprise invasion alive, both Natia and Leske survived the Joining, and the mocking of the human fireball incident had died down to about 80%. All in all, this was looking up to be a good day.

Which is why I took the plunge with Alistair.

“So let’s get real. Are we gonna do this or what?”

“Uh… what?”

Yeah, this was such a good idea. Thank you, Zev, for your brilliant relationship advice.

I cleared my throat, glancing at the others walking way in front of us to make sure they couldn’t hear us.

“Well, you know” I mumbled “You kinda kissed me yesterday, and then we flirted and… you know”

Al chocked a little “Oh. Yes. I did. Do… that” He fidgeted.

I waited.

And waited.

And just when I felt ready to burst, a soft touch made me look down to see Alistair’s big, warm hand wrapped around mine.

I sneaked a peek at him. His head was turned, shoulders tense, and his neck and ears were a bright red.

A slow smile crept up my face.

“Al–” I stopped mid-sentence when I saw him flinch. I chuckled softly and squeezed his hand, which also made him flinch. It took a few seconds, but he slowly relaxed. Enough to be able to look at me again.

“So we’re doing this?”

He gave me a rather formal nod “We are. It could lead to me hurting you and you getting back at me by shooting fireballs at my sorry behind. But it’s a risk that for some reason you’re willing to take”

I hid a grin “Well, I figure even if you decide to take the crown, having the king feel indebted to me is not a bad deal”

He let out a puff of a laughter. When I didn’t join him, he took a double take “Wait, you’re serious?”

I shrugged “Sure am. I need to start thinking about what my life is gonna be after the Blight is over. Connections are a major life-hack, my naïve friend”

“What’s a life-hack? You know what, nevermind”

I did laugh then “If it’s any consolation, I’d rather have a supporting partner than a king’s favour”

He studied my face, as if trying to figure whether I was being truthful or not. Whatever the verdict was, it made him smirk “A lover over a king’s debt? Who’s naïve now?”

I punched him in the arm. It was meant to be playful, but I do often forget my new, magical strength.

“I’m sorry” I said, rubbing the spot I hit in a comforting gesture and not because I wanted to feel him up. At all.

“So aggressive. Is this what I have to look forward to?”

“Not unless you’re into… actually nevermind” I shuddered. Not to kink shame anyone; a little bondage play or spanking was nice and all. But real physical pain was just not me.

Al’s face screwed up “Bondage play–? What are you talking about?”

Damn it I said it out loud. Okay, be cool! Own it! _Own it!_

“What do you think I’m talking about?” I winked slowly. Except I used both eyes to I essentially blinked.

Nailed it.

Alistair cocked his head to the side. I could practically see the loading screen above him. Finally, something inside his brain went _ding!_

His eyes darkened. The hand that was holding mine let go for a second before he intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked up at Alistair, his large frame hovering over mine. It sent a shiver down my spine.

He was so close…

“Ah, youngsters! They make everything so complicated. Go on now! We don’t have all day! Steal a kiss from her and be done with it, yes?”

My head whipped towards the source of the voice. Zevran stood there, having stopped along with the rest of the group. It seemed they noticed Al and I hadn’t been following.

Startled, I turned to where Sylvan was stashed at the back of Bodhan’s carriage. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Leliana had taken it upon herself to cover the little elf’s eyes, much to his confusion, especially with a chortling Kallian right next to him.

Having that out of the way, I tuned back to glare at Zevran.

I threw a hand in the air “Come on man, it was just getting interesting!” then I switched to whispering so only Al could hear “Plus, he already stole one”

He spluttered.

I guess the party did consist mostly of adults, because they mainly smiled and gave us thumbs-up, then turned around and kept walking.

Mm… I did rather like those guys.

I made to follow when I felt Al pull on the hand he still held on to. I turned to ask him what was wrong, only for him to duck his head and capture my lips with his.

It was short and caste and I didn’t even have time to close my eyes and savour it, but when he stepped back, he had a light blush and the charm at full power.

He let go and started walking backwards towards the rest of the group. A boyish smile lit up his face as looked at me fondly

“I stole another kiss” he sang.

Then he turned for good and walked off, expecting me to follow.

Which I would do, obviously. But first, I had to do something about the goofy smile that wouldn’t go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, we're up to date. From here on, chapters will come out as I write them. Thanks for reading!


	46. Okay, Who Saw That Coming?

“I can’t know if you don’t talk to me!”

“You… just leave me alone”

“Kallian please–”

“Not– forever, I just need some time, alright?”

Leliana hesitated, looking torn. Finally, she nodded, biting her lip as she let Kallian disappear into the trees, a whimpering Scout following after her.

Then she turned, only to find Alistair, Sylvan and me staring at her with wide eyes.

Leliana blushed “Oh. I… did not realize you three… ah, what are the three of you doing here?”

It was Al who gathered himself enough to answer “We were just taking a break from sword practice”

Sylvan nodded enthusiastically, mouth full of the bread and cheese we’d been snacking on.

Leliana cleared her throat “Of course. Do not let me interrupt you from your break. I’m terribly sorry you had to see… that” her voice broke on the last word.

Oh, my poor Leliana.

“Come, sit for a bit” I patted the place on the grass next to me “Have some tea”

My hunt for mint tea was still ongoing, but in the meantime, I’d found a few replacements. Chamomile tea was really nice, especially if you had some milk or honey at hand. Which we didn’t, but that was beside the point.

“Oh, I couldn’t…”

It took only a bit of cajoling until Leliana made herself comfortable between us.

“Thank you” Leliana took a sip of her tea, visibly making an effort to relax her knotted muscles. She looked conflicted before opening her mouth “I…”

The silence stretched for a few seconds. It was taking her long enough that Al intervened.

“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to” he gave her a brilliant smile “I know it can be awkward, given our weird love triangle from before”

I chocked on my tea.

“I wouldn’t have quiet put it like that, but thank you, Alistair” Leliana chuckled as Sylvan patted my back with his little hand, concern written in his features.

Al, meanwhile, didn’t look the least bit ruffled. I really envied his easy-going nature.

I patted Sylvan’s head gratefully. Spying his nearly uneaten sandwich, I motioned for him to hand it to me, which he happily did upon understanding my intention.

Leliana sighed “The truth is, I am uncertain of what troubles Kallian, but I do know it has been happening for a long time” she hesitated “It… has to do with why we haven’t made our relationship known to the group yet”

Al and I nodded understandingly while I grilled Syl’s sandwich with fire magic.

“I worry that…” Leliana bit her lip “Maybe she is ashamed of being seen with me. In Orlais, it isn’t very newsworthy, but I know Ferelden does not think very highly of two women being together. And I know Kallian has never been in a relationship with a woman before… what if–” her voice broke “What if she is having second thoughts about us?”

Oh man, poor Leliana.

Kallian and Leliana had been flirting since before our trip to the Brecilian Forest. And I suspected they’d been officially together shortly after, yet they never showed any PDA. I figured they were simply private people. And if it wasn’t that, I assumed both of them were perfectly capable of asking for help, should they decide they wanted it.

“It is not as if I wanted to… oh, kiss her in front of the whole bloody camp! I just wanted to hold her hand or, or…” she groaned “forgive me. Truthfully, watching the two of you being such a pair of lovebirds brought back some old arguments”

Pause.

“I don’t really think we act like lovebirds, though?” I argued while Alistair nodded his agreement.

Leliana gave a pitiful smile “I don’t mean obvious displays of affection. It’s the little things. Like how he asked you to heat up his meal and you agreed, all without so much as a word”

I looked down at my hands, which were working on grilling Al’s lunch after finishing Syl’s. Alistair had handed his sandwich -which was 70% cheese, btw- with a pleading look and I had acquiesced without a single word.

Still, it seemed like a stretch to call it romantic.

“It’s not just that” said Leliana, proving once again that the mind-reading ability was real and everybody but me had it “I see you sitting close together, and casually touching each other and constantly whispering and laughing and I couldn’t help but mention it to Kallian… oh, and that, too” Leliana pointed at Alistair’s face “being all blushy-blushy with each other”

By this point, I wasn’t sure if Leliana was praising us or was utterly disgusted by us. I conveniently decided to go with the first option.

FYI, it’d been but a few days since we left the village were the darkspawn invasion had taken place. Al and I had spent a lot of time together since then, but Sylvan was constantly with us, which limited the amount of flirting we could do. Sure, we’d had a couple of escapades here and there -which had been _really_ nice- but I didn’t think we got too out there in front of others.

…huh. If Kallian was so against such meagre displays of affection -and I use the phrase lousily-, I guess I could understand why Leliana was so frustrated.

“She doesn’t want us to acknowledge our relationship in any way in front of others and won’t even tell me why” Leliana repeated in a weak voice.

I tsked to myself. What a mess.

“I’m sorry” said Al, as much at a loss for words as I.

“Yeah, I don’t know if there’s anything we can do, but we can at least listen” I said, toping of her tea.

Even Sylvan reached over and patted Leliana on the knee. She smiled sadly him.

“Thanks, you three. I…” Leliana stopped abruptly and blinked “No, you! You can talk to her!”

Alistair and I gave her the crazy look.

He shook his head “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea”

“Agreed. This sounds like something you should talk with just the two of you”

Leliana pleaded at me, her sky-blue eyes filled with unshed tears “Please? Oh, please do this for me. No, for us. You are Kallian’s best friend, are you not? Surely, she’ll confide in you… even if it is something she will not trust me with”

Oh boy.

“Come now, I don’t think it’s a matter of trust. Sometimes people just find it easier to–” I stopped myself as I realized I was walking straight into a trap, but it was too late.

Leliana was suddenly all smiles “Talk to someone with an outsider’s perspective? Oh, I could not agree more! Thank you so much for doing this for us”

Damn. She threw me off with the best friend bit.

I wiggled a finger at her “Nuh-uh, I didn’t say I’d be doing it. Kallian outright said she wanted to be alone”

The next few minutes were a useless back and for in which we all knew I would lose. Not because she made better arguments, mind you. But because Leliana is a persistent jerk.

“Just try it out, I promise not to insist if she turns you away”

“Good luck!”

I gave Alistair the stink eye. He was regarding the situation with way more amusement than it warranted.

“Good luck Mam– Maya”

I stopped mid-step.

The only sound I could hear was Sylvan as he munched on his lunch, whether in an attempt to cover up what he almost said or not, I didn’t know.

I took a breath and looked over my shoulder with a smile “Thanks, Syl”

I caught Al’s eye before turning back around. The pained look he sported made it obvious I had not imagined Sylvan’s slip up.

Suddenly talking to Kallian about her love problems didn’t seem so daunting.

* * *

“Hey”

Kallian looked up at my soft greeting. She was sitting on the ground next to a fallen tree, one arm around Scout, who sat next to her. Her eyes were puffy.

“Hi”

Okay, she didn’t tell me to get lost. Good start.

“Can I sit?” I pointed at the space next to her.

Kallian nodded, and I made myself comfortable after patting Scout as I passed by him.

And then, I waited.

If there was something I was good at, it was tolerating uncomfortable silences. I can’t count all the times a patient has played the waiting game with me, expecting me to break first. With the years, I’d grown adept at outwaiting people.

Besides, I charged by the hour, so.

Anyway, that meant Kallian couldn’t take it anymore way before I began sweating.

“You’re here to ask about what happened with Leliana, aren’t you? She sent you”

Alrighty, right to the point.

“Yup. If you want to tell me about it, I’m all ears”

Kallian gave me a side-ways look “And if I don’t?”

“I’ll hang you by your feet and tickle you until you tell me what I want to know”

_Pfft!_

Despite her efforts, she couldn’t hide the puff of laughter from slipping past her lips.

I grinned at her “Obviously I can’t _make_ you share if you don’t want to. But if you do, I’m told I’m a pretty good listener, so…”

She pouted at me “Will you report to her if I tell you?”

I thought about it, then shook my head.

“No. She all but shoved me in your direction without thinking things through. That you would ask me not to tell her should have occurred to her” I rested my chin on the palm of my hand and gave her a sly smile “But I might suggest you talk to her”

I left the invitation hanging. Kallian mulled it over. The atmosphere around her was already a little less heavy, and after a few seconds, she buried her face in Scouts hair and began to speak.

“Leliana probably told you I don’t want others to know about… us. And that I haven’t told her why” I made a noise confirming her words and she continued “You know I’ve lived my whole life in the Alienage, right? Before I became a Grey Warden, I spent my time surrounded by elves. Every human I met was someone I would’ve stabbed if that hadn’t meant more trouble for me and mine”

Kallian peeked at me with one eye, and I very carefully didn’t let my confusion show. It sounded like she couldn’t bring herself to trust humans. That didn’t make a lot of sense. Not once had I seen Kallian displaying any sort of… apprehensiveness towards humans. Even though she had every right to doubt us, given her history with humankind.

“I know how most humans see us. Not just here in Ferelden. Everywhere in Thedas we are considered inferior” Kallian turned to me fully, her expression both pained and furious “They are wrong. I know they are. And yet… Leliana…”

Her voice broke. When she didn’t go on, I prompted her “I’m just asking to confirm, but you don’t think Leliana has those kinds of thoughts too… right?”

“No! No… but if we are seen together…” she looked at me with tearful eyes “Maya what do I do if someone does something to her because she’s with me?”

Ah. She wasn’t worried about how Leliana would react, but about how she would be affected by others judgement on her lover.

Kallian slumped her head against a whimpering Scout “Ugh! I wish I could just beat up every idiot who bothers her”

Aww, that was sweet. In a very violent way.

I bent my head, trying to catch her eye “Well, why don’t you?”

“Ha ha. You are so not helpful”

“No, seriously. If anyone takes issue with who Leliana chooses to be with, the matter is 100% personal. Why should you not get involved?”

A second passed. Then two. Then…

Kallian peeked at me again “…Really?”

I shrugged “Might wanna talk it over with Leliana first, but yeah, sure. I’m not saying you necessarily need to blindly beat the crap out of them, but if they stick their noses in your business? I say go ahead and boink them in their ugly snouts. You’ve got the skills to back it up, anyway”

Kallian chuckled “That sounds nice. Though I’m not sure it would work every time”

I poked her on the cheek until raised her head “The good news is, when this trip to hell is over, you’ll be _the_ Warden who ended the Blight. Not many people would dare say you aren’t good enough. And more importantly, I’d wager Leliana would want to be with you even if the whole world mocks her for it. She’s romantic like that”

Kallian sniffed “You think so?” I looked at her meaningfully until she got the message and sighed “I’ll… try to talk to her. Later”

Well, matters like these rarely got solved with only one conversation. So I took a page out of Sylvan’s book. I reached over and patted her on the head.

“Good girl”

* * *

“We will take good care of him. Please, be at ease”

A chill traveled down my spine despite the reassuring words.

Lanaya’s expression was not unkind. Whether she understood how much I cared for Sylvan or not, she would take care of him all the same.

“He comes at a good time. We just lost two children. One to sickness, and the other to another clan, as he awakened as a mage and the position of my first is already occupied. The clan will be happy to care for Sylvan”

Lanaya had been nice enough to meet us half-way to the Dalish camp, and now she was saying all the right things, yet I couldn’t help but feel cold inside.

My eyes went to Sylvan, who was standing next to his new Keeper. The kid was carrying everything he owned in a bag Zevran had gotten for him on the way. He wasn’t crying, not even a pout on his serious face.

Yet, he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Take care, Sylvan. Don’t forget to keep up your sword training”

Al ruffled the boy’s hair, finally letting Sylvan go enough for him to nod back.

“I am sure you will do nicely in the clan. You have quiet the charm, little man”

“Everything you’ve lived until now is experience. Don’t forget what you’ve learned. You’ll grow up into a fine hunter”

“Keep practicing the technic I showed you. It will be useful. Probably”

“A boy’s journey into manhood is a delicate affair. You would do well to keep your eyes open for what comes next”

Somehow, it seemed like everyone had something to say as a last farewell to Sylvan. I hadn’t realized how close he’d gotten to the party members until now, but apparently, he’d manage to share some time with everyone of us. Even Sandal saw him off at the forest entrance with an ‘Enchantment’ and gave him a Grandmaster rune of _something_.

“It’s time to go” Kallian’s kind voice reminded me.

I looked at Sylvan one last time, feeling the urge to wrap my arms around his small frame.

“Bye bye, Sylvan. I wish you nothing but happiness” I said instead, feeling completely out of place.

The kid nodded again, his eyes resting somewhere to my left “You too… thank you, Maya”

Taking that as her cue, Lanaya placed her hand on Sylvan’s shoulder and steered him away from us.

I stood there watching them go. At one point, Sylvan stopped walking, and my heart did a little jump in my chest.

He didn’t turn around, though. After what seemed like a solid minute, he took a deep breath and kept going, without looking back.

* * *

The next couple of days where rough. It didn’t help that some of our none-perishable provisions had disappeared since a while ago. We could hunt wherever we went, but it still meant we’d have to make a pit stop at a town as soon as we could. I tried not to let my mood show, but I had a nagging feeling the others were on to me.

“I say, Bella. If you were going to take it so hard, perhaps you shouldn’t have parted with that delightful boy, yes?”

I was almost sure.

“I had initially thought you would keep him…” said Leliana, the question implicit.

A sharp pain struck my chest, and I cringed. I didn’t want to talk about it.

“…alright, that’s enough chatter. Keep your eyes and ears open. We are almost there”

We’d been walking the woods for hours, and it all looked the same to me, but Kallian must remember coming here before, given the certainty in her voice.

We followed her directions, each of us at the ready should anything jump on us. That’s why I noticed Alistair’s eyes on me. He gave me an understanding look.

‘Talk later?’ he mouthed.

I held my breath, exhaled in an attempt to let go off the tension, then nodded once. Al nodded back, shooting me a small smile before putting his game face on.

I followed suit, setting my sustainables in place should anything go wrong.

That’s when I saw it. An old cottage; hunched over in the middle of a clearing.

Flemeth’s hut.

* * *

“And so, you return”

Much like the first game, Flemeth had her old crone appearance on. Her clothes were in rags, her hair was a sore mess and even from a distance, I could tell she hadn’t bathed in a while. And my hygiene standards had dropped dramatically ever since I started my life on the road.

“Lovely Morrigan has at last found someone willing to dance to her tune. Such enchanting music she plays, wouldn’t you say?”

Kallian leveled her with a stare, which was impressive considering she knew Flemeth could turn into a dragon “I should dance to your tune, instead?”

I tuned out the conversation as I studied Flemeth. Yes, she appeared haggard, but if I looked past the grime and wrinkles, I could see sharp angles, high cheekbones, and an elegant nose. The type of lady I would expect to see in a big screen. The image of Meryl Streep changing from crazy old lady into a suave witch from _Into the Woods_ came to mind.

_If they ever make movies out of the games, they **have** to cast her as Flemeth._

“…tell her I am slain”

“Sounds good, let’s do that”

Flemeth chuckled “I expected some resistance. Good. I like clever children”

Flemeth swept her unnerving gaze, not unlike her daughter’s, over us, one by one, until she landed on me. Her eyes took on a speculative tint, which after a moment turn to realization. Her eyes shone in a telltale magic way.

Then she threw her head back and let out a maniacal cackle.

“You! I should have known! But who knew, really, that you would end up in the same group as the Warden and my daughter” she chortled.

I gaped.

I wasn’t the only one, either.

“Maya you know her?” Kallian’s eyes were wide.

I shook my head vehemently.

“Oh, but you do know me. Or, you know of me, don’t you, traveler?”

My jaw hit the floor “No! You know about that?”

“Know! I was the one who pulled you through, foolish girl”

What!

“ _You_ made the sacrifices”

Zevran’s voice came from afar. I looked around, and sure enough, he was standing a few paces away, all bristled over, none of his usual easy demeanor in sight.

I frowned. Had he ever reacted to Flemeth like that? I didn’t remember any interactions between them… ah, could he possible sense her alter ego? Because he was an elf?

Despite his uncharacteristic seriousness, Flemeth only laughed harder.

“Did I? Have you decided already? Perhaps I did, or perhaps I will”

“Is she not making sense to anyone, or just me?”

I ignored Alistair in favor of untangling whatever was happening here.

Kallian sighed loudly “Maya, what is going on?”

“Hang on, I’m untangling”

“What?”

I snapped my fingers “Okay! I don’t think she’s behind the ritual. Or the sacrifices. Because why would she summon me all the way to this world only to let me go on my own, possibly getting myself killed out there?” I looked at Flemeth with some difficulty “Am I close?”

“She must know about this ritual, however. She is claiming she was there when you arrived”

I pointed at Duran, silently agreeing with his observation. I waited to see if he had any more to add, but when I looked back, he was already distracted. By a butterfly fluttering past him.

A BUTTERFLY.

Where’s the ADD medication when you needed it?

Flemeth finally calmed down enough to answer our questions.

“It is as you say, girl. I am not responsible from snatching you from your world. And it is as the dwarf says. I was there, when you got ripped into the Fade. It was I who finished pulling you through after they left, their job unfinished”

They?!

Wait, wait. I did think Flemeth could shed some light to my situation, but she actually had all the answers?

“And so?” Leliana got us back on track “who are ‘they’, exactly?”

We all looked at her expectantly. My heart was beating so fast I was sure Kallian could hear it from where she was.

Flemeth opened her mouth slowly.

Finally. I would finally get my answers.

“That, I don’t know”

There was a second of silence. Someone let out a sound like the wail of a dying animal. It might have been me.

Well, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you belive I've had all but the last part of this chapter done since last month? I just hit a stump with how the encounter with Flemeth should go. In the end I wrote the first half and decided it was time to upload the chapter. Hopefully the second part will be easier to write.
> 
> By the way, which actress do you think would make a good Flemeth?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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